Chapter 3

As soon as I finished my library shift, I took my things which included my book bag and my favorite novel. I wanted to read the last pages of my favorite novel before meeting my ultimate death and erasing myself from existence.

I had already now planned my own death. I was going to take pills from my mother’s cabinet and die from overdose. I would breathe my last breath in this horrible lonely world and finally get some rest and peace.

When it comes to what happens after death, I actually did not know and hoped I would just be erased from existence.

I was actually doing the world a favor as they would no longer have to live with an ugly outcast like me. I could not wait to reach home. Maybe if I died they would all finally miss me. I then thought sadly talking to myself as I always did since I had no one willing to talk to me.

After getting out of the library I headed out to the parking spot where the bus shuttle usually came to pick us up to go home. However it was my bad luck as I heard the voice of the headmaster sounding from the intercom.

“To the students who ride the shuttle bus, I’m truly sorry to tell you all that you are going to have find other ways to go home. We are having mechanical problems with the bus. “His deep voice spoke out loud and started calling out other announcements.

I then saw the bus lady passing by.

“Sorry, but can you please tell me what’s wrong with the bus.” I said stopping her while looking desperate.

“It’s actually confusing as the mechanic checked the bus and said everything looked normal but the bus is weirdly not wanting to start.” The bus lady replied looking so confused.

I thanked her and stood near the parking spot looking so desperate. How the heck was I going to go home? I had no taxi money and had no friends with cars to offer me a ride?

I could not call my mother as she would be dead drunk and let’s not even mention the sister who hated me. As for the teachers many of them whom I knew had already left and as for Mrs Fiona, my boss she had no car and I would not embarrass myself and ask her for money.

I then realized that I had no one to call for help. Why did that bus have to weirdly stop working?

To make it worse, heavy rain then decided this was the right time to start heavily pouring and let’s not forget dear lightning as he also decided to join the party too. 

Why was this happening to me now? Could I not just have a nice sunny happy last day before I died? I thought as my hair, clothes, backpack and favorite book were now soaking wet. Luckily the now wet book was mine not from the library.

I looked at the time and knew I had no choice but to start walking home now or else it would get dark soon. When it comes to my death, I was so not planning to die by some thug`s hand. I wanted to die my way, an easy death.

I first put my backpack on top of my head to cover myself from the heavily pouring rain. I then started walking slowly knowing I had a long way to go until I reached home. Plus the scary flashing lightning looked to not be disappearing any time soon nor the heavily pouring rain.

After putting some distance between me and the school, I then noticed a bridge nearby that I was soon going to pass. An idea then came to me.

I did not need to go home to face my death, why not face it now. There were many ways to die and with a bridge nearby I could just jump and drown since I did not know how to swim.

The bridge was abandoned as many people started using a new main road which was built five years ago and much more convenient so no one would be there to stop me.

I first left all the things I was carrying, my backpack and book by the side road as I did not need them in death. I then walked slowly to the edge of the bridge and faced the deep river I was going to drown in and die ending my life.

At least it looked clean, I thought trying to cheer myself up while large raindrops mixed with my tears, were now streaming down my face and body.

 Next I lifted myself on to the bridge side wall, a strong looking white little half wall made from cement.

I faced the wide deep flowing river, one in which I was soon going to face my own death in pretty soon.

“I am actually doing this,” I thought with my heart beating rapidly at the thought of what I was going to do. I had finally had enough of life and reached an end point.

Tired of being unloved, with no one ever caring about me. I was an ugly outcast who did not fit in, death was the only way out for there was no use for me in this world.

With more tears of anguish trailing down my face, I closed my eyes.  Knowing that soon I would plunge and drown into this humongous ocean river, ending my life.  Releasing one last terrified breath, I jumped and fell.

Suddenly a gentle loving voice started speaking from nowhere. It was everywhere and ringing in my ears.

Before I formed you in the womb Olivia Phillips, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart; I created your inmost being and knit you together in your mother`s womb.

So why do you say you are a mistake? Don’t listen to the devil he is the father of lies! I’m God the creator of this beautiful universe, I never make mistakes.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made my daughter and one of my cherished masterpieces.

When you feel lonely, know that I’m with you to the very end of edge. I will never leave you nor forsake you.

 I also notice you, your going out and your lying down. Your thoughts, when you sit and when you rise. I know you better than you know yourself,

When you are insulted, know that those insults also fall on me but ignore them for you are perfect like a precious pearl in my eyes.

When you feel unloved know that I love you so much that I sent my only beloved son Jesus to die for you.

So always choose life my beloved, for my son came so that you might live it abundantly.

When you feel alone, lost, unwanted, unloved, ashamed, just come to me your loving creator.

And I will hold you and cover you with my unfailing love.

You ever had that moment where you realize that you have just made a humongous mistake? And want to take it back. Well that is how I felt as I was seconds from plunging into my death. “I made a mistake, I do not want to die.” I screamed in head, those sweet words stuck in head.

But it was already too late, its not as if I could grow wings and fly away back up.

All I could do was let one last terrified scream as my body plunged deep into the vast waters.

Pain…

That was all I could feel from the electricity burning through my body, to the water drowning me and filling up my lungs. My life force was dissipating bit by bit as the waves drifted me aimlessly.

All I could do was extend my hands upwards trying to hold on to life as the water pulled downwards.

“Save me.” I lifelessly whispered and pleaded to God.