Chapter 2

After getting out of the bus, I ran smack into a rock hard chest from not looking at where I was going.

With my heart beating a little I  looked up to see whose chest I had smacked into and was shocked to be looking straight into the gorgeous blue eyes of my biggest crush Chad Wilkerson.

The most popular student in school and he was also one of the best football players of the school football team. I’d even heard that a famous football team was planning on having him play for them after he finished school. That’s how good he was.

He could have already started his football career and not be here attending school. But I heard that his father made him attend school first as he was worried that his son could get an injury in football and not have a second career to fall on. Apparently his father even wanted him to do some other career not sports.

As I looked at Chad I was just so hypnotized and mesmerized by how handsome he was with his blonde hair, perfect face and gorgeous smile.

He was all I had thought about in my spare times ever since I first saw him on my first day in college. I looked at him holding my breath, hoping he was going to finally notice me.

But Alas it was not my day as Chad did not even give me a second glance, instead he just stepped away from me and went to greet his popular group which included his team mates, my sister and her friends as if I did not exist!

 I felt so jealous standing there watching my crush smile at my sister and hug her. Why could he not notice me? I then thought broken heartedly walking to attend my first class of the day, technology class my favorite.  

I had a passion for computers and technology as they were like my best friends since I had none in real life. Here at school I was just a loner and I never fit in with any clique or anywhere. I actually did not even know what was wrong with me.  Luckily this was my final year in high school which meant I would be out of here soon. I truly hoped college would be different as I was planning on going to a faraway university to start over.

I first reached the large hall filled with large groups of students mingling around and some heading for their own classes. But there was a group laughing at something on my locker.

 As i walked there to my locker they all cleared away giggling and just as usual, a note written Ugly Loser was sticked on to my locker door. I was now so used to them as they had started appearing a long time ago.

 It was like a sick game to the person who put them and they always came once a week on different days with different insulting words.

But there were times the words got to me and the words written there now affected me as that's how I truly felt inside. I was ugly, a looser and unwanted. So I did not really blame or report the person writing those notes as he or she was right and wrote the truth about me.

After taking my things, Instead of removing the note, I just left it as always where it was. The owner would remove it themselves when he or she put a new one.

 After fighting my way through the large crowd while getting shoved by others rushing to their own classes I then reached my class. It was a little hall filled with about 15 seats as the class was a small class. I entered and took my seat in one of the front seats as the class began.

“Algorithms are step-by-step methods of solving problems.” I then said answering a question asked by Mr. Louis the teacher.

He was a nicely dressed man still in his 50`s but I enjoyed his teaching method as he taught with passion and energy unlike some of my teachers for other subjects who looked bored when teaching.

However I was one of only three females in a male populated class as not many girls wanted to do computer science.

Because of that I could see that many of the boys were now glaring daggers at me because I had given the answer which none of them knew and was the only one to raise my hand during the whole lesson. I had hurt their big egos. 

It was not my fault that I studied hard. I wanted to get a scholarship and escape my drunk mother to start a new life in some college somewhere far away.

As the bell ring signaling break time, I collected my things and went outside heading for my usual spot under a tree where I sat alone to eat.

However as I sat there about to eat my lunch, someone came from nowhere and kicked mud into my food. I looked up and saw two boys from my class Peter and Eric.

“You think you’re smarter and better than us? But you are nothing but an ugly dumb dorky nerd. So know your place which is to keep that ugly brace mouth of yours quiet. No wonder you have no friends!” Peter snarled to me and left with his friend while laughing in mocking laughter. 

Some of the students who had seen this, did nothing but went on with their lives as usual. Not one stood up for me, they all did not care. Well since they all did not care about me, I hated them all back!

As I sat there tears threatened to fall down my face but I held them in and looked at my food now with mud. I just ate the part with less mud as this was the only food I had.

It seems like today is Olivia mud eating day, I then thought trying to make a joke, busy talking to myself as always. While inside, feeling so Alone, depressed and friendless.

I then luckily went through the whole day of school invincible as usual as after that encounter not even one person took notice of me

After school finished, I headed for the school library. That was where I did my part time job as a librarian assistant to help support myself. Since mother wasted most of her money and father`s pension money on alcohol.

It was a nice job to do for I only had to pack new novels into place. But most of all I could bury myself in novels. They helped me to escape my lonely miserable depressing life. It was nice to imagine myself as someone else or get lost in a story.

After doing my library assistant duties I then told my boss the librarian Mrs. Fiona a nice lady that I was going to sit down and read a novel.

She agreed and so I went and sat on one of the library tables. To my worst luck, my sister and her two snoby friends Cynthia and Fiona came in and sat on one of the tables near me. They came to the library to gossip and chat, not to read.

“Chad is totally going to ask me out soon.  You should see the way he has been looking at me lately and who can blame him. I’m gorgeous and he is gorgeous just imagine what a perfect couple we would make.” I heard my sister`s voice shout out loud disturbing me from concentrating on the story I was reading.

I looked at them angry and jealous from hearing about Chad wanting my sister instead of me. But found myself looking at Ashley with longing and yearning to have what she had. The way she sat there with her friends giggling as they gossiped more.  Why could I not also have that, was something really wrong with me? Why was I friendless?

“Look Ashley! Your dorky sister is looking at us.” The meanest one of them Fiona said upon noticing me looking at them.

“Ignore her, she is just an antisocial nobody. Sometimes I even wonder if we are from the same womb.  Anyways, we should instead come back to talking about me. “My sister Ashley said replying to her friends even while knowing I could hear her.

I quickly got off my chair and ran to the hidden side of the library with my heart feeling like a shattered mess.

Many times I always wondered why my own blood sister hated me. Why did everyone hate me? Was I really that unlovable?

No one heard me or actually took time to see me but the teachers for only being an A+ student.

 Was I really that much of an outcast that nobody not even a single person wanted to be my friend or be nice to me. Was I being punished for my part of being born and causing my father’s death?

 I decided right there and then that I had just had enough of this life. I had nothing left. No one cared or loved me. My life was just one lonely depressing miserable mess. Even though I always hoped for college to be different what assurance did I have that I would not get the same treatment?

I would still be ugly, unwanted, unloved and an outcast.

 I felt so defeated with my heart in so much anguish as I finally let out all the feelings I had been holding out inside.

I felt like suffocating as my own feelings drowned me.

Death was my only escape. I thought with tears running down my face. It’s not as if I would be missed by anyone. No one cared, I was just a mistake brought into this world with no use.

I wiped away my tears calmly knowing that this depressing life of mine was soon going to end.