Chapter 6: Who needs sanity anyway?

I waved as the last of my students joined Mrs. Phillips and the other third graders in the hallway and headed toward the gymnasium to wait for their busses. Then, I slumped back in my chair, drained. I loved teaching, but this was one of those days that tested every shred of my sanity. Maybe it was the changing weather or the arrival of October and Halloween season, but it seemed like most of my kids had already been dipping into their parent's trick-or-treat supply before school. And I couldn't say anything because my attention span hadn't been much longer than theirs.

I hadn't slept well since Friday night. Hell, I hadn't accomplished much since Friday night because my brain was stuck in a feedback loop with no end in sight. I was thankful that the final Wednesday afternoon bell meant we were more than halfway to the weekend, but my exhaustion had already hit Friday levels.

And like those students heading to the gymnasium, I still had to wait for my ride. Since my car had crapped out before summer, Ollie had become my personal chauffeur - at least until my bank account said it was ready to take on a new car payment. Which was beginning to look like never. Although Ollie never complained about driving me around, he also ran an after-school music program for at-risk kids twice a week, a kickboxing program, plus community music and theater events, all scheduled around his paying job.

Monday through Friday, our schedules were such a clusterfuck I was almost tempted to learn to drive his old stick-shift Ranger so I didn't have to wait on him every day.

As the hallways became silent, I slid my papers into the desk and pulled out the book I'd checked out from the library over the weekend. I still had a good thirty minutes left to kill before Ollie would arrive, so I decided to head to the storage closet and see if we had anything available for a special project I'd been considering for my class. Since none of us could concentrate, I figured a change of pace was needed to get us through.

Then, I'd finally dig into that next chapter.

Head down and lost in thought, I navigated the empty hallways on autopilot until I rounded the corner and slammed face first into a hard body.

"Sorr - " I stepped back, already mortified since I hadn't expected anyone to be wandering around. Then, my heart thumped one hard, frantic beat and launched itself into my throat. No.

"You know..." The familiar man crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. "I'd make a crack about loners wandering the halls of the school, but - " he made a clicking sound and shook his head. His face now sported a few days' worth of stubble, and the rugged look was not going to aid in my quest to scrape his existence from my imagination.

"Rusty." My intestines curled up and released in less time than it took to blink. I had to swallow before I could continue talking. "What're you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Mrs. Cook. Laney - the secretary told me to take a right and..."

"I..." I shook my head. "It's back..." I pointed, unable to form a complete sentence. With the rate my brain was misfiring, I was lucky to remember how to get there myself. "This way."

I didn't even check to see if he was following as I led him toward the east-end hallway that housed the K-2 classrooms and pointed. "Next door on the right."

"Thanks." Rusty stopped next to me and stared down the hallway as if needing to brace himself.

Or maybe he paused for another reason.

Do not think about making out with him in the cab. I didn't. I thought about making out with him right there in the hallway. My breath squeezed through my tight chest. I wanted so badly to look up, but If I did, I feared I'd lose the ability to think.

Again.

So, what the hell? I'd already dove off that cliff once. And I'd mostly survived. Who needs sanity anyway?

The facial hair wasn't the only thing new, the creases that lined his forehead and eyes seemed deeper, as if he'd aged years in the last few days. Although I hadn't seen him under bright fluorescent lights last time, his eyes were hard, and his expression frayed. More like those moments between our banter where he stared off.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

He looked down as if surprised I was still standing next to him, then his face softened. "I guess so, been a while since I've been called in to visit a teacher." He smiled and winked - a futile attempt at being coy - but it didn't erase those hard lines. There was something off about him - a different energy. Something I couldn't quite pinpoint.

As Rusty turned to put his back against the wall, my eyes began to wander until they reached the black lanyard securing the visitor's pass around his neck. Then, I quickly averted my eyes and took a step back.

"Good luck," was the only thing I could think to say before I retreated down the hallway to my room like the coward I truly was. Back to my safe, quiet space.

I plopped down in my seat and picked up the book I'd hoped to distract myself with, thumbing through the pages to find where I'd left off. Since picking it up Saturday, I'd struggled to made it through the first couple of chapters, a quandary I rarely found myself in. I usually read two or three books a week, sometimes an entire book in a day, but every time I picked up this one, I began imagining myself with Rusty at the bar, or even worse, in that damn cab.

I slammed the book down on the desk and spun around in my chair. Okay, I didn't have to pick up the book to conjure the imagery, but it seemed that the book set my imagination free. For the first time, I found myself unable to lose myself in a fantasy world because the only thing on my mind was a real-life man. A man whose name I didn't know. And the stream of questions bombarding my brain seemed endless.

Why was he at the school? That one seemed obvious. He had a kid. And one in Mrs. Cook's class, so first grade. Around six years old... Unfortunately, that didn't seem like a long shot. And worst of all, a kid meant a significant other.

He could be married.

I tried to force the thought away. He hadn't been wearing a ring - at least I didn't think so. Now that I really thought about it, I hadn't been paying that much attention. Even if he and this significant other weren't together anymore, that was complicated enough.

I reminded myself that Rusty and I were not together either. Rusty wasn't even his name. It was a one-night brush with an anonymous man I thought I'd never see again - but the whole fantasy was completely mucked up now.

I collapsed forward, pressing my heated cheek against my cool desk. What the hell is he doing to me?

My entire body hummed with energy. A sensation I was all too familiar with, but for very different reasons.

Or maybe they were the same.

I jerked upright, rubbing my hands over my face as my brain swayed between opposing emotions, unable to decide if I was excited to see him again or utterly crushed.

I checked the time on my phone, hoping that more than enough time had passed, and Ollie would be already waiting outside, but I still had at least ten minutes left. I knew I could have just as easily killed those last ten minutes waiting out front in the fresh air, but there was a significant kink in that plan. And I wasn't venturing back out to the supply closet, so I resorted to organizing pens and paper clips until I had nothing left to keep myself busy except bouncing the eraser side of a pencil against the desktop.

When I figured I'd passed enough time to avoid running into temptation again, I let the pencil clatter to the desk, stuffed my book into my bag, and slung the bag over my shoulder.

My timing was off.