JASONI am not a murderer. I am not a murderer. I am not a murderer. A voice repeated over and over in my head as I created a hole in the rug with my fast paced steps as I paced the room. I wanted to leave the house and just get away from this place in case my fears were confirmed but somehow, I found myself back in my room with the door locked. I can't remember coming here or locking the door, like I was in a daze. A memory clearing daze.All I remember is Dad falling down the stairs like a heavy sack of potatoes and landing with a very dull, odd thud. Is that what it sounded like when one falls terribly?He fell down the stairs and I was the one who pushed him. "Fuck!" I shout and slap my palm across my right cheek harsh enough to sting but I don't feel any pain which only makes me more frustrated."Fuuck!!!" I shouted at the top of my voice, pulling at my hair till stars began to pop out behind my eyes and the stinging pain coupled with the furious stomping of my foot helped to

JASON Today has a feeling to it, there is this feeling in the atmosphere that signifies that something is amiss and the very dominant knowledge that he isn't coming back. There is a particular stillness and calm that is settling all around me which gives off an eerie feeling and makes me feel like I am being watched from behind. I know I'd definitely look and sound crazy if I told mother but it's not an easy feeling to shake off, though I have tried. It might be because all the hustle and bustle that came with Dad's death has finally ceased and is immediately followed by silence so still that even birds aren't chirping as they used to and the breeze is blowing so softly it can barely be felt. It's like the universe is trying to use its own way to tell on me. Suddenly feeling nervous, I unconsciously glance over my shoulder and then get up from the bed to walk to the window whose curtains are drawn shut leaving the room in semi darkness. I part the curtains a little and star