My heartbeats shattered one by one, making my chest ache.My vision blurred behind the tears and the glare of the sun on the marble floor. Once the crying started, my tears flowed like I had just opened a dam that had been closed for years. I stood in the middle of a beautiful apartment and felt nothing but cold and empty. The emptiness expanded until it threatened to eat me alive.How accurate was my belief that Nico was an addiction because this felt like the worst kind? I began to realize that it was more than that-it was love and it was heartbreak.I went to the master bathroom, turned on the shower, went inside, and cried some more. My mind was spinning with desperate thoughts of how to fix it, but it all ended on a desperate note when I thought of her cold demeanor today.Nausea rolled around in my stomach.I've been trying not to fall for him, and I've fallen so hard that I'm physically sick from his rejection. I could have laughed if I still had the energy left to cry.I got o
I looked at Gretta, who was lying on the bed.In a quiet corner of the room, the serene atmosphere inside the hospital room was only interrupted by the regular hissing of breath from the bedridden Gretta. Her face reflected profound exhaustion and sadness as if a disaster had rolled over her like an endless storm. I sat beside her with a blank look. The miscarriage had robbed us both of the glimmer of happiness they had just begun to achieve.Everything that surrounded us was messing her up, messing me up. Us.The pain split me in two. Realizing what we had lost, the cause of my own carelessness. If only I hadn't come and thrown a bomb at her, if only I hadn't brought her to my apartment, if only I hadn't abandoned her.. that fetus would still be between us. That baby.. whether a boy or a girl, would have been a testament to our feelings. I loved her, damn it. I loved her so much that jealousy about her leaving me ruled me more than my trust in her. I should have known better than
Two Months Later Time seemed to fly by until the church doors finally opened wide, the warning of the bride's arrival making everyone look impatiently toward the entrance. I stared at the beautiful woman in a bone-white wedding dress with a high bust. After my challenging debate with her, I finally won. Of course, with a very effective tactic: making her unable to walk with our long sex and making her surrender. And I have absolutely no regrets. She was so beautiful, gorgeous, and fabulous. My heart swelled stupidly. Like the mellow atmosphere of those cheesy romance movies she always liked, but different from those stupid movies, I liked what I felt now. Enjoying everything in every part of her. I love her. Loved her so much that I thought I would kill myself when she was in pain. That agony was behind us, and I learned my lesson. We both did. Learned to be better and accept each other. My mom said it's love and doesn't always go smoothly. All we can do is stay together and go
Flashback :The hollow emptiness going on inside me didn't fix anything. It was empty and frozen. I've had many losses, and I don't know what could break me more than this one. It consumed me more than any previous loss.My baby...I haven't even had a chance to see what my baby looked like before it left me.And...Why my baby?Why wasn't it just me who died?I huddled under the thick blanket that was not familiar to my nose. A hospital bed, pillow and blanket. Which was unfamiliar because I had never experienced a hospital stay. It was excruciating, and I didn't want to come back here again. But this was still better than Mikhaelovich's death house if I could choose. It was a good thing I'd been expelled, strange because the relief seeped through me like water in a dam that was never released.I stroked my stomach, something I always did these days, even though the pain seemed to split me in two.A click came from the door behind me. I didn't need to turn around to see who had just
Nicholas really took me away. It was a long trip because we were on a plane, and I only found out when the pilot told me where we were going."Spain?" I asked, looking at Nicholas sitting beside me with so much surprise.He nodded. "Put your seatbelt on, baby."I shook my head. "I don't want to go anywhere. I want to go back."Nicholas shook his head with a frown on his forehead. "I'm sure you'll regret it.""Then tell me where you're taking me!" my voice rose an octave.He only raised an eyebrow and let out a long sigh. "Gallena."My eyes widened."I'll take you to Gallena's place."My heart was beating so fast with emotion that I almost fell forward as the plane began to take off. He clucked, wrapping one arm around my waist. "Put your seatbelt on." He growled.I put it on quickly. Leaning against the seat as the plane began to take off. I turned to him with a twinkle in my heart. "Do you mean it?"Nicholas nodded."Is she in Barcelona?""She's in Ibiza, I think it's a safe place f
I know very well that I have crossed the line.I've known since four years ago, that I shouldn't take anything. I should have received whatever they wanted from me. I must not cross the line because the consequences I will bear in the future are not commensurate with what I have done. I might be shunned from my family, or maybe something worse would happen.But I'm still here.Sitting in a bar on the outskirts of the Bronx, drinking beer, and staring at the crowds preoccupied with what the hell they do. This place is anything but exclusive, so low-key compared to other bars on the streets of New York. But only here I feel I can be free, be myself and allow me to calm myself behind the burden that settles on my chest with so much weight. Being here is better than me having to spend a second where I have to pretend that I'm fine.I've never been fine. Maybe never. The rest of my life will end with me regretting my life."Are you going to be here long?" Baron, my cousin, came and sat bes
Nothing weighs anything on my head, or my chest. All of that disappeared.I lie here, asleep like a newborn, clean of it all. That feeling is an amazing thing. Extraordinary. I've never been like this. Everything seems to be separated from my soul, I may feel like I've just been born again.A moan escaped me as I changed my sleeping position, my eyes were still closed, I was still on the verge of being conscious and unconscious. I don't want to wake up from this light feeling. I want to go back to that beautiful dream, and want to go back to that happy thing. The feeling like I just got an electric shock, it didn't kill me, I floated, and like a butterfly fluttering all over my body.I know I was drunk last night, and I really appreciate whatever I'm drinking, it's a gift, and I'll be back drinking it when I want this feeling again. It's an ecstasy of pleasure, an outlet I didn't know I needed. Until last night.My mind which was still clawing at the claws of memory couldn't place any
I sat in a simple knee-length salmon dress that wasn't tight but still had those damn imaginary ties around my chest and neck. Staring at my face through the clean glass of the dresser wondering how I'm going to apply my mask tonight.My parents were already here, pushing me two seconds when my cousin Carl and I got home, to get ready and dressed because we were going to a dinner party with our family business colleagues. The first thing I did was swear, by accident, in my mother's presence. She just made an expression and sent me a long, sharp glare. Suffice it to say: Don't say any more to my face or I'll make your life more miserable.It's already made my night worse. Maybe a dinner party will put my mood a bit better because sometimes my parents would get caught up in a conversation with some of their socialite friends and wouldn't bother paying attention to the decorum I have to do in front of everyone. Well, let's just hope they're only here for the damn dinner that's about to s