chapter 7

“And what makes you think that Bella's any different when I help her with her corset and send her off

to work with a whispered promise to have her ride me hard before I help her back out of it again?”

Beth smiles, pacified again.

“Touché.”

“And I won't make her wear the corset if she doesn't like it. But I know she's been looking at some

online, so I don't think that will happen.”

“She showed you?”

I shake my head, and steel myself for the tongue lashing that will inevitably follow now.”

“No, it came up in her browser history.”

Beth's glare is deadly.

“Tell me you did not go through her computer.” Sighing, I shake my head.

“I was just checking my emails, too lazy to get my own laptop, while Bella was upstairs getting ready

for work. I only peeked at the last visited links in the URll bar.”

“Accidentally violating her privacy, wow, one of these days I'll actually believe you when you tell

me something 'just happened'.” Her scorn grates but I can't really say anything to defend myself. We

both know she's not referring to Bella's visited links, or some minor slip in the playroom.

“That won't happen again.”

“You sure? Because the way you're in denial and shut down when someone even mentions Jasper's

name, I'd say you're trying too hard to make it seem like you're over everything.”

“Beth, that's enough.”

I know I'm pretty much confirming her suspicion with my sharp response, even though it's not true, but

I can't even think about him without losing it, let alone discuss what happened. Not even with her.

“You know how it is with denial. It's like with diets. First you don't dare to eat a single piece of

chocolate, and when you snap, you devour the whole bar and lick the foil clean.”

I don't know what's worse, her taunting voice or the way she looks at me, her eyes narrowed but her

gaze intense.

“You know what Bella means to me. She's everything to me. It's not like I'm missing anything when

I'm with her.”

And I won't, ever, change my mind, I'm sure of that. This is my one chance of forgiveness, and I'm not

going to ruin it all just because some very small part of me might yearn for a little variety sometimes I snap myself out of it before my train of thought can run any further. I'm not angry at Beth, I'm angry at

myself, but she still snorts at the face I must be making.

“Relax. Just rattling your cage a little, no need to snap my head off.” We both know that she did a lot

more than that, but since she's willing to let it slide, I don't protest. Once again Beth saves the day by

returning to discuss my plans.

“That's one corset, what about the other?”

Quickly ordering my thoughts, I nod at the other room where Raven is doubtlessly still trying to listen

in on our conversation.

“If we want to go to a play party, Bella needs something to wear. As much as I love having her naked,

I don't think she'd appreciate showing up at a party in just a leather collar.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“Black leather, high, you know, like the ones that lift and squish her breasts together? And have the

bottom down to her hips. With knee high boots and a short skirt she should feel dressed enough, but if

she wants to do more than chat and observe, I can still do a lot to her without having to peel her out of

the corset.”

Beth nods her approval.

“Sounds good to me. So you think we'll see you in three weeks? It would be the ideal occasion, just a

few people, most of whom she already knows, no big deal. Charlotte and Peter already said they'd

come, I'm sure Charlotte will be happy to keep Bella company the whole evening long after they're

done with their shibari demo.”

“Like I'd have anything else to do than keep Bella company?” Now her smirk is as nasty as it gets.

“No, but knowing you, you'll try to talk her into doing something, even if it's just a quick blow job

outside. I'm sure Bella will be grateful if Charlotte's around to run interference so you won't get too

pesky.”

“Like I'd do that.”

“Don't even bother denying it. I know that look on your face. Bella in a real, tight corset, I wonder if I

shouldn't call her before and ask her if she wants to dress up here, or else it's likely you won't even

make it into the car.” That might just be true. I wonder for a moment if I should surprise her with the

corset, or have her try it on a day or two in advance. Then we'd have all the time in the world for me

to get used to her wearing it.

And at that point my cock is rock hard again. Fuck.

We keep talking about this and that for a while longer, and gradually the monster in my pants falls

asleep again. Time flies, and I have to hurry to make my shift, but before I can take my leave, Beth holds me back. I eye her askance, and the serious look on her face makes me grow cold.

“You need to talk with someone. I understand if you don't want to talk with Bella, although I'm sure

she'd appreciate you coming to her. But just denying anything happened only makes things worse.”

For a moment I'm ashamed that we even need to have this conversation, but then the low simmering

resentment is back.

“Do you really think so little of me that you expect me to randomly jump some guy again when the itch

gets too strong?”

She scoffs, and I'm insanely relieved when I see that it's true derision.

“No, of course not, and I don't even expect you to jump Jazz should the opportunity ever arrive.

Edward, I'm not questioning your sincerity, or your conviction. And I'm not here to make it all better,

for you. But just think for a moment how Bella must feel. Whatever you feel, she's still friends with

Jasper, and I know you two spend time with him and Alice. Don't you think that it kills her every time

she has to sit next to you while you ooze resentment because she once again made you come along.

Your self-doubt and misgivings are a festering wound that you need to heal for her sake, if not for

your own. You can't just wait for it to go away, because, surprise, it won't.”

I sigh and rub the bridge of my nose. She's right. Of course she is, she's Beth. I hate it when she reads

me like I'm an open book, but then she's stuck with me through the second most horrible time in my

life, when Tanya discarded me like a used rag. Not even Bella knows me as well as Beth does. I hope

that will change one day, but that's not a topic that I can freely discuss with Bella.

Beth judges my silence right, and she briefly hugs me before she steps away, dismissing me.

“Go save some lives. And think about what I've said. Play party, munch, talking. Of course you can go

see a shrink, too, but you know I'm a lot cheaper, and you don't have to tell me first that you're a not-

quite-so-closet pervert, I already know.”

I nod and mumble a quick thank you that sounds more ungrateful than she deserves. Because I am

grateful, but the fact remains, this is something I have to get over myself. I can't always rely on

someone else when Bella needs me strong and confident. It's already pitch black outside when I finally get home, once again exhausted. Tonight I'm lucky, the

heavenly scents of a freshly prepared meal already greet me when I open the door to our condo.

I find Bella at the stove, stirring some sauce or other. She smiles at me when I hug her from behind,

burying my face in her hair until she is all I can smell. I try to be as pesky as possible and steal a kiss

from her, but she laughs and gives me a peck on the nose before she tells me to shower as I'm

apparently reeking of antiseptic. Grumbling, I dash up into the bathroom to take care of that, and by

the time I'm back, the pasta is already waiting for me on the table.

We eat in companionable silence while we watch the evening news, and once we're done I flop down

on the couch and do some channel surfing while Bella is working on one of her articles, her laptop

balanced on her thighs. Some re-runs of Miami Vice keep me occupied for a while, but before long

I'm getting bored.

It's weird how bland and normal our evenings are, more often than not. Just like any other couple in

the city. We work, we come home, we eat, we watch TV, and maybe we even have sex before we go

to sleep, or not. I used to laugh at Emmett when he told me that he really enjoys just being home with

Rose, just spend time together. Now I'm exactly as much of a sap as he is. I can lie here forever and

watch Bella as she nibbles on her bottom lip while she clicks through some articles, then types like a

fury for a while before she goes back to scanning her source material. I wish I didn't have night shifts

at least twice a week, so I could spend every evening with her like that.

Then again the way her tongue runs over her lip pushes the exhaustion right out of my mind, and if I

have to stare at the bit of fabric that she insists is called underwear, that is peeking out above the

waistband of her sweats, I'm going inside.

For some reason she doesn't react when I push myself off the couch and crawl over to her, then bend

my head to catch the side of the thong between my teeth. I tug until I'm sure that excuse for panties

must bite into her flesh on the other side, before I let go, the elastic snapping right back into her hip.

When she still doesn't even flinch I repeat my approach, and end it with a wet kiss onto her soft skin.

“Is there something you would like to tell me with that, or are you just being a pain in the ass?”

Bella glances down at me after she closes her laptop and sets it down on the table, her eyebrows

raised. I push myself closer to her so that I can rest my head on her thigh, and grin up at her.

“Oh I'd love to be a pain in your ass, shall I get the lube?” Bella rolls her eyes at me, but the way her

smile lights up her face just makes me want to stay here with her like this forever.

“Has someone told you before that your humor lacks any kind of subtlety?”

“I think you mentioned something like that before.” She squeals when I push my face against her

stomach and dab my tongue into her belly button, but she doesn't seem to mind me pulling her tank top