04 What a joke

Willow.

I finished in the garden. I noticed the Gamma paid attention to me, and Christopher didn't like it. I pretended not to notice.

"See me in my office, Willow, in two hours", I heard Christopher's voice in my head. I did not know what to expect. This was different, but I remained focused on my mission.

"Okay, Alpha," I said and walked away. The moment I entered my room, I exhaled. I could not believe how things went out there. He was bothered. The way his men stared at me bothered him, and it made him angry. Was he mad at them or me? I did not do anything wrong. Normally since he is hitched, I should try and find a second chance mate but here he was, being protective of me.

"We need to be focused, Willow," Raya said, and I agreed. I was done for the day, so I decided to take a short nap. I woke up feeling pain in my chest. The pain was excruciating and blinding. It was incredible, but I dared not scream. I held my lips together, and tears streamed down my cheeks. They said crying relieves pain, but crying wasn't relieving this pain. I knew what it was. I felt it so many times that I knew what it was. Christopher was with her, and the incomplete bond was hurting for it. I hoped it wasn't those long ones. I did not have the energy for that right now. I folded on the bed fetus style and rode the pain. It lasted thirty minutes before it subsided, but I had a headache by then, and slight body aches from writhing on the bed in pain. It was almost time to meet him in his office. I got off the bed and went to wash my face in the bathroom. I did not want him to know I was crying; I did not want to seem weak. I changed my clothes to something clean ready to see him.

I got to his office and knocked on the door.

"Enter," He said, and I opened the door and walked in. His office smelled like sex, and his hair was a mess. I should be mad, but she was his wife.

I did not want to look at him. Even though I knew he had done nothing wrong, I was mad at the bond that refused to break.

"Good evening, Alpha," I said, and he nodded with an indifferent expression on his face. Two can play the game; I looked just as indifferent as he looked.

"When you rejected me, did you do it wholeheartedly?" He asked me, and I nodded.

"With all my heart," I said, and he frowned at me.

"Then why are we still bonded?" He asked me, and I had no answer for it.

"Maybe you should reject me too instead of just accepting," I suggested, hoping it would work so I do not feel that pain again.

"I doubt that will work," He said, reluctant to try.

"What should we do?" I asked, and he said nothing.

"I cannot be with you, Willow. I have a wife. I have obligations to her and.." He said, and I knew what he was angling at.

"I felt it. I understand what you mean. I will manage," I told him, and he looked at me, stunned. The truth is I had only one year to go, and I planned on exposing Aida within that year. Once she is exposed, and the killer is caught, I will leave, and he will be alright. If the pain of the bond is a price I will have to pay, then so be it.

"I will try and research how we can sever the bond completely," He said, saying the same things he said in the past. The truth is no one has ever heard of this situation, so he would just be wasting his time and not finding a solution. I could not tell him, of course, so I remained mute.

"How are you settling in?" He asked, and I nodded.

"I cannot complain, Alpha. I am grateful for both you and her highness's kindness." I said, and he nodded.

He looked at me for a while. There was conflict and longing in his eyes. I knew he would have honoured our bond if he wasn't married, but he was too decent and loyal to try. He was a great catch, and Aida had paid his loyalty with betrayal.

"You are dismissed." He said, and I bowed and left without looking back. As I walked away, tears threatened to fall. It wasn't easy being numb because no one was ever truly numb. I cared about him so much. I tried to protect him from his Beta; I tried to open his eyes. Fate had played a huge joke on me, sending me back to do everything that cost me my life.

I returned to my room and chose to miss dinner. I was only to serve breakfast, so I was free for the rest of the day. My room had no cooling fan, so I moved to open the window so the cool night breeze would keep the temperature in my room bearable.

I lay on the bed and tried to empty my mind so I could sleep, but my mind wasn't blank. Things that happened in the past flooded my mind, and I felt a bit cold and alone. The damage Aida and Mark caused was immense. I prayed for strength to defeat them.

"It would have been nice to have him as our mate in this life," Raya said, and I did not speak because I knew her pain.

My mother told me wonderful things about love and the mate bond. She told me about her life before she was exiled, and as she spoke of the mate bond, I prayed it would happen for me. I had a fantasy about it. Little did I know it would lead me to my death, that I would have the worst experience and die because of it. I experienced everything opposite about the mate bond, and being forced to relive it again was a cruel joke. Tears escaped my eyes while I searched for sleep. I said I would not let my emotions get to me this time. I said I would not feel anything this time around. What a joke.