Chapter Three

Sebastian watched Jaxsen leave the room while wanting nothing more than to follow him and hide under the boy’s bed. He could see the tension and anxieties in Jaxsen’s body and wanted nothing more than to hold him. Taking a deep breath Sebastian turned to his former wife. She was still just as beautiful as she’d been the day they’d met. Her hair was shorter now, cropped, but knew she was letting it grow long again. Her brown eyes were closed off to him and the only thing he saw in those chocolate depths was pain. Anger. So much more he couldn’t put into words; he didn’t dare to. 

“When did you talk to Mom?” he asked as she fixated on the chair Jaxsen had just vacated. Sebastian felt his body tense and there was a fleeting thought of how a similar feeling always propelled him into battle. He suddenly became very aware of his racing pulse; he could feel his blood speeding through his veins. 

“So, what? Who is he?” she asked not answering his question. Sebastian took a deep breath. He kept his voice deliberately calm. He did not want to get into a screaming match with her with Jaxsen in the house. 

“Glen’s. He’s Glen Michaels’ son. He and his wife were killed inside their home a couple of years ago. When I found out, I petitioned for custody and guardianship of their son.” Tears stained her eyes but did not fall. Glen and Sara Michaels were good friends of hers, too, at one point in her life. She still loved them dearly.

“And now because of some debt, you’ve got yourself a whole new family, right?”

“You’ve moved on, too, Ellie,” he replied firmly, referring to the ring she wore around her left ring finger. 

“Yeah, well, don’t take this one to the park.” The anger completely dissipated at once from her eyes at the utterance of those words and pure sorrow and regret replaced it. “Sebastian, I-“

“Get. Out.” Sebastian Green had always prided himself on the firm grip he had on his emotions. Namely, his anger. He felt his hands curl into fists. He felt ready to explode. Ellie hadn’t moved. She seemed rooted to the spot. 

“Please, Seba-” she tried again.

Again he cut her off. “Get out, Ellie. I don’t know what the fuck possessed you to say that to me and I don’t fucking care. Get out. Don’t say another goddamn word and just get out of my house. 

Jaxsen listened closely. They weren’t yelling, but talking just loud enough. When he heard his father’s name his breath caught. What debt? He listened closer but the conversation took a sudden turn. What did she mean not to go to the park? When he heard the door click letting him know she did in fact leave, Jaxsen crept into his bedroom very confused. 

           Sebastian stood still for several moments so vexed by her words; her nerve! He was so completely far from irate that he couldn’t see the world around him. He wanted to rage. He wanted to scream and destroy any and everything he could get his hands on. He wanted to cry. He felt that familiar heart shattering feeling as his mind returned to a place he tried his damnedest never to return to…

          “Daddy, Daddy, I’m gonna hit this one to the parking lot! You ready to pitch it?” Daniel Green was characteristically exuberant about their father-son bi-weekly trip to the park to pitch around and hit some baseballs. The day was warm and the sun was out. Birds sang their sweet summer songs and not a cloud in the sky could be seen. They’d finished their lunch of chips and ham sandwiches with canned lemonade. The breeze felt great against Sebastian’s face as he laughed and played with his son.

         Daniel pointed way left field in an imitation of Babe Ruth before stepping up to the plate. Sebastian smiled at the serious look of concentration on the boy’s face. He wound up for the pitch…

        In a moment life can change. It can alter so drastically as to leave you forever scarred. Sebastian never did get to throw that perfect pitch for that Babe Ruth homerun. The ball dropped forgotten to the ground and time froze and moved in slow motion simultaneously. With a scream of his son’s name Sebastian began to run. To the right a car barreled through the chain link fence with the echoing of a tune of crushed metal cutting into the bird’s sweet melody. 

       Daniel looked in the direction of the commotion, his legs leaded down and unable to move out of the way before the boy’s screams were silenced.

      Sebastian came to on the floor where he must have slid down the wall. His knees were drawn up for a rest for his elbows while he cradled his head in his hands. Tears streaked down his face and he found it difficult to breathe. After several minutes he got up, cleaned up the mess in the kitchen before deciding to go get Jaxsen from his room. Maybe the kid was still hungry. As he passed through the living room he glanced at the clock. Almost lunch time. It had been over an hour since that initial knock on the door. He knocked lightly not wanting to scare him with the sudden sound. The door opened and a tiny face appeared in the crack before the door was pulled open for further admittance.  

      He didn’t say anything, simply went back to sitting on his bed. Sebastian came all the way into the room and faced him. Why was he nervous?

     “Can I sit down?” Jaxsen nodded but kept his gaze averted. He watched his fingers nervously. Slowly Sebastian lowered himself to the bed. “Are you alright? I didn’t mean for Ellie to upset you when she came in. Nor did I when I sent you up here. There’s just…some conversations between adults that kids don’t need to hear. Understand?” Again the head bob. “Hey, Jack, what’s up? Talk to me.” 

      There was a long moment of heavy silence. By the increase of movement in little fingers, Sebastian knew he was working out a way to say something. 

    “Are y-you m-m-mad?”

      Sebastian reached out to him and he jumped slightly. “I’m not gonna hurt you, Jaxsen,” he said softly before placing his hand on Jaxsen’s back. “I’m not mad. I was mad. I was not mad at you. But I was mad. Now…now I’m just a little sad. And hungry. You still want something to eat?”

    “You’re not mad at me?” he asked ignoring the presented inquiry, bringing his scrutiny from the blankets. 

       “No. Why would I be mad at you?”

        He shrugged and looked away again. “No one else ever had reasons.” He said it quietly to himself, hoping that Sebastian didn’t hear him. Sebastian did in fact hear him, but chose not to comment. Instead he gently pulled to bring Jaxsen closer. He resisted. Sebastian felt his heartstrings rip at the retrogression and sighed lightly. Damn it. He leaned to his right and gently kissed the boy’s head. He inhaled Jaxsen’s unique scent and smiled softly. 

He shrugged and looked away again. “No one else ever had reasons.” He said it quietly to himself, hoping that Sebastian didn’t hear him. Sebastian did in fact hear him, but chose not to comment. Instead he gently pulled to bring Jaxsen closer. He resisted. Sebastian felt his heartstrings rip at the retrogression and sighed lightly. Damn it. He leaned to his right and gently kissed the boy’s head. He inhaled Jaxsen’s unique scent and smiled softly. 

        “It’s all right,” he whispered, still not breaking contact. “Jaxsen, no matter how angry I might become, whether it be at you or someone else, you never have to be afraid of me.”

        A small sniffle. “I-I’m not.”

    “Yes, you are. But it’s okay. Words are cheap, believe me, I’ve been around for a few years. Had my fair share of broken promises. But I aim to prove it to you.” Jaxsen met his eyes with open scrutiny. “Can I do that? Will you allow me to earn your trust?” Jaxsen studied his face, his eyes, his soul. The boy stared so long Sebastian almost began to squirm, before finally giving affirmation. “Good. I’m glad. Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. What’s say we make a day of it and after lunch we go see a movie and get some ice cream?”

    “Really?” Jaxsen’s eyes lit up and that electric smile appeared again. 

    “Really, really. I’m gonna jump in the shower and change. You should, too, or soon you’ll have potatoes growing outta your ears if you’re not careful.” He was delighted when Jaxsen giggled.  Sebastian got up but turned when he was called. Jaxsen stood in front of him, having climbed from the bed and reached up. Sebastian lifted him easily and they hugged for a time span of several heartbeats.