Chapter 4

I went to the seashore that I saw a few meters away from the house. I spent my time thinking about my experiences in life. What happened in the past that brought me so much disappointment, discontentment, and above all...pain.

Sino nga ba ang dapat sisihin dito? Hindi ako. My parents made me like this. They smeared dirt on my poor childhood.

"Psst!"

I winced in shock and gasped when someone touched my shoulders. Mabilis akong napatayo mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa malaking bato na nakita ko rito sa dalampasigan. Nang makita ko kung sino 'yon ay nawala ang bigat sa dibdib ko at sa halip ay galit ang umusbong sa 'kin.

"Can you stay away from me?!"

He cracked up. I squinted my eyes and screamed in annoyance.

"You're such an idiot! I hate you! I hate you all!"

I covered my face with my hand and screamed again.

"Isigaw mo pa," he blurted.

My hands squeezed into fists. "Don't tell me what to do! Pwede bang 'wag mo na akong pakialaman, kuya?"

Mas lalo siyang tumawa sa sinabi ko. I can't believe this. Is he a psychopath?

"Hindi mo na pala ako natatandaan...."

I put my hands on my hips and shook my head in disbelief. Of course, I won't remember him because I haven't seen him until now! Ano bang trip ng lalaking ito?

"Mukhang problemado ka, a. Anong problema?"

I glanced at him and saw him smiling. I drew an exasperated sigh.

"I hate your smile," I said in disgust and looked away.

I heard his chuckles again. I rolled my eyes and let him do what he wants.

"Gusto ko 'yang pagsusungit mo. Parang noong mga bata pa lang tayo...."

Napabaling ako sa sinabi niya. How come he knows me?

"I couldn't recall seeing you for nineteen years," I informed him.

"Ako, oo. Natatandaan pa kita. Apo ka ni Lola Penya, 'di ba?"

I shrugged. "Can't recall you."

"Jason. Son ang palayaw ko. Ikaw si Claudia, 'di ba? Didi ang palayaw mo noon. Inaasar pa kita no'n dahil ayaw mong tinatawag kita sa palayaw mo."

Ramdam ko ang panginginit ng pisngi ko. Sa sobrang kahihiyan ay nakapagsinungaling ulit ako.

"Hindi talaga kita matandaan. Sorry. I'll go back na."

Tumayo na ako at inayos ang pantalon ko. Tumingin ako sandali kay Jason. Hindi nga nagbabago ang mukha niya. Bata pa lang ay alam ko ng magiging guwapo siya paglaki namin. Look at him now, he's the same old Son I used to play with.

"Nice to meet you, Jason. I have to go."

He smiled at me before I turned my back on him.

"Claudia!"

Bumaling ulit ako kay Jason. Nakikita ko pa rin ang mukha niya dahil sa maliwanag na buwan. Nanatili ako sa ganoong posisyon.

"Kung kailangan mo ng makakausap, nandito laang ako. Handang makinig."

Napangiti ako. Tumango ako at tumalikod na. Bumalik ako sa bahay. Pagbukas ko pa lamang ng pinto ay nakita ko na kaagad si Mommy.

Her face was serious. She's mad, figures. I didn't mind her and continued to walk upstairs.

"Stay, young lady. We have to talk."

"We always talk," I answered back.

"Come here."

I took a sharp breath and crossed my arms before turning myself on her.

"What do you want? Ipaiintindi mo na naman ba sa akin na kailangan nating manatili rito? Sawang-sawa na ako, Mommy!"

"Claudia!"

Natigil ako sa sigaw niya. I fell in rapid breaths. I couldn't stay calm anymore.

"I'm always following whatever you say! Can you please let me do whatever I want? Don't I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to be locked up here? I hate it here!"

"It's your grandmother's wish, Claudia. How could I try to reject that? She wants you here. Can you at least, please understand that?"

I gritted my teeth and stayed quiet.

"You have the time in the world to do what you please. But your grandmother, we don't know until when she'd live. Do you want to waste time partying with your useless friends rather than spending your time with your grandmother?

Do you want to spend your life without knowing her? Claudia, I'm asking you. Would you please spend a month with her? After that, you could do whatever you please."

She stood up and walked towards me.

"Do you want to be with your father? I'll let you after this. Do you want to take the course your father took instead of my profession? I'll let you do that, after this. Am I making myself clear?"

I massaged my temples and nodded in regret.

"Do I have your word?"

"Always."

I turned my back on my mother and went upstairs to get some rest. I was about to walk inside when I saw a door opened in the right corner of the corridor. I haven't seen the whole house yet and this room intrigued me.

Naglakad ako palapit doon. May tatlong hakbang pataas patungo sa pinto. Hinayaan ko ang sarili na tingnan kung anong meron sa kwarto sa taas.

I stepped up slowly until I reached the door. There I saw a room that's not as clean as the other rooms. I looked at my grandmother's back. She's doing something at the table.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

She could hear me, of course. Pumasok ako sa loob ng attic. Hindi kalakihan 'yon pero maliwanag. Sa kanang bahagi ay may katamtamang laki ng bookshelf na nasa dingding, it's my first time seeing a bookshelf full of old books.

"I saw the door's open. What are you doing?"

Humarap siya sa 'kin. "Halika."

Lumapit kaagad ako. Nakita ko ang isang lapis at libro sa lamesa.

"Nagsusulat ka?"

"Tama ka, hija."

Pinanood ko ang paghawak niya sa lapis at muling nagsulat. I couldn't read what she's writing.

"Is this where you spend most of your time? Writing?"

Sumandal ako sa dingding habang pinapanood ang seryosong pagsusulat ni Grandma.

"Oo. Buti na lamang at maliwanag pa ang aking paningin. Noong panahon namin ay hindi pa napapanahon ang telepono o telebisyon."

I raised a brow. "How did you and Grandpa meet?"

She looked at me and stopped writing.

"Matalik kong kaibigan si Boston. Nagugustuhan ko na siya noon pa lamang kami'y mga bata. Hanggang sa isang araw ay umamin siya ng kaniyang nararamdaman sa akin. Nilagawan niya ako at kalauna'y pumayag akong maging asawa niya. Hindi na kinakailangan ng telepono noon upang makapag-usap kami...nagsusulatan kaming dalawa."

"That's why you love writing?"

Matamis ang ngiting ibinigay niya sa 'kin. But her eyes don't look happy.

"Parehas naming mahal ang pagsusulat at hanggang ngayon ay hinding-hindi ko magawang tumigil. Ito na nga siguro ang nag-uugnay sa aming dalawa ng iyong lolo."

How lucky of her to find a man who'll love her so much.

"How did Grandpa died?"

For some reason ay nakita ko sa mga mata ni Grandma ang gulat nang tingnan niya ako. I couldn't think of anything wrong with my question. Siguro ay hanggang ngayon ay nami-miss niya pa rin si Grandpa.

"You don't have to answer, Grandma. It's okay."

Nanahimik siya sandali.

"Alam kong sa panahon ngayon ay hindi mo gugustuhing makulong sa lumang bahay na ito. Naiintindihan ko kayong mga kabataan. Ngunit hindi ba ay maganda rin ito para magkaroon ka nang mapayapang pag-iisip? Walang kaguluhan dito sa probinsya ng Batangas. Maaari kang bumisita riyan sa tabing-dagat o hindi naman ay sa kabundukan."

"I don't need sceneries that would give me peace of mind, Grandma. But I would prefer to see those places rather than seeing my mother and Sofia every minute."

"Kung ganoon ay mayroon akong gustong ipakita sa 'yong lugar kung saan natitiyak kong hindi mo makikita ang ina mo."

I stood up straight and leaned forward. She stopped writing and gave me a smile I haven't seen yet.

"Ngunit saka ko laang sasabihin sa iyo sa oras na kailangan ko nang magpaalam."

I tilted my head and licked my lips. I inched backward.

"You spoiled my curiosity. Why would I wait for you to die before I learn about that place you're talking about, Grandma?"

She nodded repeatedly and chuckled.

"Malalaman mo rin kalaunan, apo. Ika'y magpahinga na at bukas ay panibagong araw na naman."

I let out a harsh breath and walked through the door.

"Another boring day tomorrow. I can't wait."

What's that place she wanted to tell me that I won't see my mother and Sofia? If that's the case, I'll probably stay there and maybe that is where I belong.