The rage runs through me as I think of what her dating means. She's so fucking beautiful. She's kind. She's generous. She's always putting others before herself. And some other asshole is going to see how great she is and sweep her off her feet.I realize I'm stepping on the gas a little too hard and back my foot off. I'm so angry, but my kids are still in the car. I won't put them in danger.Even if my heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest.When we get to the apartment, I make a decision. I can't talk to Mari about this. First of all, I don't know if it's true. Second, with how angry she still is at me, there is no way that conversation will go well. I don't want to fight with her about it in front of the kids. I want to grab her phone and smash it to pieces, but I won't do that either. I knock once on the apartment door and the girls throw it open, barreling their way inside as they chatter about their day.Mari greets them with a smile and tries to keep up with the co
Marcus whistles softly. "You sure clean up nice when you get yourself out of those yoga pants."I shoot him a disapproving look as I finish applying my blush and grab my flat iron again."I'll have you know, I wore jeans most of the day today.""Ooh! You're stepping up your game.""Ha. Ha. Actually, I had to go grocery shopping and didn't feel like looking like a total schlump."He plops himself down on my bed, a newly dyed purple Mohawk flopping to one side, and watches me finish getting ready. I don't particularly care to have a bathroom vanity in between the bathroom and my master closet. It's seriously outdated. But it comes in handy when I'm trying to primp and I need to hear the kids. Or talk to my next-door neighbor."Well I think you look fantastic." He looks around. "Your room, however, is a disaster.""I couldn't find anything to wear," I say, as I clip a section of my hair up and out of my way. "I haven't been on a date in over a decade.""I just find it interesting that the
I love poker night with the guys. I would love it more if it was planned ahead and not impromptu.It's always at Daniel's place, so when I got the call a little while ago, I texted Mari to see if I could swing by and see the kids first. She never responded. That's unusual, but it's possible she went to bed early. As every parent knows, it's best to sleep when the kids sleep.Still, I'm disappointed and a little agitated she didn't answer. I miss my kids something fierce, and it would have been nice to see them, even if it was just to tuck them into bed. Not to mention, I'm still angry over the dating app thing. Hopefully some beer and whiskey will take the edge off my irritation."Is this a farewell poker night?" Christian asks Daniel, as we unfold the table in the middle of the room. "No more cigars and whiskey once Quincy and the baby move in right?""Quincy's moving in?" This is news to me. "When?""Yeah, man," Daniel confirms while pulling more of the night's supplies out of cabine
"So how old are your kids?" Tom asks me from across the table. We're sitting at Texas Roadhouse, a high energy, loud steakhouse chain that can be found all over Houston. It's the only place I've ever been that gives you buckets of peanuts to eat before your meal and actually wants you to throw the shells on the floor. It's messy, but fun. And their rolls are to die for so when Tom suggested it, I knew I was game."Five, three, and one," I say, as I glance over the menu. It's been so long since I've been here, it's hard to decide what to eat. "Wow. You have your hands full." Tom puts his menu down and leans forward on the table. His clear green eyes are really kind. He has dark hair with a little gray mixed in. Not a lot, but enough to make him look distinguished. "I remember when my kids were that age. They ran me ragged every day, and I was only home for a few hours because of work."I smile at him. In person, he is almost exactly like he is on line. Kind and inquisitive. Asks lots o
"What's wrong?" Tom asks."I don't know. It doesn't sound like the battery. I hope it's not the transmission.""Here, hop out and let me try. I'm not great with cars, but I might be able to tell you if we'll be able to adjust something for a quick fix tonight."We switch spots and he tries again to get my car to work. After a few minutes, he turns to me. "I think you may have to call a tow truck in the morning. That's definitely not the battery.""Shit," I grumble under my breath. "Is there anyone you can call to come pick you up?"For a minute, I run through the list of people. Marcus and Santos are pretty much it. Marcus, of course, has the kids, and Santos… well, I need to not call Santos. He's not in my life anymore as a partner, so I need to not turn to him the very first time I run into a problem."There's really not. I can take a cab, but I just live ten minutes from here. Do you think you could drop me off? I wouldn't normally ask, but…""No, no! It's fine. I was going to offe
It's been two weeks since I saw her outside the apartment with that guy. That guy she was on a date with. Thinking about it still makes me feel like there's an animal clawing at my chest. It hurts so badly to know she was out with another man. The shit of it all is it may have been the first time I actually understood the kind of hurt I made her feel. I always knew how badly I had damaged her, but I never really had anything to compare it to. I guess I couldn't really fathom how it made her feel.I can fathom it now, and it's awful.I went home that night and cried. No, that's not right. I wept. Like a fucking baby. I wept for the loss of my wife. I wept for the loss of my children. I wept for the loss of the life I loved. In a weird way, I wept for the loss of myself. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that I was living a weird double life. What is wrong with me that I could so easily push down the guilt every time I did it? I don't even know where to begin with fixing it, and th
I can't believe I agreed to this.That mantra keeps running through my head.The day after Santos basically stopped our divorce proceedings so we could make one last ditch effort at our marriage, he had everything set up: time off work, reservations to the conference, hotel room. The only thing I had to do was convince my mother to come stay with the kids.She wasn't happy about why she was staying with them, but she pretended to overlook it so she could have some uninterrupted grandma time.When we got here, I was surprised to see how many people were also trying to save their marriage. I guess with fifty percent of all marriages ending this way, it shouldn't have been so jarring. But it was. It was horrible to see how many of us are trying make these life-altering decisions, and many of us with children. In a weird way, though, I guess it made me not feel so alone. Misery does love company, I suppose.But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was when Darryl, that's the name of
I stare at him in disbelief. For the first time, the depth of his infidelity is sinking in. This wasn't just getting caught up in the moment at parties. This was serial cheating. Like he had a whole different life I never even knew about."Mariana." I look up as Anne addresses me. "I can see you're feeling a lot of different emotions right now. Can you tell me what you're feeling?"I shake my head. "I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I'm so… I'm so pissed. How could you do that to me? To us?"Santos flinches, but it's Anne who addresses me again. "What else are you feeling, Mariana? I know you're angry. What else?""I…" My brain spins out of control and it's taking a lot of effort to figure out how to answer her questions. "Humiliated. He didn't just get bored and lonely. He was never faithful from the beginning." I turn to look at him again. "You weren't, were you? You have never been faithful to me, have you? I was never enough, was I?"His eyes snap up to mine and he star