The buzzing in Rowena Von Dame's ears wouldn't go away. Her head felt like it was underneath a hydraulic press machine. It was only after she swallowed the invisible lump in her throat did she realize she was holding her breath for the past minute. But it had actually been almost ten minutes since she was pressed up against the corner of the relatively small bathroom, between the wooden wall and the door, barely struggling to hold herself up. It was about about a quarter to 3 o'clock in the morning. Silence coated the air as everyone in the beach house had gone to bed early after a long day of parasailing. There was barely any light outside the bathroom window, only a subtle white glow from the full moon.
It was the sound of the waves crashing down against the shoreline that made Rowena snap out of her trance. The repetitive splashing and whooshing of the waters against the sands assisted in her attempts to breathe in and out, ultimately calming herself down.
"I can't do this..." she whispered.
Rowena exhaled deeply. Then a jolt coursed through her body and she finally stood upright. She moved away from the corner and approached the sink. She gripped its sides to steady herself, feeling quite a bit faint yet again. She quickly turned the faucet knob. The sound of the water falling down, tapping against the porcelain surface of the sink helped her find the rhythm to breathe properly. She cupped her pale hands underneath the running water then proceeded to splash her face. The water initially felt cool against her face, but she felt her body heat up soon after. She finally looked at herself in the mirror. Blue eyes stared back at her. Yet she couldn't recognize the young woman staring back.
Who are you!? What have you done?! She wanted to scream. But only the sound of the falling water rang throughout the bathroom. She pressed her cracked lips together.
Disgusting. You're disgusting. She thought to herself.
Rowena felt like crying. She wanted to cry. But the tears didn't come. A part of her thought she had no right to cry.
There was only an insurmountable amount of self-loathing.
Heat coursed through her face and body yet again. She turned off the faucet and moved towards the small shower area. Without undressing, she opened the shower head and stood underneath it. The cool water tapping against her body gave a sense of comfort. Not long after, her black shirt began to hug her body. The sensation wasn't strong enough. Rowena wrapped her weak arms around her torso. She wanted nothing to be embraced, to be told that everything was going to be okay. But she knew that it wouldn't be. Because it was her fault.
Her knees became weak and they began to buckle. Rowena didn't have the strength to stand up. She stayed in a fetal position for a long as the showers kept tapping on her.
It was only when a huge crash from the waves outside sounded above the shower did Rowena come back to her senses. Suddenly, she felt cold. She slowly unfurled herself and stared at her pruned hands. She stood up and turned off the shower. Her wet shirt and pajama shorts heavy against her body. She stepped her away from the shower area and came face to face with the mirror yet again. The same blue eyes from before stared back.
"I need to get away from here," Rowena said aloud, as if to convince herself.
She looked at her reflection for a moment. Then yet another jolt coursed through her body. She began to undress, grabbing a bath towel from the hook behind the door.
The air wasn't too humid for a late June day. Rowena had tried to dry herself has much as she could. But several beads of water still coated her skin. And her hair was still quite wet, drops descending from the tips of her short hair and splatting against her shoulders every now and then. She carefully exited the bathroom, closing the light behind her and then scanning the dark room for her things. The moonlight didn't quite reach the inside. She had to wait for her eyesight to adjust. When she was sure of what steps to take, she began to head towards her navy blue luggage situated in front of the dilapidated wooden closet beside the small wooden desk and chair at the corner of the room.
Rowena was only a few inches away from her bag. Because of the dark room, she was unable to see that she was too close to the bed. She had accidentally bumped her left knee against the corner. She was about to yelp in pain when she suddenly spotted a figure on her bed.
She froze and allowed her eyes to re-adjust. Finally, she realized and remembered that Gary had gone to her room to sleep for the night. Her body relaxed, and for a moment everything felt fine. As she stared at Gary slumbering, a warm feeling came over her. It wasn't the aggravating heat she felt in the bathroom just moments ago. It was like drinking a cup of hot chocolate in a breezy autumn morning.
Rowena wanted so badly to crawl into bed and lie next to him, to wake him up and tell him about how she was feeling. She wanted to hear him say, "It's going to be okay, Ro."
But she knew that the moment she touched him, it would be harder to leave.
And she needed to leave. Staying would only bring pain to everyone.
She looked at him one last time, even through the dark she could see his face—she would always remember what he looked like. Then she turned away, gathering every ounce of strength in her to move and start packing.
With a deep exhale, Rowena moved to her luggage. Hands felt around for the zipper, which she eventually found and opened as quietly as she could. She took out a fresh pair of yoga pants and a graphic tee. She tossed the towel in the direction of the chair and desk, not knowing and not caring where it landed. Once she was clothed properly, she began to go through the room and gather her belongings. The closet squeaked a bit as she pried it open, but Gary was still sound asleep. He was always a heavy sleeper.
Rowena quickly taking out her clothes. She briefly paused as she grabbed the new black and white, polka dotted, vintage one piece she and Gary bought at the nearby town, which she never got to use. But the sounds of the waves crashing outside stirred her senses again. With a few tip toes here and there, back to the bathroom to collect her toiletries, to the night stand to collect her valuables, all the while trying not to fixate at the bed from her periphery, Rowena was able to pack all her things.
She didn't know what time it was. But time seemed to have stopped as she now came face to face with the door. The invisible lump in her throat was back. As she swallowed, she took a step closer. She reached out for the door knob and felt the cool metal against her palm.
Rowena held her breath. She knew if she so much as turned her head ever so slightly, and see Gary's figure at the corner of her eye, it would only hurt more.
With a final exhale, she quickly turned the knob and stepped out, hand tight on her luggage.
It was a miracle that Rowena was able to head downstairs without making any noise despite the beach house's slightly run-down state. No one was at the open space living room, kitchen, and dining area. There were a few things from the past few days still lying around; board games, playing cards, a few clothes and beach towels, red cups, and the like. Rowena's heart softened. Even if they barely had anything in common, she grew to really like everyone. They were her friends.
But she knew that things would never be the same again.
Rowena headed to the console table near the house entrance. She opened one of the drawers and found a pad paper. She grabbed it along with a pen from the holder beside the telephone on top of the table. Afterwards, she headed to the kitchen counter and began to write.
D̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶G̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶D̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶y̶o̶n̶ ̶D̶e̶a̶r̶ ̶E̶v̶e̶r̶y̶o̶n̶e̶
I need to be alone
Please don't look for me
It's better I̶'̶m̶ ̶g̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶I̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶v̶e̶ this way
I'm so sorry
— Rowena
Things needed to be kept brief. There was no time to say anything else. She had to get out before the others woke up. Or else she would never get to walk away. It was now or never.
Without a moment's breath, and luggage in hand, Rowena walked out of the beach house.
Her mind was at a loss. No thoughts came through her head as she walked down the road from the beach house to the town. It was quite the walk. But at that point, Rowena couldn't feel anything. There was no sadness. There was no pain. There was only a need to get away—to just go home and be alone.
As the town started coming into view, everything started to light up, signifying that the sun was about to rise any minute. Someone from the house could wake up and find her gone.
What would they think of the letter? Will they look for her? Would they miss her?
Rowena shook away such thoughts as she spotted the bus station. She walked briskly, feeling her luggage shake against the concrete road.
The ticket booth was just about to open when she reached the station. The bus that was about to depart wasn't even ready yet. The driver was still having his morning coffee and reading the newspaper at the side. There was a digital clock on top of the booth that read ten minutes before six o'clock.
The woman in the booth seemed to be in her early forties. She had short, wavy, auburn hair and prominent cheekbones, which actually made her look a little more youthful. Although there were some fine lines on other parts of her face. She was wearing a plain white button down blouse and a name tag that read Miriam. She politely smiled at Rowena.
"Where ya headin', honey?" she asked.
"Uh, does the first bus out pass by the Huntsfield metropolitan area?" Rowena inquired.
The woman tilted her head a bit, as if wondering if she heard her correctly.
"That's mighty far, sweetheart, are ya sure ya came here by bus?"
Rowena pressed her lips together. "N-No..." she began to worry if there was no way out of town. "I came here in a car with some friends. We're staying at a house by the beach. B-But I have a personal emergency, and I need to leave ahead of our stay."
The woman stared at her with a look of concern, eyes squinted for a moment. But then she gave a soft smile, which only made Rowena anxious.
"Well, sugar," she pulled out a brochure-size map from under her desk and uncapped the red marker that had been by her cellphone. She began to draw a line and encircled a few things on the map. Rowena tried her best to look into the booth and at the woman's desk.
"This bus won't get you directly to Huntsfield. But it will pass by one of the Chevy City bus stations. Get down there and look for the stairs leading to the subway. Then ride it until the 73rd Avenue. When you emerge from underground—" she briefly glanced at Rowena, "it will be the east exit, honey, remember that," then continued pointing at the map. "You'll immediately see another bus station. This is at the edge of the city and they have buses that drive to Lamtown. Once at Lamtown, you can take a train to Gregson City—"
"Oh, that's perfect. I've been to Gregson. I-I know my way from there," Rowena felt a wave of hope wash over her. "T-Thank you."
The woman gave her a smile. "Do ya need some extra cash, sweetheart?"
Rowena tried her best to hide how surprised she was by the gesture. "N-No. I'm fine. I just really need to know how to get home through a commute."
The woman looked at her for a moment, smiled, then nodded.
Afterwards, they transacted their business and Rowena finally got her ticket. They exchanged their final pleasantries and she boarded the bus.
Rowena was the first one onboard and sat somewhere in the middle, by the window. It was the first time she had sat down, finally without any sense of urgency. The velvet seats felt soft to her touch but she couldn't feel any sense of comfort. She was still so anxious about what happened—about everything, about the future.
Not long after, other people began boarding the bus, just as the sun began to rise and the sky began to fully light up. Rays peaked into the bus windows, coating the interior with tones of warm orange. In about half an hour or so, the driver started preparing to depart. There weren't many onboard, but it was a small town. Then as the digital clock at the front of the bus turned, a quarter to seven o'clock, the driver ignited the engine. Although it was expected to depart at exactly seven, he had already closed the bus door, as if knowing no one else would be boarding.
Rowena looked at the bus entrance, half expecting to see Gary all sweaty and panting, having chased her down from the house. But she knew this wasn't a fairy tale. Everything changed from a dream to reality in that moment hours ago in the middle of the night.
The bus began to reverse out of the station as the clock began to count down the minutes before the end of the hour. Even with the air conditioner, Rowena was feeling hot again. Yet at the same time, she also felt as if she was drowning, heavy currents thrashing at her body. The invisible lump in her throat was back, and wouldn't go away now matter how much she swallowed. The bus finally turned towards the road. They began to drive down. Rowena realized this was her reality now. The sun had fully risen and its morning glow touched her face through the window. There was no turning back.
It was only then did the tears began to fall down.
5 YEARS LATER The sweat began to drip down from Gary Santiago's forehead. A bead entered into the corner of his eye, making him squint momentarily. He quickly wiped his face with the back of his forearm, leaving an obvious damp mark on the grey workout jacket he wore. Then with one final shook of his head, he returned to making sure he wasn't going to hit anything or anyone as he jogged through the park. It was the end of September, but the coolness of the autumn season still didn't seem to sink in yet. Gary was really working up a sweat. Did he always perspire this much? He wondered if he should get himself checked. Even if he had just wiped his face, he could feel the beads forming yet again, with some starting to drip down already. He quickly checked his watch and saw that it was already a quarter to ten o'clock. He was surprised to know that he had been jogging for almost two hours.
The woman's face was stern. There was a bit of tension to her jaw. "Thank you for looking after my daughter," She said with a bit of bated breath. She pressed her lips together. "Mr. Richard and Mr... Gary, correct? W-Well, thank you." Gary and Richard had frozen in place. Richard looked like he had seen a ghost, mouth closed shut and pale in the face. Gary, on the other hand, had a mix of emotion ranging from what could only be anger, hurt, and utter disbelief. Standing in front of them was a woman both knew all too well. At least they thought it was her. But the woman looked away and turned her attention back to the nurse behind the station. "Where can I see Maggie Sutherland? I'm her employer and I'd like to—" "Rowena!" Gary shouted. He slowly inched closer to her, hand balled into a fist and thumping the marbled counter of the nurse's station. Both the woman and Hope instinctively tu
The alleyway was grubby. Discarded leftovers festered on the ground. Stray cats and dogs wandered about. Trash cans overflowed. But this kind of scenery wasn't new to me. Even after my mom married well into my father's family, she raised me the way she grew up as a poor village girl in Latin America. What I couldn't believe is how Rowena brought me to such a place. I always thought she was some fancy girl who made dinner reservations at the Ritz and was chauffeured around by some burly guy who probably also doubled as both her butler and bodyguard. But tonight, she invited me out and even drove the both of us to the "Orient of Huntsfield" as everyone liked to call it. We parked at the main avenue and walked. Rowena was now ahead of me. I tried to pick up the pace but the fatigue got to me. I took out tissues from my pocket, groaning after finding out I only had a few left, all rumpled with one p
The Barkley Diner was run by Henry and Elena Barkley. Back in the 1960's, they were a young couple with big dreams. Both had grown up with mothers who were cooks in a sanatorium for soldiers convalescing from World War II. It was fate that they met with such same interests in food. It was good fortune that their love bled well into their business. And even as the diner passed on to the next generation, business continued well and it had become a staple for folks of Huntsfield University. All the students treated it like home, somewhere they can always expect to have a warm meal. Gary thought it was a perfect spot for them to meet Rowena. Like the good old days."She's late," Jason said. He said it with a mix of doubt and worry.Richard and Helga shook their heads."It's only been seventeen minutes," Richard pointed out."I believe in our dear Rowena," Helga said with a gentle voice.Gary quietly kept his gaze outside the windows. He had arrived a w
Gary awoke in darkness. It was still the middle of the night. He had dreamt about Rowena. He couldn't remember what happened exactly. His mind was just filled with images of her, from long ago with her soft smiles, her short bobbed hair, and youthful face to now with an overflowing aura of maturity and how graceful her long hair fell behind her shoulders. But her eyes were still the same warm blue ones that he loved looking into.He sighed and got up, not wanting stay beside or look at the sleeping figure that was on his bed. He made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. The moon wasn't full but gave off enough light that peered in from the large glass windows.After finishing his glass, he walked to the living room and sat on the sofa.It had been about five days since that dinner with Rowena and he couldn't get her out of his head. They all parted ways on a good note. Rowena had only given R
For someone who had gone to law school, Gary knew what he was about to do was dumb. In fact, what he was doing at that very moment was already the pinnacle of his stupidity. Glenmont Public High School was shabby. Anyone could tell it wasn't one of the better public schools a state could offer. But it seemed like it had its charms. It wasn't gated since there wasn't much ground to cover. There was only about two buildings and one gymnasium, which wasn't big either. There was a baseball field that was only a few meters away from the soccer field. The buildings were of a faded orange color that looked almost beige under the noon sun. There was a relatively large staircase at the side entrance of the building beside the parking lot. On each side was a half wall that held some shrubs and bushes. Gary was sitting on the ledge, leaves, and twigs irritating his back. He knew he looked suspicious idling by a high school in the
Gary was confident enough to know that Hope would recognize him. She did remember he was the magic man from the hospital. But he was definitely worried if she would trust him. Although Rowena did tell him that she called up the school to let them know someone else would be fetching Hope, he was still anxious about her making a fuss. He didn't have much experience with children. Hope seemed like a sweet and well-behaved girl, but Gary knew enough to know children have their complexities, especially if they were put in an uncomfortable position.He waited outside with the rest of the parents. He was given a few looks, possibly because he was new. Thankfully, it wasn't a long wait and the children were let out soon enough. Dozens of small boys and girls rushed out toward their parents. Gary eventually spotted Hope, who was walking at the back of the crowd with an adult he could only assume was her teacher.As soon as Hope saw him, her face lit up in pleasant surprise. She
Gary was confident enough to know that Hope would recognize him. She did remember he was the magic man from the hospital. But he was definitely worried if she would trust him. Although Rowena did tell him that she called up the school to let them know someone else would be fetching Hope, he was still anxious about her making a fuss. He didn't have much experience with children. Hope seemed like a sweet and well-behaved girl, but Gary knew enough to know children have their complexities, especially if they were put in an uncomfortable position.He waited outside with the rest of the parents. He was given a few looks, possibly because he was new. Thankfully, it wasn't a long wait and the children were let out soon enough. Dozens of small boys and girls rushed out toward their parents. Gary eventually spotted Hope, who was walking at the back of the crowd with an adult he could only assume was her teacher.As soon as Hope saw him, her face lit up in pleasant surprise. She
For someone who had gone to law school, Gary knew what he was about to do was dumb. In fact, what he was doing at that very moment was already the pinnacle of his stupidity. Glenmont Public High School was shabby. Anyone could tell it wasn't one of the better public schools a state could offer. But it seemed like it had its charms. It wasn't gated since there wasn't much ground to cover. There was only about two buildings and one gymnasium, which wasn't big either. There was a baseball field that was only a few meters away from the soccer field. The buildings were of a faded orange color that looked almost beige under the noon sun. There was a relatively large staircase at the side entrance of the building beside the parking lot. On each side was a half wall that held some shrubs and bushes. Gary was sitting on the ledge, leaves, and twigs irritating his back. He knew he looked suspicious idling by a high school in the
Gary awoke in darkness. It was still the middle of the night. He had dreamt about Rowena. He couldn't remember what happened exactly. His mind was just filled with images of her, from long ago with her soft smiles, her short bobbed hair, and youthful face to now with an overflowing aura of maturity and how graceful her long hair fell behind her shoulders. But her eyes were still the same warm blue ones that he loved looking into.He sighed and got up, not wanting stay beside or look at the sleeping figure that was on his bed. He made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. The moon wasn't full but gave off enough light that peered in from the large glass windows.After finishing his glass, he walked to the living room and sat on the sofa.It had been about five days since that dinner with Rowena and he couldn't get her out of his head. They all parted ways on a good note. Rowena had only given R
The Barkley Diner was run by Henry and Elena Barkley. Back in the 1960's, they were a young couple with big dreams. Both had grown up with mothers who were cooks in a sanatorium for soldiers convalescing from World War II. It was fate that they met with such same interests in food. It was good fortune that their love bled well into their business. And even as the diner passed on to the next generation, business continued well and it had become a staple for folks of Huntsfield University. All the students treated it like home, somewhere they can always expect to have a warm meal. Gary thought it was a perfect spot for them to meet Rowena. Like the good old days."She's late," Jason said. He said it with a mix of doubt and worry.Richard and Helga shook their heads."It's only been seventeen minutes," Richard pointed out."I believe in our dear Rowena," Helga said with a gentle voice.Gary quietly kept his gaze outside the windows. He had arrived a w
The alleyway was grubby. Discarded leftovers festered on the ground. Stray cats and dogs wandered about. Trash cans overflowed. But this kind of scenery wasn't new to me. Even after my mom married well into my father's family, she raised me the way she grew up as a poor village girl in Latin America. What I couldn't believe is how Rowena brought me to such a place. I always thought she was some fancy girl who made dinner reservations at the Ritz and was chauffeured around by some burly guy who probably also doubled as both her butler and bodyguard. But tonight, she invited me out and even drove the both of us to the "Orient of Huntsfield" as everyone liked to call it. We parked at the main avenue and walked. Rowena was now ahead of me. I tried to pick up the pace but the fatigue got to me. I took out tissues from my pocket, groaning after finding out I only had a few left, all rumpled with one p
The woman's face was stern. There was a bit of tension to her jaw. "Thank you for looking after my daughter," She said with a bit of bated breath. She pressed her lips together. "Mr. Richard and Mr... Gary, correct? W-Well, thank you." Gary and Richard had frozen in place. Richard looked like he had seen a ghost, mouth closed shut and pale in the face. Gary, on the other hand, had a mix of emotion ranging from what could only be anger, hurt, and utter disbelief. Standing in front of them was a woman both knew all too well. At least they thought it was her. But the woman looked away and turned her attention back to the nurse behind the station. "Where can I see Maggie Sutherland? I'm her employer and I'd like to—" "Rowena!" Gary shouted. He slowly inched closer to her, hand balled into a fist and thumping the marbled counter of the nurse's station. Both the woman and Hope instinctively tu
5 YEARS LATER The sweat began to drip down from Gary Santiago's forehead. A bead entered into the corner of his eye, making him squint momentarily. He quickly wiped his face with the back of his forearm, leaving an obvious damp mark on the grey workout jacket he wore. Then with one final shook of his head, he returned to making sure he wasn't going to hit anything or anyone as he jogged through the park. It was the end of September, but the coolness of the autumn season still didn't seem to sink in yet. Gary was really working up a sweat. Did he always perspire this much? He wondered if he should get himself checked. Even if he had just wiped his face, he could feel the beads forming yet again, with some starting to drip down already. He quickly checked his watch and saw that it was already a quarter to ten o'clock. He was surprised to know that he had been jogging for almost two hours.
The buzzing in Rowena Von Dame's ears wouldn't go away. Her head felt like it was underneath a hydraulic press machine. It was only after she swallowed the invisible lump in her throat did she realize she was holding her breath for the past minute. But it had actually been almost ten minutes since she was pressed up against the corner of the relatively small bathroom, between the wooden wall and the door, barely struggling to hold herself up. It was about about a quarter to 3 o'clock in the morning. Silence coated the air as everyone in the beach house had gone to bed early after a long day of parasailing. There was barely any light outside the bathroom window, only a subtle white glow from the full moon.It was the sound of the waves crashing down against the shoreline that made Rowena snap out of her trance. The repetitive splashing and whooshing of the waters against the sands assisted in her attempts to breathe in and out,