CHAPTER 5

Amber's POV

As Dave spoke, my mind kept on drifting to the intense session Caleb and I had that morning. I could still taste him, even after eating jam donuts. I could still feel my skin hot from his touch, even after taking a long cold shower at home.

I should’ve have sex with him.

The thought was so unexpected that I had to take a gulp of my coffee to drown it. What happened that morning was a one-time thing and a mistake. It was never going to happen again.

“…turns out they were both making out secretly and kept it a secret.”

“What?” I almost choked on my coffee. Who was making out? Did Dave know what happened between Caleb and me?

Dave raised a brow. “Uhm, yeah they did. Gil and Linda.”

“Oh.” I relaxed and leaned into the comfort of my chair.

“And you know, I’m betting on them. They’ll both have cute little blue-eyed children.”

“What?” I blinked and an image of Caleb’s electric blue eyes popped in my head.

“Amber, are you okay?” Caleb’s face was full of concern, his brown eyes searching mine.

Oh Dave, you would never understand and I can never tell you.

“It’s just work,” I managed a small smile. “It’s been stressful lately.”

He took my hand across the table and squeezed affectionately. “You should take a break and shouldn’t overstress yourself. I know you’re saving up for the fashion academy, but I don’t want you falling ill.”

I sighed and nodded in agreement. I was saving up for DCadet fashion academy owned by my favorite fashion designer; Donatella Cadet. I’ve always loved sketching outfits for as long as I could remember, and since I couldn’t afford college, I resulted to learning how to sew with a machine through Youtube and several trial and errors until I got the hang of it.

Shan supported too by buying fabrics and turning into my muse. I made most of her dresses for her performances and she wore each one with pride.

“Do you guys need anything?” Cookie- the bakes shop waitress who smelled like one grinned at us.

We both shook our heads and I caught her winking at Dave which made me raise my eyebrow wondering why.

Dave cleared his throat. “Er, I was here yesterday to ask her for some advice.”

“Advice on what exactly?” I took a bite of my jam donut.

“Nothing.” He said a little too quickly for my liking and sighed afterwards. “I love you so much, Amber and I can’t wait for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Officially and legally.” He winked.

I swallowed tingles of uneasiness that had clawed up my throat. Could I do it? Could I spend the rest of my life with him and be sincerely happy?

Deep down, I knew the answer. However, I could try. I could try to be happy with him. I could be the perfect partner for him.

He- Dave was a good guy and his kind was rare.

~~~

Guilt is such a maddening emotion. And the worst part is that it won’t leave until you do the right thing.

When I was still in middle school, I had accidentally broken one of my mum’s favorite flower vases and lied on our dog. Mum believed me of course, but the guilt was so intense that I had to confess in the middle of the night just to be able to sleep.

I felt the same way now. The fake smiles with Dave, my refusal to tell him I love you too, and using the same mouth that had moaned Caleb’s name to kiss him.

I’ve always judged people who cheated on their partners because why do that when you can leave them instead? Now that I find myself in their shoes, I know it isn’t an easy thing to do.

Fuck you, Caleb. Fuck you for infiltrating my life like this.

“I know you weren’t at Dave’s place last night.” Shan’s gaze pinned to a spot.

I laughed nervously. “Of course I was.” I cut my eye away from her and focused on my sketch pad.

“Cut the bullshit, Amber.”

I clutched my pencil tight, embarrassed to tell my best friend what had happened. “I had some stuff to sort out at work and I slept off.”

Please don’t ask more questions. Please, Shan.

“Okay,” Shan said slowly, and thankfully asked no more questions. “Caleb texted me about an hour ago, on I*.”

My pencil dropped to the floor and rolled under the sofa. “What? Why?”

“Calm down, Tigress,” Shan raised her hands. “He only asked for the name of the bar I usually perform. He’s staying in LA for two weeks and he wants to come check out the bar.”

Was Caleb insane? I laughed because I knew the answer already. Getting through Shan to me was smart of him. What was next, him asking for our house address?

“So, I’m giving you heads up, in case you see him there,” she paused and studied my face. “You’ll be fine, yeah? You’re not going to burst into tears when you see him?”

I laughed. “That’s ridiculous, Shan. But I think it’s best if I avoid him.”

She sighed but nodded. I got off the sofa and bent to pick up my pencil when my ringtone blared, disrupting the silence of the living room.

With a groan while grabbing my pencil, I rose and checked the caller ID. I found myself smiling and switched it to face time while I excused myself to my room.

“Hey, mom,” I grinned as I sat on my bed. “How are you?”

The phone shook for few seconds before becoming stable, and there was my mum, grinning back at me. “Sweetie? Amber, can you hear me?”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “You’re too close to the camera mum. Shift your head back a little. Yes, that’s better.”

My mom and I had the same rare amber eye color, but while my hair was chestnut brown, hers was auburn and almost red. Although we had similar smiles, she had dimples while I didn’t. According to her, I had my dad’s hair and nose- someone I had never met in my life.

“How are you mom? How’s the shop and Christy?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Fine, fine, sweetie.”

My mum was the best florist in our hometown, and we had a flower shop just beside the house. It was how we paid bills and thanks to the town’s low living costs, we were okay.

“You remember Cherrie?” mum asked. “Cherrie Williams, your former classmate? She and her husband just got divorced!”

“Oh,” I adjusted to a more comfortable position and rested my back against my pillow. “What happened?”

~~~~

I visited the library strictly for educational purposes. It was my usual place to borrow fashion design textbooks and journals and today was no exception.

I picked out one from the shelf and read the title. Geometry of Designing Dresses. I flipped through and nodded. It was perfect and I was going to study it.

Clutching the book in my hand, I proceeded towards the counter when from nowhere, I collided with something- or someone rather.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” I bent to pick up the stranger’s book. Coding Candy for Experts.

I rose to find a guy, significantly taller than me with a broad body, caramel skin and cat-like eyes behind oval shaped glasses- I’m certain its recommended too, and he has a mixed heritage.

“You’re a techie,” I smiled while stretching his book to him.

“And you’re a fashion girl.” He replied with amusement and handed over my book.

We both chuckled and surprisingly, I found it refreshing.

“So, how long have you been in tech?” I asked. “Your book says you’re an expert.”

He laughed. “I actually want to translate it, though. To Mandarin.”

I blinked in surprise. “Mandarin? Why?

“It’s a hobby. Weird, I know.” he shrugged. “How about you fashion girl?” he flashed pearly white teeth at me.

“I’m not fine.” I blurted out. “These past few days have been so shitty and I don’t know what to do.”

Shit. Great, Amber, you just said all that to a stranger.

“I’m sorry,” my voice was small and remorseful. I tightened the book over my chest and looked away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Techie surprised me by saying. “LA is a big city and there’s a huge possibility that we may never cross paths again.”

I sighed because he was right. Guilt was eating me up and I desperately needed someone to talk to and I couldn’t afford a therapist. It was a massive city and we were strangers. So, I’ve got nothing to lose.

“I accidentally hooked up with my ex yesterday, even though I currently have a boyfriend who’s serious about getting married to me. I don’t think I feel the same way about my boyfriend, and I don’t really regret hooking up with my ex because I enjoyed it.”

He didn’t say anything for a couple of minute as we strolled through an isle of book shelves. I wondered what he’s thinking about me.

“If you loved your boyfriend then the hookup wouldn’t have happened.” He simply said. There is no judgment in his tone, but there’s a lot of pain in it. “I caught my fiancée two months ago having sex with her ex.”

My heart dropped to my stomach and I slapped my hand against my mouth in shook.

“They had reconnected and were constantly hooking up behind my back. I got back from a work trip earlier than I had planned to. I wanted to surprise her, but I walked in on them on our bed.” He paused and took a deep breath. “We were supposed to get married in a week. I called it off after that.”

“I’m so sorry.” I patted his back in sympathy.

His smile was small and it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve gotten over it. But I’ll advise you to breakup with your boyfriend and be sincere to yourself. You don’t love him and you still haven’t gotten over your ex.”