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Chapter Twenty
I forced myself to ignore the news but I was a traitor of my own mind. Besides, having to go back to Brampton meant I had to face the inevitable eventually—I mean, I knew I wasn’t entirely a part of their circus (and I wasn’t even a voluntary accomplice) yet I was there to watch everything fall apart in front of my eyes…
I do feel guilty. But what can I do? Wasn’t I a victim, too? Why do I feel like everyone’s pining the fault to me when all I ever did is avoid him?
It wasn’t as if I could dictate myself whom to like—but at least I wasn’t stupid enough to actually stoop low.
Yet… I was the powerless one. I was an addition to the scene. Probably a pawn. Of course, I’d carry the weight of the burden they had to carry.
I hugged my knees as my bed is bathed in a faint yellow haze as sunlight rushes in through the windows. It has just been hours since we arrived in Brampton, and it already fee
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If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty One
When summer ended and everybody has been pulling their luggage back to their dorm rooms, it wasn’t that any different for me—I wake up, prep myself, and go straight to Rique’s café, where I’m spontaneously embraced by the aroma of brewing coffee beans every time I enter inside. I wouldn’t even deny—if there’d be anything comforting in this town, it’d be my daily dose of café work.I feel like even though it’s tiring to work around and balance days that seem fuzzy and too busy with demanding customers and every personification of a “Karen”, it’s just a job I won’t get tired of. It’d probably sound weird, but I’ve found coffee, the sound of the wind chimes whenever there’s a new customer, or even just the smallest things that happen in my job give me even the littlest kind of peace. It’s my safe haven.I tidied my uniform and looked at myself in the mirror
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Two
The next morning seemed fuzzy—it was yet again the start of our classes and what keeps us from skipping is that we’re already on our final year: seniors to be exact. I was not scared of going to school, or terrified of the people for what they’re going to say about me… it was probably the jitters or the fear of not getting to graduate and disappointing myself. Senior year meant I shouldn’t just slack off. It would’ve been better if I viewed working at the café the same way as Mila: just a way to make extra money.But I wasn’t lucky enough to be like her. I needed to grind my ass off every day to bring food to my table and afford university requirements. Scholarships aren’t enough for me to survive, I needed to pay for my bills, and even probably for the air I breathe.I can’t wait when breath becomes air. Kidding.I woke up earlier than my alarm. I didn’t have to worry about cr
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Three
If I could turn back time and record what Enrique said, I probably would. He sounded so serious, I even thought it was a different person! But even then, I was still grateful for what he’s done for me. I wouldn’t have been able to escape that if it weren’t for him.We were both engulfed in our own tiny little bubbles that silence reigned in between us the entire trip. I succumbed to where I usually suck but is my go-to during awkward times like these—my socials. Mila and Sophie told me I shouldn’t just let life revolve around my academics so I decided to give it a go—only for me to follow just an odd bunch of science stuff. People would say I don’t even look like a science geek, but I was that kind of person… I probably just lost it when I got older and started to fail some quizzes. Well, at least I can still secure that scholarship bag.“You aren’t hungry?” Enrique asked. I was about to answer ‘n
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Four
For all the days that I was considering of (finally) taking to Drey, I kept myself busy—almost to the point that I wasn’t even thinking about him or any personal shenanigans anymore. I knew within me that it was my defense mechanism acting up. I just didn’t know if I could face him properly this time.It feels like I’d immediately drawback or not even listen to him. Sure, I want to tell him how much I hated him for all the days he’s been silent with everything that has been going on… but I didn’t have much strength. Just thinking about him being in front of me makes me feel nauseated or disgusted… but more so, the fear of breaking down the walls I’ve been building ever since.Even I can’t even understand what I was really feeling.Maybe it was the fear of actually telling someone what hurts me and the whatnots, or if he was, for me, fear personified. Or maybe it’s the absolute fear of him not un
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Five
“Drey,” I uttered. The sound of his name tasted bitter the moment it slipped from my mouth. He looked different from the arrogant Drey that I knew. His blue eyes which seemed like the ocean that many were willing to drown in were bloodshot, his hair was a mess. He reeked of alcohol, and just when I was about to protest that idea, I realized that his family still owns this school. He’d do whatever he wants.Drey Punder.I was seeing a different one in front of me right now.“Go home,” I said. “You look like a mess. Do you want them to see you like that? Aren’t you even ashamed?”He smiled, “I’ve got nothing to lose now, Kath,” he said, tears starting to fall from his eyes. “They’re abandoning me and sending me back to my grandparents. I lost my job. I lost my shot in becoming the owner of this university. I lost everything… I lost you.” I bit my lower lip to stop mys
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Six
If only I heard myself with a sane mind that moment, I would have probably withdrawn and sat by a corner and wore my cone of shame.In any way, I knew it was inevitable—one way or another, I’d still end up taking it on him or talking to him out of it even if it did not happen tonight. It might just not be how I imagined it would be… ever since then, I have always been playing a scene on my mind on how it would take place—I keep on telling myself that I should be calm, I should breathe, and talk in the most sensible way.Yet maybe that’s really what it does when anger keeps on building and building until it lingers within yourself without even realizing that you’re already a ticking bomb.And then you just explode.I was just grateful it wasn’t enough to derail me from my hopes of graduating on time. I still managed to pass our test despite my professor asking if I could even take the test since I did look like a
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Seven
“Iced Café Latte for Andrea!” I called out, putting the cup on top of the counter before going back to the cashier. It has been months since I got back the courage to be on the cash register again and get orders. I’d hear questions now and then, but it wasn’t as frequent as before. They were right… the news comes and it goes, one day you're the talk of the town, the next thing you know, you're already a forgotten image.It does feel refreshing and peaceful—a few months back, I was the nobody that suddenly topped the charts for everyone to gossip about, and then it gradually fades until I was back to just being a working Psych student at Irdium. I’d still hear whispers whenever people recognize me, I knew it wasn’t really going to just fade into oblivion anyway.Truth be told, I almost lost my scholarship. It wasn’t impossible anyway, the school belonged to the Punders, yet Drey did not break any of his words
If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Twenty Eight
The pares that we had yesterday felt like an energy refill, besides the fact that I had someone with me to enjoy the ambiance, it just felt like I was finally living the moment I have always wanted—a life where I realized that healing may not be linear, but it was a process too that made me feel alive somehow. For a moment, there were no thoughts that I was barely surviving.I felt like I was happier than before—than ever.I probably looked dumb when I realized I was smiling as I was turning the page of my book and removing the cap of the highlighter that I was holding using my teeth. Months flew so fast that we were already in our midyear through graduating. If I slacked off during summer classes, I can’t right now.Huh.Maybe going through that made me realize I was independent sure, but I wasn’t that mature. I was trying to be strong, but at the end of the day, I wasn’t even close to being one. I wanted t
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- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Author's Note
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Lyza
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Drey
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Special Chapter: Enrique
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Epilogue
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Five
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Four
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Three
- If It's All The Same [COMPLETED] Chapter Sixty Two
