CHAPTER 3

Chaos.

Bones crack and sizzle all around me, those instincts to kill

unravelling at the scent of their enemy. Ravenous and overcome

with bloodlust, the wolves snap their jaws together with an ache in

their gums I now know only too well.

My heart is an allegro rhythm that palpitates deep in the furrow of

my chest. There's no time to wrap my head around this horrific

nightmare, or exert myself in spending a single second immersed

in the confusion. I can't think, I can't think, I can't think. If I do, I

will die.

I may die anyway.

The world is filled with noise, a cacophony of growls and voices

merged into one single buzz inside my mind. My father's eyes are

illuminated with panic and a thousand questions I cannot answer,

like how I have become an eight-foot long panther. It's unheard of,

incomprehensible. It is impossible. I'm staring at my family, the

people I've grown to love my entire life, but all I want to do is rip

them apart. I loathe it, this feeling inside of me, the monster I have

become.

And despite the self-hate and disgust empowering my thoughts, I

want to survive. It is the only instinct that my body will latch on to.

The wolf of Tarin takes a step forward, baring his teeth as he

begins to stalk. I recognise his chestnut-coloured coat and the

scar above his left eye; a warrior's mark. My blood boils and I lean

back on my hind legs in defence. Breathe. Breathe. Prepare. Run.

Run! My body screams at me.

Tarin takes a glance at my father who has yet to Change, waiting

for some sign of what to do. And I know I should escape while his

attention is distracted, but I need to see my father's face and

acknowledge my fate. It may be my final memory of him, perhaps

the most significant of all memories. He takes a moment to look at

me. I feel his gaze and judgment dive inside my body until I'm torn

apart.

And then, he nods at Tarin, his eyes ripped from me and I'm left

exposed.

Kill her, that look says. He may never look at me again. I don't

search for Sage or my sister in fear their disgust, too, may cut

deep. Succumbing to the instincts that are pleading and gnawing

at me, I run through a gap in the crowd with all the strength I have.

The darkness of the bushes and trees yearn for me, to envelop

myself in its coat of darkness and away from the grasps of the

wolves. The human I am and the beast I have become clash on

two entirely different wavelengths.

I hear the paws padding against the dirt and leaves in vast

numbers. There are dozens on my trail, all with senses triggered

by the urge to demolish me. I have the advantage of speed, but

should the Lupina catch me, I will have no chance. They are

strong, with a clench of the jaw so vicious it'd rip my throat apart.

Speed. Fast. Breathe. There is simply no room for error.

Howls cascade through the forest, and I know they will attempt to

circle me. It's a method of hunting I know all too well. One by one

they run consecutively in a line, the outer wolves storm forward

until the pack form a crescent shape. Should I miss my footing or

somehow slow my pace, they will have surrounded me.

I'm one with the wind. It wraps its graceful arms around me and

shoves me in the right direction. What life am I escaping from, and

running to? I will never belong. I will die never belonging anywhere.

Once the thought hits me, a low growl rumbles in the base of my

throat. Barks and yelps sound from behind me, reminding me that

they are nearing. Run faster, Kadence. How much do you value your

own life?

I'm Lupina stuck in the body of a panther, and it's a curse -- one

that cannot be broken. With a newfound sense of urgency, I bound

with every drop of energy I have around a curve of a tree until the

forest blurs by me and the wolves are out of sight. And as I am

merged with the wind, it's as if a hurricane hits me. I'm thrown by

something I did not see, nor hear, until the force of it has thrown

me down a deep dip in the ground. It's a wrestle between myself

and this invisible thing as we're tumbling down into a ditch.

It is then I realise that it's a wolf on top of me; one with a blonde

coat and green eyes staring down at me. I'm crushed beneath its

body, and every instinct coursing through this beast's veins is to

run, thrash from side to side. But there's a little whisper in the

corner of my mind. Sage, it says. Right as I'm about to try ease

myself from beneath his body, the epiphany hits me. He's not

attacking me, but shielding my body. He's cloaking the scent of

panther with his own wolf self, and I can hear the footsteps of the

clan breezing by us.

It's a strange, disorientating sensation of having Sage's Changed

form pressed against mine. I've known him since I first learned to

walk, and ever since there's been no other I've trusted more. I

have such affection for this boy, and yet there are conflictions

within urging me to kill him. When moments have passed and I can

no longer smell the clan, he steps back. I roll onto my feet and

bear my teeth in a sign of caution. We stare at one another, ready

for someone to simply make a move and that declaration of either

war or peace.

And then there's a crack from his body. Sage's entire body twists

form; long hairs of the wolf receding as flesh grows back. Cries

bellow from his chest, and I know that he is Changing. Confusion

runs through me, why would he allow himself to become so

vulnerable? I step back in panic. What if I can't fight the urge to

destroy him right then and there, while he is so open for attack?

I begin to see the recognisable features forming on Sage's face,

his entire body glowing with the hum of magic. He rises from all

fours, standing as a man. Bear of clothing, and anything that may

protect him from my sharp claws or wicked bite. Pain spreads

across his face, tears touching his eyes. He knows what a

horrifying nightmare this all is.

"Don't Change. Kadence, you need to get to the Pantera territory,"

he finally says. My ears twitch in confusion. Is he mad? I chuff.

Sage shakes his head incessantly.

"It's your only option. Keep running from us--, " he chokes the word

out, as if making that distinguishment causes him a great deal of

pain. It was now them, and me.

"--And you'll be killed with certainty. You may have the slightest

chance if you go the Pantera clan," he speaks with a bitterness

that I understand. It takes every single restraint and will in my body

to force myself not to tear his flesh to pieces. It would be so

simple...

But the idea of joining the Pantera makes my skin crawl. I

loathe them with every fibre of my being and every ounce of my

soul.

"You must do what you can to survive, at all costs. No matter what

it takes, you have to promise me you will try to live," he urges.

I can feel some of the anger and hatred leave my body in that

moment. I cannot hurt Sage, because even as I have become a

monster he should despise and leave for the dead, he still protects

me. I look down at my paw and see the bracelet he gave me still

dangling on for dear life. Suppose I did join the Pantera, they

would still see me as Lupina. I pace back and forth, my black tail

brushing the barren leaves.

More questions are raised about my mother's bloodline. She was

Lupina, yet the Pantera gene must have been carried somewhere

down the line, which meant that the two genes of Skin-Walker had

to have mixed. The idea is so foreign inside my mind, yet it's the

only thing to make sense. Could lovers from each clan have

mated, ignoring the foreboding innate hatred coursing through

their veins?

"I know what they did to your mother, what they've done to our

clan and all the lives they have taken from us. But I can't bear the

thought of you dying. I know you, Kade. You're a fighter, you

always have been. You've trained your whole life, and it's now

more than ever that you will need those skills. Don't give up out of

stubbornness or pride. The Pantera choose allies based on

strength. Show them that you are more useful alive than dead."

Sage takes a step toward me, and my body jolts. I move my head

in a way that I hope looks like a nod, but everything inside of me

threatens to crumble as he reaches out for me. My heartbeat

pounds in my ears with every inch he takes. I'm not sure if I have

the same faith he holds in me; or the trust. Fingers brush my coat

then, soft and hesitant. There's a human inside of me, it's calling

out -- screaming. It protests and thrashes about wildly like a caged

animal. I latch onto that voice, because it's the very one telling me

not to hurt him.

He crouches down to reach my eye-level, staring in ways that twist

my heart. I don't want this to be the last time I see him, but I'm

worried it is. He brushes his palm over my head gently, his

fingertips smoothing down the short, black hairs. Slowly, he leans

in and places a kiss between my eyes. I've taken the form of one

of the most dangerous creatures on this earth, but he's not afraid

of me.

"Goodbye, princess." A tear slips down his cheek. This is a

moment I will latch onto. A scent fills my nostrils at once, my ears

twitching once I begin to hear that familiar sound of paws against

dirt. Panic fills me at once knowing that if they discover Sage, they

will know he helped me. I can't bear the thought of the punishment

they will inflict upon him for saving the enemy.

I want to say something to him. I can't.

And so I run.

* * *

I'm standing at the edge of the ravine, looking across at the future

that awaits me. On the other side lies Pantera territory, a place I

only ever vowed to go to once I had an army of Lupina behind me

and a war awaiting ahead. Am I really going to do this? Can I ask

for protection from the creatures who stole my mother from me?

There's no other option; live no matter the cost, or die.

Looking back and leaving behind the world and the people I love, I

take a step and prepare for sprint. As my legs bound for a leap, I

think of all the things that have altered, and I realise that the only

constant in my life that has changed is me. I am the deviation.

Maybe I always have been.