AFTER
Lily
Luc throws her head back
and the amber liquid flows
down her throat but
the glass bottle
is still full.
"Drink!"
she holds out the bottle to me.
I shake my head while looking
into her black
bottomless
eyes.
She forces my mouth open
with her long, sharp talons.
Her talons are ripping my
mouth open.
I feel no pain.
Red drips from the mouth
to my white dress.
She pours the liquid down my throat.
It burns down my throat,
through my stomach.
When I wake up, my tanktop is damp with sweat. My heart is beating so loud, it echoes into my ears. I stagger to the window and open it, the pale moonlight baths my room. Leaning by the window, I take in the mysterious night sounds and an image of Luc flashes behind my eyes. <
BEFORELilyIt was surreal seeing her lying on the floor. Unmoving. I wanted to think she was just drunk and passed out but I knew that wasn't the case.I knew it from the way her body was sprawled. She was too still, her neck was at an awkward angle, a medicine bottle laid inches away from her outstretched hand.The words died in my throat. Luc? Luc? It's time for breakfast.Taking steps to her took forever. Partly because I was in shock, my legs couldn't move, I was shivering and shaking all over. My heart was beating frantically. My brain processed the image of her still body and the dark bottle.Then I screamed.Someone barreled through the hallway, their feet slapping against the floor. I held my tummy, trying to suppress the raise of acid creeping up my throat.Dad dashed in, almost running through me like I was a ghost.
BEFORE.LucMy gut clenched. One, two, three, four, five . . . And unclenched.I waited for it to clench again, watching it in the mirror. It mocked me and stayed still.Ever since I got discharged from the hospital, I have been having sharp pains in different parts of my body. Yesterday, I could hardly move without my kneecaps shrieking in agony. Today it's my gut. Tomorrow it would be my head and then my eyes after that. Sometimes, I would wake up dizzy and disoriented, seeing flashing lights and hearing screams. The screams were mine. I was dying in my dreams.It was my body, taking revenge on me. I was being punished for trying to kill it, for betraying it.Food didn't stay in my stomach and urine won't stay for a second longer. The white capsules I'm forced to take after meals stay in my throat and no amount of water I drink can flush it down. My ha
AFTERLilyAs I walk back home from school on a humid Friday evening, I think about stripping my clothes and leaving them on the floor, trudging into the shower and spending a lifetime under the cold waterfall, wearing pyjamas that are two sizes bigger than me and sitting down to a dinner of pap and soft slices of bread. Seeing Precious on the concrete steps shatter my plans."Hey," I choked out.The last time I saw her, she was out with my dead sister's boyfriend and I was furious at her. Now, I just want her out of my sight but I can't tell her that."Lily." She makes no move to come closer or shift so I can get to the door. She watches me with her dark eyes narrowed. I feel oddly self-conscious, I tug on my red hair, waiting for her to comment. When it becomes clear that she is not going to say anything, I open my mouth and let the words tumble out."What
BEFORELilyAs I zipped the silk mini-dress up my belly and over my lace-clad breasts, I imagined Jacob coming to the house and meeting my parents. Him, dressed in a button shirt and holding a rose. My parents, delighted to meet him.Dad would shake his hands and quiz him strictly. Warn him to bring him back home before midnight. Mum would smile, waving at us, tell us to have a good time as Jacob zooms down the street in the yellow Mercedes.I opened my eyes, chided myself for imagining the impossible. My parents would not encourage me to bring a boy home, it's a taboo. That would mean encouraging me to fornicate and have illegitimate babies (their words, not mine). Any boy Luc and I date would be secret and paraded to our parents as a casual, nothing-more friend until we are ready to get married.Krystal slinked into my bedroom, watching me with orb-eyes and open mouth. 
AFTERLilyJames's eyelashes are easily half an inch long. Or more. And very, very thick like he applied mascara. His face is a combination of beautiful and handsome. Beautiful eyes, beautiful lips. Handsome jaw, handsome chin."Why are you staring at me like that?" He asks me with a tug at the corner of his lips and his eyes on the road."I'm staring at the boy whose idea of a date is evening mass," I say, teasing him.He smiles. A shy, embarrassed smile. "It's not a date," he says, and it hurts, "it's just . . . I was going to mass and I figured—""I would want to?" I prod.He shrugs then says, "we could go out," in a whisper. "After Mass . . . If you want."I laugh because he seems so nervous. His hands are trembling slightly on the steering wheel. "Don't bother."The dress I am wearing is modes
BEFORELucMy plan for the day was simple and straight to the point:1. Dye my hair red for the fun of it.2. Hang out at Happy Place with Lily. It would be the best place to answer the questions she has been dying to ask me.3. Hang out with my boyfriend.I had been ignoring questions Lily had been whispering, hissing, writing and demanding from me those past two weeks. I had not been in the best frame of mind, joggling school work and fighting my mental demons.Nobody knew that I had nightmares. Very lucid nightmares that I woke up screaming from. In those nightmares, I am Mum, carrying a child I do not want. Feeling it growing inside me, feeding from me like a parasite. In those dreams, I expel the parasite from my body in big, bloody clumps. I would be on the floor, writhing in agony.I would wake up swe
AFTERLilyThe day James and I became a couple, I sent Esther a message telling her the good news. She called me minutes later hooting and cheering like I had won a trophy."I always knew you two had the hots for each other!" She said on the phone.Today, one week later, I am waiting on her doorstep for our trip to the salon. I am ready to part with my red hair and get cornrows instead. Esther wants to get a weave-on fixed. And James has been forced to tag along.He stands by the Mercedes, surveying the compound with an unreadable expression on his face.Finally, the door open and Esther hopped out wearing all black. Black sweater for defense against the biting wind, black trousers and black flats."You took ages!" I said, bounding off the steps to the car."Sorry," she apologised, "I was searching for my flats."&
BEFORELilyEverytime I closed my eyes, I saw the vivid image of Jacob kissing Luc and grabbing her round derriere in his hands. Her long, slim henna-tattoed arms were snaked around his neck and their mouths were joined, drinking ravenously from each other.I was not angry, not really. I was incredulous that Jacob would kiss my sister in public, in broad daylight. And that my sister would kiss Jacob in broad daylight, in public. Did he not know how I felt about him? Did he really care? Did he really like me or was it all in my head? Had I read the signs wrong?I sat outside in the evening, ignoring the whining of mosquitoes and the biting breeze, pondering on why Luc would kiss Jacob. Did she not know how I felt about him? Did she not care? Had she liked him all these while?When Dad asked me to come in for dinner, I declined. My stomach hurt, I did not trust it to hold down food.