Happy. It’s been such a foreign word recently. But I do feel…happier. I am not yet at that point. Because of Jason and the way he makes me feel, it doesn't feel right to be happy without my mother, but I'm growing closer to that place all the time. As though I'm normal, despite the fact that it's been a very long time since I was. "I'm trying. " I shrug.
Lillian comes up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder. "It's encouraging to see."
"Much thanks."
"At what time can you expect the boys to arrive?" Ellie asks.
As I heard that, my stomach dropped. “What? You guys didn't let me know that they were going to come with us, did you? When Airlene and Marvin are here with us, everything is under control. Even though they are Ellie and Lillian's boyfriends, Darren can nearly always be found wherever the two of them are. My ex-boyfriend doesn't seem to enjoy being in my company as much as he used to. Even if I don't really understand why, I have a strong suspicion that he detests me. With the passing of his mother, I was not the one to break up with him.
"They are sure to show up, Emily. I assumed that you were aware that they would come hang out with us. Lillian walks over to the mirror and applies some lip gloss to her lips.
I assumed they would recognize the awkwardness of the situation. "There's a chance I shouldn't go."
“What?” Lillian asks. "No, we wish we could hang out with you more."
Ellie continues by saying, "We can tell them not to come over."
The fact of the matter is that I am certain they would. Nonetheless, I am aware that they do not wish to. They desire to spend time with their lovers, and they wish for things to return to the way they were before. I do as well, but I'm not really sure how to get to my destination.
“No, no. It's not a problem. It wouldn't be right to force them to back out of the plans. The boys force open the door to Ellie's bedroom, and before anyone else can say anything, they enter the room giggling.
“Hey. ” I see Marvin giving me the wave.
Before they walk to greet their respective girlfriends, Airlene greets them all with a simple "Hello." Without a word, Darren shoves his way by me and continues on his way. My pulse rate quickens as a result of my nerves.
"Can you tell me what time the movie starts?" Darren is seen passing out on Ellie's bed.
Lillian informs him, and he reacts by saying, "Awesome." I have to send a message to my girlfriend to let her know when we are going to meet up.
Even though I make an effort to stop it, I can't help but turn my head to look at him. Do we know who Darren's girlfriend is? Not that it makes any difference. I'm trying to say that I have Jason. Despite this, I was still clueless.
"Well, I wanted to thank you for informing us that you were going to bring her." It seems as though Ellie is trying to apologize to me.
Darren retorts to her, "I didn't realize I had to," which she finds humorous.
Lillian isn't fooled when Airlene and Marvin act as if they aren't paying attention to what's going on around them. "Why don't you invite your new lover, Emily? That way, all of the couples will be able to meet him, and we won't have to.
My stomach begins to plummet someplace in the vicinity of my feet. All I can do is speculate on what my mother may do or say in that situation. She was never at a loss for an answer. Without her, I find myself wavering between options and constantly unsure of what to do.
Emily, are you sure you don't just pretend that you don't have a boyfriend? Darren laughs.
"Of course she does," you may say. Ellie steps closer. The look that she used to give Lillian is one that I don't miss. Even though these females have been my closest friends throughout my whole life, they aren't convinced that Jason is a real person. As my cheeks begin to flame, I quickly avert my gaze.
I wouldn't knowingly mislead someone about my romantic situation. That's not smart at all.
Lillian says, "We'd love the opportunity to meet him." I can only nod my head.
"So you're making him feel uncomfortable by being seen with him?" Darren sneers.
“Hey, man. ” Airlene strikes himself on the arm. "That is totally not cool."
No, I reply, but there's a chance I don't want him to come into contact with you. I have no control over the way the words come out of my mouth. It appears that Darren is in shock. In spite of the fact that it's unethical, it drives me onward. "He actually requested a meeting with you two. " Shut up, stop up, shut up. Despite this, I can't seem to shut my mouth. "I just…" I glance aside. I'd like to have him all to myself for a little while longer.
This is not something that my mother would do. When I continue to stand here, I am conscious of that fact. But, it has no effect on my ability to continue. I can't believe I've let myself get to this point.
"You're totally right. " Darren stands up.
My mind has a hard time forming words in a clear way. How to connect with my pals at the moment, as well as how to become a part of them and Jason's group. But as I look around the room and notice that no one is looking at me but Darren, I come to the conclusion that none of them believe what I'm saying. It drives home the point that we have never been on opposite sides of an issue before, but now we are. The desire to turn away also hits me as I try to think of a way to dispel their uncertainty. I don't even finish my sentence before I storm out of the room. Nobody makes an effort to hinder me.
Now
When we pulled into the driveway, my father greeted us by saying, "Well look, your buddies are here." As I look out my front door and see Lillian and Ellie standing there, my heart skips a beat. It appears as though Ellie has been basking in the sun nonstop because her hair has become noticeably lighter. She bleaches it occasionally, although I never really believed that it was necessary for her to do so. When it hangs down her back, it never fails to look flawless and gleaming.
Lillian always wears her black hair in a multitude of intricate braids throughout the summer. She refers to her hairstyle as her "summer appearance." I see little touches of purple here and there.
I am certain that she incorporated some of her favorite color into the design. Everyone comments on how striking Lillian's eyes are because of their bright green color. Her already dark skin is much darker, which leads me to believe that they have likely been outside for the entirety of the summer.
Without me there. And I deserve it.
"Oh my, I have to remember to pick up something for dinner at the grocery. I'm sorry." Why don't you stop by for a while and pay a visit? You know, return to your regular routine. I won't be much longer before I'm back at the house. My dad gives my leg a pat. I understand that he is attempting to be helpful, but he is not being helpful. Because I am aware that they are angry with me, it makes me nervous to be alone with them. They are confused about what took place, yet it is difficult for them to discuss it. Even I am having trouble wrapping my head around what just happened.
“Okay. ” I wait on the street until my father's car is no longer in view, thinking that the brief respite would be enough to calm my worries. I look at our family name, Kojomie, which is printed on the mailbox. Why people feel the need to announce to the entire world who lives in their neighborhood by writing their names on their homes or mailboxes is a mystery to me. Nonetheless, Mom thought it was great. She couldn't express how happy she was to be Anthony Kojomie's wife. that mom and my dad would bestow upon me all of the things that she lacked in her life.
As I realize that I can't continue to stand here for much longer, I turn around and head up to my porch. “Hey. ” It seems like an eternity passes while the three of us stand there staring in different directions other than at one another.
Ellie finally utters the word "Hello" while shuffling her feet.
"Hello," Lillian says afterward.
They both avoid making eye contact with me, and I'm not sure if it's because they're embarrassed or because they're just too mad at me to look in their direction.
"Y'all want to come in or is there something else?" I ask. I beg you, let them respond positively. Permit them to come inside, give me a hug, and reassure me that everything will be all right. that they are aware of Jason's jerkish nature. that they have faith in me. that we can pick up where we left off as friends, and that they will forgive me for everything that I've done.
Lillian clenches her teeth and avoids making eye contact with me by looking away, either at the swing or the porch. While she is talking, my attention is drawn to the braid that is draped over her shoulder and contains purple and black strands. "Are you seriously considering filing charges? It seems to be the consensus among everyone. You did want to have sexual relations with him, didn't you? He didn't make you, did he?
Everyone? It should go without saying that everyone is aware of this. In a quaint community in Oregon, not dissimilar to the one that we call home, this is how things are done. No, he did not use any kind of pressure to get me to do anything... I had feelings for him. It is accurate to say so.I had hoped that Jason would be the one to be the one to finally break my virginity. When I first met him, I was nervous, but I had the strong impression that he loved me. I was of the opinion that doing so would be the most effective way for me to express my gratitude to him for everything that he had done for me. “But—”You are attempting to have him arrested at this point, aren't you?" Ellie asks. "That is completely beyond my ability to comprehend. To put it another way, if he pressured you in any manner—"“No. No, I'm not. We are not going to take legal action against you. The scheme was devised by my dad, but I've already conveyed to him that I have no intention of putting it into action.
There were always six of us, regardless of the fact that Darren and I had both been absent and present at various points in time. The one and only difference is that by the time we were done with seventh grade, Steve had replaced Darren as the student in the same position. Unfortunately, Mom did not survive. After that, I threw off the balance by talking to Jason, and from that point on, I kept my distance from our very close-knit group of friends and acquaintances.She said that "it is an extremely remarkable coincidence" and I quote: Ellie is no longer begging or pleading with me to change my mind and she has stopped trying to convince me. This has been Ellie's character from the beginning. She will not tolerate crap from anyone and will not put up with it herself. I've always admired her for her strength, and I've often wished that I could be more like her.Yet, what I really want from her right now is for her not to be the kind of person who gives up easily when things become heat
As I stand here in my room, I am currently counting the number of stairs that lead to the back entrance. Fifteen. When I think about how ludicrous it is, I can't help but laugh out loud and shake my head in absolute disbelief. I do this because I believe that if I count each step that I take, it will take me significantly longer to enter the building. I realize that I have been standing here for a much longer period of time than is required, so I decide to just go ahead and push the door open.Watch as I slowly move it farther and further away from her while she is lying on the floor with her legs out.My upper chest is about to blow out from the pressure. What is it that she is doing when she is occupying the position of sitting on the floor? What is it that she is doing when she is occupying the position of sitting on the floor?Her waist.“Mom!” I have to use some force to open the door, and it slams into the counter as it does so.“Mom!” I have the sensation that my legs are givin
“Okay. ” I can't help but wish that my answer was right as I grab for my brush and run it through my hair, but I know that it's probably wrong. It would be quite embarrassing for me to show my face in front of my classmates at school. fearful of the looks that would be cast her her by the rest of the people. Attending summer parties was not an option for me, so please tell me all about them. Take a look at this team that formerly consisted of six people but now only has five members.I have no doubt that every single person is aware of it. Even though it has been a whole summer since it happened, I can't help but wonder if they are still finding it to be as novel an experience as it is for me."Are you sure?"My eyes always seem to land on his when I glance in the mirror. It's almost like stepping into a time machine when he holds them; for a brief minute, it makes me feel as if nothing has changed at all. If we maintain this level of eye contact and continue to look at each other in
"Whoa, slow down, speed racer. It looks like you just blew through that red light over there.Because this is the first time in what feels like months that anyone has talked to me in a regular tone, I go completely still and ridiculously hope I could stay in this moment. There is no allegation. No questions. No pity.No anger.And it's absolutely stunning.Without a reflection or a barrier between us, his eyes meet mine; they are clear and unclouded, the deepest shade of blue in the entire universe. A cloudless sky. The water of the ocean in Corpus Christi, Texas, where we spent one of our vacations. Comparable to a new coat of blue paint being applied to a piece of pottery that has just been fired. And I've seen him before... I've seen him before in some capacity, but I can't place him.His complexion was the color of creamed coffee, and his hair was a shade or two darker than burnt brown. It's a bit on the lengthy side. It is sufficiently long that it curls behind his ears, preventi
Hence, Jason came to the conclusion that we should act as though we were going out. I'm waiting for him to bring the chair out for me while I wait for him to put on his favorite red dress and feel happiness dancing around inside of me. When he does, I sit down.I comment to him that it has a pleasant aroma."I prepared it." Before entering the kitchen, Jason flashes a wink at the camera. He leaves the room and returns with a plate that has steak, potatoes, and a salad. He positions it in front of me before settling down next to me with his own bag on the seat beside me.The steak was cooked to perfection. Every action that he takes is. When we are eating and laughing together, he asks me about my classes. He flirts with me by lightly touching my leg under the table, but he doesn't make any other advances.We have just completed our meal when he says, "I'm staying with Edward tonight, so he said it's cool if I have some of his wine." Are you interested in some?"After filling the first
"That's not fair, Emily," he said to her. He seems exhausted and worn out as he rubs a hand over his face. I am, too. "I have no idea why I'm here or what I'm doing. I'm giving it my best shot at this point. I just informed the counselors that you had a difficult summer, and I want to make sure that everything goes smoothly for you as you transition. That wraps things up.And I believe him because I'm acting the Edwarde part in this scenario. Both of us are going down with the current. Both of them were swimming for the surface when they were suddenly pulled into a whirlpool and submerged once more. All because I had feelings for Jason. And because I am aware that my father is attempting to be supportive of me, even though he is unsure whether or not he believes what I am saying.My father's eyes go away from mine as he focuses on the mashed potatoes he is eating as if they were a crossword puzzle. This is one of his favorite things to do."I know it's hard, but no skipping again. If
He smells sweet. Similar to sweets. In spite of this, I find myself at a loss for words as I squeeze my trembling fingers together behind his neck. I am speechless. The only sounds that can be heard during the entirety of the Edwarde slow motion are the music and the cheers of my friends who are standing in the backdrop. We move in unison the entire time.After the song has finished playing, Steve gives me a glance with his eyes that are too blue, and at that same moment, I understand that I love him. Despite the fact that I've had a crush on him for a while now, I've recently come to the conclusion that what I feel for him is indeed love. Similar to the kind that lasts forever.He thanks Bryntastic for the dance, saying, "Thanks for the dance." I have no idea why he calls me that, but he's been doing it for the past few months.One more time, all I can do is nod in response. When Steve finally disappears into the crowd, the last thing anyone sees of him is a grin on his face. Me? I r