Chrisanna My heart is thudding against my chest. Wilder and faster. The closeness, his eyes straight into mine, my hand locked with his, and our breaths crashing into each other— everything seems to be so unreal. I should have remembered that I'm vulnerable around Samuel. If there's anyone who can make my emotions flow out after mama and paa, it's him. I didn't know the weakness I felt towards him years ago is still breathing inside of me. It's not dead. I blurted out I felt bad and I feel so damn embarrassed for acting like an immature bitch. Did he really ask me out?He did. But it must be out of pity.Because I am upset and he feels guilty about it. "Tell me", he lightly squeezes my hand and I pull it away, lowering my eyes. "You don't have to do that""Do what?""Fix it""I'm not fixing anything", he says. "Because I didn't do anything that might hurt you"I can say my heart did a hip-hop dance the moment he said he ditched Scarlett. I had been feeling so bad the whole day e
Hello, everyone! I know I should have posted this announcement earlier that the next chapter may take a while to be updated. You all must be waiting patiently and I really appreciate that. As you all know this is the month of Ramadan and I'm having a hard time to set up my schedule. However, I can assure you that from 1st April you'll get regular updates for this book and I'll try my best to post at least one long chapter before 1st April. There's a lot more to come. And I'm really excited to share the whole journey of Samuel and Chrisanna. This story is about family and childhood love. Tell me you all love 'I loved you all my life' trope like the way I do. Sobs! Stay tuned for the next chapter.
Chrisanna Mama has chosen a black one-shoulder satin dress with a wavy length. The dress itself is gorgeous but for hell's sake, it's so expensive. I couldn't afford that as of course, I don't own anything from my parents yet, even though they want to shower me with everything. Mama paid for it and she dressed me upright in the shop. I'm now standing in front of the mirror, staring at every bit of myself to make sure I look perfect, and this feeling alone is unusual to me. I never intended to look good for someone and I was never this nervous before. It's odd.Totally odd. Because this is not the first time I'm going out with Samuel. We had countless moments together in the ice cream parlour and street-side vendors. Still, it all seems so different to me than today. Maybe because our relationship isn't the same anymore.Maybe because he's not completely the same person I knew.Maybe I'm not the same girl who only admired him as someone closer. I touch my hair, my cheek, and my f
Chrisanna I don't speak and turn the water tap at the fastest speed. That will be enough to answer him that I'm in here. He doesn't scream against the door anymore. I feel cold and I don't know how long I have been standing under this cold shower because my body is freezing. I immediately turn the shower off and wrap my body with a tower, shaking very badly. How the hell can I lose self-control?I hate the woman I become when it comes to Samuel. Because this is not who I usually am. Without drying myself completely, I grab the thin fabricated night suit which was already laying here and click the door open. My eyes land straight on Samuel sitting at the edge of the bed, head hanging down, elbows resting on his knees. Startled as I slam the door shut, he looks up at me. Our eyes meet. His eyes are calm and rosy as he stares at me, thoroughly gulping down. I look away, hanging the towel, and turning my back to him. I would like to avoid looking at him as much as I can. However, as
Chrisanna I don't move from the bed for a whole hour and spend the whole time petting Zoey without replying to Samuel. What does he think? He can make me do anything at any time. And I'll follow him after getting humiliated? I waited for three fucking hours. My chest is heavy right now. And I hate that I feel the need for him to be around me.I hate that I want to live this moment with him when he's truly being nice and soft to me. I hate my fear of missing out a lot. I won't go.I won't go.I don't care.I close my eyes tight and try to fall asleep. When another hour goes by, my eyelids start to hurt. Samuel hasn't returned to the room as he said in his last message, "You can make me wait. I'll keep waiting for you"What does he want to prove? That he's making it equal?It can't be equal. Nothing can be equal to the pain and humiliation he has caused to my emotions over the years. Again and again. It's 3 AM.Zoey is dozing off. And all of a sudden, I'm restless. Concern causes my
Samuel I don't know what I was thinking when I stopped her by saying this. My heart, however, starts racing faster as she halts. I saw the fear in her eyes suddenly consuming her when we were in a graceful moment as if she was scared that I'm gonna fuck things up again. I hate that she's feeling that way and I kind of forced her to do so. I stride towards her, watching her shoulder rise and drop. Reaching closer to her, I lower my mouth to her ear. "Please!" I don't remember the last time I begged someone for something. Well, I never pleaded or requested anyone other than her. All my life, I had most of my emotions and actions reserved for her and it never changed. "So, you're redoing the date?" she asks quietly. "Not exactly"She turns to me, her eyes screaming that she's still unsure about how to take it. "Then why?" her eyes move down slowly. "I get why you prepared the dinner and said those things. I really appreciate that. You don't have to do anymore"The disappointment a
Chrisanna I don't know how the hell I should sum up the whole night I experienced. It's overwhelming. At some point, it was one of the worst days of my life with memories puddling out as I felt unwanted and unimportant in Samuel's life and the next moment, it was the best night I have ever had. Everything he said and everything he did for me made me feel like I got my old Samuel back in a different way. However, I can't forget the embarrassing request I made to him out of the blue. God! I'm glad he wasn't here when I woke up because I don't know how to face him. I roll onto the bed, still not getting over the whole night and I can't stop smiling. Even though he was no less mysterious, we haven't been this close before. The rising tension was so damn intense that I didn't know how it would end up if we had truly kissed. He was right about it and I can't stop thinking about how he indirectly expressed that he also kind of feels the same way about me. My cheeks burn. I don't think I
Chrisanna "It's good that you are trying to spend more quality time with everyone", I excitedly say, following Samuel to the elevator. He has the usual poker face on as he scrolls through the reports on his phone."Well, I can't arrange breakfast for you every morning and I know you are so stubborn that you won't have breakfast with everyone if I walk away. So, I'm just compromising for you, Mrs Wife", he mutters.I don't know whether I should feel bad or good. It's bad because I finally thought he was trying to get more involved in his own family. However, I can't help swooning over the fact that he stopped for me, even though it should not be this way. I don't want to make him do anything for me, especially when it's about his relationship with his own family.I badly wanna know what exactly made this distance between him and his parents. It has always been a mystery to me. "Now to bust your ego—" he turns to me right after we get out of the elevator. "I did it because I can't ma