Wish

Cassie

I woke up and the memory of what happened last night flashed before my eyes. I instantly slapped myself just for the sake of it.

Stupid. Baka. Pabo. Bobo. Calling myself stupid in every language I know wouldn’t cut the embarrassment I’m feeling right now.

I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. I just subjected myself to complete and utter humiliation. I swear I won't be able to show my face in the studio after this. At least not to Matthew.

Damn it! I hate being sick. I act like a drunk whenever I am. I get upset for reasons that never bothered me on normal days and say whatever I want. I'm perfectly able to handle it on my own but now I realized it's actually very embarrassing when other people get involved.

Oh my god! I replayed the things I said last night. Did I just admit to him that I wanted to die? Now he's probably thinking I'm suicidal. I mean I do. I did. But I won't kill myself! Those are just passing thoughts.

I picked up my hammer stuff toy and started hitting my head. What time is it? Mel's gone so it must be late. I turned on my phone. I turned it off for the past few days since I was acting all depressed and all that shit. It was almost noon. No wonder I'm already feeling hungry.

I went to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I had been starving myself for days that I'm actually craving for everything that's sweet. My phone kept beeping and all the missed calls and messages for the past twenty-four hours started flooding my inbox. I looked at the latest one. It's from Mel.

The studio's closed for the day. We'll have a meeting later in the evening, though. You should rest

Thank God I don't have to see Matthew today. I sighed. At least, not until this evening. I sat on the couch and nibbled on the ice cream. I stared on the date on my phone. It's April 8. Where did Mel even go? How dare she leave me all alone on my birthday?

Not that she even know, I thought, turning on the television. I made it a habit of not telling people my birth date. Telling them means expecting them to remember. Most of the time, they don't. So I stopped telling so I wouldn't even start expecting.

I scrolled through the messages on my phone. My mom haven't texted me yet. My dad always forgets my birthday so I didn't bother looking. I would have preferred to work today, just like any other day. What's so special about birthdays anyway?

Our family never celebrates birthdays. Or even holidays, for that matter. They're too busy with work to even care. My friends, too. No family. No friends. My life sucks.

I'm already used to it. But it still makes me feel sad that I don't have anyone to celebrate my birthday with. It's my birthday. No one can change that fact. It's the day that I came to this world. Although I still haven't figured out if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Whatever, I'll just clean up the apartment today. Nothing beats throwing away some old stuff in starting over a new life. I turned off my phone so I won't be tempted to checking it every once in a while.

I don't plan on buying cake. I mean, what's the point? So I cleared out the contents of the fridge instead. And when I say cleared, I ate everything inside. I had to catch up on my glucose requirements, anyway. Good thing I never get fat no matter how much I eat.

I went to the bedroom and aired out the mattresses. I also took off the sheets and put them in the laundry. I vacuumed every dust there is to find in the house. I cleaned the counters and tabletops. I even organized my closet. I even scrubbed the bathroom.

It was almost nightfall when I finished. I'm so proud of myself. Mel would be shocked to find the house sparkling clean when she gets home. I opened my phone and saw a message from her.

Meeting @8pm. Attendance is a must. Or else you're fired.

I smiled. No need to threaten me like that. My phone rang all of a sudden. It was my mom calling. I knew it.

“Hi Mom!” I said cheerfully as I answered the phone. She used to call me three times a day before but I finally talked her down to making it once a day and now she barely even calls me at all.

“Hey baby, how are you doing?” She says on the other line. She’s been calling me a bunch of weird nicknames and a ton of endearments ever since I could remember.

“I'm fine. You?” I asked.

“I'm good. Just a little busy.” She says. Of course, she’s always busy. “Has your Dad contacted you yet?” She asks.

“Uh, nope.” I tell her. Does she really expect my father to contact me first? Not in a million years. Or better yet, no, not in this lifetime.

“I see.” She says, thoughtfully. “He'll get to it. I have to go. I'll call you again, okay?”

“Okay.” I said. Isn’t she going to say anything else?

“Bye. I love you.” She says.

“Love you, too.” I said, before dropping the call.

She ended the call and I sighed. She totally forgot. I went to the bathroom and took a hot shower.

Wow! Out of all the people, I never expected her to forget. My own mother. The one who gave birth to me. I came out of her stomach for god's sake.

I went to the hotel where the meeting was to be held. It was probably a dinner meeting. I was too sad to think it was weird having a meeting by the pool.

"Happy Birthday!" everyone cheered as I entered the pool area. Taylor Swift's song 22 was playing on the background. The whole band was there, along with the staff and of course, Mel. Matthew came out holding a strawberry shortcake cake. I was too overwhelmed by what's happening that I started to cry.

"Matthew, what did you do? You made her cry!" Landon said shaking a finger at him.

"Are you okay?" Matthew looked alarmed. He handed the cake to Clark and patted me on the back.

I was too ashamed to show my crying face in front of everyone so I buried my face on his shoulder.

"I know!" Kasey exclaimed. "It's tears of joy!"

I think I've calmed down enough so I stepped away from Matthew and nodded.

"Okay! Let's party!!!" Kasey shouted and everyone cheered. A few people started jumping into the pool. Mel took off to get some drinks.

"How did you know?" I asked Matthew. I took one of the strawberries on the cake and took a bite from it.

"I stumbled upon Kasey's slam book this morning," Matthew said, taking some icing off the cake. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't celebrate my birthday," I said.

"Why not? Aren't you thankful you're alive?" he asked.

I shrugged. I think I already answered that question yesterday.

"Because I am," he said, putting some icing on my cheek. "From now on we will celebrate your birthday together."

I nodded. Maybe birthdays aren't so bad at all. As long as someone remembers. I took a huge amount of icing and smeared it on Matthew's face.

"What the!?" he cried in surprise. I instantly took off and he started chasing me.

"I think you should go wash your face," I said and pushed him to the pool. But unluckily, he grabbed on to me and we both fell.

"You little brat!" He said coming out of the water. "I'll forgive you since it's your birthday."

I gave him a huge smile after that. I can't wait for more birthdays to come.