I said goodbye to Julio. I still needed to stop by the apartment we bought together to prepare the bedroom and the dining room table to surprise him on his birthday. I only had a few hours to put everything in order. I smiled just imagining the surprised face he would make. Even though we had been dating for many years, I had never given myself to him. This would be my first time. We had grown up together and so I believed him when he said that it would also be his first time. I had no reason to doubt. He was always with me. Mom used to joke that we were tight. The wedding was set. But my family didn't know about it yet. My brother was getting married soon and I didn't want to take away the attention that was being paid to him. But I didn't know how, it felt like I was dreaming. And suddenly I was living another life... seeing another person and being another person too... He got into the car and watched me while he waited for his sisters to get ready with their shopping in the
As if out of a trance, I woke up and then looked at everyone around me; Antonio, Dad, Geisa... I then understood what had happened and the tears welled up and wet my face endlessly. "You mean then that's it? Have I died? Am I dead?" They looked at each other in pity at my pain, and perhaps for this reason did not answer. They remained silent. But I didn't need to. The presence of Dad and Geisa was in itself a confirmation of the unspoken words. Without thinking about anything else I ran away. I needed to hide, or maybe even get out of this nightmare. I didn't want it to be true. I started to pray that I would wake up in my house, in my bed, in my room. I ran as fast as I could without looking back. In fact, I didn't even look ahead. The tears blurred my vision... How could I know where to go? I eventually collapsed from exhaustion. And that's how I stayed. Lying face down on the fluffy grass. I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to die. Not yet... I couldn't be dead. I stil
I raised my voice unconsciously when I went to talk to him again. He was still standing in the doorway, but facing the room now, finding it funny. The glint in his eyes was unmistakable. I didn't even realize I had walked past him, how upset he had made me. "Look here, I've just been in an automobile accident and died! How did you expect me to look? Clean and with my hair brushed?" "I confess that wouldn't be a bad idea..." "Ah... But of course! On the day of her death, I bet she took a shower, got dressed in her best clothes, lay in bed, picked up a newspaper and read while waiting for death to come..." I ironized. "You talk as if you died today..." "And didn't you? I backed away confused by taking a step back." For a moment, I saw a shadow of compassion pass across his eyes, but it was only for a second. It was so quick I think it was even my imagination. "You've been here a little over a month, according to earthly home time." He reported impersonally, b
Suddenly I felt sick with dizziness and nausea. I thought about calling Gabriel back to tell him what I was feeling, but I gave up. After all I could be sure of one thing; I would not die because I was feeling this way. I lay down and started to remember Mom, and the tears started to fall heavily. I thought about my fiancé and without realizing it, I began to compare him to Gabriel. An illogical comparison, of course. Julio and I were happy, we never fought. He was the synonym of friendship, kindness, understanding, human warmth... Gabriel, on the other hand, was coarse, pretentious, arrogant, had eyes of an incomparable green, beautiful skin... I stopped. What was I doing? I punched the pillow. Why did I have to think about him all the time? After all, he was a stranger... Suddenly I remembered our conversation and was intrigued... Why did that question move him so much? Could it be that he had not yet come to terms with being there? How long could it be that he had arrived there?
"What do you want here?" I asked showing him by the tone of my voice that I was hurt. "To see my patient..." He said looking at some kind of binder in his hands. He seemed to be busy with something more important. So I decided I would be more aggressive to get him to pay more attention to me. "I don't need you!" "I know that." He said calmly still looking focused at the binder, which made me even more irritated. But I wasn't going to give up that easily. "Then why do you insist?" "Out of obligation." He said, finally placing the binder on top of the dresser. "Believe me, I like it here as much as you do." "You're a rat Gabriel! I don't know how you managed to be here..." He gave a laugh, but I wasn't fooled. I saw that in his eyes shone the cold glint of anger. "And for now you won't know my face. However, one thing I assure you, my steps were more honest than yours.... And much more decent!" "What do you mean! You have no right to judg
Yet, even amidst the pain of rejection, I felt that there was something intimate between the two of us as we kissed. There was a wanting that was greater than just desire. There was a delicious energy when we touched that invaded me. I know it was like that for him too, but something was holding him back. There was a wall around him that was impassable. Someone put it there and he let it or he built it himself.... I needed to know the reason for the rejection, because he would also be happy and feel the same emotions as me when I found a way around his fears. "Why?" I asked with bitterness in my voice. My grief was too great at that moment, but it was not like any grief I had ever been through. It was something much deeper. "You didn't want to let me go. It was the only way I could find..." He answered after a while as if he hadn't understood the question. "Wow, you are very persuasive. I'm impressed with your determination." I said wiping away tears. It was better to
The Taste of Freedom I woke up feeling strangely too good. I was rested. I felt energized and renewed. Ready to face any obstacle and even to face Gabriel's rudeness and nastiness. I looked around and everything was in order. So why that feeling that something had changed? I went to take a shower, but unlike the other times I didn't feel like going back to bed. I changed my clothes, drank the juice that was on the tray and made the bed. Two things perplexed me; the first was that I didn't remember putting on the sweater I had just changed.... I felt my face burn at the thought that Gabriel could have changed me while I was sleeping. And the second; the bedclothes were also changed.... I must have been a very heavy sleeper to not notice the two exchanges. Which led me to another question; how long did I sleep for? Someone moved at the door and I was paralyzed at the prospect of seeing Gabriel. I didn't even understand the reason for the apprehension since I had seen him only a
Gabriel was unknowingly killing my curiosity by keeping his past a secret. I no longer had any doubt that we had met in some life time. And that he was trying to hate me for something that happened when we met. I just didn't understand how he couldn't see the injustice in blaming me and taking revenge when I didn't even remember what had occurred. I seriously believe that no one is the same as they were a minute ago, so lifetimes ago was a lot of change a person went through. I had changed since I came to that place. I was no longer the same as I had been on earth. A lot of things I did I would stop doing and a lot of things I didn't do I would do. If I came back it would be different. How can Gabriel not understand this? He too must have undergone changes. Everyone matures one day. But it seems he wants to stay focused on something I did in a life I didn't know and didn't even remember and that doesn't matter anymore because I was certainly not the same person who did whatever i