1: VIRGIN BUT BARREN.

VANESSA’S POV

Jenna started with my hair that evening, brushing it slowly while she talked my ear off on how I was lucky to have such long and curly hair, I was not listening. My eyes were fixated on my reflection in the mirror with different thoughts running through my head, and the center of all my thoughts was him, my husband whom I have spent the entirety of my life loving — Declan Thorne, Alpha of Wildheart Pack.

My heart was heavy even as Jenna smiled at me, taking her time to dress me up.

"Luna, are you even listening to me?" Jenna tapped me softly, her concerned gaze roaming over my features.

I sighed. "Jenna, do you think he will notice me today? I mean it's been three years since she died and I've been married to him in that same amount of time. Do you think Declan will notice I exist today? Maybe he would smile at me a little bit?"

I knew I sounded pathetic, but when a woman in love is desperate, rationalism is one of the things we cannot afford. It was what I could not afford.

"Luna. You can handle anything. You are the Luna of this park and even if Alpha Declan does not love you, you still have that authority," Jenna tried to assure me.

It fell on deaf ears though, because I didn't give a shit about authority. "What is authority when my supposed husband detest my existence?"

"Vanessa."

Jenna only called me by my name on rare occasions, mostly when she knew I did not need a maid but a friend at the moment.

"You are a strong woman, you know that right? So you will go to your husband's birthday party and act like the perfect wife for him and the perfect Luna for the Pack. Do you hear me?"

I sniffed back my tears and nodded. "I will," I said, although I doubted I would pull it off without breaking down.

Today was Declan 's birthday and a party was being thrown to celebrate it, other Alphas from our neighbouring packs were invited and so were the elders of our pack and other important pack members.

I walked into the hall with my head held high, the party already started and just like always, Declan had not come for me. He sat at the podium, the seat beside him which was designated for me was empty. I walked there with a grin, throwing waves at the nobles that I passed until I got to my husband's side.

"Happy birthday, Declan ," I whispered over the loud music.

A grunt was what I got as a reply to my greetings.

My throat clogged, tears threatening to fall but I remained calm. It will not do me any good to fall apart this early into the party.

"Are you enjoying your party?" I asked, still smiling at him.

Declan looked me over and scoffed. "I was until you came."

His words hit me hard.

I blinked and casted my gaze across the room, watching as the pack members enjoyed themselves, most of them drinking and dancing with their mates. Would I ever have that?

I pressed my lips tightly and tried to talk to Declan again. "Do you think we should dance? Everyone is doing so," I said to him.

"I have a headache, Vanessa, please keep to yourself and do not disturb me. It will be a bonus if you leave. You can find someone else to dance with for all I care. Actually, I don't care."

Another hit straight to the heart.

The party went on and I kept fidgeting, I could try to talk to him again. They say third time’s a charm right?

"Is there anything you want me to get for you or maybe do for you? I could —"

I did not get to finish my statement before he snapped at me with his dark gaze. "Stop pestering me, Vanessa," he said through gritted teeth.

I bit my shaking lips. "Why are you doing this to me, Declan ? It's been three years. Are you still not over Ellena?"

I knew I had fucked up when Declan 's eyes turned dark. "You do not get to mention my mate's name from that wretched mouth of yours, do you hear me?"He growled.

"She is dead," I said.

I gulped. "She is dead," I repeated again, quietly this time. "You are making me compete with a dead woman."

"Dead or alive, you can never compare with Ellena, get that into your head!"

Every word was like a piercing to my already broken heart, clawing at the broken pieces that I was still trying to fix.

"I have stayed with you all these years, but you only see me as nothing? Even when you marked me as your second chance mate, it was all a formality. What have I done to deserve this from you?" I questioned. "Just what have I done, Declan ?"

Even before he answered, I knew the answer was always going to be the same. It was not the first time he had told me after all.

"You are not Ellena," he answered coldly. Of course I was not. That was my crime, and my punishment for loving a man that would never be mine.

The third hit.

It didn't matter that Declan still slept around with the maids in the Alpha's palace. It didn't matter that he had never for once stared at me in the house. It didn't matter that most of the words we spoke to each other were arguments over arguments, and the only time we smiled was for functions like this.

All that did not matter, because I was not Ellena, and I would never be her, nor would I measure up to even half of her.

My stomach bottomed out. I reached for the glass of wine before me and gulped it down, biting down on my lips to avoid the tears falling.

I stood up and staggered to the restroom, my face flushed red from embarrassment. I could feel the Elder's gaze on me as I made my way out looking at me with their judging eyes.

I should have gotten used to this by now, but I haven't. If you were in my shoes, would you?

Declan has not shared the same room with me since we got married not to even talk of the same bed. He has treated me like a dirt bag for the past three years, and yet I am here, still waiting and hoping that he loves me back, even if it is just a quarter of his heart, I will take whatever he offers.

I heaved in a sigh for the millionth time today as I washed my hands dry, preparing myself mentally to go back to the party and pretend like everything was fine.

Everything is fine. Everything is fine. I repeated that mantra in my head like that would reassure me.

I was almost stepping out into the open when I heard Declan 's voice.

"What are you insinuating, Elder Curt?"

"It has been five years, Alpha and you do not have an heir yet, don't you think this has dragged on for too long?" Elder Curt's statement was harsh, grating at my heart and almost shedding it to pieces.

"The neighboring packs mock us and believe we are not fit to be a part of the Pack alliance. Soon, we would be excluded from all important events and the pack would be isolated. You need an edge over them. The kind an heir can provide!”

"You cannot keep going like this, Alpha Declan ."

There was a moment of silence before I finally heard Declan 's voice again.

“What are you suggesting?” He asked calmly.

"We already told you to take a new wife. There is no place for a barren Luna beside you.”

Barren Luna. Me. I was the subject of their discussion.

"We need a new Luna, Alpha Declan !"

I recognized their voices, two of the Elders on the council of Wildheart Pack lawmakers. The news that I was barren was not a new one, but the fact that they wanted Declan to get rid of me was certainly new and had a strong effect on me.

I clamped my hand against my mouth at Elder Neva's declaration, my head felt like it was going to explode and my lips trembled as my eyes threatened to release its tears.

Was it not enough that Declan did not like me? Now the elders think I am barren and want him to take a new wife. The same Elders that had pressured him to marry me when his mate died because the space of the Luna could not be empty, now they turn their back on me, calling me barren and asking for Declan to take a new wife.

They thought I was barren, when in reality my husband has never laid down with me, he would rather prefer the company of his mistresses than share even as small as a kiss with me — his Luna.

I have suffered enough and now the hopelessness rising in me was messing up my brain. I wanted to scream to the hall and tell everyone how I have been wrongfully treated. I wanted to let them know that it was not my fault that my husband was still hung up on his dead mate. I so badly wanted to plead my innocence, to tell them I was not barren. But that would not solve anything, it will only make things worse.

My fingers clenched into fists as I fought off the feeling of devastation rising in me. I was desperate now and I will do anything to make Declan and the Elders accept me. Anything.

I ran back to the side where I came from, my eyes scanning the crowd for Jenna. When I saw her, I beckoned to her hurriedly.

"Luna?"

"Come with me, Jenna."

I was going to give Declan the heir the Elders badly wanted.