IV. Dark Shuffle

1. DARK SHUFFLE

Thursday

     It was almost one A.M. The air was cool. The sky was dark. The street was quiet. I could imagine our neighbours sleeping in their cosy homes while there we were, walking and limping on the lonely street, brothers in arms, heading towards the nearest health centre.

     The scene reminded me of the time our whole family went to the beach and my brothers and I played by the shore all day long. My brothers were very good swimmers, yet they stayed by the shore just to stay with me and play with me. Our parents were watching us from the sands.

     I remember how happy we were. Happy – something we haven't felt for a long time. That beach trip was our last trip as a whole family. The memory gave me strength, a sense of completeness at the same time, a sense of longing.

     As we were walking, I felt Arthur get heavier and heavier. Suddenly, he fell. Seth and I tried to pick him up but he pushed us away and embraced himself. He was kneeling on the street and rocking back and forth. Seth looked up and took a deep breath, then sighed.

     I scanned the area, it was dark and empty. I looked at Arthur, something felt wrong. Seth sat on the street next to him and put his arm around Arthur. I tried to sit beside them but Seth gestured me to stay in place. I froze. I heard Seth speak to Arthur, asking him what the matter was.

     "C-C-Couldn't p-protect..." Arthur whimpered. He trembled, grabbed his hair, and wept. Seth embraced Arthur hard, and in a gravelly voice said, "Don't blame yourself Arthur. This wasn't your fault; it's not anyone's fault. We're still together. That's what's important right now."

     "Fault," whispered Arthur. "My fault..."

     "Stop it! It's not your fault!" scowled Seth.

     "Couldn't protect. My fault. Lowan..." stuttered Arthur in a weeping voice. Something is wrong. I can sense it. As if he lost all signs of sanity. What's happening? He's blaming himself but there's more to the story than that.

     "You didn't let Lowan down Arthur. Look at him! He's fine and well. Snap out of it!" my brother Seth looked like he was losing his patience. I looked down and grabbed my arms. I was getting cold and Seth's sudden outburst started to scare me.

     "Lowan..." breathed Arthur. I held my head up very slowly. Something cold and wet dripped on my nose. I looked up and the rain poured. The lightning struck and the loud thunders followed. The street lights lost power. I couldn’t see anything except during the flashes of the lightnings.

     Arthur shifted his head towards me. His eyes were sad and scared. I never saw him like this: broken. This isn't the brother that I know. I don't know what came over me, but I took a step back. In between the lightning flashes, his expression changed from sad to confused.

     In an instant, I regretted that step; however, it was as if my legs had their own mind, I felt myself take another step back. This time, Arthur snapped out of his confusion and during the next flash of lightning, I saw disgust in his face. Maybe he thought that I was frightened of him; he was right, I was frightened of him. He gnarled and Seth slowly let go of him while giving him a curious look.

     With one hand, Arthur pushed Seth hard. Seth fell on the ground dazed and confused. I walked backwards now shivering. I was cold, freezing cold, but something on my outer thigh was burning as if it was melting my skin. I took a sudden grab on my leg. I fell on the ground. Something heavy was pinning me down. It was Arthur! I haven't even seen him got up, but he was able to lunge at me with great speed.

     "I can't protect you... I'll end myself now and take you with me... We'll be together forever, brother," he whispered.

     "Arthur. No! I don't want to die! Don't do this! I want to live, the both of us!” I was almost weeping. Arthur grabbed me by my neck and gripped hard. I took a hold of his arms trying to remove them but I can't. I tried to push him but I don't have the force nor the strength.

     My sight was dimming. I was running out of breath and I'm starting to feel numb. I was drifting away. I felt cold as if all the blood stopped flowing inside of me. My heartbeat weakened. I closed my eyes and my arms fell on the ground.

     "Arthur!!!" I heard a shout. With a sudden moment, I caught a breath as if I was reborn. I grabbed my neck and started coughing, catching my breath with every cough. Seth tackled Arthur, saving me. I can see Seth standing over Arthur while he was on the ground. It seems that Seth pulled him and threw him on the ground to stop him from strangling me, but something wasn't right. Seth was breathing heavily and Arthur was squirming on the ground.

     The rain got worse. It grew darker, colder, and a lot wetter. I can't see my brothers clearly. I can only see their silhouettes and catch a few glimpse when lightning strikes. Arthur stopped squirming and started clawing on the ground and growling. Seth on the other hand fell on all four and began screaming. I crawled backwards away from my brothers. I love them so much but the fear is pulling me away from them.

     A lightning flashed and for a moment I saw my brothers but they were wearing something on their faces, are those masks? Where did they get those and when did they wear it? The masks made the situation creepier. They were white, eyes closed, and both looked as if they're weeping.

     I can only recognise my brothers from what they were wearing. It was too dark and the rain was pouring hard. I can see them clawing at each other; throwing some punches; tackling each other; and growling. The rainwater splashed me with each attack they land on each other. These are no longer my brothers; these are beasts — blood-thirsty beasts.

     I was gradually regaining my senses. I stood up very slowly to approach my brothers, maybe to stop them from trying to kill each other. No matter how messed up the situation is, they are still my brothers so I need to do this whether I want to or not, whether I can or not.

     I may not be physically strong, but I know that my love for my brothers is strong enough to give me the will to save them. I ran towards one of them not knowing who is who. I just lunged one brother, hugged him tight, and shouted, "Stop! Please stop!" I buried my face on the back of my brother; I wept. I just want all this to stop.

     I felt my brother's calloused hands touch mine, not to console my bleeding heart but to remove my hands. This was Arthur judging by the texture of his hardworking palms. I tried to strengthen my grip so not to let go of my brother. He struggled. He gnarled and started scratching my arms. I felt his nails dig through my skin; then, with brute force, he shook me off his back. I fell on the dirt.

     Seth lunged at Arthur catching him off guard. They fell and Seth started beating Arthur. I looked at my arms, they were bleeding; they were throbbing with pain. The salty rainwater made the pain worse, seeping into the wounds. I was about to lose hope of ever saving my brothers; this battle is one I can never win against.

     I love them, but my strong affection toward them is not nearly enough to give my body strength to stop them; I am weak. I stayed on the ground and just shut my eyes. Memories of my family flashed. The good times, the bad times. All the fun and joy including all the pain and suffering.

     Suddenly, I remembered the my grandmother’s voice saying, "Strength is measured not by the force one exerts; instead, it's the ability to endure pain overtime." I realised that I had too much heartaches in my life: loss, grief, and longing; these made me stronger, it made my heart sturdier to pain. I am not weak; I'm strong all along, I just lacked belief in myself.

     Soaked in the rain and covered with mud, I opened my eyes. I didn't care that my arms were bleeding. I grabbed the wet soil and pushed myself up. I stood up, my hair was all over my face, my shoes and pants heavy with mud, and my clothes cold with the rain. I took a step forward to where my brothers were. The mud was pulling me down hard. I felt like sinking; I felt like the earth was swallowing me, holding me back from my brothers.

     It took almost all my strength to walk towards them. Seth landed a heavy punch on Arthur every time I took a step. I was near them when Seth gave Arthur the final blow crushing the mask on Arthur's face. Arthur fell and I dashed in to break his fall; I felt my skin tear against the rough soil. I heard Arthur scream and struggle; I held him tight, trying to protect him from our eldest brother.

     Seth stood up and looked down on me and Arthur's squirming body. Arthur trembled and convulsed. A flash of lightning revealed his appearance. At first I thought his face was covered with mud, but I realised that it wasn't mud. Black slime started oozing out of his eyes, nose, ears, and mouth.

     I tried holding him down to stop him from convulsing, but he was already suffocating with the slime. "Arthur! Hang in there! Please! Arthur, don't do this. Don't die. Don't leave me. I-I can't live without you..." I pleaded. Arthur started struggling less. He was losing air. I was weeping. I embraced my brother tight. I heard him whisper, "Lowan. Be good. Sorry I couldn't protect you. I love you." His voice broke and he cackled each word. My lips trembled as I replied, "I love you Arthur. Don't leave me please."

     I felt his body get heavy. He stopped moving. He lay motionless in my arms. I caught sight of the shattered white mask on the ground. Each piece started to become ash and evaporated into thin air. Then I felt something powdery in my hands. As I was embracing my brother, I looked at my hands and saw black powdery material mixing with the rain, is it ash? Where did it come from?

    Arthur felt light as if he was shrinking. I held him in arm's length and I witnessed how his face turned to black sand. The rain started washing him away. I was shocked and suddenly lost hold of him. His body fell on the ground, more like, merged with the water on the soil almost instantly. I trembled. My hands shook. I crept backward until I hit something. My eyes widened. I turned my head very slowly to look at what was behind me.

     I saw two legs. My eyes travelled up to see that Seth was staring at my direction still wearing that mask. I flinched. I slowly stood up while taking a step back. I was about to run, but Seth grabbed me by the neck. I held onto his arms and tried to beg him to let go. I couldn't say a word considering I'm choking to my death. He raised me high until my feet can no longer touch the ground.

     All my senses fired up. Every breath of air I tried to take, the drops of water on my body, the loud thunder claps, the throbbing of my bleeding arms, the mask on my brother's face, and something scorching on my leg. I started to drift away. My eyes began to close. I can't breathe anymore. I lost grip on his arms. Good bye cruel world.

     I started coming to. I was standing in the middle of an empty white room, it was bright. Is this the afterlife? The room was cool but I felt warm inside, then I realised that I was dry. I immediately checked my arms, my wounds were gone; not even a scar. I realised I was wearing white. This was it; I was dead for sure. I scanned the room.

    As I turned to my back I almost flinched when I saw someone there with me. But, it wasn't someone. It was me. A mirror covered one of the walls. and all it reflected was me. I walked closer to my reflection to scan myself; I was clean, not just physically, but I also felt so clean inside.

     My memories were intact but I didn't feel pain anymore; no more heartaches. I started admiring my reflection when suddenly, my reflection stood still. I tried waving my hand but my reflection was just still. I was dumbfounded, but I wasn't scared. Maybe this is the first time I'm not afraid. All my feelings have been switched off inside this room; all the pain, joy, regret, and fear: nothing.

     My reflection started talking. He had a deep gravelly echoing voice. He said, "Young mage. You have proven yourself strong. You have endured a lot. You have sacrificed a lot. Your heart is dark. Dark with pain and anger. It's time to stop suppressing this feeling." My reflection stepped forward and held out his arm. He opened his hand and there was a key. "Take this key. This will be your freedom," he added.

    I tried to take the key but to my surprise, my arm was already stretched and the key was on my hand. I drew the key nearer. It was black, long, the handle was meticulously engraved. It was shiny and it looked cold but it was warm in my palm. There was one problem; there was no door to be found in the room, what does it open? I looked at my reflection once more. It stood still and he held up his hand slowly and pointed to his chest.

     I looked down to my chest. I lifted my shirt and with great surprise, there was a keyhole right where my heart is. I swallowed. I gripped the key's handle and slowly inserted the key in my chest. It felt cold inside but as I turned it, it made my body warm as if I was ignited within. It was painful, as if all my bones had turned along with the key, my muscles felt like they were pulled and stretched.

    I felt a sensation on my forehead spreading throughout my face as if something had wrapped my face. I took a last glance at the mirror, I found myself wearing a black mask covering the upper portion of my face. The top edge of the mask resembled tongues of flame forming a crown-like pattern. The white walls began to turn black and the mirror started blurring until such time everything was pitch black.

     I opened my eyes and Seth's hand was still gripping my neck, but this time I didn't feel weak; I felt ignited as if the mask had given me strength. I tried to reach my thigh, the one that has been scorching all this time. I felt a rectangular object inside my pocket, it was my grandma’s tarot cards and it had been radiating with power all this time.

     I reached in my pocket and tugged on the satin cloth that wrapped the cards. The cards fell on the ground as I pulled the cloth. I closed my eyes, and tried to concentrate. I blocked the sound of the rain in my mind and muffled the thunders; only silence remains. I have casted the fear from my heart.

     My heartbeat calmed, my muscles lost their tension, and my breathing relaxed. I felt the cards as if they were a part of my body, as if each one was tethered with a string connected tome. I know where they were and I could sense what each card was. I willed the cards to move, raising them one at a time. I felt them float around me.

     As I opened my eyes I commanded the cards to disperse and scatter cutting Seth's skin making him lose his grip on my neck. I fell on the wet soil coughing until I caught my breath. Seth regained his balance and he tried to land a strike but as I raised my hand to block, the cards gathered and formed a shield to negate the attack. I gestured the cards to thrust forward knocking down Seth.

     Seth was stunned. I stood up and summoned my cards around me. I felt an aura emanating from my body into the cards. They followed my every command; every hand movement and gesture. I formed the cards to a circle enveloping me. With a flick of my hand, the circle of cards started revolving going faster and faster.

     I have lost a brother tonight, I don't wish to lose another; I must stop Seth from this outrage. I dashed towards him; the revolving cards sliced his skin like a chainsaw making him flinch. He stepped back and tried to avoid me. I ordered the cards to scatter above him. It rained cards on him. I called forth my cards and held the strength arcana between two fingers: the same card that my grandma used to guide me tonight. I pointed it towards Seth and summoned a massive force that shook the ground and knocked him out.

     Moments later, the rain started to weaken. I walked closer to my brother. The cards floated around me like a wind chime. Seth lay on the dirt unconscious and motionless. I sat next to him. I tried to pry off the mask off of his face. It took all my force, but there's no use. I drew the Strength Arcana once again asking for strength. The card enforced my bleeding hands, and alas, I successfully removed the mask from my brother's face; I held the mask in my hand.

     I remembered that Arthur vanished when his mask got pulverised. I need to keep this mask safe and away from him, but how? If only there’s a safe placeI could hide it. It took a lot of thinking before the idea came to mind. If I was able to summon strength out of the card, maybe I could seal something inside of one. But which card to put it in? I scanned the cards floating around me.

     I saw the card that bears the one of pentacles. I drew it and conjured the one pentacle; it came with a chain so I wore it around my neck like a golden pendant. Now, I held the empty card in front of Seth's mask. The mask glowed and magically dissolved where the particles were vacuumed into the card. I flipped the card and saw an image of a mask there. It was a success. I need to learn more about this mask and where it came from, but for now, I’m glad I saved Seth.

     The rain finally stopped and the street lights began to lit up. Seth was still lying on the ground, bloody. I almost forgot how injured we were. I stood up and conjured the high priestess arcana. It appeared in front of me just above Seth's wounded body. I closed my eyes, clasped my hands, and whispered a prayer.

     The card began to glow; it spun and covered the surroundings with bright soothing waves of light like a miniature aurora borealis. I saw Seth's wounds miraculously heal. I felt the warmth penetrate my body as well. The throbbing pain in my arms began to subside. The card stopped spinning. I felt exhausted. I reached my peak. Before I totally lose control of the cards, I asked them to deck. I wrapped them with the satin cloth and returned the deck to my pocket.

     I sat next to Seth. Losing Arthur took its toll on me. I wept. I can't believe what just happened. How could my life take a 360 degree turn in just one night? I'm going mad. I hope everything was just a dream, but it wasn't. I lost a brother. I will get to the bottom of this supernatural fiasco. I won't let my brother's death be in vain. I hugged my legs, dug my face in my knees, and continued to cry.

     A few minutes later, I felt a hand touch my head as if petting me like a wounded puppy. I held my head up and saw that Seth was conscious and on top of that, muddy. It was almost dawn. He smiled at me, but I couldn't force myself to smile back. I sobbed and hugged him.

     "What happened here Lowan?" Seth asked me.

     "You don't remember?" I replied. He shook his head.

     "Did I get drunk or something? Well, whatever happened, I'm sure we had lots of fun if we ended up in a pile of mud."

     "Yeah. Lots of fun. Just like old times." I responded knowing that he doesn't remember anything. I faked a smile, closed my eyes, and turned to the sunrise.

     "Almost like the old times. Dad, mom, grandma, you, and me," he said with a smile on his lips reminiscing the past.

     "And Arthur," I added.

     "Who?" he replied.

     With great surprise I turned to him, jaw wide opened.