Shattered Illusions

Tiana's POV

I sat down in the gazebo of the palace which stood marvelously erect in the garden, wrapped in creepers and other ornamental plants. It was pretty but that was far from the reason I was here in the first place.

“ Lady Tiana, you need to calm down a bit,” the maid in charge of me fanned me as I sipped from my tea.

“ How am I supposed to calm down when Elena is in the picture? I mean, have you seen the way she behaves around him?” I fumed. I hated everything about Elena, she always acted so touchy with Alpha Xander.

“ Don't tell me you have a thing for Alpha Xander now,” she gave me a knowing smile and thinking about her question, my face turned red. I honestly wasn't sure what I was feeling for him.

“ I don't, where did you get that idea from?” I muffled my voice trying to clarify her misunderstanding but she wouldn't have it. My heart fluttered just thinking about Alpha Xander, I knew I had a mate bond with him even though I've only been here for a few months.

“ Yes, yes. That's what they all say,” she giggled.

“ I'm being serious,” I argued but I knew my now red cheeks were giving me away.

“ Even Alpha Xander has been noticing your change in behaviour, I mean, you've been giving him the attitude,” she said.

“ I want to go inside now, I've had enough fresh air for one day,” I changed the topic.

“ As you wish,” she replied and we both got up to leave.

Walking through the palace hallways, the only thing on my mind was good. I normally wasn't much of a fan of food but for the past few weeks, I've been craving food unnecessarily.

“ I want to have something to eat before doing anything else,” I rubbed my belly. My hunger pangs were becoming something alarming.

“ Didn't you eat like about an hour ago?” She questioned confused, even I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. My head hurt and I had began to feel drowsy.

“ I know but I'm feeling a bit peckish,” I held on to my head in pain.

“ Are you alright?” She worried.

“ Yes, all I need is just some...,” I dropped to the floor and the last thing I heard was my name being screamed in panic.

I blinked open my eyes in utter confusion as I woke up to a throbbing headache. What happened? I attempted to sit up.

“ Don't stress yourself too much,” my personal maid panicked as she sat besides me. “ How are you feeling now?”

“ My head hurts,” I complained. “ What's going on?” I asked when I noticed a physician standing beside us.

“ Lady Tiana, congratulations. You're a few months pregnant,” he announced and my jaws literally dropped.

“ Congratulations!” My maid was even more excited than I was. I covered my mouth with both my palms in shock.

“ I-I don't know what to say,” was the only thing I could mutter.

“ You don't need to say a thing. We just need to make sure that you and the baby are healthy,” she beamed. “ Alpha Xander would be more than happy to hear such news,” she squealed.

“ Thank you, doctor,” I muttered to him.

“ I'm just doing my job, ma'am,” he bowed his head. “ I'll take my leave now,” he excused himself. He knew we needed our privacy.

“ Can you not tell Alpha Xander yet?” I said in a low voice.

“ Why? Aren't you happy?”

“ I want to be the one to tell him myself,” my face turned a bright red. I was excited about having his child, it felt a bit surreal. “ Do you think he might change the way he views me once I give birth?” I questioned in a low voice.

“ See, I knew you loved him,” she chuckled and I became more embarrassed. “ It's very possible that he would,” she gave me hope.

“ And when I give birth to his child, what happens to me?” Worry spread across my face. He had promised to let me after I had given him a child but now, I wasn't sure I wanted to leave.

“ Well, if he falls in love with you during your pregnancy development, then I guess you'll be staying here after all. Don't lose hope, okay?” She pinched my cheek.

“ When is Xander coming back? Is it in the evening or soon?” I got up from the bed walking to and fro the room in deep thoughts.

“ I can't really say. He never tells us about his schedule,” she stated awkwardly. She was right, it's not like they were entitled to know.

“ Do you think we should prepare extra food or something? ” I considered.

“ And why would we do that?”

“ Well, wouldn't it be nice if I told him the news during dinner or before dinner? ”

“ Haven't we already made more than enough food for dinner?” She sighed.

“ Then what else can I do to make sure everything goes right?” I knelt on the bed and asked.

“ Nothing. Let's just patiently wait for Alpha Xander to get home and you'll tell him the good news,” she emphasized on every single word she used. I knew I was stressing her by being hyperactive but I couldn't help. I felt like I was an inch closer to winning his heart and maybe she was right, all I needed to do was wait for him to show up.

_______________________________________

I run up the stairs after being told that Alpha Xander had returned. I was beyond excited to share the news that I wasn't bothered about how dark the stairways where, neither did I bother about the rumbling thunder which indicated a storm coming up. I used to be afraid of how dimly lit his palace was but now I loved every bit of it.

Standing in front of his room door, I took in a deep breath. It was now or never. Raising my hand to knock on the door, I stopped midway when I heard him talking to someone over the phone.

“ I'm surprised that you called me,” Xander said over the phone as he wrapped the wire around his index finger as he spoke. “ At night to be precise.”

“ I heard that you came looking for me a day back,” a female voice came. It was Elena's, my heart suddenly entered into panic mode.

“ Yes, you didn't come over so I thought I'd have to find you myself,” he replied. I peeped through the door that was partially closed.

“ If you missed me this much and we're bothered about my well being, why won't you let me be your Luna and bear you an heir?” The voice demanded. “ I mean, how could you pick a poor girl over me?” She felt insulted.

“ I don't need someone who's clingy. We both know what we want in this beneficial relationship,” he emphasized the beneficial.

“ Which is?”

“ I want an heir and she wants her freedom, so once it's over...,” I couldn't bear to listen to him anymore. I stepped away from the door, my eyes already releasing tears. He didn't want me and he never planned to keep me by his side.

I couldn't believe what I had just heard and witnessed, he was going to let me go once I gave him a child. I had been nothing more to him than a breeder. I had deluded myself to think that having a child could bring the spark we needed for our relationship to turn real but it was all in my head.

I knew he didn't have feelings for me but maybe his relative niceness or lack of cruelty to me made me think he would gradually fall in love with me. I was a fool to think that he would ever love me.

I withdrew my steps cautiously as I held myself back from screaming my sorrows out - I was hurt beyond measure. I ran down the stairs in tears. I had long being deluding myself.

As the lightening flashed and the thunder rumbled, I watched the brief seconds of light cast shadows of trees in my room. I lay quietly on my side, sobbing silently as my mind wandered. I was grateful for the heavy rain which drowned out my sobs.

I slept in my personal room tonight and he didn't even mind to ask me why, when he came out for dinner. I really was just seeing what I wanted to see in him.

With another flash of lightening, I knew just what to do. I wasn't going to let me reject me and kick me out after I had given him a child. I wouldn't let him determine my fate. Oliver had forced me into this and everyone just tossed me around the way they wanted but I was sick and fed up of being used.

Packing a few clothes in a small travelling bag and wearing a hood, I sneak out through the front door unnoticed and enter under the heavy rain that seemed like it would never stop.

      Leaving the gates of the palace as the rain beat down heavily on me, I had no idea where I would go - my former pack was a no-go area. Looking back at the palace for the last time I knew that this was the last time I would have anything to do with Alpha Xander or Blood moon pack. I walked into the thick icy forest, unsure of my destination but never to look back.