Chapter 4

FEELING GOOD

"I want to be a stripper"

"ANO!!!!!" hindi makapaniwala niyang sambit bago pinunasan ang kanyang labi at tinignan ang sahig na basa ng tubig na kanyang ibinuga.

"Gusto ko nang magtrabaho, ayaw ko naman umasa na lang sayo hanggang kailan ko gusto, I want to help you pay the house expenses and other more" sabi ko at inabot sa kanya ang basahan sa sahig.

"Pero bakit ang pagiging stripper pa? Alam mo ba ginagawa doon!!!" sambit niya at sinimulang punasan ang sahig gamit ang kanyang paa. "Sumasayaw ang stripper at naghuhubad sa harap ng mga lalaki, ganon ang stripper Louen baka hindi mo alam" she said and look at me.

"Yeah, I know and I've already watch you do it" I said making her stop wiping the floor and look at me, tamayo siya at nakapamewang akong tinignan. "Hindi porket ginagawa ko gagawin mo din sira!" she said and hit my forehead using her fingers.

"If you can do, I can do it too, isa pa it's the easiest job I could find, pagmaghahanap pa ako ng iba baka makaapekto ang oras nito sa pag-aaral ko, not like being a stripper I'll just do it at night" Pagpapaliwanag ko.

"Hindi ba muntikan ka nang marape! Tapos gusto mo mag stripper? Pagnaging stripper ka doon talaga mararape ka ng wala sa oras!" she said and started putting the groceries in the fridge.

"Can you do anything about it? Please Rie gusto kong kumita ng sarili kong pera, sige na Rie parang aw---" she cut me out and say, "HOYYY! Anong parang awa mo n, don't beg me ok, sige kung yan ang gusto mo wala na akong magagawa dyan pero binalaan na kita Louen mas delikado pa sa pagpopolice ang stripper" She said and seriously look at me, I nodded at her and help her.

After that we started eating breakfast together, "Kung gusto mong maging stripper, tatanungin kita hanggang saan ang kaya mong gawin?" seryoso niyang tanong sa akin habang kumakain ng itlog.

"I can dance... I can do a sexy dance, I can stri----" hindi niya ako pinatapos at sinabi, "Hindi ako papayag na magstrip ka ng tuluyan doon, siguro pwedeng strip hanggang two-piece lang pero naked no!" She said with frowned brows, I smiled and she acted like a mom.

"I'm ok with that" sagot ko at nginitian siya, she stares at me and say, "Kung gusto mong pasukin ang mundo ko kailangan mong maging handa kaya kailangan muna kitang itrain" Erille said and continue eating. I nodded and ate too.

"First: Being a stripper should be fearless, wag mong ipapakita na mahina ka dahil sa mundong iyon lakas ng loob ang kailangan at hindi dignidad" sambit ni Rie habang nakaupo kami dito sa loob ng practice room sa university.

After classes she said we should train here that's why we're here.

"Second: There are good nights and bad nights, mga gabing malakas ang kita at mahina, hindi araw-araw ganon ang presyo ng kikitain mo, may gabing wala kang kikitain pero kailangan mong tanggapin. Ang pagiging stripper ay parang bike hindi aandar kung hindi ka papadyak" she's so mature, and I can see that what she's saying is reflecting to her personality, she's fearless.

"Third: Play with boys just like how you play with fire. Boy and Mens are dangerous but you have to know how to dominate them, sa pagiging stripper alam mo dapat kung sa taas ka o sa ibaba, kaya kang bilhin ng mga lalaki gamit ang pera pero kaya mo silang paikutin gamit ang katawan mo"

"Fourth: when you're at the pole don't think about the money, think about the sensation that the music gives you, para may maganda kang performance. Ang club na papasukan mo ay may tatlong pole stage, the center stage kung saan may isang pole, at dalawang rounds kang sasayaw. Next is the side stage magkabilang gilid ng main stage. At the side pole you'll dance one music there and get a tip personally from mens and the last stage is on the VIP stage kung saan isang bagsakan ng mga pera, one round of music lang doon kaya you have to give your best there, to earn big amount of money" I nodded and memorizing what's she's saying.

"Fifth: the last one doesn't fall for men's sweet trash words, remember they just want you when your dancing, your body and not your heart. Tandaan mo yan" sambit ni Rie at tumayo, itinali ang kanyang buhok at nagpatugtog.

"Tara let's dance" she said and walked to the pole. I smile and follow her.

"Dahil baguhan ka malamang magauaudition ka at ito lang ang masasabi ko mahilig ang house mom sa tempting music, puno ng sensation kaya dapat pumili ka ng maganda" Sambti ni Erille habang paakyat sa itaas ng pole at nagsimulang gumawa ng tricks.

I stayed silent and tried to think of music while Rie started dancing. I need music that could set me on fire while I'm on the pole. Anong kanta?

Erille and I practiced till 6 pm and decided to go home and eat dinner before she'd go to work. "Lock mo yong pinto Louen, goodnight" Rie said and smiled at me before she closed the door. I lock it just like what she said.

Umupo ako sa kama at nagisip ng music na pwede kong gamitin, while scrolling on my phone I stop when I saw a picture of me with my family. I smile bitterly, "I think they're happy now that I'm gone" I whisper and delete the picture.

If they don't want me, I don't need them..

I spend my whole night thinking of a song and start making choreography, I just wake up the next morning fully decided. I already have my music. Linggo ngayon kaya wala akong pasok and sabi ni Rie mamayang hapon daw niya ako dadalhin doon para magaudition.

Kaya hindi na ako nagsayang ng oras at tumuloy sa university kahit wala akong class, I use the practice room to practise and go home before lunch. Naaubutan kong nagluluto si Rie pag uwi ko kaya agad ko siyang tinulungan sa paghahanda ng plato at nagsimula kaming kumain.

"Nakausap ko na ang house Mom, una sabi niya ok na raw ang bilang ng babae sa club pero ng sinabi kong bata ko ang ipapasok ko pumayag siya kaya kailangan mong galingan Louen, isa pa alam ko namang magaling ka na kaya hindi ako natatakot magbitaw ng salita" nakangiting sambit ni Erille habang sumusubo ng gulay.

That made me feel pressured but I need to be confident, I need that job.

Habang kumain napansin ko ang malaking pasa sa braso ni Rie, dahil may tatlo siya hindi ito masyadong halata sa unang tingin pero pag tinitignan mo ito ng malapitan pasa nga ito."Rie what's that on your arms?" tanong ko.

Tumigil siya sa pagkain at tinignan ang kanyang braso, "Ah yan, agresibo kasi yong binatang costumer ko kagabi kaya medyo na pahigpit ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin pero ok lang yan kasama sa trabaho yan" natigilan ako sa sinabi niya at nakaramdam ng takot.

Agad na pansin si Rie ang reaksyon ko kaya ngumiti siya at sinabi, " Wag kang mag-alala hindi ko papayagang may humawak sayo doon, sasayaw ka lang doon at walang sino man ang mababayad para makuha ka" she said and smile at me.

I tilt my head and realize how kind hearted Erille is, I just hope that I could stay with her forever. "Rie, wanna hear something interesting?" tanong ko sa kanya kaya napatingin siya sa akin ng kunot ang noo.

"Ano?" tanong niya, "I wasn't made by love nor sex" sambit ko na lalong ikinagulo ng kanyang ekspresyon.

"ANO?"

I chuckled and bit my lower lip ditterly, "My Mom and Dad were childhood friends just like my Lola's. But my Dad studied abroad, that's why they grew apart from each other but my Mom's love for my Dad didn't disappear. Through the years she waited for him until he came back but my Dad came back engaged with a perfect girl. My mom badly wanted my dad so she stole a sperm cell from him with the use of their doctor friend then I was made, a desperation baby" I said and laughed in pain, knowing that I wasn't made by love makes me feel more anger.

"Kaya ba lumayas ka sa bahay niyo?" tanong ni Rie, that makes me laugh even more, "Hindi ako naglayas haha pinalayas ako" I said.

"Ako naman anak sa labas hahaha hindi rin ginawa sa pagmamahal hahaha gawang ng kalibugan haha tapos mahirap pa kami kaya binuhay nila ako para bigyan sila ng pera pagtanda ko, banko yarn hahaha" Erille was laughing but pain is showed in her eyes.

"Ako nagpaaral sa sarili ko nong nasa probinsya ako, kasi hindi naman gagawin ng magulang ko iyon para sa akin haha tapos nakipagsapalaran dito sa manila para kumita, ngayon buhay pa rin naman at nakakasurvive" she said and laugh, I just laugh together with her and continue eating.

Sometimes we believe that all humans in the world are made by love but sometimes they are loved by god but not by their parents. How unlucky we are one of them.

After eating I continue memorizing the step and tempo of the music, "Ready kana?" tanong ni Erille sa akin habang inaayos ko ang buhok ko, nginitian ko siya saka kinuha ang bag ko at sumunod sa kanya.

"Trikeee!!!" sigaw ni Rie sa tricycle driver at agad itong pumunta sa akin at sumakay kaming dalawa dito, "Manong sa club fire" Sambit ni Erille at dinala kami nito sa tapat ng club.

Bumababa ako at tiningnan ang club, iba ang itsura nito sa umaga at sa gabi. "Manong bakit singkwenta lang ito aba tig bente lang kami nitong kasama ko, ang payat pa namin tapos 25 singil mo sa amin manong naman wag sugapa 60 sukli ko amin na ang sampo" napatingin ako kay Rie ng magreklamo ito.

"Ito naman sampo nalang eh" singhal ng driver bago umalis, "ABA HINDI MABUBUO ANG 100 KUNG WALANG SAMPO MANONG!!!BOBO KA BA?!" sigaw ni Rie kaya pinigilan ko na siya at hinila sa loob, makikipagaway pa eh.

"Justine ang ingay mo nanaman" napatingin kami sa matandang babaeng nakatayo sa tapat ng pole stage, tinutukoy niya si Erille, justine ang second name ni Rie kaya alam kong siya ang tinutukoy nito.

Siya ba ang hou--- "Siya ang house mom" sambit ni Justine at dinala ako sa harapan nito. Tiningnan ako nito mula ulo hanggang paa at tinaasan ako ng kilay, "Magsimula kana" sambit niya bago umupo sa harapan ng stage.

Walang tao dito sa loob dahil maaga pa kaya wala akong dapat ikahiya, paalala ko sa aking sarili bago tinignan si Rie at tumuloy sa stage.

"Go Louen" sambit ni Rie at umupo sa tabi ng house mom, ngumiti ako sa kanya bago isinent ang music sa speaker ng club.

Tumayo ako agad sa stage at hinubad ang aking jacket at palda, Now I'm just wearing a black panty and crop tank top. I look at the house mom straight in the eyes before the music I choose plays.

I choose this music because this is what I feel when I'm dancing, I choose...

Feeling good by Michael Buble

"Birds flying high, you know how I feel" I started my sensual steps. And walk around the pole temptingly.

"Sun in the sky you know how I feel, breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me" I slowly slip and lift my body up on the pole and do an advance plank trick and next a tuck invert.

Sway my hair and go up the pole, I did an V invert pose and slowly went down in that position and went down the floor and moved my body as the instrument of the music hits.

I crawl the floor and grind on the floor humanely and touch every part of my body.

"And I'm feeling good" I finish the music, as what I featured the dance would be,and stand up, bow my head and wait for the house Mom's reaction.

"Ok pasok kana, maghanda ka para mamaya" sambit nito at agad tumayo, umalis, ngumiti sa akin si Erille bago nag thumbs up at sinundand ito.

I smile and dress up, agad akong nagtatakip ng katawan ng may biglang pumasok. "Ay!" I utter and cover myself; he quickly turns his back and scratches his head. "Sorry hindi ko alam na may magauaudition pala ngayon" he said and keep on facing the back.

I quickly dress up because of that and suddenly Rie showed up, binatukan niya ito ng malakas at sinabi, "Bakit nandito kana kaagad? Kala ko ba may gimik ka?" tanong ni Rie sa kanya. He faces Rie and then I realize na siya yung kasama ni Rie dati nong una kong nakita siyang pumasok sa club na ito.

"Louen, ito si Six DJ siya dito, siya ang lalapitan mo bago ka mag perform kaya dapat makilala mo siya, Six siya si Louen kaibigan ko, magtratrabaho na siya dito" pagpapakilala ni Erille sa amin.

Humarap sa akin si Six bago ngumiti, he's tall and handsome. Blond ang buhok nito pero mukhang buhay na buhay at ang ganda ng pagkabagsak nito, tapos may tattoo siya sa gilid ng kanyang leeg.

He also has a broad shoulders and long thighs, good body posture at napaka angas niyang tingnan sa simpleng kulay itim na t-shirt.

"Hi nice to meet you, I'm Xyrus Iris Santos, Six for short" he said and offered me his hand. I smiled at him and nodded, "Louen" smabit ko.

"Himala nagpakilala ka sa totoo mong pangalan" sambit ni Erille, "Nagpapakilala lang ako ng Six sa mga hindi ko sineseryosong babae" sagot ni Six at patuloy pa rin ang pag ngiti sa akin.

"Ah talaga edi wow!" sambit ni Rie bago ako hinila papasok sa staff room.

"Mukhang matagal na kayong magkakilala ah" tanong ko kay Rie ng simulan niya akong ayusan. "Sa kasamaang palad oo, sabay kaming pumasok dito baguhan lang kaya nagkasama" sambit ni Rie at sinimulan ayusin ang buhok ko.

"Anong nangyari sa usapan niyo ng house Mom?" tanong ko, "Tawagin mo siyang Cherille, simula ngayong talent kana niya kaya dapat alam mo ang pangalan niya, at wag kang mag-alala na pagusapan na namin ang plano ko at pumayag siya, sasayaw ka lang dito at hindi ka maaring mabayaran ng kahit na sino para maikama ka" sambit ni Rie.

"Paano mo siya napapayag ng ganon?"

"Sabihin nalang natin na kapag may utang na loob ka talaga sa tao hindi mo matatanggihan ang hiling nito" May utang na loob sa kanya si Ma'am Cherille?

"Wag kana nga mag isip ng kung ano dyan ang mahalaga galingan mo mamaya, at wag kang matatakot nandito lang ako" she said and smile at me. Naghintay lang kami hanggang mag 10 pm ng gabi bago nag handa.

"Louen mag handa kana, El ang itatawag ko sayo iyon ang stage name mo ah, ikaw ang una kong isasalang sa main stage" sambit ni Ma'am Cherille bago lumabas, tiningnan ako ni Erille "Suotin mo ito" pinasuot niya ako ng lace eye mask at sinamahan ako lumabas.

Lumapit kami kay Six sa DJ's spot at ibinigay ang tugtog ko. "Good luck Louen" He said and wink at me. I smile at him and go behind the stage.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago bumikit at hinanda ang aking sarili.

"For our first sizzling dance would be performed by our new dancer, a firing lady with passion and sexual movement, let's all welcome El!!!!" As I was called on stage, I opened my eyes and stood in front of the pole, while men were shouting and alluring me with their gaze.

"Birds flying high, you know how I feel sun in the sky you know how I feel, breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me" sexual shouts and fly money on the stage as I started dancing and stripping.

So this is the view of a stripper, dancing lights, flying money's and amazing feeling.

The feeling is firing, the movements are alive and the fire on the stage and this pole running into my veins.

I didn't feel this kind of fire when I performed in school and competition, this feeling is unusual and fire.

I close my eyes as I did the V invert tricks and slowly fall and close my eyes and open it with a smirk on my lips.

At sumabay ako sa lyrics ng kanta,

"And I'm feeling good"