Chapter 06

CHAPTER 03

"If I we're you I'll stick to my plan na, magalit man sila, deserve naman nila ang gagawin mo. After all, mas tutulungan mo pa nga sila, and by that, you may leave the Vejar's circle at any time."

"And that is not going to happen, Lyden." Agarang pagsagot ko. "Kaya hindi ko magawang sabihan si Morgan ay dahil na rin sa magiging kalabasan. Kung ibubuking ko sila, Mateo and Rose will leave happily, lalo na't sa ngayon ay alam kong unti unti nang nawawalan ng pakialam si Mateo sa mana niya."

A few days had passed after we went to their mansion, ay mas lalong naging malamig si Mateo sa akin, there are times that he will go back to our house with a lot of hickeys on his neck. He knows that I will never react to that, so he didn't even try to cover it up.

Ipinagwawalang bahala ko na lang 'yon kaysa sa dumada ako gayong alam ko namang walang pakialam si Mateo. Buti na lang din ay mabilis na gumana ang utak ko, I know Mateo will be irritated if I mess with him, at mailalagay ko lang rin ang sarili ko sa isang delikadong sitwasyon, I don't want it. I don't want it to happen.

"Kaya mo pa?" Lyden reached my hand.

"Kakayanin ko pa." Tipid kong sagot na ikinailing niya.

"Your husband doesn't deserve you. Vejar will never deserve a Fabian like you, Fayra. Sana matauhan ka."

I smiled weakly at her. Napaupo ako sa tabi niya at isinandal ang ulo ko sa backrest, kasabay naman nang matiim kong pagtitig sa kaniya, Lyden raised her eyebrows at me and gave me the what the fuck look.

 Hindi man nagsasabi sa akin si Lyden simula nang maikasal ako ay ang balita naman na ang mismong lumalapit sa akin. I don't want to brag about this to her right now, but I know that she needs comfort.

"And he doesn't also deserve you, Lyden. Kung tanga ako mas tanga ka rin ata." Walang pakundangang saad ko na ikinalaglag ng panga niya.

"A-Anong pinagsasabi mo ja'n? Ikaw lang ang tanga sa ating dalawa 'no." Nguso niya.

Gusto kong matawa sa reaksyong ibinigay sa akin ni Lyden. Halata talagang may hindi siya sinasabi sa akin, ni hindi nga ako ngayon matitigan sa mga mata. Panay ang iwas na para bang hindi ko pa siya kilala.

"Just tell me what happened, Lyden. I won't judge you the way you judge me." Ngiwi ko sabay iling.

"May katotohanan naman 'yong judgement ko."

"Oh siya, sabi mo 'e." Suko ko na dahil kung masesentro lamang ang usapan namin doon ay uuwi akong walang makukuha na hinanakit niya. And I don't want that, gusto ko bago ako makauwi ngayon ay kahit papaano ay nakapaglabas siya nang sama ng loob.

Lyden smirked and poked her tongue out slightly. There is a brief pause, but I can tell she is about to say something to me.

Payak siyang natawa kinalaunan. 

"You and Rose were by my side when I had my first heartbreak," she says, "But look at the turn now. You are the only one who can take my pain away. I-I still want those moments back, but seeing how Rose has forgotten our friendship and is ruining your marriage, I want to choke her until she begs me to stop."

Hindi ako umimik.

Sinariwa ko ang sinabi niya. Her first heartbreak, andoon kami ni Rose. Natatandaan ko pa kung papaano sinampal ni Rose 'yong ex niya at 'yong ipinalit kaagad kay Lyden na pinaghihila niya ang buhok kaya naman nagkagulo sa labas ng campus.

Rose didn't even blink when we got into the guidance office later on. She was furious during that time and used her surname to control the university... Even though she'll face punishment once her parents know about her actions.

Napangiti ako. Those days, our bond together was so strong. We got each other's backs, kahit hanggang saan kami umabot. Nagtatakipan kami, walang nag-iiwanan at sabay sabay na nangakong hindi kami masisira kailanman.

But looking at us now, Rose and I... Malabo. Malabo na kaming makabalik sa dati. I love Mateo so much. Since the day I met the Vejar's, bago pa man siya maipakilala ni Rose sa akin na manliligaw niya. I already knew him and liked him, and that turned into love, kaya naman pinatulan ko ang kasal.

I can't let him go. Not now. Not tomorrow. Kailanman ay hindi ko siya bibitawan kahit kapalit pa ang pagkakaayos namin ni Rose. There's already a big hole between Rose and I; it can't be fixed. It needs replacement and truly needs abandonment.

At isa pa, hindi lahat ng nakaraan ay dapat ayusin. May mga bagay na sadyang kailangang mangyari na hindi na muling maitatagpi sa nakaraang pilit na yinuyupi.

"It's ironic that I dislike what Rose has done to you. It's funny to think that I want to hurt her for hurting you, but to tell you right now... We're the same."

Agad na nangunot ang noo ko nang basagin ni Lyden ang hunahuna ko.

"But I don't know if he has a wife when I entered this relationship; I only found out yesterday." She smiled, but her face was filled with pain.

Mas lalo akong hindi nakapagsalita. All this time, akala ko maayos na siyang lalagay sa tahimik kasama ang fiancé niya. Ngunit malaking dagok pala ang kapalit ng bawat sandaling ipinapadama nito dahil may kaakibat na sabit. Akala ko, ayos na. Perpekto.

"He cheated. He lied... Can I call Rose right now and tell her to punch my fiancé?" She laughed as she wiped her tears.

"Do you want us to drink for you to ease the pain?" Alok ko.

Umiling siya. "No. Mateo will get mad at you if you come back home drunk as shit. I know you, Fayra. Bago pa ako malasing, bagsak ka na. Alam ko na rin kung saan tayo hahantong nito pagkatapos. Ako pa rin sa huli ang mag-aasikaso sa 'yo, imbes na ako ang asikasuhin mo." Ngiwi pa niya sabay hagis sa akin ng naka-sealed na pop corn.

I opened it and grabbed as much as I could with my fingers. "I'm not leaving tonight. I'm staying with you."

"Sira ka ba? Paano ang asawa mo---"

"Rose was there." I cut her off.

"Where?"

"In our house---"

"What?!"

"Mateo wants her there for the meantime, wala kasi si Morgan dahil out of town nito para sa project nilang magpipinsan, hindi umayon si Mateo doon dahil planado na niya ang lahat." Kalmadong kuwento ko. 

"Then it's fine for you?"

I shook my head. "Nope, it's not fine with me. It's never been fine with me to see my husband flirting with his sister-in-law."

"Then what are you doing here?" Panlalaki ng mga mata niya sa akin. "You are supposed to go back now and get what belongs to you. Get your ass up now and take what's yours."

Tinitigan ko sandali si Lyden bago muling ngumata. Ipinatong ko pa ang isang binti ko sa mini table niya at humarap sa television.

"I want to rest for now, Lyden. I want peace for my soul, my heart, and for my mind. Atsaka na ako babalik doon kapag kaya ko na, pagkaya ko nang ipaintindi sa sarili ko ngayong gabi na makakasama ko si Rose sa iisang bubong."

"So magtatagal ka dito?"

"Hindi. Hindi ako puwedeng magtagal. Kailangan ko lang maintindihan at pahabain ang pasensiya ko ngayong gabi. Hindi rin naman ako papayag na masolo niya ng lubusan ang asawa ko. Baka masampal ko ulit siya."

Hindi kumibo si Rose. Lumapit ito sa akin at yumakap.

"Don't pity me, Lyden. I can handle myself properly. Hindi pa naman ako nagpapakababa sa kaniya para kaawaan mo ako. Don't feel sorry for me because I'm not yet begging or kneeling---"

"Bakit may plano ka? May plano kang magmakaawa at luhuran ang walang puso mong asawa?" Hiwalay niya sa akin sabay pitik sa noo ko. "Don't you dare, Fayra." Mahihimigan ang pagbabanta sa kaniyang boses. "Don't kneel on that Vejar! Don't you ever dare kneel for him to choose you. I'm warning you, Fayra."

Days have passed since I saw his hickey, which was most likely done by Rose. I looked in the mirror and spoke like an idiot. It hurts to see that I'm here, but he's still going back and forth to Rose. It hurts to see how in love he is with Rose when it should be me. It's difficult to accept the truth, but it's even more difficult to accept the fantasy I had for my marriage life.

There are some advantages and many disadvantages. Mateo Vejar is the most difficult to come across. I was willing to do it if begging and kneeling for him was the only way for him to feel sorry for me and decide to stay for a little longer. I'm willing to degrade myself just for him and because... Because I love him that much.

I smiled bitterly at Lyden. I'm not giving her any more assurances that she wanted. On the contrary, I'm assuring her of one thing that I'll do for sure one day.

"If I am left with no choice, rather than that, I will do it, Lyden. I will."