Yearning for you.

Under the dark starry night, I was the lost soul who was searching for answers in solitary. I was lying down on the dewy grass spreading my limbs wide staring at the sky. It was cold and freezing here but I had something else filled in my mind to bother me. I couldn't focus on anything else... after I saw her face.

Catching a glimpse of her face was nothing like what I expected. It was like pouring a bucket of cold water on you... so cold and painful.

I went to her college to finally reveal that I was her sponsor but like a coward, I ran away... AGAIN without meeting her. After all these years, after what I did, it was so scary to meet her.

I don't know how I survived this long without her in my life. I feel like drowning right now. I don't know if I can survive. I need air... I need my Ava.

I heard someone's footsteps coming towards me and I know who that was. Jay, my best friend. I know he came to get me back inside but looking at me like this he must have guessed that I needed this. Without leaving me alone, he joined me lying down. He was always there for me in hard times, suffering with me like he decided to do now. I want to be left alone but I am also glad that he is here with me right now.

"I miss her so much," Jay said out of the blue.

She was a sour topic to us all these years. After that day I stopped talking about her and He stopped asking me why after some time. I want to take the secret with me to my grave if I can. I can't imagine hurting J with that. She became nonexistent over these years to us. So why now?

"You never talked about her, V." He is going there again. I don't know how long I am going to keep this from him.

"I have seen you looking at the pictures of the three of us," I said trying to reel him away from that talk.

"I miss her so much sometimes. The pictures make me feel like she is with us."

"I don't know why she suddenly disappeared from our lives. I mean... She used to be there with us for every single minute. She sacrificed so much just to be with us. She always wanted us three to be together no matter what and then suddenly she just vanished like nothing."

"Think about it V, how nice it would be to lie down together with her gazing stars and talk nonsense. She loved the night sky. I can't believe she is somewhere under the same sky breathing the same air. So close yet so far away." I felt guilty after listening to him. He lost his best friend because of me but then it was her choice.

"Do you miss her, V?" He asked me. I want to say, 'You have no idea'.

"No," I said nonchalantly. For that, he sat up and slapped me hard.

"She is our best friend. How could you just throw all those years of memories just like that?" He slapped me again before he got up and went inside.

I know he thinks that I am an ungrateful guy. But this my circumstance, to act, even to my best friend.

After some time, I went back to my room and decided to unload my feelings in my diary. Even that reminds me of her. She used to make me write my thoughts whenever I feel down. She said that it will change our perception of our problem. So here I am sitting in front of my diary with my pen contemplating my words.

'There's no language, without saying your name,

These aren't eyes, without seeing your face.

I buried you deep inside my soul,

Before letting you go on that day.

I am seeing you in my dream every night,

So I always yearn for a long night.

Spending my time,

Believing fate will bring us together.

Even in my tears, I saw your smile,

Closing my eyes,

I am drowning in your gaze.

Every turn I took, I felt your love,

Did you got lost,

For me to find you, my love?'

Enjoy reading and leave your thoughts about the chapter in the comments section -T