Collapsing Castle

— What animal bit you? Why all this rush? — I asked still trying to reason why my body was clinging to the bed and my brain hadn't woken up yet.

— Ah, I got a call from the service, Renata won't be able to go today, I'm going to have to open the clinic and a client called me in despair with a very bad puppy, I hope it's not what I'm thinking, because the symptoms match.

I admired the professional that Rafa was, always very focused and had an immense love for what he did; it doesn't matter if they woke her up in the middle of the night, she would help without blinking.

— I'll make you a sandwich to take and eat on the way, or there.

"Oh thank you, I love you!"

I smiled and went towards the kitchen, separated the bread, cheese and ham and left it under the table to facilitate the preparation, I ran my eyes through the fridge looking for something that even I couldn't remember what it was, when I finally close giving up thanks to my recurrent amnesia I come across my friend at the door saying goodbye to his crush.

As soon as the boy left, Pedro walked towards me, almost skipping, with a silly smile on his face.

- Want some help? he asked with his passionate face that I hadn't seen in a while.

- I don't even need to ask anything, do I? , considering I could hear your silly laughter... just a friend isn't it? I smiled as I stuffed the sandwich for Rafael.

- Oh, really? His face was a mixture of astonishment and embarrassment, but it was quickly replaced by his goofy face again. — Oh, nothing happened, we talked a lot, it's just that... he's perfect, I swear I'm trying not to create expectations or all those things that I always feed and I get screwed in the end, but this time it's different; he can understand me and I feel safe, at the same time I want to cause that feeling in him too.

- You are in love. It's official! Rafa, soldier down. I yelled from the kitchen and saw her coming in like a madwoman, taking the bowl where I kept the sandwich from my hands and stuffing it in her purse.

“I already knew as soon as I laid eyes on that guy, honestly? If you didn't take it, I would; I want all the details when I get back, I love you and Ther, don't be late! was the last thing she said before blowing air kisses and walking out the door.

Pedro was on another planet that day, I haven't seen him like this for a long time, honestly? I don't think I've ever seen him like this before; I always saw him suffer a lot in this area, mainly because of all the prejudice around him; he was a very handsome young man, he had porcelain white skin, sometimes it looked like he had never had a pimple in his life, ebony black hairs that contrasted but curiously matched perfectly with his tone; tall, brown eyes, very intelligent and dedicated to everything he did; I have never seen anyone more obstinate than him; usually the girls lined up, the boys too... I've never seen anyone manage to steal hearts so easily, but he was kind, sweet... he came into my life when I least expected it and it was like a meeting of souls; I called him my “parabatai”, according to Cassandra Clare's books (someone we share an immense passion for) parabatai are two people bound to each other by an oath to fight together for the rest of their lives, a type of bond created by proximity, something that can resemble brotherhood, a meeting of souls, there is only one in life and he was certainly mine.

I got ready quickly to face another exhausting day towards work, I had coffee with Pedro while he told me how he had met Sebastian, who was here earlier; after that I ran to the bus stop and by a miracle I found an empty seat where I could rest my seventy-five-year-old spine trapped in the body of a twenty-four-year-old girl.

I could be complaining and grumpy as usual, but as soon as I got off the bus I saw something that made an involuntary smile spread across my lips.

Benjamim was there, with a striped coat over his black T-shirt, wearing his jeans and sneakers; the strands of hair neatly lined up, the glasses falling over his face as he lifted his head as if looking for something and as soon as he saw me, his face completely lit up; a smile was drawn on his lips and I had a crazy intention of running to hug him, but I controlled myself, I was really happy to see him.

“Hi, I was trying my luck that you'd come down this way. he said as soon as I approached. — I was going to text you but thought maybe it would be better in person; I saw that she was really excited about the reading and was wondering if, after her shift, she wouldn't want to go have something to eat with me... it could be nearby or even somewhere you know, I don't know...

I smiled at his babbling, he barely stopped for breath in the middle of words, he was excited and very anxious, that could tell.

— Well, that's fine with me, I really want to clear up some doubts with you... I only managed to fall asleep after I finished reading, it totally captured me.

He replied with a smile and looked a little embarrassed; I knew I was embarrassed, it wasn't hard to provoke that in him."Well, so you text me the time and place?" I need to go, I don't want to be late."Of course, as soon as I leave, I'll text you." — he nodded smiling, he was already getting ready to leave, when I called him by name and he turned back. “Benjamin? What would you do if I hadn't come down here? He couldn't wait too long, he could hurt himself at work.- I'm patient; I've waited long enough and I'd certainly try again tomorrow, see you later.I didn't fully understand your sentence, but it shouldn't matter, I was in a good mood today and not even Eleonor could steal that from me today.As soon as I arrived at work I saw the same old things being repeated; Eleonor offering herself in front of the coffee machine, people talking, others using social networks while they were in attendance and, for the most part, no one was satisfied with being there. Before I snuggled into my seat, I felt a firm hand touch my shoulder and I realized it was Cesar, my boss, I froze there instantly wondering what I had done wrong.— Esther, go to my office, I need to talk to you.

 

His tone sent a chill creeping through my body, that couldn't be good; I walked slowly behind him and saw Eleonor give me the sign of strength; okay, maybe I was anxious for nothing, I was a good employee and maybe I was trying to promote myself, isn't it? Okay, there was nothing to be afraid of.

As soon as we entered, César closed the door behind me and took a seat in the chair behind his desk, put on his glasses and evaluated some papers under the table, I confess that I was starting to get nervous about it; he cleared his throat before starting to speak.

“Well Esther, we're making some cutbacks here; and it has been difficult for me to assume this role because we have good employees here, but the quantity has not been good for the finances... I have the papers here for you to sign, we will give you everything you are entitled to, we will pay for the time you stayed here, all within the law, but unfortunately, we will not be able to continue with you here.

My heart gave irregular beats, it couldn't be true, I was being fired?

"Wait, I'm getting fired?" But I work hard here and...

He raised his hand asking me to stop.

“Understand that this is nothing personal; it's a question of the economy, we're going through a bad time, that's all.

I nodded, but inside I was screaming; I signed those papers feeling that I was signing my defeat; my life couldn't be better, I lost the only income I had, what would I do now to help with the costs? Pay rent? What would I say to my parents?

I left César's room and went towards my desk, collected my things and left, with a lump forming in my throat, I felt at that moment, when I saw that I would no longer need to step there, a mixture of relief and agony. I had no idea what to do nowI took the bus and went back home; the apartment was empty, calm; with Pedro and Rafaela at work, that place was peaceful and lonely. I put the box where my things were under the couch and got a carton of ice cream from the fridge; I threw myself on it and turned on the tv, I didn't have much else to do except that; now I was just another Brazilian in the huge queue of the unemployed.

My adult life was much more difficult than what I wanted at fifteen, I wasn't satisfied with anything; I wasn't happy with my appearance, with the professional area, the love area didn't even exist, the emotional life was in conflict... sometimes I feel too ungrateful, I feel like I complain too much; I know that everything that is happening has a reason, maybe it's my fault, maybe it's karma, but there is a reason.

Now I was frustrated, getting fat on strawberry ice cream and melancholy, that's all I needed at that moment to fall again.