"I never wanted a savior, I never wanted a white knight to sweep me off my feet to carry me away from my troubles. I only wanted to be loved."
Tears streamed down my eyes as I continue reading Hannah's letter, I wanted to die that moment I felt as if I don't deserve to be alive. I'm angry that I cannot avenge Hannah because my bastard father is dead! He did not deserve that peaceful death, he deserved a lifetime of agony. He loved me, I know, he was a good father to me but Hannah? He was a monster! He was evil underneath that sheep's clothing.
"How can I help you, Hannah?"I said aloud, lost in my thoughts. I'm so torn on how I will continue to face my family having this burden of knowing everything. It will destroy us. The company he has built, the love of all the people around us. When he died everyone was in mourning. We lost a good man, that's what everyone thought, but I know Hannah more than anyone and I know she will never lie to me. But why? Why just now? When everything's lost and she is gone.
I lay there in my bed with a heavy heart not knowing how to go on or what to do with what I know now.
"Hannah, please tell me what do you want?"
The ground is cold. I feel so cold. Wasn't death supposed to be comforting? I always thought it will be a warm blanket of relief, of freedom but why do I feel so much hatred. So much sorrow and most of all, why I'm I still here? I can see Matthew lying down and crying. I think I broke him but there is so much darkness in my heart. I know I'm dead, but I never felt so much power up until now. When I was alive I always felt weak and helpless. I get drunk, I do drugs and I feel free for a bit but afterward, when everything wears off, I am but an empty shell of my former self. Whatever that means. I can't remember who I am before I was the girl in a white bloodied dress swimming in my own scarlet blood.
I was all over the news. I was a heroine, a lost poor soul. I was famous! Suddenly everybody took notice of me. I was seen. I was real. I was human. This made me feel so powerful. With my mind, I can will things to go my way. I controlled Matthew to pick up that magazine and read my letter. I was able to touch him and made him aware I'm here. I entered his dream and I talked to him. What other things can I do? I smile, that devious smile, I'm excited to have all this power. Why didn't I think of this earlier? I could have tormented dad and made his remaining life a living hell. But he is dead. I wonder if I can see him again? I don't know yet. Being dead is new to me and it excites me. Am I evil? I don't know. All I know is when I died I did not see the glowing light that they describe in the movies and books, I only saw darkness. I don't know for how long, but when I woke up, I was on my bed. But I couldn't feel it. There is no time when you are dead. I did not meet any angels, I did not see the gates of heaven. I lie there awakened after all the darkness. I felt I was drowning and I gasped for air and I woke up. Still here on earth and still dead.
I can do so many things now. All the grim thoughts passing through my head when I was alive, I can do now. He may be dead but all the people that continued to support him and love him despite all the red flags are still alive. The people who let him do things to me, the people who let him destroy me are here. I laughed. My laugh was echoing in my head it was loud, it was angry, it was void of happiness, it was surreal.
On top of my head, I have the list of people I want to torment. I'll bring hell to them right here on earth. First on my list is my mother, my lovely mom. So beautiful, full of class and life. She was always the center of attraction. She was the envy of all her socialite friends, the most glorified slut in her circle. She must have known. I know she knows and she let it happen! She let me suffer, she never even showed me any form of affection, she was never a mother to me. When I needed someone to protect me from all the evils in this world, she was out and about getting drunk. Showing up at charity parties, donating sums of money to abused children, and yet she continues and chooses to put a blind eye to my sufferings. My mother.
Yet, I want to save her for last, first, I still have a list of people to torment, and now that I have Matthew on my side. I'm unstoppable. I have letters, more than what Mathew has seen. I have planned this well. I thought that after my death the scandal is enough to break them but no, this is better. If I have to spend my eternity trapped here I'll take it. I'll also take all these people to hell with me.
First Matthew, then Devon my supposed boyfriend, Cassidy my so-called best friend, Garret my real father, and then Lucy my beautiful mother.
You'll be surprised what I have in store for all of you.
I looked at my hands and on my left hand are the scars of my demise, slowly I see it open up again, the jagged edges of my skin is fresh, my flesh showing as blood ooze out of my wound. It flowed to my arms and dripped on my white nightgown and onto the floor. But I feel no pain. I feel powerful and nobody can stop me.
Devon just came back to his house after a night of partying. A day after my burial he's already out and about getting laid and drunk. How Sweet.I muttered to myself as I spy on him stumbling with his keys to open the door. Devon stepped inside his empty house. Like me, Devon was quite the lost soul, but unlike me, he must have enjoyed the fact that his parents are always away. Must have been nice than being in the same house every single day, all the forced interactions, the awkward nods. He is lucky he doesn't have to go through that. In fact, his parents must love him dearly or rather overcompensate with their inadequacies by always bailing him out of trouble and giving him the best things in life. I guess his carefree attitude attracted me to him. I naturally gravitated to his rebellious tendencies which my friends find repulsing. He was insanely rich and troubled at the same time. We may look like the power couple in high school, the extra popular pa
I woke up with a massive headache. I was out so late last night with Cassidy, she invited me to her place and of course, things got hot and heavy as it always was with her, it was good while it lasted, but when I rolled off from on top of her and I tried to close my eyes all I could see was her - Hannah. God, I miss her. I did not bother to wake up Cassidy or give her a proper goodbye. I just drove off and went home. I couldn't bear to stay and see her the following morning knowing in my heart and soul that I just want to get Hannah off of my mind and that's why I hook up with Cassidy. It's all too late knowing I made a mistake, because well, Hannah is dead. "Dead." I scoffed as I drink water from the tap. It's such a short lifeless word devoid of emotions when you blurt it out but evokes a million other feelings when you have lost someone, sadness, longing, and regret. It's hard to feel that, knowing that you can never turn back and there is no more room for reconciliation
Dear Devon, I have no idea where to start or how...Our goodbyes were so sudden. I'd be a fool to say I saw it coming. That night when you touched my cheeks held me oh so close and kissed me so gently, I never knew that after that you would utter the words "Goodbye Hannah..." I was stunned, I was devastated as you simply walked away without any explanation. I could still taste your lips and feel the warmth of your embrace as I lay down on the tub where I ended my life. A fitting ending, because when you walked away I felt my life shatter to pieces and my heart stopped beating. Did you know that night was the final nail to my coffin? That was the last straw, you were the only remaining string that held me to my dear life and you cut it off just like that. Don't you think I love you too much to be discarded like that? My heart sank as I read that line. Hannah, if you only knew how I regretted that night and how I learned too late that I was wrong
I woke up lying on the floor, my head is pounding, and my whole body was stiff and in pain. I was confused, I could not remember very well what happened, I do not know why I am lying on the cold hard floor and why I felt so much pain in my neck. I groggily got up, it took a few minutes for me to be able to find my balance. I felt like the floors are shifting under my feet as I scrambled towards the bar to get myself a glass of water. As I gulped, a piercing pain shoot through my throat. I coughed and coughed and as I looked at the hand that was covering my mouth, I saw drops of fresh blood. I was so shocked and hurriedly run towards the comfort room, I gasped as I looked at myself in the mirror, there were red and brown marks on my neck. Suddenly, flashes of memory washed over me and I remembered - it was Hannah, she strangled me. As the realization shook me, I could not fathom how I feel and what I would do. It's impossible and yet the bruises on my neck say otherwise. How
I look at my phone for the hundredth time today. I've been staring and checking on my phone for the past hour while I lounge at our porch. It's a cold December day and the days seem to be gloomy like what I have been feeling for the past days. I tuck my blonde hair that fell from my messy bun. My blue eyes are wide with exasperation. It's past noon and I haven't heard from Devon, it has been three days since I have talked to him. I woke up after a night of partying and he was no longer by my side, he just left so abruptly without saying a word. It was not like him, he has always been so sensitive when it comes to simple things like that. I'm afraid that Hannah's death has sparked something in him that could jeopardize our new relationship status. It's not like I have not been sad after Hannah died but I'm feeling something that I know I should not be even thinking about. It's a feeling so ugly it eats me up every time I saw a hint of sadness in Devon's eyes when we are together. Aft
I got to Devon's house and I hurriedly parked in his driveway. I went to the door and found the door ajar. I push it and heard voices, Devon's voice, it's as if he was talking to someone. the house was a mess, whisky and beer bottles were scattered on the table, but what caught my eyes were the pill bottles sprawled at the table I went near it and picked it up they were Diazepam. My heart was racing, I felt the cold air sweep through me. "Devon?!" I shouted. Suddenly, he stopped talking I went around and saw him in his backyard by the pool holding a bottle of beer. He was sitting at the lounge chair looking like a mess. "Hey, baby..." I cautiously said as I approach him. He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath. "Oh my God, Devon what happened to you I sat beside him. He looked alarmed, I held his face and said "What's the matter? What's wrong? Please talk to me..." His stare was blank and I shook him "Devon! Hey! snap out of it!" He looked at
I couldn't remember how I was able to get home. All I know is I'm at the garage and I can still feel the dread in my bones. The letter is still on top of the passenger seat, I couldn't get myself to read it let alone look at it. Even in her death, Hannah is still a bitch. How could she do this to me? I had been a good friend to her, it was just that I fell in love. I know it's wrong but Devon and I, we had a connection, I wanted to talk to her and let her understand but she never let me.As much as I hate her sometimes, Hannah has been my best friend for so long. I can still remember freshman year, she was all alone at the cafeteria, she looked so cool, she dresses well and she was gorgeous but she was always aloof with other people. That day Clint my boyfriend and captain of the football team was being so mean to me, he suddenly lashed out at me just because I was babbling about how he never had time for me anymore."Fuck off Cassie!" Clint said as he slams the
I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. I hurriedly got out of bed and went to the vanity mirror. I caressed my face and put on a smile. This is perfect, needs a bit of work but hey, I'm back and that's all that matters. Poor Cassidy, she's gone and now I'm here. I am her.I went straight to the bathroom and opened the faucet to fill the tub with water and went for Cassidy's collection of bath bombs. Amber, my favorite scent. I hesitated for a bit, the last time I was in a tub I ended my life and it's but fitting that the moment I come back I start my day in the bathtub again. Touche'. I hum as I lather my body with the bubbles and leaned back. Ahhh... this is perfect. I never knew it would work and I'm happy it did. In a snap, I'm the captain of the cheerleading squad, the overachiever, the good daughter plus a hot boyfriend to display. I smile. "Devon...hahaha, I told you you're mine, now it's official, nobody can tear us apart anymore." In my mind I have