67

ONE YEAR LATER

on’t cry…I am here…” I croak, patting my hand “D on a chubby chest and holding another chubby bottom so she can suck on my breast.

Only…I am not holding anything. I am not sitting down either and I am only touching the mattress.

I startle, my eyes flying open.

Our bedroom comes into sight with the pulled-down curtains that make it dark even though the clock on the wall reads ten in the morning. I fumble for the baby monitor, my heart beating so loudly, I hear it in my ears.

Holy shit.

Shit.

Where are my babies? I clearly remember falling asleep breastfeeding Lily and rocking Logan back to sleep around two in the morning.

Did I lose them somehow? Dan spends one night working late in the office, one night, and I lose our twins?

They are three months old—I think I got pregnant that day before Dan’s birthday a year ago. As soon as we found out the news, I was ecstatic, but that can not be said about everyone else. Dad wondered if I was going to be fine with law school and e