I thought I won't be seeing myself on this vacation. But here I am, traveling with my mother and my sister for God knows how many hours. I groaned in annoyance.
"What's wrong, Claudia?"
Everything about this is wrong. I looked at my sister sitting on my lap.
"Let me drive us there. I want to drive instead of being a pillow for this girl," I said in a disgusted tone.
"Hold her for another hour. Malapit na rin naman tayo."
I cursed inside of my head. Namamanhid na ang binti ko at hindi rin ako makagalaw dahil sa bigat nitong si Sofia. I drew a long breath. I have no choice and let this slide.
An hour had passed and an hour again. After three hours, my mom stopped in an old big house.
"I didn't know Grandma's house is bigger than ours."
"This is my father's house. The other one we visited when you were younger was your grandmother's, do you still remember?"
Tiningnan ko ang mga mata ni Mommy. Umiling ako.
"No. It's a long time ago. Come on, my legs are killing me."
Dahil sa hindi ako makalakad ay nanatili na lang ako sandali sa sasakyan. Inilagay ko ang earphones sa tainga ko at pumikit. Nakatulog ako sa hampas ng hangin sa akin mula sa labas ng bintana.
Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay napakinggan ko ang malakas na pagbuhos ng ulan. Napatingin ako sa labas.
"What the heck?" I screamed when I saw a guy shouting at me outside.
Hindi ko naman mapakinggan kung anong sinasabi niya kaya hinayaan ko na lang siyang nababasa ng ulan. Itinaas ko nang tuluyan ang bintana at niyakap ang katawan ko.
Nangunot ang noo ko nang mapakinggan ang malakas na pagbukas ng pinto ng driver seat.
"Oh, my gosh! Who are you? Get out of this car now!" I yelled at the guy who was outside earlier.
"Makikisilong muna ako. Sandali laang."
I shook my head. "You're getting our seat wet. Basa ka na rin naman, hayaan mo nang mabasa ka pa."
Tiningnan niya ako nang mariin. His jaw tightened when he observed my body. Niyakap ko lalo ang katawan ko.
"Get out. Now."
"Huwag kang masyadong arogante. Hindi ka rin naman maganda."
Nanlisik ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. Kinuha ko ang bag ko sa back seat.
"Hindi ka lalabas? I'm going to hit you with this bag! Mabigat 'to!"
Tumawa siya bigla na ikinagulat ko. Suminghal ako at ibinagsak na lang basta ang bag sa tabi ko.
"O? Nagsawa ka na kaagad? Tindi! Makikisilong lang ho ako. Hindi kita pagsasamantalahan."
I made a face and crossed my arms. We got quiet after. I wrapped myself in my arms and watched the rain that has kept pouring for half an hour. I found myself sleeping again with no assurance that the guy beside me will take advantage of me or not.
"Claudia, anak!"
Nagising ako sa malakas na katok sa bintanang malapit sa akin. Kinusot ko ang mata ko at binuksan ang pinto.
"You should go inside. Let's go. Your grandmother has been waiting for you."
Hindi ako sumagot at tahimik na kinuha ang bag sa tabi ko. Napatingin ako sa driver seat. Wala na ro'n ang lalaking pumasok kanina. I shrugged and went outside with Mom.
When we entered the old house, I was fascinated.
"This looks vintage," I whispered in awe.
Iniwan ako ni Mommy sa sala. I looked at the wooden floor, two wooden benches and a table were in the center of the room, the windows were old unlike in our house, and the ceiling is lower.
"Claudia, apo."
My eyes darted at the old woman. She was holding a rod and wearing a long dress.
Lumapit ako sa kanya at tipid na ngumiti. I stared at her eyes, it was the same as Mom and mine. Her smile makes me want to smile too. She held my hand and grasped it tighter.
"Napakalaki na ng batang ito, oo. Ang liit mo pa noon, hija. Nagtatatakbo ka pa riyan sa bakuran noon kasama si Son. Kumusta ka na, hija?"
"Okay lang po ako," nahihiya kong tugon.
Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya at niyakap ako bigla. I felt my body got warm when she hugged me.
"Ilan taon ka na, hija? Hindi ba bente ka na?"
"Nineteen pa lang po."
For the whole hour, I've learned so much from her. About this house and about my mom that I didn't think I would know about.
"Hindi ko akalain na magkikita pa tayo. Sana ay maging maayos ang pananatili mo rito."
After our talk, Mom let me stay in the room and rest again. Now that I thought, it's alright to stay here and have my peace of mind. I felt relaxed but still bored.
At dinner, we ate together. It's my first time having dinner again with Mom and Sofia. I would rather choose to eat outside than be with them back then.
"Hanggang kailan kayo rito, Josefina? Itong pag-aaral nitong si Claudia ay maaantala."
Napatingin ako kay Mommy.
"We can stay for a month, Mama."
Nanlaki ang mata ko. Naibagsak ko ang kutsara sa plato ko. Tumingin sa akin si Mommy at Grandma.
"I thought we're only staying here for a week? You lied to me, Mom! I can't stay here for a month. I have nothing to do here!" I protested.
Nagulat ako nang ibagsak ni Mommy ang palad niya sa lamesa.
"If I say so, you don't have a choice but to follow."
Nagtiim-bagang ako.
"Mga hija, nasa harapan tayo ng pagkain. Mamaya n'yo na pag-usapan iyang mag-ina."
Umikot ang mata ko sa inis. Tumayo na ako at nagpaalam.
"Apo, ubusin mo ang pagkain na ibinigay sa 'yo," mariing utos ni Grandma.
"I can't. I lost my appetite. I wish I didn't choose to be here."
Tumalikod ako at bumalik sa kwartong tutulugan ko. I got my phone on the bed and dialed my dad's phone. Nagri-ring 'yon hanggang sa mapakinggan ko ang malalim na boses ni Dad.
"Dad...." I stammered.
I gripped at the bedsheet and blew out my cheek.
"Anak? Bakit ka tumawag? Aren't you in Batangas with Josefina?"
I took a deep breath and laid down. "I don't want to be here, Dad! I wanted to be with you but Mom, arghh!"
"Claudia, I had an accident."
My eyes widened. "What? What happened? Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?"
"Your mother chose not to. Anak, makinig ka na lamang sa ina mo. And I...I can't take care of you and your sibling. I have my own."
Napailing ako sa pagiging honest ni Dad. How could they walk away from their responsibilities as a parent?
"I don't need both of you, Dad. I hope you'll be okay. Bye."
As I ended the call, tears fell off my eyes and flooded my cheeks. In silence, I regret having this kind of family.
"Hija?"
Napabaling ako sa pinto. Pinalis ko ang luha sa pisngi ko at nagmamadaling binuksan 'yon. Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa ni Grandma, I know she could sense that I'm crying.
"Maaari ba kitang makausap?"
My mouth snapped shut and nodded. I watched her entered the room with her rod. Inalalayan ko siya sa kama at magkatabi kaming umupo roon.
"Tatapatin kita, hindi ko nagustuhan ang pagsigaw mo sa iyong ina kanina. Anong rason at bakit ganoon ang galit mo sa kaniya?"
I avoided her eyes and looked at the door.
"You never witnessed my parents fight every day. You didn't know how much I wanted to run away from our house. You have no idea how I loath them. They only fight. They don't care about me. When I learned that my father was cheating on Mom, I thought...they're better off divorcing. Besides, I don't need them. Worse, they have Sofia. My mom has never cared about me. She only has her eyes on my sibling."
I balled my fists. "Ang gusto ko lang naman ay magkaroon ng taong magmamalasakit sa 'kin. Mahal ba nila ako? How could they not care about me? I've never felt I have a family."
My grandmother wrapped her hands in me.
"Naiintindihan kita, hija. Ang tanging inaasam ng isang anak ay kalinga at aruga mula sa kaniyang mga magulang. Pagpasensyahan mo ako at wala ako sa tabi mo noong ika'y nahihirapan at nalulungkot. Hindi ko ginustong maramdaman mo iyon. Ngunit mananatili laang ang iyong galit kung hindi mo patatawarin ang mga nanakit sa iyo, hindi ba?"
I frowned. I stood up.
"Did Mom ask you to talk to me?"
"Hija..." She stood up as well and held my hand. "Ako ang may kagustuhang lumapit sa iyo rito. Huwag mo sanang masamain ang panghihimasok ko."
I took a deep breath.
"Well, if you want me to be okay...I prefer dealing with everything alone."
I dragged my feet to the door and went out. I scampered downstairs. My footsteps were heard in the house but I didn't care if Mommy realizes I'm running away again.
I don't need someone to feel sorry for me and my experiences. I just need someone to be there for me! Hindi ba 'yon ang gusto ng mga kabataan ngayon? They're supposed to know that because they've gone through this phase. Look at me now, alone.
I went to the seashore that I saw a few meters away from the house. I spent my time thinking about my experiences in life. What happened in the past that brought me so much disappointment, discontentment, and above all...pain. Sino nga ba ang dapat sisihin dito?Hindi ako. My parents made me like this. They smeared dirt on my poor childhood. "Psst!" I winced in shock and gasped when someone touched my shoulders. Mabilis akong napatayo mula sa pagkakaupo ko sa malaking bato na nakita ko rito sa dalampasigan. Nang makita ko kung sino 'yon ay nawala ang bigat sa dibdib ko at sa halip ay galit ang umusbong sa 'kin. "Can you stay away from me?!" He cracked up. I squinte
"Hija, sumalo ka rine sa amin," Grandma offered when I walked downstairs.My mother was busy feeding Sofia while Grandma ate on her own. Doesn't Grandma need more help than Sofia?I rolled my eyes and walked to Grandma. "I'll help you eat."Naupo ako sa tabi niya at kinuha ang kutsara na nasa kamay niya."Hindi na, apo. Matatapos na rin ako rine. Mag-umagahan ka na."I raised a brow. "Okay."Tahimik akong kumuha ng hotdog at banana sa harap ko."Leave the hotdogs for Sofia. Eat the bananas and bacon, Claudia," my mother interfered.Ibinagsak ko ang kutsara ko. It made a noise on the table that made her mad."Of course, you forgot. I hate bacon as much as Ihateyou.""Kayo talagang mag-ina, magka-ugaling magka-ugali kayo, kaya iyan...lagi na lang kayong nagbababag," Grandma voiced out.I lowered my head and laughed so loud it made me cry. I lifted my chin and gave my mother a sul
I heard knocks on my door. I opened my eyes even it won't. I groaned and sat. I looked for the time on my phone and groaned again when I saw it was two am."Claudia! I need you right now! It's your grandmother!"That woke me up. Adrenaline rushed through my body when I stood up and ran outside without talking to Mom. I went to Grandma's room and saw her difficulty in breathing."Grandma!"Hawak-hawak niya ang kanyang dibdib habang nahihirapan sa paghinga. Nagtama ang paningin namin at pagkatapos ay hinawakan niya ako sa kamay."Kuhanin...mo ang libro sa ilalim ng unan ko," utos niya sa akin.I'm panicking. My hands are sweaty when I helped her sat up. Mabilis kong inalis ang unan niya at kinuha ang librong tinutukoy niya."What will I do with this?!" I asked, frustrated.I've never felt worried and teary in my life. I gasped when Grandma held my hand. Tears pooled her eyes."Gusto kong pumasok ka sa...attic. Pinto...p-"
"Bakit naka-lock 'to?" Pinilit kong buksan ang pinto pero hindi talaga magbukas 'yon. Humarap ako sa lalaki na hindi pa rin umaalis hanggang ngayon. "Ni-lock mo ba 'to?" pag-aakusa ko sa kanya. Itinuro niya ang sarili niya. "Ako pa? Have you seen me near your door and lock that? I can't even hold that doorknob." I blinked twice. Napatingin ako kay Sofia na hinihigit ang kamay ko. "I wanna go out," she wailed. Napailing ako. Sumasakit na ang ulo ko. Pinihit ko ulit ang doorknob. Hinampas ko ng palad ko ang pinto. "Is there someone in there?!" I shouted at the door while banging it. "Please, help us get out of here!" Ilang minuto akong kumakatok sa pinto pero walang nagbubukas niyon. I sighed in disbelief and worry.Paano na kami ngayon? "What do you suggest we do?" I asked the guy. He shrugged. He looked at my younger sister. I watched him knelt in front of Sofia. "Hey, littl
Sofia and I stayed in this big room for two days. We haven't gone outside kahit na nate-tempt ako. I don't want to take Sofia around. Baka mapahamak pa siya at ako na naman ang mapagalitan. In the first place,why Mommy leaves her beloved daughter with me? There's no need to go outside. Every hour ay may pumapasok na maid at nagtatanong nang maitutulong niya sa amin. Everything from breakfast to dinner, even snacks is covered. I don't need to lay a finger because the maid would clean the room for us. I like it here. I don't need to face my mother every damn time. I can do everything I want here. I can eat everything I want and most especially, I don't need to take care of my sister because there's a maid who's doing that for me. Napangiti ako nang makita ang papalubog na araw sa labas ng bintana ng kwarto ko. I have a separate room with Sofia and I like this privacy. Napalingon ako nang may kumatok sa pinto. Binuksan ko 'yon, thinking it
Two days passed again. I haven't heard anything from Writan nor Bok. I'm comfortable that we're not wasting our time besides, our world's time is stopped on the other side.I tried writing on my own. Every room has a typewriter, paper, pencils, and pens. That's why this world is for writers. Totally. I don't know if it's my thing, but I don't mind. I don't have anything to do, anyway. What intrigues me is that I'm not bored here unlike on the other side. Maybe because I don't have to think about Mom, nagging about everything.Huminga ako nang malalim. Tiningnan ko ang bintana at nakita ang dalawang tao na nakaupo sa isang bench. They were exchanging books every three minutes, I've counted it. I'm curious about them and so, I feed my curiosity.Paglabas ko ng kwarto ko ay nakita ko si Sofia na naglalaro kasama ang maid niya. I'm thankful for the maid 'cause she's making my job easier. I don't have to take care of my sister; I have the time on my own."Lala
"You want to find that out now?" I implored. The elevator door opened. I want to go with him but how about Sofia? "I want to walk with you in the middle of the road." In that simple remark, I felt my heartbeats. It was banging my chest and I never felt nervous, I came up with a realization. I'm liking Writan. I looked at him and saw him looking at me since we got out of the elevator. I licked my lips and stared at his chocolate eyes. "I would love to go with you." I spent my time asking the maid to take care of Sofia for two days. Writan said that it would take a day or so. He prepared the foods we will eat on the journey. I'v
I woke up feeling refreshed and rested. Maliwanag na ang kalangitan. Nakikita ko ang mga ibon na namamahinga sa puno kung saan kami natulog ni Writan. Umupo ako at napangiti sa ganda ng paligid. The more I look at the scenery, the more I'm falling in love with it. Napatingin naman ako kay Writan, natutulog pa siya hanggang ngayon. Nakapatong ang kanyang kanang bisig sa noo niya. Nakapikit pa rin siya at nakatikom ang bibig. Napangiti ako habang pinapanood siya. Tumayo muna ako para mag-stretch. After a few minutes, I wake Writan. I slowly tapped his face. Nakaluhod ako sa tabi niya habang tinitigan ang mukha niya. I want to know if he had girlfriends in the past. Imposibleng walang nagkakagusto sa kanya. Sayang ang guwapo niya. Tumayo ako nang kumislot siya. He opened his eyes and I quickly took my eyes off of him. Kinuha ko na ang bag ko at inilagay 'yon sa balikat ko. "Good morning," Writan greeted with his low tone voice. I grinned.