Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nakarating ako sa bahay ng maayos. Nandito na si daddy andito na sasakyan niya.

Ang aga naman ata niya.

Wala silang date ng kalaguyo niya ngayon?

"Camille.."

Sabi ko na ngaba. I looked at him boredly. I arched my eyebrow while waiting for him to talk.

"Hija huwag mong inaasa lang sa pangongopya kay Patricia ang iyong ginagawa sa Math. You should listen to your teacher more often."

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever.."

Tinalikuran ko na siya at nag simula ng umakyat.  I'm tired hearing all of his bullshit.

"Carmenia Michelle!"

His voice thundered. I stopped on my track.

"Ano na naman ba?"

I asked him impatiently.

"Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo?! Bakit ba di ka na kikinig sa klase ni Sally?! "

Nagtiim bagang ako dahil sa sinabi niya. Anong gusto niyang gawin ko?

Di ko nga magawang harapin ang babae niya ng matagal. Pag na kikita ko siya di ako maka pag focus sa tinuturo niya.

Naaalala ko lang sa babae niya ang kataksilan nilang dalawa.

"Anong gusto mo dad? makinig ako sa kanya? No'ng sinabi ko bang layuan niya kayo na kinig ba siya?"

Can't they have consideration? Mahirap yun para sa'kin. Ang araw araw na makita ang babaeng sumira sa pamilya namin.

"Camille! Ilang beses ko bang sa sabihin sayo na ibahin mo ang personal issue natin sa pag aaral mo!"

Di na ako na kinig sa lintaya niya. Bumaling na lang ako sa hagdanan at nag simula ng mag lakad ulit. 

Kahit ano pa ring paliwanag niya di ko pa rin matanggap.

Pumasok na ako sa kwarto at pumunta ng cr para mag linis ng katawan, so much for today..

Bumuntong hininga ako at nag babad na lang sa bathtub. Matapos kong mag half bath nag suot ako ng roba.

Di na ako na gulat nang pag labas ko ng cr si mommy ang nadatnan ko na naka upo sa aking kama. I smiled at her weakly. Ilang taon na rin kami ni mommy nag titiis sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Umupo ako sa tabi niya. Hinilig ko ang ulo ko sa balikat niya. She brush my hair using her fingers.

"Anak pag pasensyahan mo na lang ang dad mo."

Napapikit ako dahil sa ginagawa niya sa ulo ko, nakakarelax. Pinulupot ko ang dalawa kong braso sa baywang ni mommy. Naramdaman ko ang marahan niyang halik sa ulo ko.

"Mom.. Bakit po hinahayaan niyo lang si daddy? Why didn't you find a way to stop dad's wrong doing? I mean, he's  your husband you have rights to meddle with his business."

Inangat ko ang ulo ko para makita ko ang mukha niya. My heart tightened looking at my mom sad eyes.

Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko at pinakatitigan niya ako ng maayos.

"Basta ang importante tayo pa rin ang inuuwian niya. Mali ang mag tanim ka ng galit diyan sa puso mo. 'wag kang magagalit sa daddy mo. Okay lang naman ang mommy."

I'm not convinced. Sinasabi niya lang 'to para di ako lubusang magalit kay daddy. I know she's hurt.

Who would be happy if your husband dumb you?

Lagi niya na lang sinasarili lahat ng sakit. She's just trying to be strong infront of me. She think she needed to be.

Dahil siya lang ang makakapitan ko. Pero pa'no naman siya? Pwede din akong maging sandalan niya.

"Bakit sina sarili mo lahat ng sakit?"

Natigilan siya dahil sa sinabi ko. Lagi niya lang sina sabi na ang importante kami ang inuuwian. Kami nga pero kami ba ang mahal?

"Alam mo anak. Ang importante lang buo tayo. Ayaw kong bumitaw dahil ayaw kong tuluyang kang mabalewala sa buhay ng dad mo."

Tumayo siya at nag lakad pa harap sa bintana ng kwarto ko. Hinawi niya ang kurtina.

"Ayaw kong dumating yung araw na di ka na niyang kilalaning anak."

I sigh heavily. I need to be strong as well. I need to fight for my mom.

Nilapitan ko siya at niyakap mula sa likod.

"I understand mom, but I can't promise to be nice to him. I mean.. I tried to talk him nicely..."

Pumikit ako at naisip na mahirap iyon!

Damn!

How cruel my dad is! He doesn't know what he'd lost. My mom is nice. How can he hurt her?

I don't understand why some people are really dissatisfied. They'll promised to  love you 'til the very end then leave you eventually.

People are really the worst destroyer. The first day they will confessed their love to you, the next day they don't love you anymore. And there you are left alone regretting the love that is over, regretting the fire that had been extinguished, and held on to the unfulfilled promise.

"Okay, but you must tried okay?" I nodded my head. Before I kiss her on the cheeks and said my good night before she finally leave my room.

The next morning I woke up late since I don't have a class today. Nadatnan ko si mommy na nasa may kusina pinagtitimpla ng kape si Daddy. Lumapit ako sakanya at humalik sa pisngi.

"Good morning, Mom."

"Upo ka na dun. I'll prepare your breakfast." I nodded at her remarks. Pumunta ako sa bakanteng upuan malayo sa tatay ko. Hindi ko siya pinansin, hindi niya rin ako pinansin at tinuon lang sa binabasang dyaryo ang kanyang atensyon habang kumakagat ng tinapay.

Matiyaga ko na lang hinintay na ihain ni mommy sa lamesa ang umagahan ko.

"Thanks mom." She patted my head and smiled lovingly at me as she she place my milk on table.

Tahimik kaming kumain na basag lang ng biglang tumayo si Daddy. Pinunasan niya ang labi gamit ang tissue bago inayos ang nagusot na coat dahil sa ginawang pag upo.

"I'll go ahead." He coldly said.

Tahimik lang kami ni mommy at walang nag salita sa amin hanggang sa tinalikuran niya kami. I saw the tears pooling on my mom side eyes after my dad left.

Nahirapan akong lunukon ang kinakain dahil sa nasaksihan. I can't bear my mom saying like that. Her tears will always be my weakness. Nang mapansin niya akong nakatingin sakanya malumay siyang ngumiti sa akin.

"Tapusin mo na ang pagkain mo, don't mind me. I'm okay.." I remained staring at her before a I tore my eyes off her. I sighed deeply to calm my raging nerves.

Di na ako nag paalam kay mommy pagkatapos kong kumain. Agad akong umakyat sa kwarto ko. Na ligo na lang ako para mas lalong kumalma. Parang gusto ko mag sisigaw dahil sa sobrang inis sa tatay ko.

He's the one at fault how can he be the one who's in silence? How can he treated my mom like that? Every morning my mom's serve him a breakfast. My mom doesn't talk shit behind his back, and then this is how he repay her?

Thinking everything my mom have done to keep our family intact breaks my heart into tiny pieces.

Tinapos ko ang pag ligo at muling lumabas para icheck si mommy. Pumunta ako ng kwarto nila. I knocked on the door.

"Mom are you there?"

"Yes! Come in."

I found my mom reading a book while leaning on the head rest on their bed when I entered their room.

"What are you doing here?"

Umakyat ako sa kama at yumakap sa beywang ni mommy pag karating ko sa pwesto niya.

"Mom, should it hurt when you love?"

Tiniklop niya ang binabasang libro dahil sa tanong ko. "When you love you will be really hurt but... The more you come to understand what healthy relationship is, the more you realize that love should be a gift not a punishment..."

"Are you considering that the relationship you had with Dad is a punishment or the way around?" I asked curiously. I closed my eyes as she keeps brushing my hair using her fingers. Narinig ko siyang bumuntong hininga bago nag salita "Both.. it's a gift because in some way even thou it's not a life time. He made me feel what truly love is, he made me feel the butterfly in my stomach, he'll hurt me and then he will be my comfort too. He makes me warm when it's cold, amidst of chaos he's my peace. But then it's also a punishment... You'll came to realized that no matter how long you have been with him. No matter how long he made you feel that he love you, he loved you. Time will come when he is ready to turn his back on you when the former love that he made you feel is gone."

"In some way, loving them would not make you enough for them..." Narinig kong gumaralgal ang boses ni mommy matapos ko marinig ang huling salitang binitawan niya.

"Then why are you staying if you're already hurting?" I asked her as I swallowed hard. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigag sa lalamunan dahil sa emosyong gustong kumawala mula sa mata ko.

"It's because... Sometimes love is sacrifice." Pumikit ako ng mariin dahil sa narinig ko. I knew what she truly means! She sacrifice her own freedom. The freedom to stop her self from being hurt, she sacrifice it for me. Because she loves me, she loves my dad. She did it to keep our family intact.

I didn't know what I  did in my past life to deserve a mother like her. "I love you, mom..." She kiss my forehead, I can feel that she's smiling because her lips stretched when it's landed on my forehead.

"I'm always here for you, you can share your pain with me.."

Wala naman akong magawa dahil sa sitwasyon ng pamilya namin ngayon. Gusto ko iparamdam kay mommy na nandito lang ako. Hindi siya nag iisa, kasama niya ako.

And to my dad. For now I don't have any space of forgiveness in my heart for him. I didn't know why he end up like that, why our family end up like this. But each passes day that I see and feel the pain of my mom been through. Diko alam kung dadating yung araw na mapatawad ko pa siya, kung maintindihan ko pa ang bawat paliwanag na sasabihin niya.

O kung mawala man yung sakit. Magawa ko mang mag patawad I'll surely remember how painful it was. How it happened.. I'll never forget...