Prologue

The gloomy and raging clouds thundered as the rain poured heavy liquids of both misery and punishment. Ang mga patak na sumusugat sa lupa ay apektado rin ako. I hugged myself not because of the cold, but because I have no one's arms to shelter me against the darkness anymore.

"Let me explain my side," his voice croaked.

Marahang dumulas ang mainit na luha sa aking pisngi, hanggang sa sunod-sunod na ang mga patak na nakikihalubilo sa malakas na bugso ng ulan.

"W-What else is there to discuss? Alam ko na ang totoo..." Laking ginhawa ko nang maitawid ko iyon nang maayos.

He took a step forward. Pumikit ako nang mariin. No, Rigella. These are all lies. Even from the very beginning. They are all a fraud.

"Please..."

Nagmulat ako. "Ang kapal ng mukha mo!"

Blood came rushing through my veins. I watched him painfully setting his eyes on me. Only on me. Sa tagal na pinangarap ko 'to, bakit parang ngayon, hindi ko maramdaman ang tuwa? Bakit pang-ilang libong saksak ang hatid niyon sa puso ko? Why do I feel no kindness for him at this point?

We started the wrong way, yes. But why does it feel like I did not compensate for my faults? Bakit hanggang ngayon, maling-mali pa rin ang kami?

Bakit hindi na lang kami?

Kahit sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, hindi ba puwedeng maging tama naman ang lahat ng ito?

I pursed my lips. Ang ilang pulgadang layo namin sa isa't isa ay lason sa aking pag-asa. I just want to be happy. This life has been cruel to me. Masama bang humiling naman ng kahit kaunting kasiyahan?

Hinilamos ko ang palad sa aking mukha sa paraang magigising ako sa rahas nito. I chuckled bitterly. Paulit-ulit akong babaliwin ng mga maling desisyon at ng malupit na buhay na ito.

"Rigella," nagsusumamong aniya.

I shot him a deadly glare. "I have loved you since childhood. Fell in love with you even more in college. And stayed married with you for eight years..."

I trailed off. Ramdam ko ang umuusok na init sa aking balat. I am just so mad of everything.

"Pero wala kang ginawa kundi ang paglaruan lang ako!" I thundered.

"That's not true!" he growled.

"Hindi totoo?!" I cannot believe this! "Ni minsan wala akong naramdamang totoo sa lahat ng 'to! I was never happy, Ivan!"

His eyes were bloodshot. He tried to reach for my arm but I was quick to evade his touch. Ano ang hinahawak-hawak niya ngayon?

Never will I fall for the same trap again.

"Hindi ako naging masaya sa 'yo kahit pa sabihin mong mahal kita!"

"It was all for you..."

With pleading eyes, a lone tear fell off his left eye. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pati paningin ko ay pinagsisinungalingan na ako. Why on earth would he cry for me?

For me...

Walang kahit ano ang para sa akin.

"All for me?" nanghihina kong tanong.

Unti-unti siyang tumango. "I'm in love with you-"

I gathered all of my strength to inch closer.

I slapped him on the face.

To make him aware that he's speaking bullshits. To make him notice that he's making everything worse.

"Saang parte ng relasyon na 'to ang pagmamahal mo?!" I slapped him again. "Saan? Hindi ba't nasa kaniya lang?!"

Kung minahal niya lang sana ako. Kung nagawa ko ang lahat para mahalin niya ako. Kung kami na lang sana...

Pero paano magiging ganap ang kami kung iba ang sinisigaw ng puso niya?

"Binibigyan na kita ng pagkakataon na kumalas sa 'kin, Ivan. Pakiusap, tigilan na natin ang pagpapahirap sa mga sarili natin. Tama naman na..."

Tiningala ko ang nagngangalit na kalangitan. Now I know why rain existed. It is to get people out of their stupid warmth and show them its ruthlessness. That every toxic relationships, no matter how hard you fight for, is still toxic and will be colder by time.

And will kill you in time.

He tried hugging me but I pushed him away. He looked pained and I don't care. Or I still do... but I already pity myself so much... so much that I'm done. 

"I love you, please..."

Tila gatilyo ang kaniyang sinabi. Unknowingly, I pulled the gun I was hiding underneath my pants. Like a very, very soulless woman, I pointed it to him making him wide-eyed and insanely startled.

"If you don't say yes to the annulment, I'll shoot your head," I warned coldly though I didn't know where those words came from.

He gasped. "Rigella..."

"Tell me you'll sign it."

"No!"

Umisang hakbang ako. Unbelievably, he did not move. Even an inch. Bahagya akong naalarma.

"I said tell me you'll sign the annulment!"

"I said no! I won't! Never!"

He seemed so firm with his decision. Na para bang ibinabasura lang niya ang mga sinabi ko.

Please, Ivan. Don't push me to my limits...

"We will remain married as long as I want it."

Saglit akong natigilan. Good thing I was quick to get my senses back.

"Then you left me with no choice."

Slowly, my finger touched the trigger. Pumikit ako at sumabay roon ang pag-agos ng hindi nauubos na luha. The next thing I heard was a loud gunshot... and a falling human body to the ground.