Dearest Matthew,
You're probably thinking what kind of morbid thoughts have entered my crazy mind as I am writing to you from the other side. Technically, I'm not yet dead as I was writing this but in my heart and soul, I've long been dead.
Matt, you know you were the only one that has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, for always having my back with all the insane things I've done and yet I still get into trouble all the time. But hey, it's not your fault, it's just that mom and your dad hate me to the core of their bones. Don't worry, I was not crying while writing this. I have long accepted my fate that my own mother will never love me the way she loves you and our siblings. And your dad, don't get me started. He doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. He pretends all the time that I'm some distant bad dream that if he pinches himself just hard enough, I will vanish. I don't blame him because he never saw me as his daughter. You always thought he was the better one between mom and him but he was so much more. He was a different kind of evil. One that you can never fathom. I know you loved him. He was caring and gentle to all of you. But to me, he was just a soulless devil.
Do you remember the time when you were 11 and I was 9, we got so dirty when we played out in the rain in the garden? Dad called us inside and he told us to go clean ourselves up and he will take care of me? I grabbed your arm and told you please stay and you said it's fine, and you'll be back. Guess what? He took care of me real good. It was real slow like time stopped and I felt like my soul left my body and I was watching myself from the outside. Crying, soaking wet, and cold. He was oh so gentle, it was torture. I kept hoping, wishing, praying, and begging you will open the door of the bathroom and check in with me but you never came and my soul that day never came back to my body...
I clutched the letter to my chest and I could not continue. My hands were shaking and I feel the anger brewing inside me... I want to continue reading but I can't let myself do it. I'm too afraid to discover things that would change my life forever.
I stood up and was about to get out of the room. I suddenly felt like I can't breathe. The air in the room felt so thick. I was standing there and I can't move. The stillness of the room felt eerie. I feel my body hair start to rise and I suddenly felt something blowing air at my nape, or someone breathing at my back I wanted to turn my back but I couldn't make it myself. I heard a faint sound of sobbing. I summoned all my strength and was able to turn around and I felt the movement like someone suddenly moved away from me, when I turn around I saw nothing.
The air suddenly came back to my lungs and the room felt the same. It felt normal. I went to the bathroom adjoining my room and straight to the sink. I turned the faucet on and washed my face. I felt nauseous. There was a sick feeling in my stomach and I couldn't quite place what is wrong. I felt like I was going crazy. What I was feeling and what happened must be all in my mind or some sort of panic attack. I went out of the bathroom and into my room. I can see the faint glow of the sun's rays while it sets, I felt tired.
I went to bed and lay down, the letter crumpled is still on my bed I took it and crumpled it into a ball and threw it in my waste bin. The past is the past, Hannah is dead and nothing can bring her back. It's no use digging up graves that are meant to be left buried. I tell that to myself as a wave of sleepiness overcome me. I close my eyes and then darkness.
I woke up and it was a beautiful morning glow, as I open my eyes a bit more I saw a girl sitting at the foot of my bed. My heart was beating so fast, I slowly sat up and looked at her, she slowly turned to me and I see Hannah, my beautiful sister Hannah, smiling at me full of life, wearing her white nightgown. I smiled at her and then suddenly shook my head. "This can't be! Your dead!"
"But I'm here Matt.""I..." I was speechless.
"Miss me?" Hannah said and she stood up and sat beside me. It was surreal.
"I want you to read my letter." She said as she slowly held my hand.
Her hands were warm and soft just when she was alive.
"I couldn't..." I swallowed holding back my tears.
Suddenly her grip that was gentle moments ago, started to become strong and hard.
I looked at her and said, "I'm sorry Hannah..."
She screamed long and loud it almost sounded like a howl. It was unnerving, her grip was so tight, it was an iron grip, I tried to get away from her and pushed her but she hold on to me tighter and screamed louder. I looked at her and I saw tears of blood running down her cheeks and her white nightgown suddenly being drenched in blood, my bed as well was now a pool of blood I can see my feet being soaked in its crimson mess. I couldn't breathe. The hands that she was holding felt so painful and I saw vertical wounds forming and it felt as if I'm dying. I looked at my hands and see that the blood flowing on my bed was mine!
I closed my eyes willing myself out of this dream. This couldn't be true. She is dead. She is gone. I tell myself over and over again and then, I woke up. I sat up from my bed and saw that it was dark I looked at my bedside digital clock and it says 3:20 AM.
I looked at my left arm and saw healed vertical wounds that formed a scar on my wrists. I gulped in the cold night air and stood up went to the wastebin and got the crumpled letter.
I need to get to the bottom of this. I need to finish this letter.
"Why didn't you come? You promised that you will always take care of me, that you are my brother no matter what. I was there and I felt so alone. He made me undress..."I clutched the letter hard as I read this. Heart pounding I convinced myself to carry on...
"He kissed me a peck at first and then he was forcing his tongue at me. I wanted to throw up, I tried pushing him back but I was too weak and I was wet and my hands were slipping. He looked at me and slapped me hard! I was crying and he got a face towel from the sink and shoved it in my mouth I almost choked. He kissed me everywhere, I felt disgusted but I couldn't move because I know struggling won't do me any good. He undressed my skirt and my underwear and I know this is the beginning of my demise. He was gentle at first but it hurt like hell, I tried to shout and push him but it was futile. Then he was rough and he was panting and I just want to die..."
Do you remember that day Matt? "
Tears are streaming down my eyes. That was the first page, if I can will myself to read the rest I have no idea if I can.
Hannah my beautiful sister, a lost soul.
"I never wanted a savior, I never wanted a white knight to sweep me off my feet to carry me away from my troubles. I only wanted to be loved." Tears streamed down my eyes as I continue reading Hannah's letter, I wanted to die that moment I felt as if I don't deserve to be alive. I'm angry that I cannot avenge Hannah because my bastard father is dead! He did not deserve that peaceful death, he deserved a lifetime of agony. He loved me, I know, he was a good father to me but Hannah? He was a monster! He was evil underneath that sheep's clothing. "How can I help you, Hannah?"I said aloud, lost in my thoughts. I'm so torn on how I will continue to face my family having this burden of knowing everything. It will destroy us. The company he has built, the love of all the people around us. When he died everyone was in mourning. We lost a good man, that's what everyone thought, but I know Hannah more than anyone and I know she will never lie to me. But why? Why just
Devon just came back to his house after a night of partying. A day after my burial he's already out and about getting laid and drunk. How Sweet.I muttered to myself as I spy on him stumbling with his keys to open the door. Devon stepped inside his empty house. Like me, Devon was quite the lost soul, but unlike me, he must have enjoyed the fact that his parents are always away. Must have been nice than being in the same house every single day, all the forced interactions, the awkward nods. He is lucky he doesn't have to go through that. In fact, his parents must love him dearly or rather overcompensate with their inadequacies by always bailing him out of trouble and giving him the best things in life. I guess his carefree attitude attracted me to him. I naturally gravitated to his rebellious tendencies which my friends find repulsing. He was insanely rich and troubled at the same time. We may look like the power couple in high school, the extra popular pa
I woke up with a massive headache. I was out so late last night with Cassidy, she invited me to her place and of course, things got hot and heavy as it always was with her, it was good while it lasted, but when I rolled off from on top of her and I tried to close my eyes all I could see was her - Hannah. God, I miss her. I did not bother to wake up Cassidy or give her a proper goodbye. I just drove off and went home. I couldn't bear to stay and see her the following morning knowing in my heart and soul that I just want to get Hannah off of my mind and that's why I hook up with Cassidy. It's all too late knowing I made a mistake, because well, Hannah is dead. "Dead." I scoffed as I drink water from the tap. It's such a short lifeless word devoid of emotions when you blurt it out but evokes a million other feelings when you have lost someone, sadness, longing, and regret. It's hard to feel that, knowing that you can never turn back and there is no more room for reconciliation
Dear Devon, I have no idea where to start or how...Our goodbyes were so sudden. I'd be a fool to say I saw it coming. That night when you touched my cheeks held me oh so close and kissed me so gently, I never knew that after that you would utter the words "Goodbye Hannah..." I was stunned, I was devastated as you simply walked away without any explanation. I could still taste your lips and feel the warmth of your embrace as I lay down on the tub where I ended my life. A fitting ending, because when you walked away I felt my life shatter to pieces and my heart stopped beating. Did you know that night was the final nail to my coffin? That was the last straw, you were the only remaining string that held me to my dear life and you cut it off just like that. Don't you think I love you too much to be discarded like that? My heart sank as I read that line. Hannah, if you only knew how I regretted that night and how I learned too late that I was wrong
I woke up lying on the floor, my head is pounding, and my whole body was stiff and in pain. I was confused, I could not remember very well what happened, I do not know why I am lying on the cold hard floor and why I felt so much pain in my neck. I groggily got up, it took a few minutes for me to be able to find my balance. I felt like the floors are shifting under my feet as I scrambled towards the bar to get myself a glass of water. As I gulped, a piercing pain shoot through my throat. I coughed and coughed and as I looked at the hand that was covering my mouth, I saw drops of fresh blood. I was so shocked and hurriedly run towards the comfort room, I gasped as I looked at myself in the mirror, there were red and brown marks on my neck. Suddenly, flashes of memory washed over me and I remembered - it was Hannah, she strangled me. As the realization shook me, I could not fathom how I feel and what I would do. It's impossible and yet the bruises on my neck say otherwise. How
I look at my phone for the hundredth time today. I've been staring and checking on my phone for the past hour while I lounge at our porch. It's a cold December day and the days seem to be gloomy like what I have been feeling for the past days. I tuck my blonde hair that fell from my messy bun. My blue eyes are wide with exasperation. It's past noon and I haven't heard from Devon, it has been three days since I have talked to him. I woke up after a night of partying and he was no longer by my side, he just left so abruptly without saying a word. It was not like him, he has always been so sensitive when it comes to simple things like that. I'm afraid that Hannah's death has sparked something in him that could jeopardize our new relationship status. It's not like I have not been sad after Hannah died but I'm feeling something that I know I should not be even thinking about. It's a feeling so ugly it eats me up every time I saw a hint of sadness in Devon's eyes when we are together. Aft
I got to Devon's house and I hurriedly parked in his driveway. I went to the door and found the door ajar. I push it and heard voices, Devon's voice, it's as if he was talking to someone. the house was a mess, whisky and beer bottles were scattered on the table, but what caught my eyes were the pill bottles sprawled at the table I went near it and picked it up they were Diazepam. My heart was racing, I felt the cold air sweep through me. "Devon?!" I shouted. Suddenly, he stopped talking I went around and saw him in his backyard by the pool holding a bottle of beer. He was sitting at the lounge chair looking like a mess. "Hey, baby..." I cautiously said as I approach him. He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath. "Oh my God, Devon what happened to you I sat beside him. He looked alarmed, I held his face and said "What's the matter? What's wrong? Please talk to me..." His stare was blank and I shook him "Devon! Hey! snap out of it!" He looked at
I couldn't remember how I was able to get home. All I know is I'm at the garage and I can still feel the dread in my bones. The letter is still on top of the passenger seat, I couldn't get myself to read it let alone look at it. Even in her death, Hannah is still a bitch. How could she do this to me? I had been a good friend to her, it was just that I fell in love. I know it's wrong but Devon and I, we had a connection, I wanted to talk to her and let her understand but she never let me.As much as I hate her sometimes, Hannah has been my best friend for so long. I can still remember freshman year, she was all alone at the cafeteria, she looked so cool, she dresses well and she was gorgeous but she was always aloof with other people. That day Clint my boyfriend and captain of the football team was being so mean to me, he suddenly lashed out at me just because I was babbling about how he never had time for me anymore."Fuck off Cassie!" Clint said as he slams the