Chapter 3

Decision

"Louen, where's your parents? Why are you still waiting here outside? Let's go inside" I was 10 years old when we had a family event in my school. We are told to bring our parents with us for the special day.

I already said it to my Mom and Dad and they promised to come, "I'll wait for my Mommy and Daddy" I said to my teacher and kept playing with my fingers and waiting for our car to come. I'm standing here beside the gate of our school to wait for them, maybe they're just late and buying food to bring.

While waiting, isa-isa nang pumapasok ang mga kaklase ko kasama ang mga magulang nila, I smile and imagine that I'll be also walking inside together with my Mom and Dad.

But as time goes by, and hour passes, my teacher goes back to check on me, she holds my hand while holding her phone at the other side, I suddenly feel what she is going to say, kaya inunahan ko na siya.

"Wait Teacher a little bit more, Mommy and Daddy is coming" I utter and smile, My teacher urges a small smile on me before she wipe my forehead sweat and speak, "You're Mom and Dad call, Your Mom has a emergency on the hospital and your Dad have a unexpected important meeting, that's why they said sorry they won't be able to attend the party but they order pizza for all of us, I will be your guardian for today, let's go" she reach for my hand and gently pull me inside.

I glance back and still hoping to see my Mom and Dad coming but as we enter the venue, I lose hope and just watch the other kids play with their parents.

I bite my lower lip to control my tears and try to laugh at other families having fun. "Louen come here" I look at my teacher when she calls me, "You will join Cloe's family for now because they need another member, so they can join the sack race, can you do that?" she gently asked. I craned and tilted my head before I looked at Cloe's family smiling at me.

Before I nodded and let her bring me to Cloe's Family, "Hi Louen, play with us ok" Cloe's mother sweetly said and tapped my head before she look at her daughter and kiss her forehead. "Good luck to us Baby" she whispered.

I just watched them cheering each other before the game started, "We can do this" Her father said before we started playing the sack race and ended up winning.

And reach the line first, "YEHEY!!!" they shouted and hugged Cloe, while I stayed here slowly removing the sack on my feet. I watch them and smile bitterly before I walk away and just stay in the rest room for the whole day.

***

"Let's call on our honor students, Helena Galvez, Paris Mikka Louen Del Mundo and Faye Trias together with their parents." I bite my lower lips again as this situation happens again, I stand up and walk alone to the stage while Faye and Lena are escorted by their parents.

"They are the most outstanding students in this batch" the MC said while the principal started giving the medals to their parents, since I'm at the last line the principal stopped when she didn't see any parents beside me.

I smile at her, pero nakita ko ang pagkaawa sa kanyang mga mata kaya siya na ang nagsuot nito para sa akin at tumabi siya sa akin sa picture taking, that didn't cheer me up, it just makes me feel lonely.

I graduated alone and received my award alone because my parents are...

My phone rings and when I look at it, I stipple and answer it while standing here outside the graduation venue. "Hello?"

"Louen darling congratulation, I hope Nana is there to attend your graduation" It's my grandma Blace, I bite my lower lip to control my tears, I wish she;s here so I don;t feel alone.

"It's ok Nana I understand, Palawan is far from Manila and traveling will just make you and Dada tired" I said trying to hide my cracking voice. "Where's your Mom? Let me talk to her" Nana said but I quickly made an excuse.

"Po? Yes teacher I'm coming, Nana I have to go my teacher said we'll take pictures together with our parents, I just call you later" I quickly said, "Ok ok, I love you Louen Darling" Nana said before I turned off the call.

I wipe my tears using the back of my arms and go home alone.

***

I was not expecting Dad to react like that, pinatunayan niya lang sa akin an hindi talaga nila ako mahal, and Mom she didn't even do anything to stop Dad on pushing me away.

That hurts so bad, even your Mother can't fight for you, maybe it's better this way, hindi ko na kailangan mag expect ng kung ano mula sa kanila. Expecting just leads to painful realizations.

I walk out of our subdivision while pulling my things on the street. As I reach the gate I intanly call for a taxi and drive to my friend's house.

Pagbaba ko sa tapat ng bahay nila Stacey, I could already hear the music and party inside, so I'd go inside and look for them. Nakita ko sila sa dulong table dito sa pool area ng bahay nila Stacey.

"Stacey" I said and smiled at her, when she saw me, she quickly stood up and walked toward my place then kissed me on my cheeks. "I almost thought that you're not coming, good thing you're here na..." she stopped and looked at the luggages beside me. "What's that?" she asked.

I smile awkwardly before I answer her question, "I got kicked out the house, so can I stay here for a while?" I ask.

She smiles and nodded so quickly, "Sure let me bring you to our guest room" hinawakan niya ang braso ko at dinala ako sa second-floor ng bahay nila, and showed me the guest room.

"You can stay here whenever you want" she said and wink at me, I smile at her and hugged her, "Thank you so much" I said, "Ok I'll leave you here and just wait for you down stairs ok, feel at home" she said before she closes the door leaving me here.

I felt so relieved because I have friends like her, I was smiling when the door opens again, "Stacey, why did you come bac---" hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko ng makita kong hindi si Stacey ang nagbukas nito.

"Diego?" it's Stacey's cousin, "Ahm happy birthday" I utter because I remember Stacey made this party for him, he smiled and said, "Thank you so much Louen, didn't expect that you're this nasty" he said and closed the door as he went inside.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya at umatras, "Anong ibig mong sabihin?" I ask but he's just taking a step closer to me. "I know you're the gift their talking about, I just don't expect it to be true like this" he said and move closer, dahil tumama ako sa kama napaupo ako dito at agad niya akong tinulak pahiga.

"Diego!" I said and tried to push him away when he moved above me and locked me with his arms side by side. "We'll enjoy this night together Louen" he whispered and locked both of my wrists above my head and started kissing my neck.

"NO!!! DIEGO STOP!! HELP!!!! NO!!!!!" I shouted, at sinusubukat ko ang lahat upang makawala sa kanya, nagpupumigilas ako pero mas lalo lang humigig pit ang pagkakahawak niya sa akin.

"STACEY!!!!! NO!!! HELP ME!!!!! STACEY!!!!!! NO DIEGO STOP PLEASE!!!!" tears started to fall from my eyes as fear runs on my whole body, I could feel his dirty lips cuking and licking my skin.

"NO!!!! STACEY!!!!!!!!" I kick his thing down there making him whimper in pain and roll beside the bed, that's when I grab the chance to stand up and run to the door crying. "STACEY!" I shouted and open the door, but I was stiff when I saw all of them standing behind the door taking pictures of me and smiling at me.

"Did you enjoy my cousin Louen? Happy unvirgin day!!!" she said and they all laughed together, tears overflowing from my eyes, covering myself in front of them, feeling so dirty and trash right now.

"How could you do that to me?!" I ask, they all smile and said, "Because we want too" they said and laughed even louder.

I grab my things and push them away and run out of that hell place, I feel so ashamed and played. All this time they weren't really a friend to me. Tears keep on flowing and I roughly wipe my neck.

Binaboy nila ako! Nanghihina akong tumigil sa gilid ng kalsada at tuluyang bumigay at umiyak. I hugged my knees and cry.

"Nana" I tried calling my Nana, she's all I need right now, she's the only one who can understand me. "Nanaa" I cry so hard here beside the street.

I'm in so much pain right now, the feeling of unloved and betrayal is overflowing. I don't even know what to feel first. "Nana" I wipe my tears and look at the streets, I'm all alone now.

I stopped when I saw Erille, she looked so different, she's wearing a white crop top corset and short shorts together with a black boots. I even see her tattoos on her arms. She looks so different from Erille, Stacey used to bully in school.

She's also smoking while walking with a tall guy and they both enter the club. I suddenly got curious and stood up, I followed them inside, good thing the guard didn't notice me because he's talking to someone.

As I enter loud music, rowdy people and colorful playing lights surround the place. A lot of mens are inside drinking, laughing, talking and watching, I stop when I see what they are watching.

There's a lot of pole stages around and at the middle stage in front of me, I saw her...

Erille is dancing in front, parang nag slow motion sa aking ang paggawa niya ng ballerina twist sa itaas. She was dancing filled with passion and blazing fire, she's wearing super sexy clothes.

Money was falling on the stage; she swayed her lips and mens went wild and kept throwing money at her. They are all admiring her by her body while I see the passion in her pole dancing.

Dedication, wanting and feelings...

"Hi Miss worker ka din dito?" I stop watching Erille when this old guy grabs my arms and asks me that in my ears. Agad akong lumayo sa kanya pero hindi niya binitawan ang braso ko.

"No! I'm not working here! Let go of me!" I said and try to push him away, "Nako pakipot ka pa sige na double na ang ibabayad ko sayo" nakakadiri niyang sambit kaya mas lalo akong nagpumiglas sa kanya.

"I said let go of me!" I shouted, "Louen?!" napatingin ako sa stage ng tumigil ang tugtog at nakatingin na sa akin si Erille. Agad siyang bumaba sa stage at tinanggal ang kamay ng matandang ito sa aking braso.

"She's not working here, find another girl" she said and bring me to the room called staff and entertainer's room.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito Louen?!" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya, hindi ako agad nakapagsalita dahil ibang-iba talaga siya ngayon nakikita ko na siya ng malapitan.

She also have a lot of fearsing on her ears, "I followed you because I saw you" kunot noo niya akong tinignan, "Baliw ka ba bakit mo naman ako susundan? At isa pa bakit may dala kang mga maleta? teka umiyak ka ba? Ano ito?" hinawakan niya ang leeg ko at tinignan ito.

That's when I remember what I'm going through right now, and suddenly I see my Nana on her questions, so I immediately hugged her. She was stiff when I hugged her and started crying in her arms.

"My parents kick me out the house, my friends try to make me get raped, I have nowhere to go" I whisper in pain.

Hindi nagsalita si Erille basta niyakap niya lang ako pabalik hanggang sa kumalma na ako at pinainom niya ako ng tubig.

"Pwede kang tumira kasama ko" she said while I'm drinking, I stop and look at her. "Mag-isa lang naman ako sa apartment ko kaya sa akin ka nalang tumira" she said and smile at me.

I felt so weak and just hugged her, thank you so much..

"Pasensya kana hindi pangmayaman apartment ko hahaha mahirap lang kasi ako kaya ako nagtrabaho sa club para may pangtustos sa pag-aaral at pamilya ko, bitawan mo nalang gamit mo dyan" she said as we enter her small apartment.

Napatingin ako sa maliit na refrigerator niya na puno ng bayarin sa ilaw at tubig, "Ako lang mag-isa dito nasa probinsya ang pamilya ko kaya wala kang dapat ipagalala" she said and open the small pan for me.

"Isa lang ang kwarto dito kaya pwede nang tabi nalang tayo at isa pa lagi naman akong wala pag gabi kaya mas makakatulog ka ng maayos" she said and open the door of her room for me, tinulungan niya rin ako ilagay ang mga gamit ko sa loob.

"Erille..." I called her, she looked at me and smiled, "I don't have money to pay for the rent and other expenses" I said and looked down.

"Ako na ang bahala doon" she said and wink at me.

A week pass by, hiyang hiya na ako kay Erille dahil halos siya na ang gumagastos para sa akin, pagkain ko dito sa bahay at sa school. Binibigyan niya pa ako ng pera tuwing aalis siya kaya may baon ako kinabukasan.

Wala lang sa kanya lahat ng iyon pero hiyang-hiya na ako at hindi ko gusto na iasa nalang sa kanya ang lahat.

I was sitting here on the sofa waiting for her to go home, I finally made up my decision and I wanna do this to help her too.

"Ay apo ang init nna agad sa labas ang aga-aga pa" the door open and she went inside, agad akong tumayo at tinulungan siyang ilagay sa kusina ang pinamiling grocery.

"Oh, bakit nandito ka pa? Wala ka bang klase?" she asks while removing her earrings.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago nagsalita,

"Erille, I want to work" I said, "Saan naman?" tanong niya at binubura ang make up and drink water.

"I want to be a stripper" naibuga niya ang iniinom dahil sa sinabi ko at nanlalaki akong matang tinignan.

"ANO!!!!!"