My name is Madison Waters.
My heart has been broken one too many times. I've given up on love and on relationships since last year. I'm done trying to find "Mr. Right," that's for sure.
Right now, I'm lounging on my sweet expensive sofa, sipping on a cold beer as I watch a movie on the TV. I'm waiting for someone to arrive. This person has been with me since I broke my heart last year. We share the same sentiments on love and on relationships.
Looking back, I still find it funny that we were both getting wasted at the same bar after breaking up with our partners last year. I could still remember him handing me a glass and telling me, "he's an ass. You were stupid to have fallen for his ass-ness."
I just looked at him, smirked, and said, "I bet you didn't know she was hitting it up with somebody else, did you?"
He giggled to himself, "Yeah, I was stupid enough to believe she's been having a 'girls' night in' every other weekend." He sips on his glass. I think I saw a tear fall from his eyes but I let it pass. It must be hard for a man to find out that his girlfriend cheated on him. They say it's more of a pride thing, but I think it's just the same for everyone—men and women.
We spent the whole night talking about what happened to our unfortunate lives. Weirdly, it didn't end up with us sleeping together that night. We exchanged numbers and started hanging out the next few days. It turns out, he was such a decent guy. But just like me, he had deep emotional scars.
My thoughts got interrupted because of the doorbell ringing. I ran to the door to let him in. "Hey!" I greeted. "Did you start without me?" He takes his shoes off and slips on his designated slippers. That's how at home he is here. He has his own stuff.
"No, I didn't. I'm watching something else Chelsea recommended," I replied. I walked towards the kitchen, opened my fridge, and fetched a bottle of beer. "Here," I hand him his bottle and sat beside him on the couch.
He changed the movie to the one we talked about watching. Just like any other night that he's here, we'd hang out, talk about random things and then he'll say, "Is it so wrong of me as a man, to take you right now?"
Then I'd smile, and say, " You talk too much, Blake." Just like that, he'd carry me towards the bedroom, without breaking any contact and we'd enjoy each other's touch and warmth.
What I like about our setup is that I don't feel bad or less of a woman afterward. It's mostly because he makes sure I wouldn't feel that way. We'd usually cuddle in silence or continue our topic from before. Sometimes, we'd just laugh for no reason at all. Other times, he'd just hug me from behind and we'd fall asleep.
This time, the latter happened. He fell asleep first. I knew as soon as his arms became heavy around my torso. Being careful not to wake him, I reached for the bed cover and place it on top of us.
At times like this, I don't face him. I'm not sure what to feel if I do. I'm afraid to feel something that I've been avoiding so hard to feel for months and ruin this perfect little setup that we have.
I don't want to go through what I've gone through last year. The pain was so deep that it scarred me for life. More importantly, I don't want to lose what I and Blake have—a good and strong foundation of friendship.
It took us roughly 6 months before we decided to try this arrangement. We were casually hanging out at my place when we realized we missed it. We miss that one integral part of being in a relationship.
Neither of us wanted to start a new relationship. We didn't want the emotions that come with it. We just want to satisfy that very need.
I remember looking into each other's eyes as if we understood that we both want to do it, without the commitment. We swore we'd be casual about it. I mean, we were good friends. We'd be in each other's lives like best friends, and avoid the jealousy, the mandated priority, and all the mixed emotions that came with it.
I admit, the morning after we first did it was a bit awkward. I think he was worried that I'd feel bad about myself. However, I reassured him saying, "Hey, stop feeling bad. I liked it. In fact, one of the best so far. We good, right?"
He shyly smiled and patted my head, "Stop acting so tough all the time, Waters. But I guess, it wasn't that bad for me too."
"Wasn't that bad?! Well, excuse me, Mr. Garette!" I argued in a high-pitched tone. He just laughed at me as he made his way to the bathroom. He tried to keep it cool and so did I.
Well, he never admitted to anything that day but we still did it, obviously. I'd still find myself giggling whenever I remember that moment. From there on, this became our casual routine. Every Friday after he works or whenever either of us was feeling a bit "in the mood."
I found myself falling asleep as he tightened his arms around me burying his face on the nape of my neck. How did we even manage to keep our emotions at bay? Sometimes, being emotionally broken has its perks.
This setup can be more perfect? What could ever go wrong?
I woke up to a slight tapping of a hand on my face."Maddy? Maddy?"Blake whispered."What?" I groggily answered."I have to go," guilt is written all over his face. I slightly opened my eyes a little more and my brows furrowed Why does he always act this way every time he has to leave me in the morning? This guy can be so sweet sometimes."You always do that," I act as if I'm mad, just to mess with him, pouting my lips. "Come on, don't be like that," he touches the curve of my waist above the cover. I giggled, "I'm kidding. You're so gullible sometimes, you know?""Because you're always mean to me!" He laughed, showing his full white set of teeth. Opening my eyes further, I assessed
I decided to go to Mrs. Garette’s barbeque party, and of course, I brought Chelsea with me.She’s one of my oldest friends. She’s the only that knows about Blake and I’s setup. She strongly believes that what we’re doing is a bad idea. For her, “our relationship” will likely end with us hurting each other, or with Blake and I falling in love.She kept on telling me to watch Justin Timberlake’s movie, "Friends with Benefits," and Anne Hathaway's "Love and Other Drugs," as a reference but I refused to.I don’t want to put any other ideas in my head. I don’t want to confuse myself with things that will only complicate my life, not anymore. I like what I have as of the moment. I like what Blake and I share. It’s simple. I do
Blake can be closed off too, just like me. But he's closer to his emotions than I am. He may not be doing it on purpose, but he does wear his heart on his sleeve.Wanting to know more about his past, I started asking questions."Hey, you never told me how your parents took the whole fiasco." Blake giggled silently, moved his eyes, and focus on his feet, as he recalled his parents' reaction to his fiancee cheating on him.He let out a heavy sigh and started telling the story, "Of course, they were mad. Their reputation, name, and son were disgraced. They loved Bianca like their own. They were as hurt as I was.""Well, you were sleeping with her. Your pain was definitely way deeper than theirs," I failed at making a snarky r
It has been two weeks since Blake’s barbeque party.I don’t know how to explain this but something changed that night. I’m not sure if it’s me, or Blaze.One thing is for a certain, Chelsea and Sheldon have started dating since that weekend.Blake's been at his parents' house since the party. We've been texting, which I find very weird as we don't usually text each other often.Mom's making me do all sorts of things in the house. - BYou're such a momma's boy - MAm not! - BThen why are you still there tho? - MJust admit that
I've been avoiding Blake for a week now.I can't explain why I'm feeling different towards him. I have a theory in mind but I still refuse to entertain such a thought. I can't let my feelings ruin what we have. I can't let feelings ruin me ever again.It's Saturday and I'm currently at a baking class. Blake has texted me five times today about my whereabouts. Not texting him back has been eating my conscience. Maybe he just needs some company after being at his parents' house for two weeks. Memories of him and his ex-girlfriend at that house must have affected him. He was asked to come back that morning after he came rushing to my apartment just because I no longer replied.This will explain his behavior lately. Giving in to my guilt, I finally texted him.I'm
We ended up having our order for take-out.Blake wanted us to hang out in his apartment instead. If there's one thing I know about Blake Garette is his need for physical contact when he's not feeling okay. He's very bothered about something. I strongly believe that it's because of Bianca.The ride to his apartment was silent. I didn't bother trying to lift up the mood. I just held his hand.Upon arriving at Blake's place, he immediately took off his leather jacket and crashed on the sofa. His loft looks like any other bachelor's pad. He's got this big black leather sofa, an enormous widescreen LED TV; he's really into watching live sports, and he has a short-distance staircase that takes you to his king-size bed.Of course, he also ha
I'm falling.— hard and fast.I can't and I won't ruin what I have with Blake.We're both broken, we both know it even though we've tried convincing each other that we're not. It's like telling your friend that she looks pretty in that dress, even if she doesn't.Mixing emotions into our situation would probably end up in a big mess. As of the moment, Blake Garette plays a big part in my life. He's my very good friend. I've learned to depend on him, and it's possible that the feeling is mutual.What will happen if I confess? Would he feel the same? My biggest fear is that he'd feel awkward about it and slowly drift away. He told me a few times before that he has stopped playing
Currently, I'm laying on Chelsea's bed.My eyes have been puffy from all the crying.It's been three days since I came back from New York. My one-week stay has been cut short after realizing what was happening to me. The morning after my endless vomiting, I called the front desk to buy a pregnancy test.I should have known this would happen. I should have known something like this will happen to me. Nothing is ever perfect for Madison Waters. Nothing ever goes to plan.I called Chelsea as soon as I saw the positive sign. I was bawling my eyes out and she ordered me to come home immediately. I went straight to her apartment when I flew back home. She just opened her arms and hugged me.