I was so nervous when I arrived to the hospital. I just came here by taxi and while I am on my way, I could not stop myself from shaking in fear.
I just can not believe from what my sister has said. I am not even sure if she really tells the truth.
I went to the reception to ask where my father was. It tolds me that Mister Marquez was on the emergency room and that only made my heart's pace go wild.
"F-Faye.." I uttered under my breathe when I saw her with my siblings and mother outside. Crying and sitting on the chair aside.
Cine noticed me first. She was weeping silently while looking at our family. She do not know what was happening because she's too young — six years old only, but she understands what they feel because they are crying.
"A-Astra..." Cine called and run towards me. I wiped my tears that has fallen when she hugged my legs. "Good thing you came, I m-miss you."
I caressed her head and forced a smile. Faye and mother also looked at me. As expected, mom was not even happy to see me. Her facial expression that was hurting turned into anger. "Why are you here?"
I gulped when mom asked that with her cold voice. I even cleared my throat because something just stocked on it. I tried to utter something but nothing would get off my mouth. It just parted and was like muted.
"U-uh, I called her here, mom.. Don't be mad. I.. I was the one who seeks her presence.." Faye defended for me, wiping her tears away.
"Why? Do we need her here?"
I sighed and shook my head. I hate this. There were some people passing by and they are glancing at us! It was so embarrassing.
"I might not necessary, but I want to help you.." I said in monotone and forced a smile. Mom snorted and mocked me.
"We don't need any help from you for you information, Astra. I already told you to go away, right? Then why are you still here?"
I bit my lower lip and looked at her with my pleading eyes. "Mom, this isn't home. Can you just let me be with my family? Even this time only? Please?"
She looked at me wit disbelief. "I am disgusted to you! You do not know how bad lucks I have received because you are no use! You are a loser, and a weak!"
"Mom, please?" Faye now pleaded, making mom stop but she really would not listen. I massaged my temple and made Cine to get off from me. I told her to sit on a chair away from us, but I made sure that we will still see her. She might get lost!
"I am telling you, Astra. Get off before I would kill you." My body shivers when I heard that from mom with his furious voice. She really is mad at me, so much.
"Mom, I called her here and she had to see dad. Dad was already struggling in breathing! Why would not you let Astra be a daughter of father?"
Faye was defending me, but why did not she do that when mom tried to shove me away? When mom pushed me away, why did she let me get off? Not only from home, but also to our family.
They are fucking confusing me!
"Your father will be just mad if he sees Astra, Faye," said mom then turned to me. I was upset and feeling more nervous when I saw her smirk. "You want to help, right? Then look for a money and help your father get out of this hospital."
That hits me so fucking hard.
It was money matter again. I sighed in subtle anf bit my lower lip. Why my life is not over yet? How would I look for a money that will pay the bills here?
"I am sorry, but earning money would take long tim —" Mom cut my sentence off.
"Then you really have no use! If you want to help, then seek for a money! You want to get back to our family? Then give us money! Money is what we fucking needed and not even you!"
I can not stop holding my tears anymore. Here I am again, crying over my family — especially to my mother. I want to be mad at her, but my heart just can't. I just love her.
"Then okay, I will look for a money if that's what you want. You only appreciates my existence if I give you money, then I will prove myself to you."
"Ha! Then prove yourself!"
After that scene, I went out the hospital because of annoyance. I have not even see my father because mom would not let me! She wants money first before she lets me see him. What kind of heart does she fucking have?
I am already frustrated! Damn it!
I decided to call Jinx since he gave me his number earlier. I want to talk to someone at least. I am sad and mad at the same time, and I might not can not stop myself from doing such a thing.
"Hey, sorry for answering late. Uh, is there something happened wrong?" he asked quickly as he answered the call. It only took him one minute answer my call and he already sees it long. He might know that I am impatient to everything — well, some of women have that attitude.
"Dad was on a hospital," I said, sighing. "And I am sad.."
And that's when I realized that I should have not tell him about the matter because I know he will offer another help. Why did not I think of it before I call him? Damn.
"What? Why? What happened? Have you seen your father?"
I shook my head, shoulders were sagged. "I have not. Mom would not let me.."
I heard him snorted from the other line. "What would you do now?"
I bit the insides of my cheeks. "I will look for another job because I have to pay the bills."
"What?" he sounded disbelief. "You are the one who would pay the bills? And why is that, Astra? Does your mother has no work to do it herself? That was not even your responsibility!"
"H-hey, it was my responsibility. I am part of the family, Jinx. Uh, I will look for another work than the café. Uhm, can you s-suggest a workplace where I could go and apply?"
"Oh, come on, Astra. You are not fine yet. Would you let yourself fucking sick? Think of yourself too."
"I have to work. If you do not want to help me, then don't. I will just do it myself."
He became silent for a moment. "Wait for me, where are you? I will go there and bring you to the workplace that I think you would like to work to."
My lips formed a bitter smile. "Alright, thanks. I will wait for you here. I am beside the known hospital. You already know where is it."
"Alright, Astra. I will get there in a minute, I guess?"
Before I abled to ask where he was, he already ended the call. I sighed and looked down at my phone hopelessly. I then rolled my eyes and put it inside my pocket. He did not even waited for my response and just hung up the call.
I looked around. A tears fell down my cheeks again and all I could do was to wipe them away. I do not want people around see me crying.
Damn. I am so ugly when I cry.
"I am already tired.." I whispered and looked up. "Please, Lord. Help me passing through this. I.. I am already tired."
No one appreciates me. Even my sisters. My family in my mother's side always hates me and I could not take it anymore. I am fucking tired and I already wants to rest.
My mind could not take any things anymore. It could not grasp anymore. I want to die.
Yes, I want to die but I have to live.
I was too preoccupied with my thoughts when a motorcycle stopped right in front of me. I forced a smile when I saw that it was Jinx with a helmet on his head.
"Let's go?"
I nodded my head and stood up from sitting on a bench. I went to the back of the motor and hop in so he could start driving through the way.
"You cried again, I am just here, Astra."
I just held tight of his knapsack and did not bother to respond. He was driving fast. I closed my eyes when heavy winds came across us. It felt so good.
I hope to have a normal life like others whom passed by this wind.
"What place is this?" I asked Jinx as he stopped his motor in front of a mansion.I was staring at the big mansion because it was really stunning! It was like in a fantasy movies because it felt surreal. I never saw like this in my entire life, not to mention fictions. It was really very beautiful and insanely huge."You will work here as a secretary of a businessman," he said and shrugged his shoulders. I then gulped. What? Secretary? I do not even know how being secretary works and I am still a minor and know nothing!"I would prefer being maid instead of being secretary," I said and shook my head. I was a bit nervous because I could not believe him!And if that, how can we get inside? It was so obvious that it was secured. In just one glance, you will know that if you try to knock the door, securities will kill the hell out of you."Oh, no. Being maid does not suit to you. Do not worry, Astra. This job is easy."I slightly punched h
It was like a very cold water bathed my whole body.Coldness started to run through my system and I felt weak. My phone fell on the floor and that made a sound. The phone breaks and I did not pay attention to it anymore because I felt numb. I could not think clear.If the phone was broken, I am more broken. Pool of tears started to shred down my cheeks so I covered my mouth to stop my sobs. I felt Jinx and Mister Adonis looking at me. When my knees could not take it anymore, I knelt down the floor and looked at the blank floor."Astra?" Jinx called but I did not able to answer. He wagged my shoulders to get my attention, but I was driven by the thought of my father.No, no. This can't be. Dad will never leave us like this. He survived. He did not died! He did not!I gulped very hard and wiped the tears away. I had to go to the hospital so I would see him. I stood up with the left courage in me and faced the two men that was now looking at me
I do not know how to show myself to them anymore. Shame would not leave my system and I also blame myself for being this. Even if I want to defend myself that I am a good woman, the opposite always shows at me. Yes, I did not wished to live. They just made me to suffer. But they also suffers because of me. Sometimes, I also think that what if I did not born? Will my family would not suffer? They are surely happily living without me. Just like what mom has said, she told me earlier that they were already living happy and peaceful as I left. It will really be a good thing so not show myself because I always brings jinx to everyone. And that's when I get it. That is why I have Jinx because fate want to make me realize that I have the bad luck with me. And will accompany me with everything. Fuck this life. I covered my whole face with the white pillow and cried there out loud. I am here inside Sew's unit because I do no
Even if I wanted to die already, someone would still really saves me. I want to end my suffering. The pain here in my heart was too much and I think I could not handle it anymore.I do not wanna live forever.Fuck this life. I am tired anymore. I want to rest. Everything is too much for me.I have a lot of problems and my mind could not even grasp them all anymore. It was like my head wants to explode because of too much thoughts. How I wish I know nothing. How I fucking wish I have no brain because I do not want to think and know how cruel the world is.I fucking hate my damn life!"Astra, hey."I felt someone wagged my shoulders lightly. I groaned when I tried to move my hands. It was like I was frozen and I could not even move. I felt my body numb hence I could not explain what I was feeling to the exact."Astra, you are tearing up. I bet you are already awake. Stop thinking bad things, can you?"I heard Jinx's voice again p
I don't know what did just happened. But I was shocked because I continued living. I could not say that I am happy, but at least, I went on in life. I still survived with the cruel world I belong.I am still not fine because I was suffering depression and anxiety. It was so hard to the point that I want to die already, because my mind and heart could not take the pain anymore. It was so fucking hard.But there is really someone who would not leave you."Astra, eat this." I pursed my lips when Jinx sat beside me. I was just lying on my bed and was staring at the blank ceiling. He attached his palm on my forehead to check my temperature and shook his head after feeling how hot I am. "Take meds later, eat this first."I nodded my head even if I struggled doing it. He guided me get up and leaned against the headboard of the bed with pillow against my back and the wood. I am not hungry, but I have to eat something. I do not want to get sick more be
"Wow, it's good here..." I uttered in amazement when Jinx told me that we should go to the backyard of a unique house. It was really good.The looks of the backyard was so good in the eyes. It has a lot of flowers that could attract someone. The Bermuda grass was cut nicely. I do not know who owns this but I admire them for making this beautiful view and for taking care of it."You know who owns this...?" I asked Jinx in a slow manner. When I looked at him, he was already staring at me. My cheeks then heated because the way he really stares at me was different. I see something that I should not see and know."Me," he said and forced a smile. He then looked away while I was stunned. Really? I would always be surprise to the things he shows at me and I would know later on that he owns amazing things? That he was a part of everything I was amazed of."W-wow, how nice, Jinx..." I whispered and smiled. He bit his lower lip and just nod his head, could not even
It was so hard to live with no freedom. It was not easy to just see the darkness and you are struggling seeking for the light. It was hard to live if you do not even want to. It was hard to do everything that you are not even fond of. It was so freaking hard like you're in hell.I covered my face with a white pillow and stopped myself from crying again. But I am not that strong to stop my tears from falling. And since I am just alone here in my room, I just let my sobs come out my mouth for me not to struggle from breathing.It was been weeks when I choses to study at home but I could not focus myself on the lessons because something bad was stealing my mind which made me to not think clearly.Even Jinx was confused because of my situation. Not that he do not know my problems and where I was suffering. I know he was getting tired of taking care of me because I always do the same thing. I do not eat that much and I prefer crying in the pillows.I always sa
I don't get myself anymore.I sighed heavily and wiped my tears strolled down my cheeks. Funny why I am crying in the midst of washing the dishes I have used after I eat. I remembered my family and especially my father, I miss them but they do not even do the same.I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying nonstop. When I finished washing the plates, I looked at the time and saw that it was already six in the evening.I should go to sleep now.I yawned and stared at the blank wall. I do not know what would be the right thing to do since I could not think clearly. I closed all of the windows and doors first before I head to the room where I would be sleeping. But in the midst of walking towards the room, I saw a note plastered on the cabinet.It caught my attention because I have read his name over there — Jinx' name.I went near it and got it before I read what was written. "Always full your stomach and ta