I fell into bed, with a huge smile on my face that night. And was only pleased when my dreams featured the man, shortly after.Then I impatiently waited for my weekend to end, so that I could see him again.On Monday morning, official classes across campus were beginning. For me, a special case, not only that was the case.But a few adjustments were thrown into my timetable.Like the fact that I had training with Luca, before my normal classes began. The same had to happen after school too. At least until I got out of probation.As soon as I had gotten dressed, I happily hopped towards the dance hall."Good morning," I chirpily greeted."Someone's in a good mood," he noted with an infectious grin that I couldn't help but return."Of course I am!" I bounced around, then quickly disappeared into the changing room.As I emerged a few moments after, I found him standing in front of the mirror - a small frown forming on his forehead."What's wrong?" My tone was soft, as I asked."Nothi
As soon as we had finished our coffee; I saw it as my cue, to head to the changing room.The real work would soon be beginning, and the idea easily transported me to cloud nine.Luca was lazily looking at me, when I emerged."What is it?" I wildly glanced around and at myself, all the while wondering if something was wrong with me.Or if I had emerged from the changing room, in only my bra and panties.Because his eyes looked lazy and somewhat sleepy, but even to a clueless somebody like myself- it was very easy to see that a lot of passion lied behind them as well."Nothing," he sat in front of the mirror. Which was very unexpected of him, because he was too much of a slave driver to simply allow a few minutes to drift on by. Without any work being done."You can tell me," the words came out in a seductive whisper, that sounded foreign even in my own ears."Really?" He looked up at me, with both curiosity and fascination."Yes," I slightly nodded. And then I decided to take things f
As I stepped into the sidewalk the next morning, I ran into Marcus."Oh, good morning beautiful." He beamed."Good morning to you too, Marcus." I said and continued walking."Rushing to practice?" He asked, and I nodded.After taking a quick glance at my wrist watch, I realized that I had five more minutes to kill. But I didn't intend to kill them with Marcus.I was so excited. Partly about what had finally happened yesterday, and mostly about the prospect of getting to experience Luca as a dance instructor that day. Instead of the personal trainer that he had quickly become in the past week."How was the coffee?" He studiously watched me.I frowned slightly, at the unexpected question."It was alright," I shrugged then asked. "Why do you ask?""I don't know, Bri." He thoughtfully began and slowly leaned towards me. "Maybe because it was a special blend, one made to serve a specific purpose.""What purpose was that?" I tried to keep it cool, and act like I wasn't mad but merely curiou
Before I left the hall, I was given something to think about yet again.Luca had assigned me the responsibility of thinking what rules one needed to keep in mind during a dance routine.I thought about it, pretty much the entire evening as I tossed and turned in my small bed.Trying really hard to tune out everything bad that had happened in the day.When I saw the time going for midnight, I knew that I was in for an all expenses paid for- insomnia sponsored night.And I was quite shocked to feel myself yearning for something. A connection even. One with the one person that I had no real relationship with. My mother. That's when I knew my day had gone that horribly for me to even long for her genuine presence in my life. Screw it, I thought as I jumped off the bed.For a few minutes, or what could have easily passed for hours- I sat, motionlessly in front of the computer.Reading, rereading and memorizing the last email from her. That I already knew by heart.For quite some time, I
Feeling like I had been neglecting my friendship with Abby, I decided to spend that evening with her."Surprise!" I beamed when she opened the door."I'm surprised indeed, alright." She gave me a lazy smile."Someone's out of a funk already?" She checked."Oh, you know me, I'm made of sterner stuff." I shrugged."That you are," she weakly chuckled."Your roommate is never here," I noted, looking wildly around the small room. As if half expecting her to jump out of the small closet, any second."Uh huh," Abby nodded. "I never even really know where she is myself. In fact, I rarely see her.""She's probably out with Chris," I waved a bit dismissively."Bri, you and I have been best friends for years. So, I most definitely know when you're fishing." She called me out. "Me? Why would I? Never!" I instantly averted my gaze."What? Are you jealous?" She grabbed my chin, until my eyes wandered in her direction."To be honest with you, I'm not even." I began. "If anything I'm slightly reliev
I've never been stuck in such a confusing dream before; where everything I want and love with every fiber of my being, seems so near- yet so far. Where every day seems to be a reminder of my limitations and why I can't give in to my impulses.And this is that kind of dream;where life seems to be getting a thrill from slamming me hard into rough walls one minute, only to make me see rainbows and unicorns in the next.I easily lose my sense of self when the darkness threatens to consume me. Just like I easily lose sense of rationality, when my mind and heart's fixations make me feel ecstatic enough to weep with the joy.Even though this is a maze of confusion-with no sensible way forward, I know it's imperative that I keep moving.Despite the blood,sweat, and tears that comes from the days that leave me feeling beaten.Despite the love,joy,and ecstasy that I find myself enveloped in every time I'm on the verge of victory.And just as my hand reaches out for understanding and all that
I can't remember when I started dancing. It's always just been the one thing that felt like second nature.But I'm sure that when I discovered it, I fell in love.And over the years, it continued to feel like flight,a taste of joy and recently even started becoming an escape from everything I didn't have the courage to face.During my schools' ski trip last winter, I dislocated an ankle joint. An accident that landed my leg in a cast.So my entire spring entailed making trips to the physiotherapist, and practically starring at the walls of a house that had started to feel like my personal prison.After the abrupt end to my dance training resulted in a sick leave that no one had seen coming, I was happy to be waking up in my old dorm room again. The day I'd been looking forward to for months had finally arrived; my return to Walnut Hill School. It felt like experiencing that first ray of sunshine after a storm.I had been given the same small and plain room that I had occupied before I
At around the beginning of the next school day- I was summoned to the director's office. Upon coming back I knew that my future with the school was still undecided. In fact, it was in the hands of a number of people. Whether I'd join the advanced placement dance class like I originally would've, or redo the entire year and forget about all the hard work I had done.Knowing that the verdict about my life depended on whichever direction these people would decide to take, made me feel both restless and helpless.I hadn't expected all four dance instructors to be part of this decision-making meeting.But there I was; sitting in front of the director's desk, two instructors to my left and two more to my right."This is about whether or not you believe she can still make it in the class." Madam Bennett,our school director said, sharp-nosed and grey-haired like I remembered."I don't think she can cope in advanced placement. I mean, graduation is just a few months away." Cavanaugh, an instru