4. Boundaries

[Carys]

He was about to kiss me when I looked away and pulled myself out of his trap.

“I don’t regret loving you because I gave you every part of me. I loved you the best way I could, with my utmost sincerity and loyalty. There’s nothing more I could have done to make you stay or love me, only me. Being loyal and not being loyal is a choice, and you have made your choice. There’s no going back,” I said.

“I am loyal to you!” He growled, and I flinched. Suppressing his rage, he forced a smile. “Carys,” Joshua made me face him, grabbing my shoulders in a painful grip. His gaze darkened. My chest heaved faster and faster as he slammed me against the wall. “I couldn’t resist my mate, but you couldn’t either. If there’s anyone who can understand me in this situation. It’s you. So why are you…”

“I understand you, Joshua. I do. You know me. Don’t you? If you truly loved me or even respected whatever we had for ten years, you would have come to me and had a clear break up before you slept with her. But you cheated on me for two years and you want me to understand you and accept you right away? Am I not even allowed to react or say how I feel about all this?”

“Then you should have hurt me back as much as you wanted. Why did you hurt Edith? Why get the other pack involved in our personal matters?” Joshua glared at me. “Why the fuck were lycans involved? It just makes me wonder… if I was the only one cheating in our relationship. Who knows, you might still be in contact with him. Why? You still love him?”

I glared back into his eyes.

“I hate him! That’s all I have left for him after everything that’s happened. And don’t you fucking dare question my loyalty! Maybe this is what she wanted you to think. Maybe that is why she hired lycans, so that she could make you doubt me. Your mate has understood you better than me. Because the way you are right now, I can see it in your eyes. The trust between us is long gone.”

“I trust you…”

“Where? Why can’t I see the trust in your eyes, then?” I yelled, pushing him away from me.

Tears streamed down his eyes as he peered at me blankly.

I controlled myself.

“Believe me or not, but I did not hurt Edith, and I did not plan the attack and I will prove it. And I don’t know why lycans are involved in this. Ask Edith because she planned it all!”

“She planned it? Why would she do that?”

“Ask her, not me,” I snarled at him. “See through your mate bond and her lies, if you can.”

Joshua peered at me, lost in his thoughts.

I calmed myself and stepped closer to him.

“Joshua,” I smiled at him and held his hand. Gulping down the lump in my throat, I said, “I would never hurt your mate. Never involve myself with the lycans again. You have known me even since we were kids. Before anything, I am your beta and you are the most important person in my life. Anyone you love is important to me as well. Be it our pack or your luna-to-be.”

He bit his bottom lips and nodded. 

“I know, Carys. I am sorry. I was swayed. But, I promise, I’ll protect you…”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. What we need, what I need right now, is clear boundaries drawn between us.”

“B-boundaries?”

“I wish you a happy life with your mate, Alpha Joshua, and thank you for everything you have done for me all this time. I am really grateful.” Tears trailed down my eyes. “My time with you has been most beautiful, but all of it ends here. I would fulfill all my duties as your beta as long as I have the privilege to.” I bowed.

Joshua contemplated me with bleary red eyes. He shook his head. 

“Are you breaking up with me? No. I don’t accept this.”

“Please do not make things complicated, alpha.”

“No. You are the one making things complicated for me. Carys, my love for you cannot be diluted just because I found my mate. Twenty years! That’s how long I have loved you, which is almost my entire life. I have loved you ever since we were kids. I have loved you even when you decided to run away from the pack for some other man. And I have loved you and accepted you back, even after that. And this is what you do to me? How could you even think about breaking up with me?”

I peered at him blankly. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe Joshua was the one saying it.

“You said you fell in love with me after my mate rejected me,” I said, confused.

“Bullshit!” He snapped, but then it seemed as if he realized something. “I-I mean… y-yeah… I realized I love you after that.”

I scrubbed my hands over my heating and numb face and took a deep breath.

“You are going to marry Princess Edith. It’s only right for me to do this,” I said. “You couldn’t do it, so I did.”

“Yes, I am marrying her. So? So what? I want her, yes. I can’t deny it. I need her. My wolf needs her. But that has nothing to do with how much I love you. I am going to marry her, but nothing changes between us, Carys.”

I frowned. “What does that even mean?”

Joshua licked his lips. “I need both of you in my life. I can’t choose. Neither of you is an option. You have always been permanent in my life, and I want it that way until I die.”

“I-I don’t think you are hearing yourself. You are telling me to be your… mistress?”

Joshua cocked a brow. 

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that? As an alpha, I can make that possible and then none of us will have to sacrifice or suffer. It’s as simple as that,” Joshua smiled as if he had sorted everything. “Don’t tell me… don’t tell me it doesn’t hurt you when you say you want to end us.”

Pursing my lips tightly, I sat on the bed. My head felt too stuffy to comprehend anything at all.

Joshua sat beside me and both of us sat in silence.

I could no longer hold back tears.

“What about Edith? How do you think she will react when she becomes your wife?” I asked. “What will the pack say? What will the people say? What will the elders say about this? And me? What about me?”

“Why are you talking about her? It’s about us. Edith is becoming my wife. What else would she want? She gets to be my wife, my luna. And just because I marry her doesn’t mean I won’t pay attention to you. Of course, my time will be divided between the two of you, but my love will always be all yours,” Joshua said. “And about people and elders. I am their alpha. They won’t say a word.”

The Joshua I was talking to right now was not the Joshua I had known.

“I don’t want this. I don’t want to be your side whore! What you are proposing is an insult to me and Edith. She is your mate. She will need your undivided love and attention and time,” I said.

“Yeah, well, then she’ll have to compromise! She should be fucking grateful that I didn’t reject her! This is the least she can do for me!” He roared. “And if you are so insecure about people finding out about us, then no one needs to know! We can keep on continuing our relationship in secret like we used to.”

I froze. I cowered back, feeling the threatening aura get denser around him. Xander clearly didn’t like the way Joshua talked about his mate.

Joshua got up from the bed.

“Shit! Carys,” Joshua’s aura settled down. His voice softened. “Let’s talk about this later, ok? After the All Alpha meeting, hmm?”

Panting, I sat paralyzed on my bed.

“Reply to me!” Grabbing my arms, he yanked me against himself.

“Y-yes…”

He smiled with a nod. His gaze dropped to my lips. He brushed his thumb over my bottom lip.

“I will not give up on you. I’ll not give up on us. I’ve loved you madly and I still do,” he said in a husky whisper.

It was at that moment I realized that one can never truly know the other person even if they spend a lifetime together. Because I had never seen this side of Joshua before. Never.

He, domineeringly, wrapped his arm around my waist, his broad scorching palm ran up my back. His fingers tucked at the strings of my dress as if he wanted to tear the dress off me. But he didn’t. Rather, he pulled me in. My breasts pressed against his chest as he claimed my lips in a passionate kiss. It was deep, burning and… suffocating.

The ambience around him was so intimidating that I stood there like a statue when he kissed me, feeling nothing. For the first time, Joshua’s kiss felt as empty as my heart.

He kissed my eyelids, tucking my hair strands behind my ear.

“An All Alpha meeting is…”

“I know.”

He licked his lips and parted from me, kissing my forehead. 

“Get ready. I will make preparations for your trial. I don’t care if you planned this attack or not, I am getting you out of this mess. And you are coming back to me. I’ll make sure you do.”

His eyes, his words, his aura spoke just one emotion unanimously — possessiveness. 

Right before stepping out of the room, he turned and looked at me.

“He will be there, too. In the All Alpha meeting. But don’t worry, I promise, I’ll never let him get anywhere near you, ever again.”

It was then I realized that Kian Nyx Abner, my ex-mate, was now the lycan alpha of the Nyx Winter pack. So, it would be compulsory for him to attend the All Alpha meeting.

I lost the strength in my legs and slumped on the bed.

I clenched my chest with my trembling fingers, panting.

“What do I do now?”

Kian was nothing but a grave mistake in my life. In the past, we had parted ways with nothing but mutual hatred and a lot of regrets.

Ten years and I was still not ready to face him again.