Kieran’s POV
“Kieran Wu!” I stopped when I was about to hop inside my car. Mom followed me and she was worried sick. “Son, you’ve just got discharged from the hospital. Where do you think are you going?” Her voice was so soft and caring but it screamed anxiety.
I don’t know. To be honest, I don’t really know where I am going. Hell, I just got out of the hospital after three months and now I’m going to drive my car to look for someone I can’t even remember. But why the fuck does this feel right? Why do I feel like I am doing the right thing?
I don’t even understand any of this.
“Calm down, Kieran.” Mom held my arm and closed the door of my car. “You rest for tonight, okay? Just get a breather.” She told me carefully and softly.
“But…” I hesitated to say the next words. I don’t know if I should tell her. Fucking shit I don’t know what to do.
Mom waited for me to continue my sentence but I stopped. And I gave up. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should just get a breather. Maybe I’m just getting swayed and shocked by everything that happened. I should just rest and think of remembering everything tomorrow.
“Let’s get inside, Mom.” I told her and she smiled as she hooked her arm around mine.
I don’t know why I feel so regretful about not finding her and taking care of her. Heck, maybe I need to rest.
I didn’t even greet the visitors and I just went straight to my room and threw myself on my bed. It feels different. The bed in the hospital could not even compare to the softness of my bed.
I sighed heavily and faced the ceiling. I don’t know why I can’t remember anything. Dr. Lee said I didn’t wake up from sleep for three months and that it is not at all that one could experience what I’ve been through. Everything is normal but I can’t wake up.
I could be a case of the male sleeping beauty, as everyone – even the nurses – claimed.
I creased my brow when I heard something ring. It was beep actually. Maybe a message? I looked over my bedside table and saw my phone. I believe it is mine because it is in my room, on my bedside table.
A message was flashed through the screen.
From: Love ♥
Congratulations on your discharge! I hope you had a great time with your homecoming welcome party. Be healthy from now on. Good night, Love. I love you.
I narrowed my eyes on the screen. I prepared to type my reply in.
To: Love ♥
Where are you?
I opened the message thread and read all our past conversations. I widened my eyes as I felt goose bumps all over my body.
To: Love ♥
I’m not going to give you the moon and the stars, Love. I’m going to give you the whole galaxy because you’re worth every asteroid and comet from the Milky Way. Remember that. And that doesn’t even compare to how much I love you. Good night, Love. Stop writing, it’s late. Please rest more, my Milky Way.
Date: October 8, 2014, 12:03AM
To: Love ♥
My boss told me I am the luckiest man on Earth because you brought me lunch. Thank you, Love. You’ll always be my lucky charm.
Date: September 26, 2014, 1:31PM
To: Love ♥
(Voice message)
I’m never gonna say goodbye cause I never wanna see you cry. I swoere to you my love would remain and I swear it all over again and I… I’m never gonna treat you bad cause I never wanna see you sad. I swore to share your joy and your pain. And I swear it all over again. All over again.
Good night, Love. Happy Third Anniversary! I love you. Forever and always.
Date: September 7, 2014, 12:00AM
I looked at my phone’s calendar. Sixth of January, 2015. There was a reminder for tomorrow. Seventh of January.
12:00AM: Greet Ashin for our fortieth month together.
5:30AM: Get the bouquet of tulips at Bonsai Flower Shop.
6:00AM: Deliver it to Ashin’s house. Wake her up. Take her out for breakfast.
8:00AM: Accompany her to visit her Father.
10:00AM: Take her to the beach. Let her cry her heart out.
12:00PM: Eat lunch with her in a cottage with her favorite crabs. Then, take her to swimming for the next hours.
6:00PM: Prepare the picnic dinner.
7:00PM: Stargazing with her.
I froze on my post. How come everything was planned like this? How deep was I even in love with her for me to plan things like this?
I checked on the next dates and every reminder was connected to her.
What the hell? Since when have I been this obsessed to a girl?
Is this why her best friend is too angry at me? Because I was this in love with her before and now she’s back to square one?
I gulped as I imagined myself acting like this. I couldn’t even imagine how attracted I am to her. But this. This is too much. When have I loved someone else like this?
I dialed Ashin’s number and placed the phone on my ear. One ring. Two rings. Three rings. No one was answering. But she just texted me not so many minutes ago!
“Hello! This is Ashin. Sorry, I’m busy right now. Leave your message after the beep.”
My body froze at the mere sound of her recording for her answering machine. My heart is beating rapidly I don’t know if I can even handle the speed of the beats. It’s as if my heart is going to explode. Why did I have to feel like this?
I took several consecutive deep breaths as I held onto my chest. Why am I reacting this weirdly? Why do I feel like I’ve just filled some space in my heart?
I brought my phone down and concentrated on breathing properly.
I haven’t even recovered when my phone rang.
Love ♥ calling…
My eyes widened at the mere second that I read the name flashed on the screen. I don’t know if this is excitement or something beyond that…but, trembling, I accepted the call.
“Hello? Kieran?”
I narrowed my eyes at the name she called me. Kieran? I know that my name is Kieran but damn it! Why is my heart starting to beat faster again?
“Hello? Hello? Kieran? Are you there?”
I still couldn’t talk because my heart is beating really loud to the point that I couldn’t even think straight. What would I tell her? What would I ask her?
Fuck this! Why did I even call her in the first place?
“Is this Kieran Wu? Hello? Are you alright?”
She continued to ask more questions but I, as well, continued to think of nothing good to reply to her.
Why the fuck can’t I concentrate?
“Did you just dial my number by mistake?” Her voice sounded so sad and disappointed. I want to tell her that it’s not the case but nothing is coming out of my mouth.
I heard her sigh from the other line. “Fine,” she let out a deep breath. “Since I think you’re not even listening, can I just take this chance to greet you happy fortieth month together in advance?”
I continued to listen.
“I know it’s impossible for us to be together tomorrow so I’m greeting you now. I don’t even know if we’re still together since you can’t remember me but anyway, I want you to know that I will always love you no matter what.” She paused and I heard sobs from the other line.
Fucking shit! She’s crying. Just from hearing her sobs, I felt bad. Not only for her but even for myself. I am the most horrible person in the whole world. Why did I even have to call her again?
I felt weird because even though I can’t remember her, I can feel my heart breaking into millions of pieces. Is it normal to feel this way?
“I hope and pray that you’ll always be healthy and happy. I don’t want to hear from your friends that you went back to the hospital again.” She chuckled weakly but I know that by now, she’s crying. “Today, I went to my Dad’s grave alone for the first time in a long time. I missed you but I thought to myself, if you couldn’t remember me forever, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.”
My mouth opened as I wanted to tell her something. But what would I tell her? I can’t even remember her.
“I’ve lost the greatest man in my life ten years ago and I have gotten over it. Probably, losing the second best won’t be as painful as losing a father. I could move on and live on without you if I had to.” She took another deep breath.
“If this is the last time you’re going to hear my voice – if you’re listening from the other line, I don’t want you hearing that I can’t live without you, but rather, I want you to know that for the past forty months in my life, you were the reason of my happiness. Thank you for loving me. I’m going to hang up now. Bye, Love.”
Then she was gone. And suddenly, unknowingly, I felt my whole life crashing down under my feet.
Five weeks later…“Ashin!”I looked at the direction where the voice came from. I am on my way to the entrance of the office when someone called me.I smiled at Harold Lee who was waving enthusiastically at me. I walked to him and greeted him. “Hey! What are you doing here?” I asked him.He shrugged. “Kieran is going for a job interview here.” He told me.I raised my brow. “Here?” I asked in disbelief.He nodded. “Yes.” He removed his sunglasses. “His mother asked me to come and check up on him.” He replied making me chuckle. Check up on him? What does his mother think Kieran is? A kindergarten?Harold narrowed his eyes on me. “Don’t laugh. He’s still under my therapy so I still need to check up on him from time to time.” He explained and I raised my both hands in surrender.“Fine! Fine. You win, Dr. Lee.”
“Here’s the manuscript, Mr. Kim.” I told my boss as I placed the newly pressed manuscript on the table. It was the manuscript of my upcoming book.Mr. Kim looked at me and smiled brightly. “It’s nice to see you doing well, Ashin.” He told me.I smiled back and nodded. Mr. Kim isn’t the kind of boss that’s terror and bossy. He blends in with the employees. When I was on the stage of giving up, he was blessing me with those friendly advices. He’s a good man. I’m even a godmother of one of his kids.“You look so good today, as well, Mr. Kim.” I beamed.He chuckled. “I just interviewed an intelligent cartoonist.” He replied. “I’m really impressed.” He’s nodding.I gulped and figured out that he was talking about Kieran. Of course Kieran is a good cartoonist. He was one of the heads of their department before his incident. He has the experience an
From: Kieran WuI don’t see you in the office. Is this your day off?I don’t know what to really feel when I read the text message. Kieran is looking for me in the office. Oh yeah. I forgot that it’s his first day at work.To: Kieran WuI don’t go to the office every day. I got up from bed and took a bath. Today is going to be a long day. I’m going to shop for Gina’s birthday gift. She’s celebrating it tonight at a bar. I bet she rented the whole VIP room for this.“Okay, Ashin Kim. Try to not think about him today.” I muttered to myself repeatedly as I walked out of the bathroom and changed.I saw my phone on the bedside table and sighed. I guess I needed to change digits. I should’ve done it a long time ago, anyway.From: Kieran WuThat’s sad. I thought I’
Harold Lee looked at Kieran after uttering those words. "Hi, Kieran! I didn't know you were here, too." He beamed with a smile.My back's turned at Kieran so I couldn't see what his reaction was. I didn't want to know, though. Anyways, I know that she's holding onto Bianca's waist, pulling her close to him.Damn."Joshua invited me." Kieran replied curtly. I can hear frustration in his voice. What could be frustrating him? I don't know. Is it because I didn't text him back?What did he even text me anyway?Gina looked at me with narrowed and questioning eyes. I shook my head and she smiled at Kieran, fake in nature, of course. "Nice to meet you and your Bianca, Kieran." I know that sarcastic tone.I heard Bianca enthusiastically greet her happy birthday and hug her. I can only imagine Gina's explosion inside. She must be dying to pull each of her hair out.Bianca looked at me and smiled. "You're Ashin, right?" She asked and I nodded.
Friends.I have always wanted to have a lot of friends. I have never been hurt gaining friends in my life. I have never been this bitter over a friend before. I used to be so happy to have many friends and I am even happier to gain more.But hell, I hated how he easily asked me to become his friend as if it was the most normal thing to happen when he knew the truth about us. We were once lovers. We didn't have the closure we needed for us to end our relationship properly.Or maybe, perhaps, he did have the closure. I didn't.Perhaps, I am a fool for still wishing for him to remember me even though everything is telling that he is not going to. Not in a million years. Not when he’s always with his girlfriend. How can I even expect him to think of him when his hot model girlfriend is right in front of his eyes?I must be crazy!It’s been a week since I last spoke with Kieran and now, I’m going to the office. I didn’t wa
“What do you want, honey?” Bianca was all over Kieran in front of me. She was a slave for him. Damn, she does everything he wants.I looked down and just focused on my food. I need to eat to be strong. It doesn’t matter if I live with Kieran or not, I just needed to be strong. I needed to be strong for myself. I can’t be so dependent on one person when I’ve lived my life perfectly before he came.How come it happens like that? We are too broken, sometimes, that we tend to forget that once, we have lived perfectly without that person who left us. We were fine with ourselves alone. We were fine with our own group of friends. Until he comes and everything just changes. Then he leaves and everything just comes crashing down. No self-worth. No dignity.“Are you not hungry?” Harold’s voice brought me back to reality.I was thinking too much. I was thinking too deep that I know is not healthy anymore.I look
Kieran and I stayed inside the restaurant for a few moments more. He waited until my tears all ran dry. To be honest, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to feel. All I know is that I needed to cry my heart out. Even for one last time.“Are you alright now?” Kieran asked me so softly that I think he’s trying to be careful of what he’ll tell me. I believe he’s scared of making me hurt more.I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, though.I nodded and took a deep breath. “You should forget about this.” I told him.He narrowed his eyes on me. I know he’s very curious but I don’t think it’s the right time to tell him yet. He’s still hasn’t been fully recovered from his amnesia. He may seem to think that he is, but he’s not. He’s still uncertain. I can see it in his eyes.“Ashin,” he held my cheek to make me face him but
Kieran was not beside me when the morning came. I woke up alone and…wrapped around blankets.I knew I was making a mistake last night. I also know that there’s no one to blame other than myself. I gave in. Just like that I shouldn’t be acting like it is been robbed from me. I was not a virgin anymore before it happened last night but why do I feel like I have just been devirginized then left behind. Hit and run. Why do I feel like I am a victim of hit and run? I don’t even get it.I shut my eyes and remembered everything that happened last night. He came to my unit yearning for me. I know. I can feel it from his kisses, from his touches. I cannot stop myself from asking questions in my mind – questions that I didn’t even verbalize.Does he remember me?Does he remember us?Does he want me back?Does he want us back?I sighed and went straight to the bathroom and tried to live normally. Nor