At the bottom of the well

Nancy

The ringing of my cell phone woke me up, and I felt my lamp, picked up the device, and saw that my daughter was calling me. 

“Hi, my love,” I said as soon as I answered, rubbing my face with my hand, still drowsy. 

“Hello, Mom? Haven’t you come home yet?” Amber asked on the other end of the line. 

"Um… Not yet, darling,” I replied a little fearfully. It had been two weeks since I was at my friend Lanie's house. 

"Um... Okay? When do you plan to return?” She asked in a somewhat petulant manner. 

I sighed. “To be honest, I don’t even know if I’m going back… I actually don’t intend to go back, sweetie,” I replied, being frank. Obviously, I wasn't planning on going back to Bruce after everything he did to me, and I was amazed that my daughter was asking me that question. 

“Look, Mom, I know what you’re going through. Seriously, I know exactly what you're going through because I've been cheated on too. Do you remember Kenny, my ex-boyfriend?” She asked, making me frown as I tried to remember who this Kenny was. “Don't you remember? He and I dated for a long time in elementary school. So, at the time, I found out that he had taken another girl to the cinema instead of me. I got pissed and kicked his ass, which is why I've been through what you're going through,” she said, making me nod. 

“Then I’m glad you understand me, honey,” I said. 

“Of course I understand you, and I'm sorry about that, but like I'm saying, you have to go home, Mom. Dad called me and said they're having a hard time without you there; they need you there, Mom. I need you to go back there,” she said, making me swallow hard and look crestfallen. 

“Apparently you don’t understand what I’m going through, darling,” I replied, feeling sad. “Your father was unfaithful to me, and my marriage of almost twenty years with him doesn't compare to this relationship you had with this Kenny guy, Amber. It's a whole life being thrown away here, all the love and dedication, a whole struggle being disregarded and being treated as if it were nothing. So don't ask me to go back there just because Bruce is panicking because he can't find where his toothbrush is,” I said, hearing her panting as if she were unhappy. 

“Okay, Mom, I heard what you had to say, and I know you’re hurt and all; I already understand that! But do you know how many people watched the short video I made at Christmas last year when I was at home with you? The video got two million views in just one week, Mom,” she said, reminding me of that Christmas when she wouldn't put down her cell phone, was always recording content, and couldn't even spend time with her family properly. “My audience simply loves the fact that I have a consistent and well-formed family; they envy me and idolize me for that, Mom. You now want to divorce my father, which would destroy all my hard work, damn it! Yes, you were cheated on by Dad. And? Are you going to ruin your children's lives because of this? What fault do we have that you brought us into the world?”

I was silent, listening to those harsh words come out of her mouth. My eyes were starting to water, and my emotions were mixing. "Amber…" I stammered. 

“Mom, I'm sorry for my harsh words, but I'm struggling to build my career. Please don't disturb this,” she said, and then her cell phone went dead, indicating she had turned it off. 

I lay down on the bed, hugging the pillow. My daughter was right, wasn't she? It wasn't her fault that she had an incompetent mother like me; it wasn't her fault that I couldn't please my husband, and it wasn't like my feelings mattered. Whether Bruce cheated on me or not, it didn't matter because I had my responsibilities as a woman and mother; I had to take care of my home, and my husband and make sure everyone stayed happy and well, even if my heart was bleeding. 

*****

“May I know how long you intend to stay in that room?” Lanie asked while she and I were at the table. She had insisted that I go to dinner with her, so I had no choice. I sighed resignedly, drinking my water. “Why don’t we hang out for a bit? There are so many fun things to do in this city. We could go shopping, have a relaxing day at the spa, and even go out for drinks and fun,” she suggested. 

“It's just that I'm not in the mood for these things,” I replied, slowly cutting the meat without any desire. I wasn't even in the mood to eat. 

“Awn,” lamented my friend with a sad look. “It hurts me so much to see you so sad like this, even though you were such an enlightened girl,” she said, making me sigh. 

“I'm not a girl anymore, Lanie. That light inside me ended up going out, unfortunately,” I replied with my head down. 

“All because of that scumbag husband of yours; screw him!” she cursed. “How was he able to leave you like this? It was as if he had sucked your soul, consumed your light, and reduced you to a worn and uninteresting shell. Meanwhile, he's there like a stud, having fun and fucking as many as he wants, and you're here in this depression, crying in the corner with no desire to live,” she said angrily. You could see how unhappy she was. “Holy shit, if I were you, Nancy, I swear to God I would pay him back in kind and give this man a taste of his own medicine!”