Chapter 1

AMARA hugged herself because of  the coldness of the night wind. It caresses her skin softly that it made her shiver all of a sudden. She regret not taking her jacket awhile ago when she went out from the appartment she's living in.

She's just wearing a yellow sleeve less shirt and a fitted pants that still hugged her body perfectly despite the simplicity of her outfit. That's the first clothe that she grabbed because she was in a hurry. She wasn't even able to put a light make up, for Pete's sake!

She looked at her wrist watch and sighed heavily. Her brows furrowed because her boyfriend is already late.

Her boyfriend called her awhile ago and asked her to meet him in their favorite open restaurant. The ambiance is nice because you can feel the fresh air and even the city lights are ovelooking in their location. He said that they would meet around eight in the evening that's why she came earlier than the said time.But one hour had passed yet he hasn't arrived yet.

"What's taking him so long?" she asked herself and grabbed the water on the table. It was the third glass of water that she order from the waiter, by the way. She just wanted to disappear all of a sudden because the waiter is glancing at her multiple times already. Of course, she haven't order a real food yet because of waiting for her boyfriend.

She suddenly felt irritated that she even rolled her eyes upward. She would definitely scold her boyfriend once he arrived.

Damn, if ever that he's still not here after thirty minutes, she would leave instantly!

She shooked head when she remembered that she have tons of work that she left in her apartment. She's working as a writer at a well-known publishing company. She still need to edit her manuscript because the freakin' deadline is coming! Her boss might scold her and didn't want that to happen because he was really nice to her. She does not want other to think that she was abusing their boss' kindness.

Almost thirty minutes had passed she already wants to go home! Her butt is already aching from sitting for a long time.

She was about to stand up but her boyfriend finally arrived! He looked fresh and wearing his black shirt with his fitted pants and a pair of sneakers. His hair is still wet and her irritation melted when his manly scent attack her nostrils.

"Why are you late?" Amara said with a shaking voice while staring at his boyfriend who is ccomfortably sitting in front of her.

He crossed his arm and looked at her. Is it just her or Amara could really feel thay something is about to happen. She got scared suddenly for unknown reason. Why is she feeling this way?

His stares are not even helping. It was... cold.

"Traffic," he simply answered.

"You could've texted me and informed me that you might be late or something, Alex! I've waited for hours already-"

"Then you could've went home. You're making this a big deal," he sarcastically said that made Amara's lips opened in disappointment. She wasn't even able to finish what she's saying.

Amara can't believe what her boyfriend said. It seems like he's not really in a good mood. But she still tried to calm herself. Nothing will happen if she continue to argue with him. It might add his irritation.

These past few days, her boyfriend became cold and distant to her. She doesn't want to think about the reason why he's acting this way but she's a bit scared. It's bugging her mind for days already.

She's scared that one day, Alex will broke up with her.

She loves her boyfriend so much. They wouldn't last for three years in a relationship if she doesn't love him. Alex is also feeling the same way towards her and wouldn't even let a day pass without telling her he loves her. Of course, she felt delighted and happy even if he's just asking if she already ate. He was her walking reminder whe she forgot something.

On every days that the God created, she thinks that she's just loving him deeply. Oh, that's cheesy, she though.

But sadly, Alex seems so really distant like she have an illness or something. He rarely visit her in her apartment unlike in the past. He's not even kissing her anymore. She remembered those times when they were in a public places. He would kiss her nonstop even if there are too many people looking at them. She would just laugh at his naughty acts.

And now, he didn't even bother to kiss her on the cheeks.

Amara gulped the lump on her throat and to ease the pain that is creeping on her chest.  She stared at the glass of water in front of her. She can't even look at him in the eyes.

"What are we going to talk about?" she asked him but the her boyfriend remains calm and expressionless.

Physically, Alex looks like he wasn't even bothered unlike her. There are so many what ifs are running in her mind.

"I want to break up with you, Amara."

Amara's world suddenly stop rotating. It seems like everyone around them freeze to death because of what he just heard. She keeps on hearing those words. She bit her lower lip to suppress the tears from falling. She could feel the forming lump on her throat.

"W-What did you say?" she asked with a trembling voice. Did she heard it right? He really wants their relationship to end? But, why?!

"I said I want to break up with you! What the heck, Amara?! Are you deaf or something?!" he suddenly shouted at her that earned attentions from the people around them.

"W-Why?"

"Do you really want to know why?" he asked, his tone is cold as ice.

Her tears are about to stream down her face but she chose to sighed and looked at him. "Y-Yes, Alex. I want to know why! Why is it like this, huh? Why... Why do you end our relationship instantly?! Did I do something wrong?!"

Amara can't think straight already. So many questions are attacking her mind because of her boyfriend's decision to broke up with her.

"The reason is just simple, Amara. I got bored in this relationship."

Amara gasped on what Alex said. He's bored?! Is that even enough reason to end everything  they got for three years?! She can't believe her.

"Why did you get bored? Huh?! Why, Alex?! Is there someone who's better than me-"

"Yes."

Amara's world crumbled down. The tears that she's suppressing to fall already streamed down her face. She laughed bitterly and wiped her tears using her palm.

"Where did I go wrong, Alex? I gave you everything!" She cried and sobbed like a kid.

Alex smired mockingly. He even shooked his head like Amara said ssomething wrong. "You sure you gave everything, Amara? You sure about that, huh? There's this one thing that I want from you, but it seems like you can't give it full to me."

Amara is not dumb to not know what he's refferring to. While they are in a relationship for three years, she can't give what he's asking.

It's her virginity.

Amara firmly believes that she would only give her virginity when she's finally married. She value that that even in this modern world where virginity is not a big deal anymore, she still wanted to face the altar with her virginity still intact to her.

But that doesn't mean that a virginity is the one one who defines you as a woman. It's just that Amara is too traditional.

"You're too plain and boring, can't you blame me if I found someone new? I'm a man, Amara. I have my needs and I got tempted easily. If you can't give me what I need, then I'll just find someone who's willing to do what you can't to do to me. Easy as that," he added. "And I've endured it for three years, Amara. I've waited but it seems like I've waited for nothing. I thought you'll give it to me but..."

Amara bearthed heavily on what he said. She even clutched her chest just to breathe properly. What is he saying?! She wants to slap him but she doesn't have the energy to do it.

"Tell me, Alex. Did you ever love me?" she asked when she's finally calm.

She wants to know it. If she got hurt on his answer, then so be it. She's hurting already, might as well do it for a one time.

"I did, Amara. I loved you."

Amara sighed in relief. The tears that keeps on falling down her face suddenly stopped. She smiled bitterly as she stares at his face.

"That's enough for me," she said and stoop up.  "Goodbye, Alex. Thank you for the three years of relationship," he said bitterly before leaving her... ex- boyfriend.

AMARA cried her heart out when she reached her apartment. She burried her face on her pillow and let her tears fall endlessly.

It's been a week and yet that scene is still playing in her mind like it just happened yesterday.

And she almost broke down when she met a friend in a grocery store when she bought some of her necessities. Her friend told her that she saw her ex- boyfriend with someone else. Her friend even thought that it was Amara that she saw but it turns out she was wrong.

It's painful. It's painful to the point that she just wanted to disappear and... die.

But, Amara knows better than that. She would never waste her own life just because her boyfriend broke up with her. The world won't stop turning because of that... petty reason.. She must forget about her asshole ex-boyfriend who's only thirsty for her virginity.

She must move on.

"Yes, that's it. I'll do something that will make me forgot him," she said to herself suddenly with a determination. She wiped her tears and fixed herself.

She went to the CR and washed her face then tied her hair. She can't help but to glance at her reflection. She looked... lifeless. Her face is white as a paper and her lips looks dry. Her eyes is even puffy from crying.

She sighed then smiled in front of the mirror. "It's just a man, Amara. You can move on eventually!" she encouraged herself.

After that, she went out from the CR and did some editing on her manuscript. She thought that maybe after this, she will stop from writing for awhile. She needs to clear her mind first and unwind, perhaps?

UNLIKE the other days, Amara feel better now. Physically, she's fine. She doesn't look awful anymore. Her lips are not dry and doesn't look like a ghost anymore. She's also trying to not cry everynight. She promised herself that the last time that she'll waist her tears for that man is when she threw all the gifts that he gave her. She burned them all including her feelings for him. The letters and teddy bears are now ashes.

She's walking on the main building of the publishing company where she's working when she bumped into Gina, her boss secretary. She's here today because she wants to inform her boss about her taking a rest first in writing.

"Hey, Amara! How are you doin'?!" Gina said with a jolly tone. "And... uh, is it true? That you.. and Alex is finally.. done? That's what I heard huh.."

Gina knows about her boyfriend. They were closed back then because it was Alex who's fetching her when she's in the building. They were actually friends.

She just smiled at her. "Maayos naman, Gina. And yes, we're over," she sadly said.

"Well, that's really sad but I know you'll get through it, Amara! He just broke up with you but you know, you might want to consider my friend instead. He'll be glad to meet you. I mean, you're a good catch! You're beautiful inside and out so, just tell me if you want to forget your ex."

"You're insane!" she giggled. "I don't want to rush it, you know.."

"That's true! And you know, I have a cousin who's interested to be your boyfriend. He saw my post on my I*! It was a photo of us and he got interested but I broke his heart right away and told him that you got a boyfriend that time."

"Thanks but no thank, Gina. I still have no plans to enter a relationship again. My last relationship didn't go well, so..." Amara answered.

Gina nodded slowly. "I understand. But if you need someone to talk to, I'm just here, okay? I don't want to think this way but I'm afraid that one day, you'll find a place where you could cry endlessly and then the next thing that you'd do is to kill yourself--"

"Of course not! I won't do that, Gina! You think advanced sometimes!" Amara shaked her head lightly.

"I'm just kidding, okay? But seriously, Amara. There are too many things that you could do just to forget your good for nothing ex. I might not know the reason why the two of you broke up but you know Rita? I saw her in a bat last time and she told me that she saw Alex with another woman."

"Yes, I know that he has another woman. I'm slowly accepting the fact that we're not together anymore. I'll definitely move on from your memories, you know!"

"That's the spirit! You're right, my friend!"

They both laughed because of that.

WHEN Amara got back on her apartment, she grabbed her cellphone and open it. At first, she shook her head and smiled bitterly because her wallpaper is not the same anymore. It's not her picture with Alex that she first saw. She rolled her eyes in disappoinment. Goodness, why does she keeps on thinking about him?!

She opted to open her social media aaccounts. She scrolled until she got bored. Amara didn't even feel the hunger because she ate at the mall awhile ago.

A post from a random friend caught her attention. She's not really familiar with with that person who posted it. Maybe it's her classmate from college? She's not really sure.

        'It's really hard to move on. There are things that will remind us about the past and all we can do is to just accept it. But, I suggest that if you really want to forget the pain, maybe you should try something new. Do something that you haven't tried all your life. Because, I tell you, our mind is hard to fight sometimes. If you kept on thinking about the pain, you might do something you'll regret in the end."

Amara nodded absent-mindedly.

That's right. She needs to do something she haven't tried yet.