Prologue

My mother was right when she said that not all things go according to plans. She said they have their own ways of complicating lives. But all things, the easy and the complicated, also have their own ways of serving their purposes, and it shall make everything make sense one day.

I waited for that day. Dahil gusto kong malaman kung bakit nangyari ang mga nangyari. In fact, I waited for so long.

Kaso minsan pala sobrang tagal din ng paghihintay na dapat nating gawin.

"Ma'am, hinahanap ka po ni Ma'am Daisy," Janine, my assistant said. Napatingin ako sa kanya. She was all smiles kaya napangiti na lang din ako.

Tinanguan ko na lamang siya and left my unfinished bouquet to her.

Sunday has been the busiest day of the week. The orders are a lot more than the usual lalo na ngayon at Valentine's day pa at dalawa lang kami ni Janine ang nandito sa shop. I don't even know how we managed to make it half the day.

"Yes? What took you here?" I asked my best friend as I entered my office. She's already sitting on the couch and looking uneasy.

Ano na naman kaya ang problema nito? Hindi naman siya ganito whenever she visits me here.

She stood up from her seat and walked towards me. Iyong mukha niya ay puno ng pag-aalala na may halong lungkot at takot. Kinakabahan na rin tuloy ako.

"Can you take a seat first?" Bigla ay sabi niya. And now I wonder more why she's acting like this.

"And why would I do that?" Tanong ko sa kanya na nasagot niya lang matapos ang ilang paghinga nang malalim na parang kinakalma ang sarili. She's giving me the nerves to be uncomfortable.

"Kasi may sasabihin ako. At kung mag-collapse ka man, I won't be responsible for catching you, okay?" Sagot niya. I would love to laugh if this is just something for fun. Pero pakiramdam ko hindi maganda ang sasabihin niya kaya siguro hindi ako natawa sa kabaliwan niya.

And so I just sat just like what she said.

"Now say it," matigas na sabi ko kahit na ang totoo ay nanghihina na ang kalamnan ko sa kaba.

Humugot pa ulit siya ng ilang malalim na hininga bago tumingin sa akin nang diretso sa mata.

"I think I saw Zandrey," she finally said. "I'm sorry, Ai. Alam ko tahimik na ang buhay mo and you don't want him back but-"

"But that's not how life works," I cut her. I tried to act cool even if deep inside, I was panicking. "I know this day would come."

It took six years.

Six long years.

Kung kanina ay kinabahan ako, ngayon ay mas lalo akong kinabahan.

The past still haunts me. It still hurts and I'm still mad at him for making me believe he'll stay. He caused me nothing but pain and trouble. Kaya kung sakali mang magkita kami ay hindi ko alam kung paano siya haharapin. I might slap him or anything I could possibly do to hurt him but that won't be enough. That would be nothing compared to what I've been through when he left me.

"May maitutulong ba ako?" Nag-aalalang tanong niya. "I want to help in any way possible, Ai. Gusto kong makabawi because I wasn't there when you were hurting. Nakaka-guilty that I made you feel you were alone," she said sincerely. Daisy's the happy-go-lucky type. At parang nakakapanibago that's she's this serious.

"It's fine, Daisy. I know you never intended to leave me. You have your own life too," I said.

"But I still feel sorry. Because I know you're still hurting right now."

Well, I guess the pain loves sticking with me that it never goes away.

I wasn't able to reply. How am I supposed to react when she's right? It still hurts. I guess I'd be carrying this scar for a lifetime.

"You said you saw him. Are you sure it was really him?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm quite sure," she replied. "I'm so sorry! I don't want to ruin your peace. Dapat hindi ko na lang sinabi," she added.

"No, no. It's okay. I'm glad that you told me. At least I was given a warning that I might see him around."

"You sure?"

"Oo nga."

"Libre kitang dinner para naman mabawasan stress mo," she said. It made me smile. Pero andoon pa rin ang kaba.

"Tatapusin ko lang iyong ilang orders."

"Order din pala akong bouquet! Dalawahin mo na. Sa 'yo 'yong isa, akin 'yong isa. Para naman kunyari masaya tayo ngayon kasi Valentine's day pala."

"Seryoso ba 'yan?"

"Oo! Wala naman tayong jowa na magbibigay sa atin. So ako na lang!"

That made me laugh. I'm glad she's here.

•●•

"Kapag ba nagkrus ulit ang mga landas niyo ni Zandrey, anong gagawin mo?" Daisy asked. We're already on our way to the restaurant. Daisy did not bring her car so I'm the one driving.

"Neglect him?" I sounded not sure about my answer. I don't know. I might hurt him but I realized I don't want to waste my energy on him. Di ko alam kung ano na namang katangahan ang gagawin ko pag nagkita ulit kami.

"Hindi mo siya sasaktan? Sasampalin? Sasabunutan? Sasapakin? Ingungudngod ang mukha sa lupa? Bibitayin nang patiwarik? Ipapa-salvage?" Sunod-sunod na tanong niya which made me chuckle.

"Kung pwede lang, Daisy. Gagawin ko lahat ng sinabi mo. Pero as what I said, maybe I will just neglect him. I don't know. I'm not sure," I stated. I don't really know. Siguro malalaman ko lang kapag nasa sitwasyon na talaga ako.

"Kunsabagay. Wala ka bang balak mag-asawa?" She suddenly inquired. For a moment, napaisip ako.

Ever since I got hurt because of a guy, I never really got the chance to think about giving marriage a shot. Maybe because I'm scared? Or maybe I just have a lot already on my plate?

"Ewan," I just said. Hindi ko kasi alam. I don't have any plans when it comes to involving a new man in my life. That's just too much of a risk now for me.

"Ayaw mong tumikim ulit?" She asked with a grin pasted on her face.

"Tumigil ka nga Daisy! Ang bastos mo!" I hissed and she laughed.

"Anong bastos doon? Eh dumaan na tayo diyan, 'no. Nauna ka nga lang," she mumbled, still laughing.

"Tumigil ka nga!" Pero hindi pa rin siya tumitigil sa pagtawa.

"Ikaw ba may boyfriend na? Wala ka atang nakukwento sa akin ah?" I questioned. That made her stop laughing. Sounds interesting. "Oh? Bakit natahimik ka?"

"Wala," madiing sagot niya. Of course, there's something, but I chose not to ask more. "Pero magjojowa na ako. Goal ko 'yan this year."

"Aren't you afraid?" I asked. Kasi ako, parang natatakot akong mainlove ulit. I know hurting is part of loving but I guess I've already experienced too much pain.

"Takot rin nang konti. Pero kasi ganoon naman talaga. You'll get hurt no matter what you do. If taking the risks means finding who I really deserve, then I'll do it."

Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya. She has a point. Siguro hindi lang talaga ako interesado right now.

"Kailan ko nga pala makikita si-- OH FUCK AIRA!"

Thank God for brakes! Muntik ko nang maibangga ang kotse sa isang puno. Ang lakas ng tibok ng puso ko because I really thought we'll die.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Sigaw ko. I hurriedly stepped out of the car and went straight to a car just a few meters away from us. Bigla kasi siyang sumulpot from a street and we almost crashed. Buti na lang I was able to step on the brakes. I don't know why I feel so mad right now.

"LUMABAS KA!" I shouted as I knocked on the window. It was tinted kaya hindi ko makita ang nasa loob. Hinawakan ni Daisy ang braso ko pero hindi ako nagpatinag.

"Calm down, Ai.." She mumbled. Umiling-iling ako at muling hinarap ang kotse. Sakto namang bumukas ang pinto kaya umatras kami.

"Oh my god," Daisy whispered shockingly. Even I, I was surprised.

"Sandali lang 'to. I'll just fix this," the driver said to somebody na kasama niya sa loob saka isinara ang pinto ng kotse nito.

Nagtama ang mga mata namin and I can't explain what I feel.

"Aira.." Zandrey said and I saw concern and guilt in his eyes.

I knew I might see him, but I never thought it would be this soon.