The nights in my cage are normally so peaceful. Father isn't in his office so I can move around as much as I like. I can also daydream or hum if I like. But the dark sky on this night isn't bringing me an ounce of peace.
The dull look in my baby sister's eyes and the screams of her grieving mother are haunting me. The look of pride in my father's eyes makes me feel dirty. It's as if he is a disease and I have been infected by him.
"Why did I listen to him? Why didn't I fight against him? Why didn't I try to protect her," I ask as my throat begins to burn with emotion again.
I punch my legs as tears well up in my eyes once more and hate for myself grows in my chest. I wipe my face angrily as the water slips down it, but the stream just gets thicker.
I shouldn't be allowed to cry. I don't deserve to feel sad! I did it. I killed her. I am a monster just like him. I killed her to make him happy so I wouldn't get hit. I am a pathetic male just like he said I am.
"I hate you," I whisper to myself viciously.
My punches aren't punishment enough for what I did today. Suddenly an idea comes to mind. I smile before tearing off my stained and torn shirt. I press my entire back against the silver bars of my cage and bite my lip as pain sears the nerves on my exposed flesh. I hold myself against them for as long as possible before my eyes cloud and I slump forward.
Darkness sweeps over me as I finally find some peace.
****
"You will not hit back. You will not block. You will learn pain. That way when you do fight you are unbothered by any injury you receive," Rupert snarls as five of his men join me in the training ring.
Members of the pack watch me with wide eyes as they examine my bleeding and ripped back. I ignore their stares and nod to show my father I heard him.
I deserved my self-inflicted punishment. I knew I wouldn't heal. I knew the injury would take weeks to scab over. Without a wolf, you can't heal fast. All pups know this. Even ones kept in cages their entire lives.
"Hurt him! Do not go easy. He needs every ounce of strength we can teach him. He is too pathetic to be treated in any other way," Father says sternly to his men and they nod.
Evil smirks dance on the faces around me and before I can prepare myself someone punches the raw wounds on my back. A scream tears through my mouth instantly. I wasn't expecting the hit to be on my back, but it makes sense. My father's men always exploit weaknesses when possible.
My vision clouds as my pain swims through my system and I stumble forward just as a kick whips through the air. It lands across my stomach and I fly backward. My back lands on the hot fabric of the ring and I scream again. Stomping feet rain down on me as my consciousness slides in and out. For what feels like hours my body and brain howl with pain until I fall silent.
My father calls a halt to the assault while I stare up at the sky barely alive. The beats of my heart flutter and I plead with it to stop completely. Let me die so the pain stops. Let me slip into the darkness of sleep so I never have the opportunity to cause another person pain. Let me die so my father can have a new son. Maybe if he gets a strong son he will stop hurting the females. He will have what he wants and the pack can be happy.
The world would be better if I wasn't in it.
******
"I expected him to make it longer," my father's voice growls as the sounds of mysterious machines play in the background.
"His body is still developing, Alpha. The silver poisoning he sustained before the... Match, probably made his system weak," another voice says and I almost cry as I realize I am still alive.
I didn't die as I hoped. I was brought somewhere for help so my battered body could heal. But I don't want to heal. I want to die. I want to sleep. I want to live in darkness. Darkness is my only friend.
I begin to squirm and kick as my resolve solidifies in my mind. I won't allow myself to be healed. I will fight back against whatever they do to me to make me better. I won't be weak anymore. I will be strong for the happiness of the pack and my father. I need to die for them.
"Atticus! Calm yourself! You are disrupting the IV," the voice from before says urgently, but I ignore him.
I thrush more violently than before. I roll my sore and wounded body side to side trying to shake off whatever the IV is. It is obviously helping me somehow so I don't want it.
"Hold still," Rupert snaps and I freeze.
Fear and weakness work against me again as my father's voice filters into my body halting my movements. I wish I didn't fear him. I wish I could tell my body it's okay to not listen to him, but I can't. His voice is just too powerful. I fear the switch in my brain will always listen to him.
"Has the drug been administered," Father asks darkly.
"Yes, Alpha. He should be healed in a week. The bones will take the longest. There were quite a few broken," the male voice says and I hear a grunt.
After a few moments, total silence falls around me and I allow my tired eyelids to flutter open. White walls meet my narrowly opened eyes and I sigh as I realize I am in the pack's tiny clinic. I love this place. The people here are nice. They feed me multiple times a day and I get to lay out on a bed.
I let my exhausted eyes close again and my brain drifts once more.
****
"I believe you will be able to leave tomorrow, Atticus," the tiny nurse says as she folds down my thin sheet.
I nod. I know if I respond she will hear the sadness and terror in my voice. She has gotten to know me over the past few weeks and I am afraid she will try to defy my father if she knows I am afraid of him. Friends have a tendency to get hurt when Rupert Kincaid is around. I don't need anyone getting hurt for me. I am not worth anyone's pain.
"Aren't you excited," she asks while changing the tape on my IV.
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from answering. Images of returning to my silver cage slap me in the face. My hospital stay is almost over. No more comfortable bed or reading lessons with the older nurse.
She seems to realize I am not going to reply and nods.
"If he was my father, I wouldn't be excited either," she whispers and my eyes dart to her face.
She gives me a sad smile and leaves.
A dark melancholy falls over me as soon as the door closes.
How can this be my life? Could I have not been more? Why was I cursed to be his son and why can I never make him happy? I don't want to hurt people like he does, but I wish he was at least proud of me. I try really hard to make him happy. I try to be strong and I obey everything he says.
Why couldn't I have just died? I add no value to this world and I never will. I will never have a chance to be an Alpha that helps people and protects them from danger. Why did he have his medical staff save me? He normally allows his victims to die. I'm not someone he is proud of. He should have let me succumb.
"Took you long enough to heal," Father snaps as I stand motionless in front of his desk. He stands up and moves to stand beside me. My body shivers uncomfortably and he growls. "The doctor said a week. You took two. Fucking pitiful," he growls lowly before punching me in the stomach. My body curls in on itself instantly and I cough as the wind gets pushed from my lungs. "Get in your cage," Rupert snaps, and I walk toward my silver bars quickly. He closes and latches the door behind me as I curl up into a ball. I wish I had stayed hurt. Better yet I wish I hadn't woken up. "Don't think you got out of training! You will be out there this afternoon," Father growls as he heads for the office door. "Yes, Alpha," I whisper as the door clicks behind him. *****"This time I want to see if keeping you alive has been a waste. You aren't allowed to stop until one of your opponents either bleeds or forfeits," Father says and three of his men step onto the training mate.
9 YEARS OLD KANDACE VISITS "You think I care about that," Father snaps into his phone as he talks to one of his allies. I have only been half listening to his argument for the past twenty minutes. I have been too focused on my new cage. It's taller than the last one. I can sit up straight in it. My back doesn't have to curve down. The silver of the bars looks new and super shiny. "I will fucking kill you! That land was once my families. I have proof! The Kincaids are descendants of the last King! I am owed what was ours," Father shouts and I flinch a little as his voice activates my defenses. When Rupert Kincaid is angry people get hurt. Sometimes he hurts me, but mostly he hurts people I love. I have begun to predict his moves based on his emotional state and right now anyone near him is in danger. "Fucking Scavenger," Father snaps as he slams his office phone down. He takes deep breaths as he stares at his office door and I hold my breath while keeping my eyes d
RATED R!!!!! ABUSE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FEEL THIS SCENE WILL UPSET YOU. THIS IS PART OF ATTICUS's back story. This is not a must-read chapter. ATTICUS'S MOTHER DIES IN THIS CHAPTER AND THAT IS THE ONLY DETAIL OF THIS CHAPTER YOU NEED TO KNOW. Atticus and Adeline were subjected to the cruelest acts that could be done to a living person. Please feel free to skip it. I write things like this because Darkness like this happens in the real world today. Children need our protection. Hugs and love to everyone who has ever suffered abuse. I cough violently as I fall to my knees once more. Blood trickles down my chin and I look up at the burly man excited to see me hurting. "Get up, Little Alpha. Your father won't get to kill me," he snarls, and I shrink back a little. My breathing is constricted and my limbs are burning. I am exhausted, but I haven't made him bleed and I sure as hell haven't made him submit. Father won't call an end to the match until I do one of those two
15 YEARS OLD. ADELINE 9 years old. My mind drifts over nothing as the silence in the office pulses around me. Rupert has been working for hours at his desk. On what, I'm not sure nor do I care. Nothing he ever does is good. His plans are never for the better. They never help the pack. The opposite actually. Our pack is dying. Too many generations of poor leadership have killed the spirit of our people. They hate it here. I hate it here. I hate the man who spawned me and every Alpha before him named Kincaid. Our females are mistreated and if males stand up against my father they are killed. I adjust my left wrist as the silver shackle cuts into my flesh again. I miss my cages, but due to my size, I can no longer be held in a small cage. I am instead chained to the wall. I am a battered office decoration. One of my father's many living objects that he gets to watch and torture when he feels like it. A knock sounds on the wood of my Father's office door and in walks one of th
19 YEARS OLDMy eyes widen in shock for a brief second as I listen to my Father explain that I will be leaving the pack and going to the eight-month-long training for young Alphas. He didn't let me go to train there myself but he is sending me as an instructor. I have no idea what to do there. I will be the dumb brute who is only good for one thing. No point in worrying about it I guess. I am who I am. "You will not lose. You will not discuss what goes on in our pack while at the training facility," Rupert growls and I feel his orders lock into place with his others. I hate following his orders. Throughout my life, I never truly understood why my body always seemed to obey him no matter how I was feeling. But when Rofer let slip that he was enforcing his Alpha command I finally understood. Some of my guilt eased from my past, not all but some. "Yes, Alpha," I say emotionlessly and he eyes me over. He seems to be pleased with what he sees after a second and he continues. "I need
I get back to my father's office as quickly as I can while remaining calm. The pain in my chest feels like it is building, but I can't respond to it.I sit down in the corner Father has designated as mine and close my eyes. Karina's face immediately appears behind my eyelids. Her happy smile and sparkling hazel eyes tease me as the pain in my chest pulses with life. Suddenly the cord pulling me to her snaps and I grab my chest in a panic before I realize she must have accepted my rejection. Sorrow instantly fills the hole of my broken bond and for the first time in a long time tears well up in my eyes due to the unfairness of my life. For ten minutes I allow myself to grieve what could have been if my father was a decent man and Alpha before I clean my face and become stoic. Hours tick by but I don't move. I have been trained to remain still and quiet. When the door does finally open I know it is time to leave my home pack for the first time ever. Two of my father's men have come i
I grind my teeth together as my kneecaps separate and move against my skin. I take deep breathes and try to count backward from one hundred, but I know before my transition is over I will be screaming. I have never felt this level of pain before. My entire body is on fire and my tendons are ripping from the bone. I finally scream out as my back arches and my skull feels like it is being pulled apart. One second I feel like I am about to die and the next my body goes numb. The pain evaporates and I find myself panting on the floor coated in dark fur. Feelings of accomplishment and sadness mix together in my mind as I examine my slender legs and large paws. I have always been curious about what life would be like stuck in an animal's head. Unknown- Hello The rich voice of my wolf vibrates in the hollowness of my brain and my attention quickly shifts from my new body to the personality that came with it. Atticus- Hello. I stay quiet as I begin to process that my mind an
Never have I felt so out of place. The constant laughter and smiles between the young Alphas make me feel uneasy and awkward. They joke and tell stories about their home packs every other minute. I don't have anything to add to anyone's conversation so I have just been silent for two days. The retired Alphas keep eyeballing me, but I have begun to ignore their stares. I grab the 110lb dumbbells and lean back on the slight incline. I have been working out on the exercise equipment while the young Alphas take their simple leadership courses. I wish I could partake, but unfortunately, I am only here to be a part of the physical training. I grunt as I hit my fifteenth rep. I have never lifted weights or exercised like this before. I didn't even realize there was more to physical training than fighting on the mat. I have already begun to gain muscle mass and now that I have a wolf I will become slightly larger. Unknown- They should be out soon. Don't wear yourself out. Atticus- I won'