Chapter 0005

Stepping out of the airport with Dylan and Paul seems surreal, just 24 hours before, I was walking home from work doing my daily routine and now I'm back to a place I promised I would never come back too, but strangely it feels like home, maybe because at one point this was my home it was my everything, and now I'm back because my twin is gone. Everything to this point was a blur, I did it with a numb sensation I packed, called my manager and told him I needed to go back home for a family emergency, that conversation went well let's just hope I have a job when I come back, and I do plan on coming back. We drove to LAX took a flight and now I'm here back in Hawaii.

"You ready?" Dylan said

"I don't know." I whispered because I really didn't. Who is ever ready when they loose a loved one and return to a place that promised never to return too?

We walked to the car that was parked all the way on the other side of the airport, once we got in we started the long journey home. Our pack was located all the way on the other side of the island right by the beach about 3 hours away from the airport. We all sat in silence while Paul drove, no one spoke a word, I was looking out the window admiring all the trees and flowers. One thing I miss about Hawaii is it's nature it's like a breath of fresh air. I have always loved being outdoors, loved just sitting by the beach, the quietness of the island. I roll my windows down close my eyes and just breath in a breath of fresh air. I can feel both Paul and Dylan eyes on but ignore them and continue taking in what was once my home. Finally after a couple of minutes Dylan broke the silence.

"Athena, why did you leave us? I mean you just left a nasty note and that was it. Did we do something? I just don't understand." He took a deep breath and finished by saying "You were happy right?" He turned to look at me, Paul stared at me through the rearview mirror, but his eyes don't convey confusion like I believed they would since no one knows the real reason why I left, they tell me that that he definitley knows something of what happened eight years ago.

How do I explain to them that I wasn't happy anymore? That the love of my life, my other half, the one who was supposed to love me, cherish me, and be with me, loved my other half literally. That it was all their beloved Alpha's fault that I left. Also in a way I do blame them and my family because no one saw my pain. Was I that good at hiding it? I didn't think so, yea I put up a brave front and a smile but I know if someone really looked at me they would have seen my heart break, but they were just all happy in there little bubble and I realized that in a way I also resented them. I resented them for being happy while I was fighting everyday just to get up and live. Figuring this out, I decided to come up with the most logical answer.

"I got rejected." I said, I said staring right at Paul since he has not taken his eyes off of me since Dylan asked the question.

"What?" Dylan says, while Paul kept looking at me through the rear view mirror. Oh yea he knows something.

"I got rejected on my 16th birthday I thought I could move on but I couldn't so I just left" I said while still looking at Paul. I narrowed my eyes showing him that I know he knows something. He finally looked away and just kept looking forward.

"Was it someone from the pack?" Dylan asked.

Ugh now thats a tricky question I mean its not like we are the only pack in Hawaii so I could lie and say no but something in my heart told me to tell them the truth so I did.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry Athena, We didn't know, I mean after you left things changed, The alpha hasn't been the same...."

"Dylan enough." Paul interrupted him. Dylan shut his mouth quickly and gave Paul a weird look.

What did he mean things changed? Xavier wasn't the same? I thought to myself, but I pushed it to the back of mind I had more important things to worry about like my family. How are they going to react when they see me? After Paul interrupted Dylan the rest of the ride was quiet, Paul kept staring at me through the rear view mirror maybe hoping I wouldn't jump out of the car and make a run for it, I'm not going to lie and not say I didn't think about it because it crossed my mind a million times. While sitting for the rest of the ride I thought about my past and I knew that I had to do something else while I was here and that was too finally reject Xavier and let go of this pain and move on, sadly it took my sister's death and eight years to realize this. I guess in the back of mind I always hoped he would come looking for me, and beg for forgiveness, tell me that he made a mistake, that once I left he realized that I was it for him. It was stupid thinking that he would do something like that with how much he loved Anna, and it was even more stupid to even have some hope that would happen.

I knew we reached the borders when I saw the wolves who patrolled them in there wolf forms. Any humans that stumble into the borders can't see them but they are there hidden among the palms, ready to attack if a threat stumbles upon out borders. Finally the car stopped and that's when I knew we reached our destination. I looked up and came face to face with my childhood home where Xavier and Anna also once lived. Paul and Dylan stepped out and Dylan came around to open my door, I hesitated at first looking at him with worry in my eyes, he nodded his head and he whispered "It's going to be ok." I wanted to be like is it going to be ok? because I know it is not, but even know that I stepped out grabbed his hand and closed my eyes and breathed in trying not to pass out or make a run for it.

"Ready?" Dylan asked the same question he told me before we left California, but this time I knew the answer.

I looked at him and said "No, I don't think I will ever be ready for this but I have to do it for my sister and for my family." I said and he just gave me a small smile and walked toward the house.

"Selena I really need you right now, I don't think I can do this alone, I'm not strong enough. I can smell him everywhere. I feel like I'm going to break all over again, I can't break Selena, I can't break again." I mind linked while trying to hold my sob in.

"I'm here for you I will always be here for you, you can do this we survived through rejection the strongest pain a wolf can go through WE CAN SURVIVE THIS! WE WILL SURVIVE THIS ATHENA!" she finishes out yelling.

I just smirked she always knows what to say even though I know it's going to be just as hard for her.

"I can do this. I can do this. Just walk and open the door. Just do it Athena" I kept whispering myself easier said then done, Dylan and Paul already went inside, so I'm alone looking at the front door like its about explode.

"Ok here we go." I say to myself while opening the door and walking inside. I stepped right inside the foyer and then all I smelled was him, why does his scent have to be so strong, I shake my head ignore the smell, but that's when all the memories hit me at once all the pictures hung up on the wall of me and family ones of my sister and I , with all four of us I just kept walking while looking through all the pictures when all of a sudden I heard a glass drop and a gasp I turned around and saw my mother. She was still as beautiful as when I left long black curly hair green eyes. My sister and I looked looked exactly like her except we had grey eyes like our father while my brothers got his blond hair and my mother's green eyes.

"Athena, is it really you?" she whispered with tears in her eyes.

"Hey mama" I whispered trying to hold my own tears back, but one escaped trailing down my cheek. My mama was everything to me she was my rock. While I was going through Xavier rejection, my mama was my rock, I always had a feeling she knew something wrong was going on in my life. During that time she became a little more attentive to me, always checking in on me making sure I was ok. Sometimes when she thought I wasn't paying attention her eyes would tear up staring at me. She also became a little more harsher with Xavier, he was always like a second son to her but during that time I remember seeing anger in her eyes every time she saw him, she also looked at Anna in disappoitment.

She ran towards me and gave me the biggest hug while sobbing and repeating "your here" over and over again she looked at me with tears running down her face and smiled while wiping my tears. I didn't even realize I was crying. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her. Then she whispered something that broke me

"I understand, and I know" I looked at her and I sobbed. She knew now everything made sense to me, but is too late. Why didn't she say anything eight years ago, when I needed someone.

"Rachel are you ok?" I closed my eyes and breathed in a deep breath, letting go of my mama I looked at the man who was idol while growing up. My dad, he looked at me in shock he went to say something when he was interrupted.

"Mom."

"Mom."

I looked away from father and there stood my brothers staring at me not believing I'm really here while behind them stood Xavier quietly, while observing me with a look in his eyes that I couldn't decipher but I could also see an emotion that I couldn't stare away from, was that regret that I see, it couldn't be, I decided to ignore it and look away from him. Finally I quickly looked away and looked again at my papa and brothers who moved closer.

"Papa, Chase, Zach." I said while letting go of my mother and going to them. Chase was the oldest, the protector of all of us the serious brother, which is why Chase is the beta of the pack, while Zack was the second oldest the funny one the jokster. He would always pull pranks on Anna and I, even on Chase if he knew he would get beat afterwards.

"You came, we thought they would never find you. I thought I caught your scent but I couldn't believe it" Papa said.

"We thought you forgot about us." Zack said.

"We thought you would abandoned us. Again." Chase said lastly.

I went to speak when Xavier spoke.

"She did forget about us and she did abandon us and she abandoned the love of my life and my mate when she needed her the most." and with that he walked out while my wolf whimpered I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't hurt because it did I just saw him walk to the back yard.

My family just looked at me with sad faces and my mother looked at me with pity and sadness in her eyes, she took my hand and led me outside while the rest of my family followed to the funeral of my sister. As I listened to the priest say his sermon I could feel his eye on me the whole time, I couldn't look at him because I knew I would see hatred in his eyes because that is what I saw when he said those things to me in the house, that regret that I saw earlier was all gone. The time came when we burned her body and let the ashes flow into the air so she can go and live with the moon goddess and watch over us, all the while I'm comforting my mother and trying to not stare at my ex mate.

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After the funeral I was sitting on the couch looking around the living room. I was planning to go to my room and just lay down to think about what I'm going to do next, and try to get through my mind that my sister is dead and the mess my life has become. Could I just leave my family again after all this? My mama went upstairs to rest and papa went with her, and my brothers went back to there mates not knowing what to say to me, but fate had other things in mind of course. I could feel him behind me before he spoke.

"We need to talk" he said.

I just nodded I guess it's time to reject him maybe I can finally feel free afterwards, maybe I can find a new love, I walked into his office quietly and closed the door. I just stood there and stared at him while he looked at me never breaking eye contact. Finally I decided to take a full look of him, eight years did him good but that could also be because of Anna, he had beautiful crystal blue eyes, a body like a greek god, he looked more mature, but that once boyish charm he had is gone, he looked guarded, hardened. I looked into his eyes and I saw that they didn't have that spark anymore and they had a void, of course that could be because of Anna's death. He also had hatred burning there which I knew was for me, while I was looking at him, he was doing his own persuasion of me and then he looked into my eyes again. Can he see the heartbreak still there, the hatred towards him also, the resentment, the pain? I couldn't handle it anymore so I spoke

"You said we needed to talk" I whispered.

He just stared at me, which made me even more nervous, it's like he wanted to make me uncomfortable.

"God Xavier speak, I know you can since you spoke earlier to me or do you just speak when you need to insult me?" I growled.

"How long are you planning to stay here?" he finally said.

"Wow you just can't wait to get rid of me, well don't worry I don't plan to stay long. I plan to stay here until everything is settled."

"I don't want you here." he said looking straight into my eyes.

"Clearly" I muttered. Your not the only one bud. Does he think I want to stay here, be in this constant state of pain? We continue on with the silence looking at him I asked him if that was everything he needed to say.

"No, I came to tell you that you are not allowed to leave ever again." he said as an alpha command.

I stood there looking at him with my mouth wide open. What did he just say? Did he just alpha command me? Didn't he just say that he didn't want me here? Clearly along with being a dick he's also bipolar.

"What. The. Fuck. Did you just say?!" I yell, because there is no way I heard him right. Did he just say I can't leave and on top of that also alpha command me. Guess what he can't command me to do anything since I'm technically his mate and no longer part of the pack.

"I said you will not leave again, because I plan to make your life miserable like you did mine these past eight years it's what you deserve, you took everything away from me, I will never see Anna again because of you, I despise you if it wasn't for your family I would have found you myself and killed you!" He finished screaming, while punching the desk.

Tears automatically came to my eyes, how could he say that to me? I looked at him shocked how did I cause Anna's death, what is he talking about? I thought while each word was a stab wound to the heart.

"Me!? I made your life miserable Xavier you rejected me you left me to die you took everything from me, I can't be happy with someone else because of you. I left my family because of you! You can not command me to stay I am not a part of your pack and I will never be again!" I screamed while turning around about to open the door when suddenly it was slammed shut by his hand while his body was hovering over mine pinning me to the wall while breathing down my neck making chills break down my spine. How can he still affect me after all this time? The bond should have weakened, I need to reject him now, but before I could speak the words he started with a low husky voice whispering into my ear.

"I couldn't stop thinking you. About what you were doing? Who you were with? Are you safe? Those were the worst thoughts Athena the ones where I didn't know what, who you were doing? Or where you were? Those thoughts drove me out of my mind." He growls out, while he was saying this my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, it was getting harder to breath and I knew he knew this because his breathing became ragged and I could also hear his heart beat match mine. I feel lean in closer his nose nuzzling the back of head, while taking in a deep breath like he couldn't get enough of my smell, I close my eyes and suck in a breath, I forgot how weak in the knees I get, or how good it feels to have this close. God this is so wrong I shouldn't feel like this I should despise him he rejected me didn't think twice about me, continued to hurt me knowing I was his mate, this just made my decision easier I need to reject him sooner rather than later. I was about to turn around and slap him and curse him out, but then he continued to break my heart "When I should have been happy because I got everything I wanted the love of the person I was in love with forever. When you left something inside me broke and I hated you for it and I cursed the fates because instead of getting the love of my life as a mate I got the weak sister the one who would follow me around as puppy dog hoping that I will love her. I will never love you Athena I told you that when I rejected you and I meant it, I felt pity for you. Always in the shadow of your twin" he chuckled darkly.

All I did was stare at the door while tears were running down my face and my heart and soul breaking. God what happened!? While I was away I became strong I built a wall made of steel so no one can break through. So why am I so weak now when I needed it the most, why do his words feel like someone is squeezing my heart to the point its going to burst?

"You will stay here and not leave because I said so and if you defy me Athena you do not want to know what I am capable of" he said while letting go of me and stepping back.

I opened the door and ran, all the while I heard him scream and then something shatter.

Stupid Athena always running. I need to reject him I need to stop letting him get to me. It's been eight years, that's it. Xavier is not going to take anything else from me. He already took too much, more than he could ever imagine.