Chapter 1

"Why did I even let a child like you come to this world?!" 

Those words were enough to leave a damage in my chest. It made my heart sink to the bottomless pit. However, I chose to smile and greet her like any normal daughter who had just got home from school. 

What can I do? I am used to this treatment from her. Getting treated like trash is not new to me.

"Good day, Mom. I hope you're doing well." 

I could sense she was watching my every move and then started to bombast how her day went. Her voice faded when I saw the corners of the house. 

Disastrous. That's the only word that came to my mind. It reeks of alcohol, sweat, and a mountain of her dumps is centralized throughout the house. I stop, thinking that cleaning this whole place drains me. I shrugged off the tremendous feeling weighing on my heart and then commenced cleaning the house.

She carried me for nine months. I was born into this world because of her. I have to serve her because, honestly? Even if I dare to run away, I don't know where to go. I have no one beside me other than my mom. Even if she abuses me, I have to accept it.

After cleaning the whole house, a pair of uncleaned clothe was thrown on my face. I looked at Louisa, my Mom, yelling again about doing the laundry, cleaning the dishes, and serving her food. It's been like this ever since I could remember. She's not treating me like her own daughter. She treats me like crap.

A garbage she can use. And it didn’t even stop there. She pulled my hair, slap me, and even curse at me that I should just die. It broke my heart into millions of pieces and the only thing I can do is to accept her abuses.

When night came, I stared into nowhere while lying on the floor. I don't have a bed or sheets to keep me warm and cozy. It was cold and lonely. I only have this packed room that is only exclusive for mice to live. 

This is the life I grew up with. 

"You couldn't even tidy this place up! All you do is mess around and be pathetic. I wish you weren't even born. Why did I even agree to bring you here?" 

It was another day and she was drunk, I could tell it. 

I continued to speckless the floor again, looked down, and saw my reflection. She was tired, pathetic, and drained. Her eyes were lifeless. And that person was me.

I can't leave my mother behind, even after all she has done for me.  

My father raped my mother and I was the seed that bloomed after the incident. That’s why I couldn’t blame her if she loathes me so much. Part of me feels like I have to return everything to her.

“Take out this filth!”

She threw a garbage bag that’s full of dump. She didn’t even put an effort to tied up the the bag. It ended up causing a mountain of sh*t all over me. I look down on my hands that’s shaking incredulously.

I silently picked up and cleaned the house again. I am at the edge, almost losing of hope. I didn’t realized that I was kneeling on the ground, silently sobbing my heart out when I suddenly remember something. It almost slipped out of my mind.

I took out the garbage while looking to my left and right. When the coast is clear, I immediately run towards the mailbox even if I was limping. I opened it then took out the letter from the man I have been exchanging with for the past week.

“Hey, Lovely.

How are you? I haven’t heard anything from you since three days. You know how much I hate waiting, right? If you’re keeping it to yourself again, please, how many times do I have to tell you that you can trust me. I am not judging your whole existence. I understand that you are going through something but don’t think I wouldn’t care, okay? I am worried, Lovely. Tell me the next time you’ll send a letter.

Sincerely,

A~”

I hugged the letter while a tear poured down on my cheek. God, why did I almost forgot about him?

Everything feels so heavy and empty from the past few weeks because my mother’s abused got worst. And because I couldn't take it anymore, I thought of making a letter and I randomly picked a place where someone could read my letter. At first I was very scared. However, I couldn’t believe someone would read my grievances and since then we have been exchanging letters with each other. Though, he doesn’t know my real name yet but we will get there.

I took a deep breath and hurried back inside the house. Before I could enter my room, all I heard was a grunt when I entered the house. It's always been like this, so I'm used to my mom screwing with a lot of men.

I closed the door slowly so I wouldn't be heard. I quickly took a paper and a pen. I started writing all my thoughts on the paper.

“Dear Adam,

I’m so sorry for not sending you back a letter. I was carried away with my emotions that I need to isolate myself from the reality. My mother’s abused got worst here. She even tried to kill me multiple times and I don’t think I couldn’t handle it anymore.

Please, I want to run away with you. I am turning eighteen this week and once my birthday will pass, please let’s meet up. I want to be with you because I feel like you’re safe to be with. I can’t take this anymore, I might kill myself soon if this nightmare won’t end.”