MERRYGOLD
We had promised each other to abstain. To save ourselves until the right moment. Thomas was very understanding, he never rushed me into anything that I did not quite comfortable with. I had always known of Austin Cunningham but with him being eight years older than me, he had already been off to boarding school. On holidays he preferred to visit their umpteen family all over Europe and the West. I suppose I could say, I had never stumbled upon him. For a while, I noted that he was the black sheep. His brother was kind and respectful so was his sisters, like their very religious parents. They treated us fairly as human beings, they gave us a little dignity and Mrs Cunningham loved to occupy herself with bible classes where she discreetly taught us as kids around the ranch how to read, some simple mathematics here and there. She would always whisper that we had to pretend we were reading our bibles and that there was no other activity taking place other than that. Selfless and kind, I failed to understand why Austin had turned out to be a heartless brick.
"Thomas..." I moaned inbetween the kisses. We were both inexperienced and a bit sloppy, I loved knowing that I could make him feel a certain way. Thanking the heavens that this time we were alone in the privacy of his not perfect but comfortable bed at the commune. With my hand going down his chest, I felt a tad bit nervous but what could go wrong? "I want us to do it."
Thomas immediately came to a halt. "I'm not ready to be a father Merri..." he said softly putting my hand away from his chest. I frowned, trying to convince him that there was no waiting. I did not at all have a good feeling about the man that awaited back in that lavish mansion out front.
Often times, I found his eyes drooling with lust. I found his eyes roaming where they weren't suppose to. Perhaps I was judging him way too early, perhaps as I'd get to know him, he would be lenient and as kinder as his parents. Undeniably my gut told me, what was the reason for saving myself just so a white man could rape me. His eyes pealed violence in there, the way he spoke to me made me feel like prey. He was simply waiting for the day. It scared me to death, I'd not worry my brother or Thomas. I could handle being alone in the same household with Austin, I was being paranoid. Perhaps he would be more disgusted than lusting.
"Merri, I assumed we had agreed on waiting... your brother promised he would kill me if I did not follow.." Thomas interrupted my thoughts.
"You won't be a father Thomas, how will you know if you have never tried it."
"It is still a sin, I plan on marrying you first and I respect God's wishes. Sex is for bearing children not for our own pleasures that is the devil trying to delude us from the word of God just like Adam and Eve, the snake—"
"Thomas—" I groaned.
"Merri, I love you with everything I have. I'd never want to put us in danger because of stupidity. I'd love for you to bear our kids but not in this manor.."
"What if I got manhandled?"
"Manhandled by who?"
"Men... Austin!"
"Merri!!" Thomas immediately said with a a skeptical look on his face. "He would not, he is just as nice as his family. He is after all a Cunningham. I have been working with him daily at the ranch finding him a new horse. He even invited me to sit down with him for tea, he asked about me, tou—" Thomas paused. "We did talk quite enough about you but it was all because of the stunt you pulled the other day. He has forgiven you."
"Thomas... what did you tell him about me?" I quickly asked. I loved this man with all my heart because of his kind nature and always thinking the best of everyone but it seemed all people did was take advantage of him.
Thomas was the epitome of 'too nice' whoever needed help, Thomas would be there working his arse off ever after dawn. He was selfless, read his bible often, respectful in every manor possible and I know he loves me more than any other. His personality was a pro and con at the same time.
"Your interests, the type of person you're, your brother, how you came to the ranch as a little girl...I reckon he wants to be friends with us." Thomas smiled, I felt sick to my stomach. Friends with us? With me? Friends with Negroes? Thomas was naive. With the manner he has been treating me in his presence. Perhaps he only like Thomas, or men. It made my head hurt, what was this man up to... digging stuff about me, befriending my lover—
"I know what you're thinking..." Thomas added with a sigh. "As much as I love you my dear, we truly can not. I love you but we need to respect God's will."
"Thomas, what if we're practicing for the right time then?"
"It should be spontaneous, there would be no need for practice." He smiled giving me kisses all over my face. "My sweet sweet Virgin Merri." I could not help but smile. Thomas was so pure, too pure.
"I will accompany you home, I will be sleeping at the ranch tonight..." he said excitedly. "Misty might bear a pony this evening or early morning. I do not know but I'm expecting it. She has been unbearable lately."
I gave him a smile. Only Thomas was this enthusiastic about a job that was forced on him. A job that others would much rather starve than do. Only he seemed passionate—
"I want you to name this pony.." He said.
"I can't think of any names..."
"Master Austin and I have already picked out a name when I informed him earlier."
"Really?"
"Ofcourse sweetness. We decided the pony would be called Merrigold."
I felt sick to my stomach."Austin—"
"Merri refrain from calling him by his personal name. I would not want him laying a hand on you again." He advised softly caressing my cheek.
"I meant to ask he suggested my name for what reason?"
"He has been wanting a horse, with no luck. I'd advise he take a temporary horse as we raise a pony to be the strong built stallion that he wants."
But with my name? What was the meaning of that. Thomas did not seem to get the point.
Flustered, I feared even going back with what I knew now.MERRYGOLDHe walked about past my front door more than I could count with both my fingers and toes. My room was after all on the other side of the kitchen, I was used to that. Sometimes, I assumed it was to alert me that I should be awake.. after four am, I was always awake. Who could sleep knowing that he was somewhere out there just waiting for me to be vulnerable. Why was he awake at four am? He was always roaming around dropping utensils and this and that anything, stomping his feet whenever he reached past my door. I knew it was him, my heart beat picked up. For a while, he ignored me at which I was glad but still left me anxious. Why would he befriend Thomas but ignore me? Not that I had wanted any sort of friendship or anything with someone as vile, rude and malevolent as him. Looks were truly deceiving beneath it all, beneath that intimidating facade, I assumed he had horns waiting to manifest."I'm cutting off payments." He said nonchalantly lazing back in his father's seat.
MERRYGOLDCuddling to the warmth of my blanket, I said grace thanking God for my life, the people in it and my daily bread. Sleep came easy considering how long of a day it had been. I had this nightmare for days and days on end where I imagined Austin sneaking in and taking advantage of me. In this dream, I fought hard and ran far enough to hide behind big brother and Thomas.In reality... I failed—In reality, his hands swooped over my body in the dark. His breath behind my back watching me sleep. His eyes heavy with lust. Assuming it was another nightmare, I woke up breathing and sweating heavily after feeling his presence beside me... touching and caressing me. His tongue made contact with my neck, I felt my body shut down from fear. I couldn't voice my thoughts or scream. Where was the this confidence that I always had? Where had it gone? Where was my determination to fight back? Where had my daring courage to kick him in the nuts go? Where was my boldness to scream, to run, to—
I had no interest in her whatsoever till Thomas, revealed that even he had not touched her. The competitor or rather antagonist in me wanted, needed, suddenly craved to be the first. Merrigold was not all that appealing, I had sexually been with negroes who were much better looking over the past years. She was as thin as a stick, her lack of breasts weren't all that appealing either. She could have been flat chested for the hell of it but goodness... the meander of every hip and curve, although petite her backside moved me a little. Her structure could have been sculpture by the God's, it made up for her lemon sized breasts. I had assumed if she ate the right amount of food she would not be as thin as she is. She had the privilege of staying in the house and working in the house but she looked starved her collar bone scared me, almost screamed fragile. It was only recently that I realized, she gave her every share of food served in the house to her brother or Thomas or the niec
I have not had a date in about a century, are you sure I look quite alright... Mrs. Brown." I asked one of our oldest housekeepers, she had been there when I was born, when I went off to boarding school, upon my return. She had always been there.I could not recall a moment in my life where she had not been present. I had respect for my mother and Mrs. Brown. They were very close to my heart. Mrs. Brown gave me a soft smile... "You look handsome as always Master Austin.""What happened to calling me your dear Austin?" I teased."You're a grown man now.""I still want to be called 'my dear Austin'..." I gave her a pout."Ohhh I know that pout, caused me grief when you were a little boy. You were a big crier, such a big baby." She chuckled reminiscing.I appreciated my mother but I knew all too well that all she did was give birth and hand the child to Mrs. Brown to take care of. My mother had her good night's sleep while Mrs. Brown did all her motherly duties. My mother could not r
In he entered the kitchen with his Remington hunting rifle, he held it so close like an expert. A giggle followed behind him, I could not help but feel some sort of annoyance as I continued to cut the green peppers and onion."I could have sworn you were a professional.." She said softly followed by a giggle. Her voice reminded me that of a child, a little girl.Anything Austin did, she was wildly impressed. She held onto his arm as she continued to serenade him with compliments. With the hatred I felt for him, I'd never take pride in complimenting him. I saw him as a vulture, a hyena that preys on the helpless and already dead."My best mates father Joshua Gallagher used to take us hunting as kids. I could have done a better job honestly...""Those helpless birds were lucky then." She smiled dreamily watching him."I would not have wanted to look murderous with a stunning lady in my presence.."With a pink tint on her cheeks. "You look rather handsome and invincible in such a sta
"I told you, he was as friendly as could be..." Thomas said taking a spoonful of his food.For the first time, I felt the urge to roll my eyes at him.For someone whom I had been missing so much, I only felt nothing but annoyance.Would they still think Austin was a saint if I told them about all his deeds... how he had sneaked in and invaded every bit of privacy till I could practically breathe the same air as him. For something meant to disgust me, how scared and fearful I had been...I found myself wishing I had given in. I found myself, waiting for him to budge through the door and start a squabble with me for what so ever reason that it would land him in between my thighs.I gulped down a feeling of guilt when I looked at Thomas who could not stop letting me know about horse facts that I had no interest in knowing.He looked at me adoringly and assured me he missed me so much.I missed him as well..."Merri?" My brother called, I diverted my attention to him.It was as if I exp
"I told you, he was as friendly as could be..." Thomas said taking a spoonful of his food.For the first time, I felt the urge to roll my eyes at him.For someone whom I had been missing so much, I only felt nothing but annoyance.Would they still think Austin was a saint if I told them about all his deeds... how he had sneaked in and invaded every bit of privacy till I could practically breathe the same air as him. For something meant to disgust me, how scared and fearful I had been...I found myself wishing I had given in. I found myself, waiting for him to budge through the door and start a squabble with me for what so ever reason that it would land him in between my thighs.I gulped down a feeling of guilt when I looked at Thomas who could not stop letting me know about horse facts that I had no interest in knowing.He looked at me adoringly and assured me he missed me so much.I missed him as well..."Merri?" My brother called, I diverted my attention to him.It was as if I exp
With so many temptations, I did not indulge. With so many offers and approval from the innocent catholic girl that my sister had assumed she was, I still refused to give in or go farther. For a moment, I thought maybe just maybe I was overthinking everything.All I needed to do was apologize to Merrigold for my behavior suppose try to base a new happy friendship which would be extremely difficult because I by far did not see her as a friend. She was below me, she could never be a friend. Infact I had just enough friends.I wondered how William had done it...I would not let him know, afraid he would laugh at me in the face for being so pathetic and insanely of unsound mind.I needed to be home, I needed to be there... where she was. I felt annoyed with the mindless chatter going on. I excused myself, letting them know; I felt sick... sick of their faces. Well, no I actually said a fever because my sister did not take any sort of bullying even from me.It was the first time I had