Chapter 36

I’ve had black outs but none like this. None where I am conscious yet still in the dark. I can’t feel my body. I can only feel the pain. I’m left alone with my thoughts with my memories, attacking me every chance they get. I don’t need air, I don’t feel the pain. I just feel pent up emotions from years where I never knew the were being build up. I feel the anger, the hate, guilt, the blame. I feel everything when all I want is nothing.

I want nothing. I need nothing. Nothing is better than this. Being no one is better than being someone with no one. No one to love, no one to trust. I lost it all I will lose it all. The hated becoming the hater. This was my curse. I’m the reason for the pain the suffering. Maybe I should be the one dead. I didn’t want to feel like this anymore. I wanted it to end.

I wanted to scream but how do you scream when you don’t have a body. When your locked in the darkness of your own mind. How do y