Chapter One

A week before the wedding...

My cheeks were numb from smiling.

There were stressful cloudy days concerning the planning part, but now, I can't help but feel the warm heat from the rays of the sun. Mainit nga dito pero napakalinaw naman ng langit. Just like how I feel now that finally, after three long years, I will be Mrs. Tan.

Alam kong hindi dito nagtatapos ang istorya namin but I want to enjoy the happy ending of the chapter. We encountered challenges, but we made it through... together.

It wasn't that long ago when he secretly sent me those letters. It's too cheesy, and I can still clearly recall Ellie's force smiles whenever she'd see me wonder dreamily who was my secret admirer... but I'm such a romantic fool who believes in love and who deeply appreciates feelings conveyed through written words.

I opened my drawer, and my eyes were immediately drawn to our wedding invitation. It was so simple. This was the least stressful part of the planning. Nagkasundo kami ni Jake to keep the invitation as simple as possible.

Nakalagay sa itaas ang petsa ng kasal, may white dried flowers sa gitna at sa baba naman ang pangalan namin kasama ng mga impormasyon tungkol sa kasal. Its simplicity was a beauty.

I was still smiling when I placed it back in my drawer, only to see a folded paper right beside it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nakasulat doon but all I am capable of thinking are good and wonderful things.

Cass,

I'm a fool for doing this to you right now but I am scared that it would be greater foolishness if I continue the wedding. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka haharapin ngayon at mas lalong hindi ko alam kung paano ka haharapin sa harap ng altar if I know in myself that I've been lying to me and to you all this time.

I tried to push the wedding through. I tried to ignore the confusion, thinking it could just be cold feet. I tried to ignore Mel's words when I saw her again after all these years. I failed. I failed unforgivably and miserably.

It's my fault, Cass, and words are not enough to let you know how sorry I am. This is difficult, but I know that I need to do this. Hindi ko pwedeng ituloy ang kasal. I'm sorry, Cass.

Jacob.

Wedding day, hours before the wedding...

I blinked once, twice, and a couple more times until my vision was all blurry because of tears flowing from my eyes.

I am very nervous pero paulit-ulit kong kinumbinsi ang sarili ko na ikakasal ako kay Jake, and that wedding will take place later.

"Cassy?" Napalingon ako sa make-up artist na nakatayo sa may pinto ng hotel room bitbit ang mga gamit niya, "Sorry, kanina pa kasi ako kumakatok. Medyo bukas din kasi ang pinto kaya tinulak ko na lang."

"Okay lang." Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang patuloy na tumutulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. The weight is too heavy on my shoulders.

I didn't want to cry, but I was slowly breaking as I tried to believe this wedding would happen.

"Ikaw, okay ka lang ba?"

Those simple words were enough to make me cry even harder. I am not okay. I tried to show that I am, but I'm completely exhausted trying to get my shit together.

I have not seen nor heard Jake for almost a week.

"I... I don't think... I can still do this." I managed to say in between my sobs. She tried to comfort me as she patted my back.

"Gusto mo bang ikasal?"

I stared at her asking myself that same question too. Ironically, I don't feel any doubts about that. Gusto kong ikasal. Gusto kong ituloy ang kasal.

It could be that Jake wasn't the one who sent me the letter. My secretary told me it was just given to her by someone else. Maaring may nagloloko lang sa akin.

I want to be strong. I need to be strong. For our baby, for our family.

"Let's make this wedding happen," I find myself saying.

Present day.

"Putang-ina talaga. Nakakasira ng araw!"

Agad kong sinara ang drawer na pinalagyan ko ng sulat. I should be throwing it away. Reading it makes me angry and sad. I pity myself all over again pero tuwing nababasa ko iyon, naalala ko na hindi ako ang may kasalanan.

God knows how many times I blamed myself kahit hanggang ngayon but the letter makes me realize that I was blinded pero hindi ko kasalanan na iniwan ako. Nagmahal at naniwala lang naman ako.

"Galit ka ulit?" I tried to lighten up the mood. Mukhang wala din kasi sa plano ni Ellie ang ngumiti dahil sa kunot nito sa noo.

"Wala na ata talagang bago. Bwisit!" Kinuha niya ang tubig na nasa mesa ko at ininom lahat ng laman. Napailing na lang ako. Sigurado akong si Troy na naman ang dahilan nito. "Bwisit na Troy! Mabulunan sana siya ngayon, ngayon agad at saktong lunch time na!" Kung plastic lang ang lalagyan ko ng tubig siguro ay kanina pa nag-iba ang porma nun.

"Naku. Ewan ko ba sa inyo. You keep on hating that man behind his back kahit na bilib ka naman talaga doon. He's a good man. Plus, he's your boss so watch your mouth."

"Kaya nga ako dito sa opisina mo naglalabas ng sama ng loob. Alam kong boss ko siya pero ang gago niya talaga, eh."

Even I don't know why Ellie hates Troy so much. Maybe because he's the best friend of my ex. Ellie usually avoids giving me updates, but I think Jake is still keeping in touch with his friend. Iyon nga lang, masyadong workaholic, which is why he's compatible with Ellie, at least work-wise.

"Fine. Sabi mo, eh. But what is it this time, Ms. Castro?"

Umayos ng upo si Ellie. I can even sense that she's nervous. Masyadong siyang tense. I cannot read her expression.

"May problema sa kompanya."

I nodded. "Well, that's normal." Kailan ba nauubusan ng problema ang negosyo? Parang nasa roller coaster, but it's the job of everyone whose part of the company to keep it running.

"Alam ko. Troy needed an investor. Sinubukan ko siyang kausapin about it. And honestly, the whole idea is fine!"

"Eh, okay naman pala sa iyo. What's with the screaming and cursing in my office?"

"May masamang hangin sa kompanya. Masyadong mabaho. Nangangamoy basura..." I cannot get what she's saying kaya naman pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata. May paliku-liko pa kasi. "Troy convinced Jacob Tan to invest in the company. Ngayon, araw-araw kong nakikita ang letseng taong iyon. At balita ko pa, hindi na sila ni... basta, alam mo na."

I can feel my heart beating fast and yet it felt like everything is moving slower. Ngayon pa kasi nag-sink in sa utak ko ang pwedeng mangyari.

My son…