It is a bright summer day, the birds are chirping, the sun is shining brightly. It is a big contrast to what this day is. It’s Hannah’s funeral.
It is quite a big event, flowers everywhere at the chapel and a whole lot of people. Looking at each of them one by one, none of them cared for Hannah. I see a bunch of her so-called friends and a whole lot of our mom’s friends. I look at them with disdain and I can’t help but feel a lump in my throat forming, as I see my mom demurely accept condolences from her people looking so distraught followed by her fake sniffles. I know for a fact she never cared for her. It’s disgusting. I cannot take it any longer. As the funeral reaches its end. I leave the chapel and drive back to the mansion.
As I approach the door, I stop and get a cigarette from my coat pocket, and light it up. I breathe in deeply and savor the calmness it brings me. It is a breath of fresh air for me, when I close my eyes all I see is Hannah’s bloodied body dressed in her white nightgown, lying down in the tub swimming in a red sea. It was such a gruesome sight, but I have to give it to her she knows how to end her life with a flare. But the events following it are equally, as disturbing and disgusting. My mom and my siblings were furious. They did not shed a tear but instead, they were thinking about how this turn of events will tarnish the family business’ reputation and what will all their business partners and friends will think of them. A swarm of journalists and PR people come to the house so they can talk about “risk management.”
In the background, I pretend to care but deep inside all I wanted was to scream at them! I wanted to punch my mom's face with so much anger and disdain brewing inside me. Hannah was dead. Hannah was fucking dead! And nobody cared. My heart was breaking inside me. My fucking best friend and sister died and all they cared about is how people will think about us. Hell, let them see what kind of monsters we are. Let the people dissect how a family with money acts, how the inner workings of a carefully created image are all a bunch of lies and hate. I couldn't take it. I shudder with the cold feeling that crept through me as I remember that horrid day.
Somehow as I breathe in the smoke I felt a cold touch on my left hand. It was so subtle I'm not even sure if it happened. I ignore it for a while when I heard a whisper with my left ear and it said "Matthew..." My whole body froze. I know that voice. I can never be wrong for it was the voice of my sister, the only problem is, she was supposed to be at the cemetery, in a coffin, and blissfully dead. It was Hannah's voice.
Shaken by the thought of Hannah, I hurriedly threw my cigarette and stepped inside the house. It was eerily quiet and cold. Still shaken I kicked my shoes and settled on the sofa in the sitting room. Lying on top of the coffee table was a bunch of magazines. I leaned forward to get one, anything that can alter my thoughts away from Hannah. I grabbed one of those Housekeeping magazines and as I was flipping the pages to a bunch of articles ranging from how to make DIY arts and crafts to an article about depression, I stopped and began reading the article and as I finished the first page and was about to flip to the next, a white envelope fell. I naturally hunched and look down to get it when I saw what was scrawled on the envelope - it was my name in cursive handwriting that I know all too well. My heart was beating so fast as I grab it. Suddenly the room felt so cold and yet I could feel beady sweat forming on my forehead.
I'm gonna be sick. I hurriedly stood up, grabbed my coat, and went down the hall to the stairs, and turned to the left corner going to my room. I locked the door, went straight to bed, and lay down, the letter still firmly in my hands. I lifted it and looked at it. I know the only logical thing to do is to open it and read. But my head was pounding and my heart was racing. Deep in my veins I know reading this will not do me any good.
I take one look at it again, I tried to tear the side to open it as I made a small tear. I felt something stopping me from within my body. I dropped it and as it fell to the floor I look at it with teary eyes. What could have Hannah written in there? Why me?
I grabbed the blanket as I feel the cold air in the room I looked at the windows and they were shut closed. I don't know where the draft was coming from. All I know is that this eerie feeling is nagging me and I just want to shake it off. I held the blanket tight and I covered my whole body up to my chin and somehow it calmed me. I leaned to my side and took a glance at the floor praying and hoping that the letter is not there anymore. But it's still there my name written in red, and suddenly I see Hannah's face staring at me and mocking me. I wanted to shout but I cannot. I closed my eyes and suddenly darkness overcame me.
I slowly open my eyes as I felt consciousness slowly creeping at me and waking me from my slumber. I felt disoriented. What happened? I can barely remember, but one thing I know was that I have a letter in my hands, I looked at my left hand and saw it there. I was clutching it, my name still scrawled on the envelope but the ink was smudged. It wasn't a dream. It was real.
Dearest Matthew, You're probably thinking what kind of morbid thoughts have entered my crazy mind as I am writing to you from the other side. Technically, I'm not yet dead as I was writing this but in my heart and soul, I've long been dead. Matt, you know you were the only one that has always been there for me. Sometimes I feel sorry for you, for always having my back with all the insane things I've done and yet I still get into trouble all the time. But hey, it's not your fault, it's just that mom and your dad hate me to the core of their bones. Don't worry, I was not crying while writing this. I have long accepted my fate that my own mother will never love me the way she loves you and our siblings. And your dad, don't get me started. He doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. He pretends all the time that I'm some distant bad dream that if he pinches himself just hard enough, I will vanish. I don't blame him because he never saw me as his daugh
"I never wanted a savior, I never wanted a white knight to sweep me off my feet to carry me away from my troubles. I only wanted to be loved." Tears streamed down my eyes as I continue reading Hannah's letter, I wanted to die that moment I felt as if I don't deserve to be alive. I'm angry that I cannot avenge Hannah because my bastard father is dead! He did not deserve that peaceful death, he deserved a lifetime of agony. He loved me, I know, he was a good father to me but Hannah? He was a monster! He was evil underneath that sheep's clothing. "How can I help you, Hannah?"I said aloud, lost in my thoughts. I'm so torn on how I will continue to face my family having this burden of knowing everything. It will destroy us. The company he has built, the love of all the people around us. When he died everyone was in mourning. We lost a good man, that's what everyone thought, but I know Hannah more than anyone and I know she will never lie to me. But why? Why just
Devon just came back to his house after a night of partying. A day after my burial he's already out and about getting laid and drunk. How Sweet.I muttered to myself as I spy on him stumbling with his keys to open the door. Devon stepped inside his empty house. Like me, Devon was quite the lost soul, but unlike me, he must have enjoyed the fact that his parents are always away. Must have been nice than being in the same house every single day, all the forced interactions, the awkward nods. He is lucky he doesn't have to go through that. In fact, his parents must love him dearly or rather overcompensate with their inadequacies by always bailing him out of trouble and giving him the best things in life. I guess his carefree attitude attracted me to him. I naturally gravitated to his rebellious tendencies which my friends find repulsing. He was insanely rich and troubled at the same time. We may look like the power couple in high school, the extra popular pa
I woke up with a massive headache. I was out so late last night with Cassidy, she invited me to her place and of course, things got hot and heavy as it always was with her, it was good while it lasted, but when I rolled off from on top of her and I tried to close my eyes all I could see was her - Hannah. God, I miss her. I did not bother to wake up Cassidy or give her a proper goodbye. I just drove off and went home. I couldn't bear to stay and see her the following morning knowing in my heart and soul that I just want to get Hannah off of my mind and that's why I hook up with Cassidy. It's all too late knowing I made a mistake, because well, Hannah is dead. "Dead." I scoffed as I drink water from the tap. It's such a short lifeless word devoid of emotions when you blurt it out but evokes a million other feelings when you have lost someone, sadness, longing, and regret. It's hard to feel that, knowing that you can never turn back and there is no more room for reconciliation
Dear Devon, I have no idea where to start or how...Our goodbyes were so sudden. I'd be a fool to say I saw it coming. That night when you touched my cheeks held me oh so close and kissed me so gently, I never knew that after that you would utter the words "Goodbye Hannah..." I was stunned, I was devastated as you simply walked away without any explanation. I could still taste your lips and feel the warmth of your embrace as I lay down on the tub where I ended my life. A fitting ending, because when you walked away I felt my life shatter to pieces and my heart stopped beating. Did you know that night was the final nail to my coffin? That was the last straw, you were the only remaining string that held me to my dear life and you cut it off just like that. Don't you think I love you too much to be discarded like that? My heart sank as I read that line. Hannah, if you only knew how I regretted that night and how I learned too late that I was wrong
I woke up lying on the floor, my head is pounding, and my whole body was stiff and in pain. I was confused, I could not remember very well what happened, I do not know why I am lying on the cold hard floor and why I felt so much pain in my neck. I groggily got up, it took a few minutes for me to be able to find my balance. I felt like the floors are shifting under my feet as I scrambled towards the bar to get myself a glass of water. As I gulped, a piercing pain shoot through my throat. I coughed and coughed and as I looked at the hand that was covering my mouth, I saw drops of fresh blood. I was so shocked and hurriedly run towards the comfort room, I gasped as I looked at myself in the mirror, there were red and brown marks on my neck. Suddenly, flashes of memory washed over me and I remembered - it was Hannah, she strangled me. As the realization shook me, I could not fathom how I feel and what I would do. It's impossible and yet the bruises on my neck say otherwise. How
I look at my phone for the hundredth time today. I've been staring and checking on my phone for the past hour while I lounge at our porch. It's a cold December day and the days seem to be gloomy like what I have been feeling for the past days. I tuck my blonde hair that fell from my messy bun. My blue eyes are wide with exasperation. It's past noon and I haven't heard from Devon, it has been three days since I have talked to him. I woke up after a night of partying and he was no longer by my side, he just left so abruptly without saying a word. It was not like him, he has always been so sensitive when it comes to simple things like that. I'm afraid that Hannah's death has sparked something in him that could jeopardize our new relationship status. It's not like I have not been sad after Hannah died but I'm feeling something that I know I should not be even thinking about. It's a feeling so ugly it eats me up every time I saw a hint of sadness in Devon's eyes when we are together. Aft
I got to Devon's house and I hurriedly parked in his driveway. I went to the door and found the door ajar. I push it and heard voices, Devon's voice, it's as if he was talking to someone. the house was a mess, whisky and beer bottles were scattered on the table, but what caught my eyes were the pill bottles sprawled at the table I went near it and picked it up they were Diazepam. My heart was racing, I felt the cold air sweep through me. "Devon?!" I shouted. Suddenly, he stopped talking I went around and saw him in his backyard by the pool holding a bottle of beer. He was sitting at the lounge chair looking like a mess. "Hey, baby..." I cautiously said as I approach him. He looked up at me with bloodshot eyes and dark circles underneath. "Oh my God, Devon what happened to you I sat beside him. He looked alarmed, I held his face and said "What's the matter? What's wrong? Please talk to me..." His stare was blank and I shook him "Devon! Hey! snap out of it!" He looked at