The reason I was distracted was because of the steady rhythm of Messer's fingers on my arm. He had been doing that thing for an hour or so. At first I didn't care, but I hadn't had sex for more than a month and I didn't know you could be so sensitive after a breakup. Then came the part where I wondered if he wasn't committing incest because he was supposed to be a brother to me. I think the body knew we weren't related or anything, though, because my breath hitched and I wished I'd take those fingers a little further. He had my head on his shoulder and we were sitting close together. He'd been a rebellious kid and got a loveseat for his living room, forcing us to watch TV more together than we should, but then again, we were supposed to be family and it wasn't the first time we'd met. we were so close. The movement was a caress from top to bottom. With a slowness that would make me moan at any moment. A part of me screamed at me that I should be grieving the loss of a special person

Running kept me from succumbing to cigarettes.I hadn't smoked for two weeks and it wasn't easy, but every time my brain screamed for just one puff I repeated to myself that it was all in me, that nicotine relieved my anxiety momentarily, but never took it away; She told me that she takes care of masking the problems, but she doesn't solve them.In that eagerness to want to smoke he had reached 7 kilometers.My lungs were on fire, however, I preferred this, to the ache in my heart every time I thought of Chelsea.I came back from Chicago after two weeks away from Louisiana. I wanted to feel excited to return home, but everything reminded me that she was gone.The trip served as a distraction and perhaps he needed a vacation. I had no idea when was the last time I did something on my own, alone, without family or children, without it being work. Perhaps my being asked me for a break from the constant noise of responsibilities. I considered fixing things at the office and scheduling a l

I was sure that part of his argument was true, although I was betting that our situation played a role as well. However, he would play along.Me: That's why I'm a great businessman. You know, from eating greens and vegetables.He sent a smiley face and this was new to us. We weren't one to text her, but maybe this was less personal to her and she had the ability to talk to me.Chelsea: It's more of a personal achievement than broccoli power. Being a great entrepreneur is in you.His comment made me smile sheepishly. I stayed for a while looking at the screen thinking what to answer to that. Chelsea had this thing about leaving me without an answer. Maybe because he wasn't used to compliments. Not the sincere. That kind of praise that doesn't come disguised as nice words in order to have a benefit.Chelsea: Talking to you helps me feel better. Isn't it crazy?He wrote, which warmed my chest.Me: I have the same feeling.I answered. Talking to her put every need in her place.Chelsea: I

December 24: Good Night .He was sedentary. When you pass thirty-five, you prefer to stay at home and spend it with your family. At least, people like me, whose days are so busy that we even forget important dates. No time for extended vacations, getting home after eight, checking emails and paperwork on the weekends.For the holidays my inclination was to sleep, hang out with my family and put the cell phone aside.However, he had a beautiful pregnant wife who wanted to be with her brothers. She preferred to spend it in Lafayette with her family, sitting in front of a campfire. Since she couldn't drink, she would have a delicious non-alcoholic sparkling wine.When I agreed to spend this day with her I didn't consider the discomfort of being with him.I shouldn't care because we were in this private bubble for a couple of days, just being us, finding our way to where we were, taking baby steps into that future together that I could feel; one where I would watch my children grow up and

He told her about how it started; with the loss of memory, memories, faces, subtle things that are not of great importance. He told her that at some point he would become more serious, permanently forgetful. Inevitably, his brain would not be able to add memories and he would become an irritable person, with zero ability to reason. He wouldn't know who she is or those around her. He would reach the point where he would need medical attention because he would not fend for himself.My son asked if it would happen soon. Chelsea replied that she couldn't predict herself. She confessed to him that she had been having significant episodes for a couple of months; like the one at Walmart or that she almost killed her brother because he thought he was kidnapping her. My girl had the audacity to find that funny, in which Lucas and I remained silent, because it was not so funny from this side."I'm sorry," she whispered when she saw that he didn't return the smile. For now I am the same Chelsea.