It's Okay To Desire Him

Diana POV

One month later,

It has been one month. However, I had caged myself in the room. Clara tried to take me for a walk many times, but I forbade her. It looked like my heart had lost all the attractions of life. Alpha Marcus visited me every day, but he asked nothing. Maybe he wanted me to open up myself, but I wasn’t ready. I had lost myself along with Darren.

I remembered that night he was so close, yet so far. I was thinking about him looking outside the balcony when Clara entered the room.

“I always found you here, looking outside. It looks like you are waiting for someone.” Clara spoke.

“He’ll never come,” I mumbled.

“Hmm, what did you say?” Clara asked. Maybe I was loud enough for her to listen, so I turned around and looked at her.

“Nothing,” I shook.

Clara pursed her lips.

“Madam, you need to go out and walk around the cottage. You’ll feel better,” she spoke, placing the soup on the table.

“I don’t want to go out. I’m fine here.” I said, turning towards the balcony and staring outside. The breeze was gentle, and when it passed, touching my cheeks. I felt fresh. Except for standing here and looking outside, I hadn’t found the courage to move out of this room and face the outside world. I was a weak she-wolf who could do nothing. If the world didn’t want me, why should I struggle? These were my thoughts from the previous month. The month had passed, but my brain wasn’t clear yet.

“Alpha called you outside. He said it was enough for you to stay in the room for a month. Your wounds are healed now, and you need to go out and move your limbs to strengthen them.” I felt her behind but didn’t move, so Clara stepped ahead and closed the balcony door.

“Have your soup. Then we’ll go outside.” She held me by my shoulders and walked me to the table.

“I don’t want to go. Please don’t force me.” I pleaded.

“It’s Alpha’s order. If you want to disobey.” Clara pursed her lips and said nothing ahead. I knew she was determined today, so without arguing more, I sat on the chair obediently and held the bowl of soup.

“Alright, I’ll go.” I concurred, not because I didn’t want to disobey him, but because Marcus did a lot for me. For the previous four weeks, he looked after me. I couldn’t repay his kindness. I could stand on my feet again just because of him. He was my savior, and I couldn’t offend him.

“Great. Finish it, and we’ll go to the ground.” Clara exclaimed.

“Ground,” I muttered.

"Yeah, ground. It’s a clear patch of soil, five minutes away from the cottage where Alpha Marcus and Raymond used to do training, and fighting along with warm-up or other things.”

“Why do I need to go to such a place?” I asked.

“Because Alpha asked you there.”

I said nothing more and drank the soup. Once I was done with soup, we moved out of my room, and it was the first time I stepped outside.

From the corridor, we stepped into the enormous hall. It was spacious, with antique paintings and portraits on the walls. Everything there spoke about royalty, giving chilly vibes because the windows were intact with the curtains over them.

Covering in the darkness and the red lights in a few places, the cottage gave a horrified look.

“Why is there darkness? I mean, no lights, and everything, covered with curtains.” I asked out of curiosity because I got chills only by passing through there. Indeed, I was an insult to the wolf race, afraid of everything, especially darkness.

“No lights allowed in this portion. It’s a rule. No one can break it. Not even you. Don’t you dare to open those curtains? It’s forbidden here.” Clara explained it.

“Why?” I asked because it sounded like a mystery.

“No one knows the reason. It’s just an order from the Alpha.” I nodded and followed Clara out of the hall again in another corridor. After walking down the corridor, I finally spotted a light seeping through the door in front of us. It was a long way, and my knees ached, but I bore the pain and followed Clara.

Clara opened the door, and we stepped out of the cottage in the woods. So this cottage was in wood.

“This way,” Clara’s voice fell over my ears when I was admiring the outlook of the cottage. The roof was covered with greenery. Many vines covered the roof, especially the windows. There the vines had spread a net of leaves, not leaving a single space for light to penetrate inside. It was an odd and pleasing sight at the same time.

"Come,” Clara spoke again, gesturing me towards the row of trees. I nodded and followed her. The air was fresh and soothing. The way it touched my body, I shivered and relaxed at the same time.

“Madam, this way,” she exclaimed, moving towards the right.

“Clara, how many times have I forbidden you? Don’t call me madam, please. I don’t deserve this much respect. Not especially from you,” I nagged because I didn’t like it. I had been telling her for the last month but she was still on the same word ‘madam.’ It irritated me.

“I have also told you I can’t call you by name. If you don’t like the word, madam, I can call you a princess.” She said, smiling at me, and I got annoyed.

“Just don’t call me if you can’t call my name,” I grunted, taking a step ahead.

“Alright, I won’t call, but please don’t ruin your mood. You were looking so good just now when you smiled and inhaled the fresh air.”

I halted on my step. What Clara said, I just smiled, but how and why? To me, the word smile astonished me. Clara passed by me and said.

“Just live to your fullest and forget everything.” I tried to focus on her sentence. She was right, but how to live? There was no place for a week she-wolf like me.

"Now, hurry,” she called out, and I strolled behind her.

We walked for a minute when a clear patch of soil came into view.

Alpha Marcus and a man in black were fighting while three to four men were standing at the side, looking at them.

We waited there until their fight stopped. Alpha Marcus won it and looked at us.

"Let’s go, madam,” Clara spoke. I walked beside her, and we halted in front of Alpha Marcus. Clara bowed in front of him, and I followed her.

“Finally, you come out of your cage. It’s a pleasant change.” Marcus spoke. I just nodded my head. However, I wanted to say I came here because you called me, but I said nothing.

"Your legs seem to heal.” He looked at my legs. I was about to say it hurt because I had bent my left knee slightly out of pain, but before I could tell him. He kicked my leg, and I fell to the ground. I was about to fall over my face, but survived.

"What was that for?” Surprised, I asked. What did I just do to offend him? I stood on my feet instantly. I didn’t want to be a laughingstock for the men at some distance, but to my surprise, no one paid attention to me.

"Now it seems better.” Marcus looked at my leg again, and when I followed his stare, and moved my leg. I became embarrassed because the pain was gone.

"I’m sorry,” I apologized.

“It’s okay. What’s your plan for next?” He asked, gesturing for Clara to go. I lowered my head and shook in response because I didn’t know what to do next.

“Do you want to go, your pack?” He asked, striding ahead. I followed his steps and replied.

"They don’t want me.”

“Why do you think this way?” He had put his hands on his back and walked. His posture was calm, but his question built a storm in me. I wanted to shout and scream. I wished to tell everyone that my pack leader, soulmate, and childhood best friend tried to reject me. He didn’t want a weak she-wolf like me on his side, but it would insult me. If I’d shout and tell everyone, they’d laugh at me, so I gulped down the bitter reality of my life and said.

"There is no place for me. A weak she-wolf like me who doesn’t even have a wolf doesn’t deserve to live there, in between sturdy people. I should have died that day. Why did you save me and waste your powers on me?” I became emotional. Tears filled my eyes, but he did nothing to stop me.

"You’re right. You must have died that day. I shouldn’t have wasted my powers on you, who don’t even cherish her life.” He turned towards me and said, looking into my eyes. He must have noticed the pain in my eyes, but avoided it and moved ahead.

“You know why I saved you? Because you wanted to live.” His voice was husky.

“No, I didn’t want to live, and I jumped from there because I wanted to die. I was tired of this cruel world and of my poor fate.” I cried out, remembering all the pain. The pain I suffered, and I reached the point where I was ready to jump.

“You jumped out of heartbreak. Otherwise, I have listened to you. You wanted another life where you could be strong enough to stand beside him.” I halted in my tracks. He just divulged my secret to me.

“How did you know? No one was there.” It appalled me.

"Don’t forget I’m an Alpha. I can hear it over a wide range.” He replied, taking a step.

"So you hear everything.” I became embarrassed. My secret was out.

"Yes, but don’t worry. It’d be your secret, and I won’t talk until you’re comfortable.”

I only nodded. I was ashamed of everything.

“So, what do you plan to do next?” He asked again.

“I don’t know. A weakling like me stands nowhere.” Everyone bullied me from childhood, but nothing affected me more than Darren’s words. What he had said pierced my heart, and I couldn’t think of myself from a positive aspect anymore.

“Don’t you want to be strong and stand beside him?” He stopped beside a wooden bench and sat on it. My head lowered more. He had listened to everything. I was abashed even more.

“Don’t be ashamed of it. We wolves have a strong sense of emotions and a powerful connection with our mates. The desire to have them beside us overwhelmed our sensibility, so it’s okay to desire him, but the wrong thing is to give up on yourself.” I remained quiet.

"Sit here,” Alpha Marcus gestured to me, and I followed his order.

“It’s his loss to overlook you, who loves him dearly, but you should stop thinking about him. You must think about yourself. If he had rejected you just because you’re weak, you must get strong enough to challenge him. You can win him back.”

“How can I get stronger? I don’t even have a wolf.” I sneered because where Darren’s rejection broke me, this fact had destroyed me.

"You don’t need to have a wolf to get strong.” He said, looking towards the men whose fight had ended.

"I didn’t get your meaning. How can a wolf be strong without the wolf?” I was confused.

“You need to train your body and mind for every situation to become strong enough to fight the wolves without your wolf. You need to strengthen your mind to play with the minds of others. If you can achieve this, trust me, no one can be better than you.” His composure was calm, yet his voice had command, and I felt if I followed him, I would never regret it in my life.